Thursday, January 15, 2009

Unmet Needs

feeling very needy right now-39M

my girlfreind left me for another man leaving me all alone, Do you want to be helper in making my life better, I need someone to take care of me and cook for me help me wash my clothes and help me going to work until my car is fixed. I am 6 feet tall and avergae sized, would like to meet women, and please have car for work, i will try and help you pay you back. i am alergic to cats also so don't have cats

Ben xxx-xxx-xxxxx xxxxxx @ xxxxxx.com


A friend recently offered WWHM some insight on how she views a personal ad. “I take little bits and pieces from a personal ad and put it together like a puzzle,” she said. “Simple words and phrases offer tremendous insight, and by assembling the pieces you can create an image of whether he's a curious adventurer, a powerful businessman, or even an intellectual genius.” WWHM applied this thoughtful technology to Ben's personal ad, and all we could create was an image of a colostomy bag chain-smoking Pall Malls in a high chair.

Ben has written a personal ad primarily to tell you all about his needs. He needs someone to cook for him, he needs someone to do his laundry, and most importantly he needs someone to give him a ride to work … …. and something tells me you won't be pulling up to the front door of the Goldman Sachs trading floor.

Interestingly, after reading Ben's personal ad women also discovered they had some needs. Needs such as a burlap sack full of minted sheep balls to slap the 18th century off Ben's face into his snot-soaked Snoopy bib. Needs such as an areola extractor to decouple Ma Kettle's dehydrated teet from Ben's pursed and quivering lips. Needs such as a twine and oak ass joist to hoist Ben's sorry butt from the Frito-encrusted second-hand couch he's been living on to the laundry room at the Poughkipsee Eazy-Snore Inn where he could learn that even a mildly retarded and legally blind penguin can do a fucking load of laundry with a flipper tied behind his back and a rat gnawing on the webbing between his toes.

The truth is we all know a someone who dates a guy like Ben. "He's just misunderstood," they say with a frozen block of Bullseye TV dinner mashed potatoes over their blackened eye, "he just needs to get out of a rut." Yeah, we know honey. If the unmotivated genius inside would just crawl out of that tangle of Schmidt beer cans he's been hiding under for the past eight years, surely he'd cure cancer, run a Fortune 500 company, or even clean up a piece of dog shit that's been sitting on the carpet so long it can stink in six languages. Meanwhile, she calls you every day whimpering "..... he's ..... just ..... not .... changing."

If you want change, go buy an Atlanta Apartment Guide with a $20 bill, and you'll have two opportunities for change in one second.

But meanwhile you're destined for the set of Judge Judy to argue over a 1982 Men at Work cassette tape left in the glove compartment of a station wagon that's been sitting on bricks for four years. "I'm fixing the station wagon," he says, leafing through a Ferrari catalogue to choose which model he might buy once he gets out of his Dairy Queen greeter career if only someone gave him a chance.

Then he blames you for stale soup crackers and the minute surface temperature changes of his napping pillow. Because he has needs to be met, and you will never meet them. So why do women stay with guys like Ben?

Oh yeah, that's right.

Because he loves you!

Feel free to admit you've dated a fucking loser in the comments.

89 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have dated an abusive jackass before, married him.

He was charming and working before I married him. Ended up being a drunk and jobless bum that would spend my money and then yell at me to clean the house he'd been sitting in all day doing nothing.

Needless to say, we didn't last long once that started happening. He got kicked to the curb.

He'd tell me, "You'll never find anyone like me again."

To which I replied, "I sure hope not!"

Now I am married to a great guy. Love him to death.

Eccentric_Lady said...

I've dated someone who felt he needed tended to hand and foot and thought I didn't need to have a word in any decisions. He also called his mother a ton of times to complain about me to her and he told me that his parents will find him a better woman...but he still wanted to go out with me. o.O

I dumped his sorry ass when I got a wake up call due to him coming over at 3 AM to my place three sheets to the wind, wanting me to wish him a happy birthday. I threw his ass out and dumped him.

Next boyfriend I had was Mr. Right and been with him for ten years - and he hates to be tended to with a passion. He's very independent, and what I think about matters is of concern to him actually. =D

Bree said...

Before I add my sorry story I must comment that the one thing I really get pissed off with is misspelling in personal ads and profiles on the web dating sites. Please people it doesn't take much for a f%$#ing spell check!!

Oh the mistakes of my youth, thankfully this one was ok but he had money issues (not that bad but bad enough to not be ok with me) and then he would mope because he liked where he was living and didn't want to leave after we split (ie my place) it took a few months and someone else moving in before he finally shifted.

dimethirwen said...

I dated a guy who was... problematic. He relied on me to give him rides to work, lend him money, and when I broke up with him, he promised to... well, he's number four here:

http://jezebel.com/5115372/the-twelve-days-of-douchebags

*headdesk*

Sharon, The Queen Blogger said...

Ahh ... the wounded bird syndrome. Yes, I married mine and subsequently divorced him soon after.

Later I realized that he might have been a pretty fucked-up bird, but it was me who layed down on the bottom of the cage like a newspaper and shouted "Here! Come shit all over me!"

So who was worse?

TornadoBaby said...

I am SOOO thankful to say I haven't dated someone like this. First guy I dated at 20 will soon be my fiance, and he's nothing like this!

Obviously.

Persnickety Ticker said...

I dated this guy. Almost literally this guy. His name was even Ben. The really sad thing? I managed to get out early because of major red flags...and then I went back...and stayed for 3 years until he beat me to death. Yes, death. Back of the ambulance, code blue, CLEAR!(electroshock), dead. They revived me. He went to jail. When he got out he tried hunting me down with a gun. He went back to jail. The irony? I was planning to leave him and that is why he killed me.

I got an email about a year ago that said he was dead. Good riddance.

Guys like this scare me. But not as much as the women who WANT to be with him.

Love the visuals you evoke with your writing, Weasel.

Ashley said...

