Wednesday, April 29, 2009

WWHM Gets Back to Business!

let my fingers do all the walkin - 53

hey beauties,would like to have someone that likes to be touched in all the right places.if i can make you wet,i love to suck on clits and take in the juice.hygiene and nice sweet smells turn me on.i am an older gentleman,with nothin but time on my hands.if you are able to melt in my hand,u can melt in my mouth.a real muff diver hear.cleanliness is a must.nothin better than a sweet tastin puss.could it be yours.a picture is required if u r gonna sit on my face.if uarent,dont bother. IF YOU ARE BIGGER THAN ME,I WONT BE INTERESTED.SORRY.CONSIDERED A GOOD CATCH,IF YOU ARE THE ONE. CHarlesXXX-XXX-XXXX

WWHM has been a bit like a bad boyfriend as of late, haven't we?

Sure, we show up once in a while to give you that good thorough fucking you so richly deserve.

Then suddenly we disappear, often for days on end, checking in only occasionally from the llanos of Argentina, or perhaps from a prison cell in Oaxaca, where we weakly attempt to illustrate our recent arrest to you with some garbled excuse that may or may not involve six tons of government cheese, a Vietnamese man with an expired hovercraft license, and a teenage dairy mule wearing strapless high heels with a blue sun visor that says "My Other Car is a Peugeot."

But remarkably you come home today to find WWHM sitting on your couch, eating a fresh bag of Easter Peeps, and acting like absolutely nothing is wrong.

"What's for dinner?" WWHM asks, as we hand you a nourishing Peep.

You dispatch your briefcase to the floor, angrily locking your hands to your hips in a manner that suggests WWHM denied leaving a pee stain behind the houseplants. Lips pursed and nostrils quivering, you stomp towards the kitchen and pretend to arrange the dishes in the sink. Unkind words are exchanged, and feelings are hurt. Moist carrot cake is offered, and gently refused. WWHM meekly attempts to kiss your cheek, but your head swivels much like an owl who has spotted a squirrel in a wheelchair with a flat tire.

"I had dinner ready two fucking weeks ago," you scream, pointing out the date of our last post.

WWHM pontificates our wrongdoing, and offers you a shirtless, jeans-clad and unemployed 53 year-old "real muff diver" as a peace offering. We also throw in a side serving of horrified antelope, whose moistened lips gleam brilliantly with a variety of mysteriously placed off-brand prostate creams.

"He seeks 'sweet tastin puss to sit on his face'," WWHM pleads, "and loves to 'suck on the clits' and 'take in the juices'."

Your ears suddenly perk up like a startled deer.

"Will the poorly chosen words in his personal ad mutate the texture of my vaginal walls into a form of matted wheat similar to the dry side of a Frosted Mini-Wheat?" you query.

"The petrified interior of your uterus will resemble a traditional Norwegian wooden clog," I respond, now sensing you giving in to my whims.

Carrot cake is now reconsidered, as WWHM anxiously scrubs urine from the carpet behind the ferns with a toothbrush.

As further punishment, WWHM offers to brutally humiliate ourselves like never before in our next entry, which is currently in progress.

Truthfully guys, I finished up a major project last week and took some time off to travel around Oregon and Washington. I needed a break from the 70-hour work weeks. I appreciate all the readers that stuck with me, especially my long time readers who used to get 6-8 posts a week.

I have one more project coming due in the next few months, and plan to take this summer off to write for both PLFM and WWHM full-time, in addition to writing "Why Women Hate Men- The Book" which I've been sketching out for some time now.

Look for new posts this weekend on both blogs.

Once again, I fucking love you guys. Please know I read every one of your emails, but haven't had time to respond to all of them.

See you soon, and keep sending me all the great material.

-The Weasel

115 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Pretty much a new reader so hadn't yet really had a chance to miss you. But glad you're back just the same.

Have never stumbled on another blog quite like this one out there in Bloggyland.

It's uniquely addicting!

Hallie :)

TornadoBaby said...

*looks at the carrot cake with shifty eyes, then grabs it*

Okay, fine... you're forgiven... THIS time...

Welcome back!

RebelJubilee said...

Good to see you back and to hear you got a vacation in there at some point. It is highly amusing that, as a peace offering, you give us disgusting and juvenile personal ads and we just eat it up. (Although with more class than CHarles)

Hyena Overlord said...

Welcome back. Carrot cake works for me. Just make sure you use your own toothbrush to scrub the carpet.

Did you find any suitable places to build the house for your harem on your vacation?

Vaginal walls like mini wheats and Norwegian clog...is how I feel since hubby decided to stay home "sick" on my day off. Seriously, I have plans for the only day this week that I don't have to go out of the house. Now I have to spend the rest of the day grinding my teeth and listening to him sighing because the world doesn't stop because he's changed his plans.

