Friday, December 11, 2009

WWHM Crawls Back To Life

Ladies and gentleman, welcome back to WWHM!

For those of you not yet familiar with our horrifying little corner of the digital world, WWHM extracts some of the most preposterously idiotic male personal ads ever to grace the pages of our beloved internet, re-posts the exact text of those ads onto our blog along with pertinent commentary, and hurls the results into a bloody, churning meat pit I like to call "my seasoned female readership."

Before you proceed, WWHM would like to issue a stern warning: Some of the personal ads you are about to read may cause you to gag, retch, heave, or relieve the contents of your stomach into a bag of Tostitos. Your vagina may twitch, shake, shudder, or perhaps rappel down your leg, grab a protein bar, and move to Idaho to start a new life harvesting potatoes. Regardless, by proceeding past this entry, you agree to not hold WWHM accountable for what may happen to your once unquenchable sex drive.

Please take note, WWHM contains extremely graphic and immature sexual content, so if you can't handle it, we strongly recommend you go here.

I'm your host, The Weasel, and yes, I am a man. Critics oft contend I produce WWHM solely as a vehicle to make myself look better than other men, yet I counter nothing could be further from the truth.

By my own admission, I am nothing but a small, sheepish and feeble excuse of a man, one so meek you might frequently find me crouched in the fetal position underneath my own bathroom sink, slowly nursing a pasty and congealed gruel of Cheez-its and Yuban from a second-hand YMCA parrot feeder. When introduced to an unknown female or even the non-aggressive, low-speed paw strike of a recently declawed kitten, I tend to spontaneously suffer from the unfortunate malady a four year-old Spanish boy might refer to as "los pantalones con poopy."

So whilst I wholly admit upfront I know next to nothing about women, I've learned at least enough throughout my years to identify when a grown man indeed knows absolutely nothing about women. We dedicate the success of WWHM to those men.

So let's cut through the shit already, shall we?

Here we go, folks, with our new featured personal ad in 3, ..... 2, ..... 1, ......

389 comments:

1 – 200 of 389   Newer›   Newest»
TWHGal said...

OMG!!! You're back!!! Where the fuck have you been?

Ferret said...

I just discovered this gem of a blog this week. Imagine my horror as I read though month after month of guffaw and laugh-to-hiccups inducing personal ads with the accompanying dissection by you, The Weasel, knowing that they ENDED in August. Just last night I read the last of them and found myself heaving a heavy sigh because I knew there were no more. That forlorn sigh must have echoed clear across America because here you are! Thanks for that. No one else has ever described the thoughts, feelings and moods of my vagina as accurately as you do, Weasel. Kisses!

Weasel said...

Sorry about the long absence folks, but as we all know, life can take you on some bizarre twists and turns.

I hope to post in the next couple of days over on Behind WWHM about the future of WWHM and PLFM.

I've really missed writing, I think I'm a little rusty, but I'm getting back on the wagon.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I've missed this so much.

Canoncowgirl said...

OH MY GOD!!!! WEASEL!!!! Words cannot express how much I've missed you! So so so glad you're back :-D

Squirrel said...

Glad to see you are back!

Really missed you. Allways brings a smile on my face when I read up here.

Ros said...

I'm really excited that you've returned! It's generally a huge highlight of my week seeing new posts. I had to start turning to craigslist myself to find amusing posts... one of which, I'm happy to say, appeared today, probably in honor of your return: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/m4w/1505539852.html

daquina said...

welcome back, weas... we've missed you!

Sydney said...

YAAYYY! Welcome back. Know what is funny I just was poking around the blog yesterday wondering where you had went.

Eccentric_Lady said...

Woo-Hoo!!!

Welcome back Weasel...I knew good things would come if I'd wait, and happy that I did. )

Scribe said...

Sooo glad you're back! You don't know how much laughter you brought to my work week... I mean... week.

corticoWhat said...

BWAHAHAHAH! I Loved the Sarah Palin link. Welcome Home.

Mack Truck said...

Weasie, it's been a long time.

Welcome back. However, since you were gone so long, I cheated on you with several other blogs.

None were quite as satisfying, but a girl's gotta do what she can to get her fix.

positivity23 said...

have been reading for a few weeks now, and had been wondering what happened to you--welcome back!
on the other hand, linking people to the sarah palin PAC is just goddamned irresponsible.

Shadowed Storm said...

YOUR BACK!!! I'm so happy! I was worried something had happened you! Welcome Back Weasel!

Anonymous said...

Perfect timing. I checked here on a whim today after giving up a few months ago.

Welcome back!

Anonymous said...

You haven't DIED! Hooray!

Carol :) said...

Wow, I was soooo excited to see a new blog post today!! Even though you have not been here for months, I check it daily!