I was a stupid nieve 19 year old and dated a depressed, jobless ex felon (robbing houses)living with his mom and not going to college. All we did while we dated was lay around and watch tv, I would cook for him and be a good girlfriend in general. He waxed my car once and that was the extent of his generosity and our relatonship. I broke up with him b/c he chose weed over me. :(

Biskuits said...

Holy crap, Persnickety! That's an awful thing to have had to go through! I'm glad you made it through! I don't have a story like this to share, for I have not yet dated any douchebags/psychos, thank heavens. I have, however, been stalked five or so times by men I didn't WANT to date. Not fun at all.

ranearia said...

It makes me wanna take a 4 x 4 and bash him over the head, maybe it might have an awaking experience to him that no woman is going to bow down to him but either way it’ll me feel a lot better and I can happily pretend he’s an idiot piñata

Calantha said...

Wow, my first was not a big a loser like this guy. I mean, he had a job that paid decently, he was on his way to getting his license when we broke up, and I don´t think he wanted me to wait on him hand and foot, 24/7. This ad makes me glad that he was my first actual, seen-face-to-face-and-kissed boyfriend.

Hey Ben, mayeb she left you BECAUSE you´re a spoiled infant in a grown man´s body! Good luck finding someone who will survive you beating her on a regular basis for not making your coffee hot enough or strong enough!

SassyAssy said...

Yeah, what a charmer! Let me rush right over to chauffeur him around. Bleh! I would rather become the crazy cat lady.

kiro-saigo said...

From a really needy loser guy to an abuser.

You're all making quite a big jump there.

Andi said...

Yup...for one month before I realized he apparently thought he magically turned into God once he'd had a few beers and especially when I also realized he actually honestly could not remember a single thing he said when he started drinking. Odds are he's firmly stuck in prison now for his 5th drunk driving offense.

One would hope, anyways.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one wondering how he plans to "try to help YOU pay you back"??

Andi said...

Oh yeah.....I forgot to mention he'd "lost" his drivers license. You guessed it, DUI. I was young and stupid enough to not really care about it that much.

*headdesk*

LegendsLiveOn said...

I've dated a lot of losers. I'm currently dating one right now. No job, criminal record (minor offenses).... the whole package, ya know? But he treats me really well, so I put up with his shit, just like I know he has to put up with mine. He makes me happy, and that's all that matters :)

LegendsLiveOn said...

That is, I don't really mind taking the power status in the relationship. I'd rather pay for a guy than a guy pay for me... I'm a bit odd. I wouldn't mind being the one with the job and the car so long as my boyfriend didn't abuse his privileges, but I think we're good on that note. I guess I'm the "boss bitch". :P

Elizabeth said...

Whoo, let me see...

I was nineteen when I met a control freak who was also an accountant; we got married, too young and too fast. I was lucky that he didn't beat me--very lucky, 'cos he was a big guy and he could have hurt me badly with very little effort--but I had to undergo a constant barrage of complaints about my appearance (put on a pound? No dinner for you, my dear), my fashion sense, my taste in friends, my hobbies. My spending was strictly monitored. I was expected not only to cook, clean, look stunning all the time, and tend to his every (largely sexual) need, but I had a full time job and had to do all this around my work hours (he was self-employed, and would literally sit around waiting for me to get home and cook supper for him).

He also had a bizarre relationship with his mother which was very sexually-charged on her part. I make no wonder he expected the same from every woman in his life.

Yeah, I'm all out of that now. I have no patience for guys--for any healthy adult, really--who can't, or won't, take care of themselves.

Pipkin said...

I have dated a fucking loser.

It as years ago, but I admit it. This is why I'm so gun-shy now. He was afraid of leaving the house because while he was gone, someone might just sneak in and steal his fabulous invention. Yes, he invented *better* trekking poles.

I know, pathetic, which is why I left him.

Anyway, if anyone has a nice brother, friend, coworker who's single, let me know!

robyn said...

Proud to say I've never stooped this low. I'd rather have stayed single than been w/ a guy like that, once I got out of college and realized I could indeed rely on myself, and didn't NEED a man. My husband (first and only) is the greatest guy in the world--wouldn't trade him for anything! =D

Anonymous said...

He loves me: Translation

He loves me based two hundred conditions that center around him but have nothing to do love. I am a doormat. I'm taken for granted and the only time he notices me, is when his shorts are dirty or dinner isn't ready.

I just loooooove him: Translation. He's smarter than most people give him credit for. Granted he can't spell but he knows how to exploit my self esteem issues. The moment I start to feel good enough to leave his sorry ass,he reminds me I can't do better.


I can't choose who I love: Translation

If a hundred people jumped off a bridge I would too. Hollywood exploits the "one true love," where there is lots of flirting leading to fucking. Like jumping off a bridge love doesn't just happen.


He treats me right: Translation

He bought me roses with my own money, lets me use my own car, and doesn't hit me unless I deserve it.

This just how I like things.

Like Dorthy in the wizard of OZ I believe if I close my eyes, tap my ruby slippers and repeat "this is how I want things," it will be true. Try: "I really love cashiering at McDonalds..." Exactly.

So here are some facts about "love."

Only three percent of married couples are dual Career. (I don't mean job, I mean Career, like Lawyers and CEOs)

In the last fifty years men have become more involved in Child rearing. The woman now only does 97% of the care giving while males contribute a whopping 3%. In a twist of fate, however woman are now more likely to be be responsible for traditionally masculine chores, such as mowing the lawn and taking out the trash, as well as traditionally famine chores, child rearing, and working a full time job(that pays her less because her vagina and breasts interfere with her ability to think.)

I'M A FEMINIST HERE ME mew.

Anonymous said...

"From a really needy loser guy to an abuser.

You're all making quite a big jump there."

I don't think it's that big of a stretch.

First they are "needy loser guy"...then when they don't get their way, they often start abusing, both physically and mentally to get what they want.