Diablo said...

Glad to hear from you again. It's nice to have you back, even temporarily. Good luck with the next project!

Lynda said...

Oh thank god you're back! Just getting home off a week of rotten mids and IM greeted to this! Excellent! LOL

Sorry IM not a big eater of carot cake... can I give my slice to my horses?

They of course were looking at me with disgust in their eyes this morning as I stopped at the grocery store before coming home and feeding them. Its not like they dont have food... they have a nice round bale to munch on.

OH and sigh at 45 Ive become a grandmother over night... does that knock me out of the harem?

Persnickety Ticker said...

Oh Weasel, I'll forgive you. I just can't stay angry at a man who makes me so wet...





With laughter.

(I expect my own room in this house you are building for your harem. With an adjoining bathroom. And a spa tub. I'm high maintenance that way.)

Nosnikta said...

Ah heck... at least we won't get bored of you! HA!

What IS it with you and carrots? lmao

Missed ya Weas!

TheRealistMom said...

- Mumbles between bites of the carrot cake... next time better be chocolate. If there is a next time. Which there better not be. -

But geez Weas you were here in WA and didn't let us know of your illuminating presence? Seriously, on the eastern side of the state there ain't much going on...

Mack Truck said...

Y'know, I didn't know I was addicted, until Weasie cut off the supply!

I fooled myself by mumbling, "I can quit anytime I want to, and it doesn't matter if he doesn't post for weeks at a time." Lies, all lies!

The RUSH I got when I saw a new post this morning made me realize what a sad, pathetic addict I've become. Sigh....

Great post as usual, Weas.

I'll be 51 this year, so why isn't this douchebag working, at only 53 y/o? Probably "disabled", so that means we'd have to ALWAYS be on top because of his "bad back".

No thanks. I like that position SOME of the time, but not ALL of the time. I notice he also says you have to sit on his face. Again with the "bad back". Oy!

If a man can't physically outwork me, I have no use for him. Some pansy candyass who sits around and whines about his back all the time gets NO vadgepass from me!

Vaquerogirl said...

Well- we're not done being mad at you ...yet.... but I feel it coming on. One more good post or you are DONE Mister! ( well maybe not).

Hope the 70 hour work week ( ick) relents soon- we MISS you when you are gone!

blckbtch said...

Oh, baby. You've been missed...Now keep talkin' that nasty talk you know I like... Yeah. That's the stuff!!

CSY said...

My name is Crys and I'm addicted to WWHM...

SQ said...

I must commend you good sir. I only started reading blogs the last couple of months and you publish two of the three I read (The other belongs to a friend who could be the poster child for Abilify...Thus, I humor him).

In fact, it was PLFM that led me to WWHM in a fortunate twist of fate. I even found myself disenchanted at the lack of posts yet not willing to admit it. It's like being 16 and not wanting to admit you catch a Power Rangers rerun every now and then.

It's good to have you back...keep up the superb work.

Anonymous said...

A WWHM book is an excellent idea, but I wanted to let you know that I would pay a LOT of money to read the whole story of the cheese, the hovercraft and the mule. Please.

hellkell said...

You think you can just stroll in here with carrot cake and all will be forgiven? Huh? *taps foot*

Mmmmmmmm, carrot cake and scary rednecks looking for pussy. All is right with the world.

Glad you're back!

Fhtrkstr101 said...

OH How I missed you!

Anonymous said...

I join the cries of welcome back. But where is the commentary on CHarles's three, 3, count 'em three warnings to his readers?
1. You'd better not be big.
2. Your pussy had better smell good.
3. Your pussy had better smell good.
Unemployed middle-aged antelope fans with bad backs who can't type have their standards!

cattypex said...

Hmmm... I dunno, that carrot cake has NUTS in it. Ew.








P.S. How come these dorks think that all a woman wants is ORAL?!?!!???!?!? I'm not a fan.

hellkell said...

CP, it's not so much that they think all women want oral, it's that they think they're God's gift to oral sex. Sadly, this is not the case 98% of the time. These dude don't realize that oral isn't pizza, when it's bad, it's fucking BAD.

flaming_mo said...

Glad to have you back Weasel and all is forgiven. I love your site as much as a fat kid loves cake, especially carrot cake.

Mack Truck said...

Anonymous, all I can figure is that Charles has come across some snatches that smell like 3 day old tuna left out in the sun, and wants someone who bathes more frequently than once a full moon.

I'm all for fresh, sweet smelling genitals too. A man with swamp ass isn't getting anywhere NEAR me!

He doesn't want any "fat chicks", but I sure as heck don't see where he's any prize, with his moobs and ugly old man belly. Bet he has hair hanging out of his ears and nose too, yech!

maque said...

Never fear, Weasel. I had you on my RSS feed so I'd always know whenever you'd come back. I am forever watchful.