Glad to see ya back!!

What a great B-day for me, it helps soften the blow of hitting 43!!

Belgium said...

I've been checking this blog DAILY waiting for an update....missed ya, Weasel!

Berlin K. said...

WEASEL! I missed you! This just made my day, knowing that this is back.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Welcome back and I'm glad you're Tweeting now so we'll all know when to look for a new post!

Lynda said...

OMG YOU'RE BACK!!!!!! THANK GAWD! Missed you tons!

Garret of Jim and Garret said...

Welcome back! I like TWHGal's response!


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41yroldhorsegal said...

You're BACK!!!!! What a lovely surprise this morning!! *puts on more coffee, settles down to read*

Welcome home!

dizzy said...

OMgomgomogmomgom you're back omgomgomgomgomg

Anonymous said...

Hey maybe your absence will have weeded out some of the trolls =D

Welcome back, baby!

Anonymous said...

Hooray! I was beginning to give up hope!

Anonymous said...

He's back and he's better than ever. This post was hilarious! We missed you, Weas!

Anonymous said...

You're back! (Fainting with relief!) Hilarious post and so happy to see you back at the helm of WWHM! You've been missed!

Madame Vee said...

Hooray, god dammit, HOORAY!

Welcome back, Weasel!

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I just found this,,,,,OMG,,,,funny as hell.
I became single after,,oh my whole life,,,and was starting to think it was ME...
Ha ha ha.
Keep it up,,,

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*CHEERS*

This was like a ray of rainbow sparkle unicorn fairy starlight shooting through my otherwise pedestrian workday. WELCOME BACK WEASEL.

Anonymous said...

Weasel: you've got to use some photos from this site for one of your posts! I laughed so hard I can't stop hiccuping...

Bea said...

You're Back!!!

agustin96 said...

I can't believe how awesome my day just became!!!! Welcome back Weasel!!!! No more re-reading of the Impregnator..... WAHOOOOO

Aleta said...

Hi! Visiting from Hill Billy's blog! I have to admit, I was a little surprised when I read you are a guy. This should be an interesting blog indeed!

BikerPuppy said...

I'm sooooooooo happy you're back, Weas!! You've been greatly missed. I hope you enjoyed some much needed rest, relaxation and ... well, whatever else you needed. Good to see you!

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Sharon said...

Reading your blog has put a smile on my face so many days. so happy you are back! Hooray!

Anonymous said...

God I thought I'd missed this blog. The commentary is as insufferable as ever, so I just read the italicized parts.

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I was a bit shocked when I saw it, but after living in that area for a couple of years I learned that his attitude was about average for the local population.

I have since moved far away from there.

Anonymous said...

OH Weasel...you heard my pleas...for something...anything that will get my mind of this shite-ridden sandwich called 2009.

Seriously, if I believed in a god, I'd ask him/her to bless you...instead I will just send good vibes...good wishes and a hearty thank you from the bottom of my little grinch like heart...

HUGE kiss to you my friend...thanks and welcome home!

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wheelin126 said...

LOL!!!! That picture is on peopleofwalmart.com That site is absolutely hilarious!!
Woot Weasel is back at least for a little bit. Glad to have you back missed the witty commentary on both sites :)

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Anonymous said...

Welcome back Weasel!

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hope to post in the next couple of days over on Behind WWHM about the future of WWHM and PLFM.

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Weasel, you are such a tease

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YOU'RE BACK! We've waited so long!

Goldie said...

<3 Weas!! ^.^ Good to have you back!

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Anonymous said...

3...2...1...and nearly 30 days later...nada. Sigh. This and Psychotic Letters had such great promise. But promises, promises, and again nothing. Like most men. I give up.

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Wendy said...

I'm SO glad to see you bacfk Weasel! My workday has missed you!

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Tash said...

I love those shirts. It's like a giant billboard announcing "Douche warning! Stay clear!"

shnitzlfritz said...

..... and gone again. LOOOOOVE how everyone got their hopes up, as usual, that Weasel really cared this time.

You're like a shitty boyfriend, full of promises and apologies, but then... nothing.

I know people are going to jump on me, saying he's just a blogger, doesn't owe anybody anything, blah blah blah, which is normally true, but what I'm tired of is the promise of posts (and the desperate cries of "thank GOD!!! I knew you would come back!!!") and then no follow up.

just stop pretending you give a shit about this blog, okay?

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Anonymous said...

WWHM crawls back to life, only to die again.

Looks like the trolls won.

Sad, that.

Anonymous said...

OMG! It's been a long time, but I thought, what the hell, I'll load WWHM and see if it was finally pulled down or not. And, low and behold, a Weasel post :). Yes, Weas, you're a bit rusty but it like with all writing, you will get back into the swing of it with some practice.

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