Ladies, I'm a guy here. But I've got two little sisters (of which I am extremely protective over). I was raised right and was taught that you simply don't abuse a lady. Not at all.

One of my sisters (the oldest) dated a loser. He didn't physically touch him (to the best of my knowledge). Proof in that is that he is still alive. He did, however, very much mentally abuse her. We were finally able to convince her to call it off. She was crying all the time, spending hours sobbing on the phone with him...

NEVER will I let it go that far again, however. I am not putting up with that.

Anonymous said...

Emotional abuse is worse, I think; if you get punched in the face, you know exactly what just happened. But emotional abuse makes you start to doubt your sanity....

Anonymous said...

Heh, I've dated a loser before.

High school drop out, lives with parents, jobless, dreams of becoming a high class chef. Went out with him for a month, summer between college semesters, and he returns to high school and enrols in...Parenting...(I have no idea how that fits with the chef thing...I'd have thought some nutrition course would work better...But hey, what do I know). I drove him around to places, cause he didn't have a car, along with picking up his younger sister from work at the wee hours in the morning.

Fast forward to...Me realizing that he will be stuck in that "rut" for a long time, so I left him.

Another fast forward to...Me getting an email from him months later, with him attempting to brag about how he bought a $10,000 bmw, and how he won $5000 from a scratch ticket, and how he was going to go vacation to Bahamas or something.

I laughed...Very hard, and patted myself for making the right decision and moving on with my life. Apparently, he didn't get that I'd be more impressed if he bragged about how he got into culinary school. *shrugs*

Sweet said...

This made me very sad.

Weasel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andi said...

"From a really needy loser guy to an abuser.

You're all making quite a big jump there."

You must either be a 14 year old girl or one of these needy men to not know how teeny-tiny of a step it actually is.

Naamah said...

"From a really needy loser guy to an abuser.

"You're all making quite a big jump there."

To paraphrase Buffy, I didn't leap to conclusions. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were.

The guys like this I have known (but never thank fucking Christ dated) have all been at best manipulative shitheads, and at worst, well . . . they're like Persnickety's Ben, up there. Murderers.

A tiny percentage of the ones who are merely manipulative shitheads grow out of it eventually, this is true. The best of them will eventually take a few steps up and become pathetic losers. The percentage of needy and manipulative but not actively dangerous guys is so rat-foreskin small, and the potential for pain and disaster so enormous, that the only sensible approach to a guy who expects you to meet all his needs, and is scab-eating stupid enough to admit this in a personal ad, is to run far, run fast, and never look back.

And kick him in the balls if you can, before you go.

Rozie said...

kiro-saigo said...

From a really needy loser guy to an abuser.You're all making quite a big jump there.

Ok, you really live on a different planet than the rest of us don't you.

"Really needy losers" use verbal and emotional abuse to control you.
They escalate in the abuse. They don't just stay needy. They get worse if there is the slightest sign of rebellion or increasing independence. The neediness is about control, they want a slave and doormat.

meg said...

*raises hand* Was involved with a psychologically abusive asshole for about 3 years. Left him for his best friend that treats me wonderfully, like an equal, and would do anything for me.

Hyena Overlord said...

I dated a control freak in high school. He gave me a fat lip. He was also spending as much time as he could with me. Time that included judo class. Unfortunately, for him not me, the lessons were taught by my Father, a 2nd degree black belt.

Needless to say, that relationship ended shortly after my Father used la boyfriend as a demonstration dummy to show us all the wonderful things my Father can do to another human being without damaging them permanently. Funnny, he never raised a hand to any of his subsequent girlfriends. I wonder if the lesson left a lasting impression on him.

Pipkin said...

Weasel, is that a photo of you?

RebelJubilee said...

>>Emotional abuse is worse, I think; if you get punched in the face, you know exactly what just happened. But emotional abuse makes you start to doubt your sanity....<<

Very true. I dated a guy through high school. Great guy, caring, intelligent, attentive didn't drink or do drugs. Being naive and young I didn't notice how much he yelled when he got angry. I didn't notice the sly comments about how I dressed. He asked me to marry him 8 days before he left for boot camp. Fast forward a year without seeing him for more than 3 days in a row about 3 times. Wedding bells. Gotta move across the country from home to where he's stationed. First freaking night out there he downs an entire bottle of jagermeister. Gets so plastered he doesn't remember any of it the next day. I was basically cowering in the next room the whole time he yelled at God.
I wasn't smart enough to leave the emotional/mental abuse because I didn't know enough to recognize it for a very long time. It took him getting angry and pushing me for me to realize where it all was headed. I stayed for 3.5 years because he kept promising he'd change (without me asking, just telling him it was wrong. Theres a smart woman for you, heavy sarcasm here). He'd change for a little while and then go back to his drug using alcoholic ways. Last I heard he had a girlfriend with 'big tits and a nice round ass'. I wonder if she knows thats how he describes her and if she's pregnant yet.

Persnickety, I'm glad that you pulled through and he's dead. We would all be a little poorer for not knowing you (as well as one can be known over the 'net)

Serena said...

I dated this guy too--except he wasn't even 6 feet tall!! :-)

E! said...

Oh, my goodness, that was my ex. Though, to be fair...he didn't cook, clean, or do laundry but he didn't really expect me to, either.
I guess we were supposed to live in slobby paradise while the gumdrop fairies sneaked clean laundry under our pillows while we slept in our crusty sheets....
SO glad to be rid of that winner. yes, indeed. Wish I'd discovered this blog ages ago!

jax said...

i dated everyones share of fucking losers im afraid. it must be a magnetic pull from the Planet Fucktard.

xmas- i buy him a nice thoughtful gift, he tells me to go to the lingerie store and pick something out and give him the receipt. so i called his bluff and bought a nice piece of jewelry instead.
he refused to pay for (it wasn't pricey AT ALL)so i kept it and the receipt and returned HIM instead.

i'm no man's whore.

Jadis said...