Like a creepy stalker girl, just waiting outside your window...

JumpIt said...

*noms carrot cake*

Love ya, Weas! We missed you!!

jumper said...

Wait - a BOOK!!! We can't wait Weasel! Give us the heads up so we can get it asap!!

Jenyx said...

I'm OH SO HAPPY that you're back, Weasel. I'm all for purchasing WWHM the book...

*happily nibbles at carrot cake*
My favorite. :D

Jim and Garret said...

Welcome back! {twitching}

Garret
jimandgarret.blogspot.com

bigpainthorse said...

we fucking love you too, Weas. :)

S. Stitchery said...

My heart was momentarily broken, but you always know how to placate.

Oh how I missed thee! You have some serious groveling to do, but I'm sure you will come through, you always do.

Hope the trip was fun, anyhow.

ass.

Love, S. Stitchery, Gigantic fan through thick and thin.

Queen_of_the_Serpents said...

I shall say what has been said about previous entries:

What is it with men and dead/mounted animals? Does that mean that they want to impress you with their manliness?
Or does it just mean that they're immature weenies with dicks the size of a corn dog?

And I'll pass on the carrot cake.

Welcome back, Weasel! We missed you!

Anonymous said...

THANK GAWD I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT THAT FAT ASS IN A THONG ANYMORE!!!!

Welcome back...sniffs at the carrot cake.

BikerPuppy said...

"...eating a fresh bag of Easter Peeps..." This is how I can tell you didn't put much thought into this post. "Fresh" and "peeps" can never be uttered in the same sentence. There's no such thing.

Seriously, though, I'm glad you got your project done, and I'm looking forward to your future posts.

Anonymous said...

I'm with other anonymous. Had enough visuals of the fat ass thong guy too.

I think i may have fallen in love with you weas. Your blog is the best online dating post I've ever seen.

Must admit I've only seen the ones here (internet novice)

TeddieLeigh said...

Dude! If I didn't effin love you, I'd fire you! Thanks for the carrot cake. Stop pissing on my floor like a dog and, next time, I'm not bailing you out! Call the teenage mule.

Beth said...

Carrot cake! *noms*
I guess I can forgive you for your absence. You do bring me such laughs.
And any man that can make me laugh pwns me.

Now, onto creepy personal ad...
I'd jump right on his face...with a pair of Doc Martens.
I laughed so hard at that ad that I actually snorted.

Missed you, Weas.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Weasel, I know that you know that I go for this kind of relationship, but do you have to make all of your other readers suffer too? ;-)

Welcome back. Now do you suppose the deer head that is apparently his normal sex partner is as clean at this point as he requires a woman to be?

wanders away wondering if you can Woolite a deer head and get the sticky stuff off

lv2evnt said...

So glad you're back. Missed you!!

lv2evnt said...

So glad you're back!! Missed you!! You haven't lost your touch.

Cut-N-Jump said...

At first glance I thought he was riding the deer. Maybe that's why they call it a 'mount'?

lv2evnt said...

Opps! Didn't mean to post twice. Guess I was too excited and didn't pay attention.

Matt Beauchamp said...

Hey Weasel! Can't wait to get copied of the book for everyone I know!

Cretin Country Matt

SweetPea said...

Like the sad sap I am - "Of course I forgive you... now get over and fuck me raw".

Glad to have my favorite past-time back :)

Love you!!

36 & Single

LuckySC said...

You know, Weas, we wouldn't hang around for just anyone... but for you, we just can not help ourselves.

You always make us happy we waited. Glad you got some time off, and a little enjoyment.

Thanks for the entry, perfect!

Walk On said...

I don't think we mind you not being around now and again so long as you make up for it so nicely, but you BETTER not be amusing other readers behind our backs! ;)

Welcome back, and yey for the concept of being employed!

Anonymous said...

Oh my Lord, I dated him. He lives in British Columbia. Really, he was perfectly nice when we met at the supermarket. And at dinner. And then...

I ran away. Really, really fast.

Anonymous said...

Oh yay, no more thong man! You can woo me all day with carrot cake Weasel, I will forgive it all for a thick, creamy, slice with nuts... of carrot cake that is ;) Hope you were here in Oregon when we had that fantastic weather! It's raining now :(

Walk On said...

PS: does the background of that picture look like a lower-end RV to anyone else?

Lil Pony said...

I LOVE YOU WEASEL!!!!

natsuki said...

Awesome, you're back!

I accept your bribe.

Ayin said...

So you think that after leaving us with that gawd-AWFUL, nightmare inducing thong picture for so long, you can just waltz right in here and....
Carrot cake? Real cream cheese frosting?.....
Um. (noms cake) Ok, I'll forgive you. This time. As long as the urine stains are out of the carpet by tomorrow. And that better not be *my* toothbrush...