It is NOT a big leap from a whiny, needy mess to an abusive asshat.

If the girl who wrote the translations post comes back - you NAILED that, sister. I would love to borrow that for a blog.

Evergrey said...

I dated a total fucking loser who claimed he was incapable of cooking or of cleaning, laundry was right out. He claimed to be going to college and said he had class and was unable to be there for me when I had cancer surgery. I, being suspicious at this point, did a little digging (he wasn't clever about lying, it wasn't hard) and found that he was not enrolled in school AT ALL and instead played a Full Metal Alchemist (that's an anime show about a young boy and his brother who has been turned into a magical suit of armor) collectible trading card tournament. He was constantly putting me down, being a total dick, being a demanding fucking child, and he couldn't keep an erection during sex, which he blamed me for, especially if I breathed hard, moved a millimeter, made a small sound, etc. His idea of foreplay was to honk my breast like a bicycle horn a couple of times, then he'd undo his pants and stand there with his hands on his hips all proud like a kid the first day he is potty trained. He would smoke like a quarter ounce of pot within a few days, and if he wasn't stoned he got really nasty. He dropped out of three colleges because they involved WORK. Anything he fucked up was soemone else's fault, of course. He was very emotionally abusive.
Also, he sucked his thumb in his sleep.
When I started dating him I had really low self esteem... my heart had just been broken into a zillion pieces. And he came in acting all like a rescuer, and acting like he was someone completely different from who he turned out to be. Then he moved in, and I was scared of him, and it took a long time to get him out of there. And I thought "oh but I loooove him" but once he was gone I realized... ye gods, what a douche canoe.

ginmar said...

I dated a much older guy on the theory that they were more mature. He made me get on birth control pills because he absolutely would NOT use condoms, and kept saying insulting things about me, always ending with, "What's a matter, can't you take a joke?" He was not attractive, but before we started dating he was really nice and kind. When he complained about the birth control pills---"You're always in a bad mood, but your boobs are bigger"----I dumped him, but not before I dumped the birth control pills in his drink. I never did fuck him, for which I was grateful. He was hung like a horse, and given his sensitivity when the blood was flowing northward, I can only imagine what he was like after ward the current flowed in the opposite direction.

Finale: A few months later I found my second boyfriend, and we were on our way to a club. I was still dancing ballet then, and I have red hair and white skin. I was wearing a teeny black dress and sparkly high heels, and my new BF's black leather jacket. I looked like an Irish vampire. The bouncer took one look and said, "So do you want to get in?" I walked right past the ex and he said very loudly, "SO DID YOU LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY?"

To which I responded: "YEAH, TO SOMEBODY TEN YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU, GOOD LOOKNG, AND NICE. "

It is possible to get back at them.

Ashers said...

Thanks & sacrifices & worship to all the Gods Of Dating - I have never dated anyone like this.

Nearest I got was a bloke with no job & no car who lived 80 miles away. That lasted 2 months beofre I twigged. He did threaten to kill himself when I dumped him, though, which was unpleasant.

Thanks Ben, but I quite like living in this century, thanks all the same. And having my own personality....

Liz said...

I dated a long string of losers, alas. I had zero self esteem, and was just a magnet for assholes. The 'romantic' who tried to mold me into his dream wife (until I realized that, when he was forced to move back with his folks, I didn't miss him), the schizophrenic who tangled me in a weird love quadrangle (until I came to my senses and called it off), the one guy who actually DID hit me (best friend smacked me upside the head after blow #1, ditched him), the druggie who ditched me for a girl who claimed she wanted to give him her virginity, and finally the world class POS who went from being a good friend to someone who made me his last priority, yelled at me if I said "I love you" more than once a day, told me I was needy when I asked for ANY help or any amount of caring, and generally acted like a bratty shit when it came to him getting a job (nothing was good enough for him, and he lived off a credit card his parents paid for.) After I dumped him, I took a hiatus from serious dating, had some really crappy flings, then finally got some therapy and dealt with my codependency issues. I'm married to a wonderful man who treats me with love AND respect, helps with everything around the house, and is generally fantastic.

Brandy said...

Hmm.. I have car for work... Problem is, I WORK in it. Some 'clients' like the front seat, some the back....

I get the feeling man is Russian, can't afford adverb.

Or the only indefinite article here is his adulthood....

Duske Falling said...

Hyena Overlord, Please give your dad a hug and a high five for me!

Grace said...

Evergrey - douche canoe! HA! I love it!!

I've dated a few tools, but thankfully nothing near as bad as what some of you have experienced!

CutNJump said...

or even clean up a piece of dog shit that's been sitting on the carpet so long it can stink in six languages.

ROFLMFAO! Brilliant Weasel. Just brilliant!

He sure is needy. Needy of getting his whiny ass, smacked up side the head a good one, all right.

Losers that I have dated?

hmmmm. so many to choose from...

Ned the Wino,
Spaceman Spiff,
Giver, as in Giv'er whatever she wants,
Bong Hit,
Bong Hit #2,
Mr. (Ir)Responsibility,
and finally
Mr. Viagra

Sorry Weasel. Not enough hours in the day or anywhere near enough space to go into any or all of them here.

bethanthepurple said...

She was 'depressed'. So depressed she couldn't cook, clean, wash up or shop for herself.

...right up until I caught her in a bar fooling around with another woman.

CutNJump said...

So reading throguh the comments it sounds like everyone can relate to Mr. (Ir)Responsibility.

So I guess he's the real winner here. Gotta tell you, he's no prize.

He figured he was more of my Dad than a boyfriend. Wouldn't do anything around the house, but expected it to be clean. He was a workaholic- to the point he would rather be there than at home. When he did take time off- it was to do things with his frineds, not me and certainly not inclusive of the baby.

Yet every other weekend we had his two kids. He adored his son, ignored his daughter. I had reason to believe she wasn't even his.

When we moved in together we couldn't afford a washer, so I had to load everything up in the truck or the car, (both mine!) including the baby and off to the laundromat we went and sat. I did that twice. He couldn't be bothered to watch the child so I had to take her along. When I came home the second time I announced I would not be going again. If he wanted clean clothes he could go wash them. The baby and I had plenty of clothes and could literally go at least a month without Having to do laundry. Can you do that?

After his first and only trip to the laundromat, without the baby mind you, he came home and we went shopping for a washer & dryer.

He actually went as far as to ask me one time- "I realized the other day, that I have never hit you. Why is that?"

Seriously! He fucking said that!

I told him "Because you know better."

He asked me "Why? Would I leave him? Would I kill him?"

Not sure, but it would only happen once. So if you ever go to swinging, you better beat the living shit out of me and you btter enjoy every bit of it, because I assure you it will only happen ONCE!

Oh and I wasn't allowed to talk on the phone to my friends. The phone that was in MY name and the phone that I paid the bill for. To my friends. The people I had known longer than him and especially my best friend who I grew up with and our birthdays are a month apart! Sheesh! A little controlling ya think?

So yeah, the 'leap' from needy to controlling and abusive- not such a big one after all. Anyone could crawl that far.

Oxen Cox said...

I want to give my boyfriend a really big hug after reading all of these comments. Kudos for sharing your stories, but damn they are a bummer one after another like that. The posts are funny, the comments are theraputic. Great blog.

Tribblehappy said...

Wow, what a winner.

Gotta admit, I totally love cooking and caring for my man... but only if he's a man who is capable of doing it for himself. Then I feel like it's a gift, an act of caring, rather than a chore or an obligation because he can't boil a hotdog without the kitchen catching on fire.

Antoinette Chua said...

Reading through the comments, whoah! I can't believe we all fell for that type of a guy once (or perhaps most times) in our lives!

I'm still figuring out if my guy is like Ben, but I don't think so.

He's got a job that pays well. Has his own place. A little bit of a jerk at times.

Oh well, at least I'm warned by this blog.

Cool blog! cool comments fellas!

Gryph said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gryph said...

Letting my friend Cyg have the keyboard...

My mistake was my first boyfriend. He was a whiny, self-centered idiot who bragged that I was girlfriend number 13. I was 18 when we met, he was six years older. We started dating two days after we were introduced by his friend. Said friend, it turns out, convinced him to go out with me because I was a virgin.

I had wanted to wait til marriage, but through guilt trips and plain old begging, he managed to change that. Lots of ugliness and general battering of my self-esteem followed. He ended up owing me about $200 that he borrowed to go to bars without me. Luckily he never tried physicaly harming me, because he KNEW I could kick his ass.

He cheated on me with his friend's fiancee. (Who is also a whiny, needy individual.) She ended up marrying him, and his now ex-friend is now my (platonic) friend.

They have a baby together, and are supported by his parents. A rant about him could go on for years. However, since I *really* don't want to remember it, I'll not subject anyone to the whole story.

Suffice to say, I'm in a stable, loving relationship, with an actual partner, and I couldn't be happier.

ms-katonic said...

Oh god yes, I've had my fair share. Most recent was the guy who:

- told me he thought I was a love of his life, wanted to be with me forever, and then called me out of the blue one day to tell me he'd seen these really career-enhancing jobs in the US (we're based in the UK although he is a US citizen) and had applied. Without even bothering to consult me first. Fail.
- Compounded the error by telling me "don't worry, you can come with me, we'll get married - I'm an anarchist who doesn't believe in marriage so we'd have to get divorced once you'd got permanent residency but I'd still do it." Moar fail.
- Is shocked and surprised that I'm angry and upset at this and tells me that it's his policy that if a partner isn't moving with him she doesn't get a say in where he goes. EPIC FAIL.

It all falls apart about a month later, after I start showing signs of greater independence and just getting on with my life without worrying about him. He feels he's not getting enough attention but rather than tell me any of this, he chooses to hook up with one of my friends one weekend, call time on our relationship the same weekend, and then insists that I do not contact my friend for over a week so he can get the chance to explain things to her.

Needless to say, I do not miss him. It's just rather galling to see him leaving comments on my friend's LJ being all over her. Especially when they are virtually identical to the sort of thing he was saying on my blog a year ago (counting down the hours until he next sees her, that sort of thing).

(NB. We are both polyamorous so him hooking up with a friend of mine wasn't per se out of line, it was just that he'd essentially dumped me for her and was expecting me to just shut up and stay quiet about it so he didn't look bad in front of her.)

There is also the little matter of him then taking her on an event he'd originally booked tickets for in order to take me to. A tiny thing in the greater scheme of things but just argh!

Fortunately, the lady I asked out in the aftermath of all this has turned out to be adorable and lovely, so all is well in my world these days. :D

Masculinist said...

Seems that many of the comments here focus on unemployed males - but too many women nowadays do not realize how the labor market has been utterly undermined by the flooding of the job market by millions of women and immigrants willing to work the jobs men used to do for MUCH reduced wages.

Women and immigrants have had a huge hand in this, wherein men are fired or laid off and within a few months or years women or immigrants are hired to do the same job at a MUCH reduced rate. In this scenario no one wins except the parasitic managerial/owning class who cares nothing about your family, relationships, your home, or even if you have enough to eat - they only care about their profit, their bank accounts more and more swollen by undermining ordinary male workers, the males you women here are looking to date or marry.

Women (or immigrants) work for less than they should (i.e., they are being exploited), and the men become unemployed and increasingly demoralized and marginalized as a result, leading to all kinds of social dysfunctions amongst them.

Basically, women have gone from working with her man (or husband) to working for THE MAN, i.e. being exploited by the globalist hypercapitalist hyenas because they think it offers them 'personal freedom' instead of living in a mutually beneficial relationship with someone who they love and trust.

ginmar said...

Oh, Christ, speak of the devil---it's Masculinist, a woman-hating troll.

Hey, dipshit, if women are taking all those jobs away, how come there's no proof? I mean, all those evil women taking over, the cops would be all female, everywhere you'd see nothing but women, the Army would be all women...Yeah, fool, go back to your male whiners' boards.

Weas, you could do a topic on guys like Masculinist, who haunts feminist boards and blames everything on those evil women. "Single white male seeks woman to do housework, cooking, sexing,child-rearing, and serve as sounding board for hatred of the female gender, with a side order of xenophobia. You will be: pretty, slender, docile, smart enough to be feisty, yet no so smart you question my beliefs, which is that women are to blame for everything goes wrong in the world."

Masculinist is a wonderful example of the type of guy in the add.

Bonnie said...

I will never understand why men think playing the 'I'm a widdle boy, take cware of me!' ploy will work.

The only man I am interested in 'taking care of' to the extent this loser wants, is a newborn baby. At least the baby has an excuse to shit himself and expect me to clean it up.

(being 4 months pregnant, I have made peace with that...I hope!) ;)

Anonymous said...

I haven't dated a loser...but I recently went on the world's worst date with a loser.

He wanted to go some place where we could go for a nice glass of wine - ok, lovely. I told him of a couple wine bars in my neighborhood that were nice, had good food and mentioned both would require reservations. Now, let me ask you – when you hear “wine bar” “good food” “reservations” “nice” – how would you dress?

Me: black pencil skirt, white silk camisole top, and the most adorable (and sexy I might add) red mary janes w/heals.

But alas, my efforts were completely wasted on him…

Him: Jeans (and not nice ones), T-shirt, baseball cap and these black corduroy shoes (that may have actually been slippers) w/white socks.

Determined to have a nice night…I acted like there was nothing wrong with his attire.

When we walked into the restaurant and he took notice of how nice it was, he mentioned he probably should have showered.

Not only was he one of the worst conversationalist I have ever come across, but he had the eating habits of a 5 year old. I told him it was an Italian place and I think he expected spaghetti and meatballs…instead think Italian cuisine. He wouldn’t touch most of what was on the menu with a 10 foot pole.

He asked me to pay half of a $45 bill.

Yes, he had asked me out.

BTW - I have NEVER gotten out of a restaurant like that for anything under $60-100 a person – at least.

At the end of the night he started a fight with me about Proposition 8 (gay marriage for the non-CA residents).

He lives with his mother.

I should have known that I probably wouldn’t be a match with someone who thought Ron Paul was the most brilliant man alive.

RebelJubilee said...

ginmar, it never helps to feed the trolls it just inflates their massive ego thinking they've bothered someone. Its better to ignore them, since their opinions don't matter anyhow.

ginmar said...

I can't help but take a swing at them sometimes, and Masculinist is somebody who likes to spew the same shit about women everywhere. If you don't counter it, he feels he's won.

Anonymous said...

Is masculinist for real? Did he fall asleep in 1950 and just wake up? His outdated arguments don't hold up anymore.

His statements reflect that he believes women have just recently entered the job force - which is of course ridiculous.

Masculinist - pick up a history book for crying out loud. I would recommend books on labor history and something women's history would probably do you some good as well.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Who are these women who do the same job as a man for less money? I don't know any women that stupid...we all get paid what we are worth!

SMSParel said...

Husband No. 1: binge drinker
Husband No. 2: wife beater
Husband No. 3: binge drinker who managed to hide it from me until 6 months after the wedding

Highlight A: I had 4 wisdom teeth removed and the next night he wants sex. I refuse and he pouts, "But it's only your mouth that hurts!"

Highlight B: we go on a sailing holiday with another couple. Sounds OK, right? But - the two men got shitfaced every night and the two women had to do all the shit work. Totally selfish. Also, exceedingly charming. Had me fooled good. Sex: time after time I told him I didn't like it when he'd twist my nipples to wake me up for sex. He wouldn't stop that - he said it felt good! I got mad every time but...

Highlight C: wife beater did amazing head games. I have surprisingly little to say about him.

All 3: Funny how human touch was missing from these relationships. No to: stroke of the arm, brush of cheek, back rub or physical affection. Yes to: grabbing tits and ass. As if that's all there is!

Winners all of them!

CutNJump said...

Masculinist- do yourself a favor and hang onto your balls. Keeping a hold of them will keep you assured that us women haven't yet removed them for you.

Otherwise they may end up dangling from the bumper of your compact car or the rearview mirror of one of our trucks!

Duske Falling said...

*Points up*

And that is the reason there why CutNJump is one of the most awesome people in the world.

Anonymous said...

I've a story like Persnickety Ticker's. I hooked up with my first real boyfriend just out of high school, and he had been kicked out of college. Duh. We move to Pittsburgh together. I'm in my grandmother's will and he keeps referring to it as "OUR" money; the only time I said 'no it's mine' he went ballistic. Duh. He convinces me to leave college at an ivy league university so I can put money in his real estate scheme. Duh. Then he starts abusing me while we're in the middle of renovations. I leave. (No duh) He stalks me because he's a) diagnosed schizo which his family did not warn me about and b) greedy, avaricious, and unscrupulous. So he tries to kill me with a Winchester he hid in one of the houses being renovated, and I hold the gun between us when he brings it out, and his jealous girlfriend shows up just in time...thank god. I scream for her and he runs to get the door and I unload five bullets out of the gun, pocket them and crawl out the window. I take him to the hospital under threat of pressing charges- we go for counseling and the hospital therapist thinks he's the together one and I'm the loser for being poor and fat, and he went to counseling with a suit and briefcase, so they drop him. I go into hiding for a year and work a night job in a womens shelter where I can get locked in. Then I get a phone call from his girlfriend...he had burrowed into a neighbor's basement who was filing complaints against his properties and killed her, then the police caught him cutting her up and he hung himself with his belt in the police wagon. There is an extra hot place in hell for manipulative, greedy men like him, and men like PersnicketyTicker's. That is why they're dead and we're alive. You go girl!
The dead neighbor's family sued the hospital and they settled out of court because of my affidavit...which appeared *unexpectedly.*
Oh yeah, the will was finally executed and the property settled two years ago...I got a final half mil, and had only lost 30 grand on the greedy ex's schemes. Dead bastard...after the poverty and suffering and guilt I endured, I hope he gets to spend his pittance in hell!

CutNJump said...

Duske Falling-

Thank You

*bowing to the crowd*

Melissa C. said...

This is the funniest shit I've read in a long time. Awesome.

Tessie said...

The ones waving a big red, "I AM AN ASSHOLE" flag aren't the problem. It's the stealth assholes that'll fool ya.

Two months after my divorce, I met a smart, kind, stunningly attractive, warm-hearted, gorgeous, affectionate, protective man who adored me, thought I was wonderful, told me so often, surprised me with spontaneous romantic gestures (sending me flowers for no reason)... oh, yeah, and unlike my ex, he was terrific in bed, so I was having my first good sex in about ten years and possibly the best sex I've *ever* had.

Two months after that, he moved in with me.

One second after that, he stopped being able to hold down a job or contribute to the household in any way, including putting an empty coffee cup in the dishwasher. His sole responsibility was taking out the garbage/recycling once a week, and half the time he forgot to do that. He. Would. Not. Do. ANYTHING. He never actually refused; it's just that nothing would ever get done. He had an unending string of excuses for why he couldn't cook, clean, do laundry, vaccuum, change a light bulb, pay for his own toll phone calls, etc. etc. etc. I would have been better off just flat-out paying him for sex; at least then I wouldn't have had to come home from working full time and listen to him tell me, from the couch, how he was "just about to" do the dishes.

Eventually, we went our separate ways. I figured out how to drag the garbage cans to the curb all by myself. I'm doing as much of the work now as I did then (i.e., all of it), and it's a lot cheaper not to have to support another able-bodied adult.

The sequel? Once he was out on his own, he magically stopped being the laziest fcuk on the planet. Somehow, now that I'm no longer holding him back, he's suddenly able to drive, pay rent, hold down a steady job... all of it too late to do me any good. Whenever I feel bad about being single, I think of him lying on my couch, telling me how depressed he was as I folded his underwear.

Tessie said...

The ones waving a big red, "I AM AN ASSHOLE" flag aren't the problem. It's the stealth assholes that'll fool ya.

Two months after my divorce, I met a smart, kind, stunningly attractive, warm-hearted, gorgeous, affectionate, protective man who adored me, thought I was wonderful, told me so often, surprised me with spontaneous romantic gestures (sending me flowers for no reason)... oh, yeah, and unlike my ex, he was terrific in bed, so I was having my first good sex in about ten years and possibly the best sex I've *ever* had.

Two months after that, he moved in with me.

One second after that, he stopped being able to hold down a job or contribute to the household in any way, including putting an empty coffee cup in the dishwasher. His sole responsibility was taking out the garbage/recycling once a week, and half the time he forgot to do that. He. Would. Not. Do. ANYTHING. He never actually refused; it's just that nothing would ever get done. He had an unending string of excuses for why he couldn't cook, clean, do laundry, vaccuum, change a light bulb, pay for his own toll phone calls, etc. etc. etc. I would have been better off just flat-out paying him for sex; at least then I wouldn't have had to come home from working full time and listen to him tell me, from the couch, how he was "just about to" do the dishes.

Eventually, we went our separate ways. I figured out how to drag the garbage cans to the curb all by myself. I'm doing as much of the work now as I did then (i.e., all of it), and it's a lot cheaper not to have to support another able-bodied adult.

The sequel? Once he was out on his own, he magically stopped being the laziest fcuk on the planet. Somehow, now that I'm no longer holding him back, he's suddenly able to drive, pay rent, hold down a steady job... all of it too late to do me any good. Whenever I feel bad about being single, I think of him lying on my couch, telling me how depressed he was as I folded his underwear.

Anonymous said...

I was married to one such as this.

He cooked on occasion because he liked it, but was otherwise utterly incapable of doing anything else. I was working and in school full-time, and I'd come home to him drinking beer and playing videogames. He'd let the dog pee all over the carpet because he couldn't be arsed to let her outside. I cleaned that up, too.

I saw him a bit after we divorced. He converted to Catholicism and bought a Dyson vacuum. WHAT??

Anonymous said...

the personal ad seemed more like a joke to me. i've put up joke personal ads myself out of boredom myself.

reminds me of that time i couldn't get rid of this woman wanting me to drive 4 hours for sex. so i proposed marriage and told her i only had 2 years to live because the government was going to kill me for knowing too much.

Anonymous said...

i need to get off the grid. the grammar police is going to kill me for a redundant "myself"...

Anonymous said...

My Ben was dubbed the "fuck yeah" guy by my friends, a 42-year old man that missed college and was trying to live them out in his baggy jeans from PacSun and Fox moto shirts. Talking to him was like talking to a can of Spam. Every response to a comment was met with the "rock on" fingers and the word "sweet", hence the term "fuck yeah" (and nod your head like Beevis and Butthead for the full effect). He could not keep a job (how hard is it to drive a water truck?), was strung out on drugs, binge drank, got a DUI, wrecked his truck, was a total downer and cheated on me. I swear if I had a gun I would have eaten it by now. He was a total funsponge: the glass was half-empty, dirty, cracked and someone had backwashed in it. I FINALLY left. It's been the best move I have ever made, even thouh that pathetic loser still owes me $60.Bye bye, Ben!

shikishinobi said...

Jeez Louise, where to begin.
I haven't actually dated a guy like that, but I have probably slept with one or two, and that was the end of that, no qouestions asked no money back guarentte.
Me and my friend have worked as psychics long enough to get women calling up who are dating people like Ben. It is classic. The worst part about men like Ben is that they go for the unstable women who they can bend to their whims. Then they call/come to us asking why the relationship isn't working. Despite our best efforts to tell them what is going on in front of them, the man has them twisted around their finger and it becomes hard, and we feel very sadened. But it is life. Don't trust men like Ben, there is always a darker side.

Anonymous said...

I married mine too. He wasn't so bad at first, while the relationship was new. But then I paid for lots of stuff- court, lawyers, housing, child support, etc. Once we were married with a child I realized how bad it was. I did E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Worked, school full-time AND took care of the baby and house and all the pets. At least he got a job after the first year- thanks to my revising his resume and sending it out for him. He still has that job - yet he still can't handle child support and now *I* am the evil ex even though he doesn't have to pay any to me. At least there is a good supply of late-teens early-twenties girls willing to champion for guys who "just can't catch a break", they are such honest and potentially great men that need a little "help" out of being victimized by... whoever it is that is keeping them down at the time. @@

bisonfish said...

A friend of my wife's some years ago had the following conversation with a man she'd got in contact with through the lonely hearts pages of Farmer's Weekly (this is set in the West of England, some time before teh Internets):

She: 'So, why are you looking for a girlfriend?'

He: 'Well, my mum died you see, and moi dad thought it would be a good oidea to get someone to help out with the cooking and the cleaning.'

She: 'Oh, erm, OK. Would you like to meet? Would Salisbury be OK?'

He: 'Oh, I bain't never been as far as Salisbury. And we bain't got a car neither. But oi do got a forklift.'

Needless to say, this never got off the ground, but 'oi got a forklift' became a family catchphrase for some years.

MaxPower said...

My first long term bf was with a total loser.

Unemployed for the entire 4 years we were together I paid for eeeeverything like a stupid sap, and he was 9 years older than me! Needless to say I've deleted most of that from my mind, but I will never forget the image of him smoking weed surrounded by packets of cheetohs with his budgie beside him trying to figure out how to get off his unemployment benefits and onto disability. He's a winner in life!

Thankfully I saw the light and have since met some incredible men. I have him to thank for it. If it weren't for him I'd have no idea what a sad, pathetic, unemployable, socially retarded, emotionally abusive arsehole looked like.

Candz said...

Needy? How about this prize plucked from the internet treasure trove :

"Ken" is a 41 y/o pool boy who works M-F. Since getting divorced a few years ago, Ken has been living in the guest house BEHIND HIS MOM'S HOUSE. He installed TWIN BEDS for his very young children who visit every weekend. During the week when he is ALONE Ken himself sleeps in the twin beds; on the weekends he sleeps on the couch. To reiterate, he works M-F and has his kids every weekend.

Despite the obvious logistics issues -- obstacles that even Ray Charles could see -- Ken feels "ready for a serious long-term relationship." He demonstrates this scout-like state of preparedness by phoning repeatedly throughout the workday, constantly text-bombing me when I have plans with others and perpetually blurting out wild, sweeping statements of worship, based on nothing more than his imagination.

Having seen THIS movie before and not caring for the outcome, I cut his scene quickly and thoroughly with a surgically precise strike. He initially issued pleading emails. Progressively angry emails and voicemails followed. I never responded. He eventually gave up and moved on to a new victim. I am glad I threw that particular fish back...

Jannis27 said...

This must be kidding!! And if not please get help before you get another girlfriend...Pharmacy No Prescription

Anonymous said...

Okay, I went out with a textbook loser: when I was in my mid-teens, I dated a guy three years older who'd been thrown out of high school, was a virgin, had no job, no driver's license at age 19, history of SERIOUS mental illness in the family, older brother who sexually abused him. But...he was a total sweetheart. No abuse, ever, verbally or physically. We were on different paths, and broke up after a couple of years; we're now back in touch after 20 years. Would I date him again? No. Was he immensely supportive and tolerant of my teen melodrama and STD issues? Yes. And you know what? He ended up being the support guy for more than one seriously damaged woman.

Sometimes the damaged guys are empathetic and sweet. Not always fixable, but worthwhile human beings nonetheless.

Oh yeah, and the sex was unbelievably good, at least in part because we were both completely open to trying whatever the other person was curious about - and okay with saying, no, this doesn't work for me, but hey, d'ya want to try this? Did it take a lot of failed experiments to get to that point? Oh yes.

But 20+ years later we're close friends.

SMSPanel - I wish you much luck. Sounds like you've realized you're worth more than what you've been getting.
Naamah - love "rat-foreskin small." Sheer brilliance.
Anonymous: "the glass was half-empty, dirty, cracked and someone had backwashed in it" is...goddammit, I wish I'd written that.
bisonfish: "Oi do got a forklift" will be my mating call forever more, never mind that I'm in urban San Francisco.
ginmar, absolutely. Not to give (e)Masculinist any further play, but...uh, yeah, sure, it's women, working for less than they deserve, that fuels capitalist evils. And immigrants - eeek, foreigners! - are stealing our valuable jobs! Like dishwashing and migrant labor. Want to pay full value for that head of lettuce? Shut off the borders and it'll be $5 for iceberg.

Uhh, back to waiting for my toxic but charming ex to show up. At least he's not broke or a user. Me, still trying to move on to non-toxic guys, but the toxic ones that are truly giving are dangerous.

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Artemis Astarte said...

I once had a 4 year relationship with a man who when I called him to announce I had been accepted into university asked without a pause "what am I supposed to do now?" and cried at the bus stop when I was seeing him off from my house the night before my first day at uni. He then asked me every day if I had met a "uni wanker" I liked better then him? He smoked a LOT of pot and lived at home with his mum until he was 23 and never worked while we were together except when his mother found him a job at her place of work, which didn't last very long. Once when he had a job interview and I came along for support he asked if I would come into the room with him where the manager was going to interview him. He also scabbed cigarettes off me constantly and when I told him to buy his own he pushed me??? God damn...what on earth did I ever see in him?

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