Good to have you back, Weasel. I would love a book! Then I could take you to bed with me... Glad to hear you had a vacation from that nasty work schedule. Hopefully the next project will be a little easier on you!

Zandria said...

Oh, Weasel, how I've missed you! Glad to see you are back...hope you enjoyed your break!

Dusty said...

Weasel is back!! Yaaaay!!

Anonymous said...

So good to have you back! So good..mmmmm. I will definately buy the book.

schammieschammie said...

Carrot cake with white raisins or brown? Cream cheese frosting? *sniff sniff* *tentative taste* ALL is forgiven, welcome back Weasel! [gobble snarf] PLease, please don't go away again, honey, I'll do anything! [she whines from on her knees]

I laughed so hard reading this one I choked on my coffee. Loved the way you set it up! Looking forward to more posts and the book after your next project!

Anonymous said...

Unlike the loser who shows up after 2 weeks and gives you just enough to keep you hanging on, your posts are ALWAYS worth waiting for and instantly forgiven. A book? Excellent move. I for one will want a copy baaad. Except, IF YOU ARE BIGGER THAN ME I WON'T BE INTERESTED, SORRY.

Anonymous said...

Meant to add, what exactly is it that he wants a picture OF? And why is a picture only required if you are prepared to sit on his face? Rather bizarrely,if you aren't desperate to "melt in his mouth", he apparently doesn't care what you look like. I hope he reciprocates the cleanliness, but I won't hold my breath. So to speak.

Berlin said...

Weasel! You came here? I see how it is. Abandon us for 2 weeks and visit the state I live in.

I think the picture itself made up for it though. I never think of antlers when I'm looking to get aroused...

Rhyadawn said...

Weasel!!!! how dare you leave us for so long! LOL! Better be chocolate cake next time...

I'm interested to hear more about this book you speak of....

Cut-N-Jump said...

Hooray! Weasel is back. How we missed you so? Cake, where's the cake? (nom, snarf, nom, nom)

A book? So do us long time readers get a discount? Advance release? You know for sticking it out and waiting around for you?

THANK YOU! for finally giving us Something to look at besides the thong clad assclown. I nearly puked each time I opened the page in hopes of finding something new.

Walk On, maybe not an RV, but definately a mobile home. Either way it still has wheels under it and it's likely to fly into the Land of Oz next time a tornado hits. I'll tell my sister to watch out for it this time. Or not...

Anonymous said...

Anybody else notice that the date on the photo is from 3 years ago? He's probably NOT like a fine wine - i.e. gotten better with age!

Welcome back, Weasel! Glad you got some time off, but I did miss you. I'm addicted to your blog too, and I have NO interest in rehabilitation!

I also think it's a cheap mobile.

It's men like this that make me glad I've got a vibrator! Ugh!

Cara H. said...

I think my favorite part of this entry is the Peeps reference.

Lone Wolf said...

Nothing turns a woman on like the still-dripping severed head of the animal you just murdered. Add that to the flabby old-man gut and the high-end accomodations and who could say no? Besides every woman in the world, I mean.

Further proof (if proof were needed) that choosing to be asexual was a brilliant decision!

Welcome back Weasel and thanks for the cake. mmmmm ... cake.

fromhel said...

I suppose we'll live on two updates a month.

But that book had better come out, dammit!

Anonymous said...

Weasel, you assume you're the only man in my life! I've plenty of other websites vying for my attention so you better step up to the plate or I'll kick you to the curb.

Oh who am I kidding? Come give mama a kiss. You know you're the only man for me!

robyn said...

Weaz, you are just way too cute! =D Sure I've missed not having new posts, but I knew you'd been busy. Nothing to forgive, sweets.

Glad to hear you took a bit of a vacation too.

kryrinn said...

This is so wwhm. except the men aren't writing the stupid personal ads themselves.. they're paying someone $35 an hour to do it!
(ok, so maybe the job is really to introduce them to people, but the point is, guys are really that desperate?)

http://www.emandlo.com/2009/04/classy-professionals-seek-wingwomen-for-35hour/

Calantha said...

I'm beginning to think men will post such images because they think all women are turned on by seeing men doing oh-so manly things like showing off their prizes from hunting and fishing. Other than the possibility of those being the only GOOD pix of themselves on hand.

Aly Carm said...

Do it again and I _will_ shove dry carrot cake into your throat til you choke...
you cant leave us, Weasel baby!

H. said...

Men, stop with the stupid phallic symbols. When a woman scopes your profile, she wants to know about you and see you. Do you really not believe that you're enough and you don't have to do stupid things to impress us? Just show us your face; not your penis, car, or what you caught at the lake last weekend.

Wazzoo said...

That is not a antelope head the loser is holding, it's a deer head.

Glad you are back...love both your blogs!

Claire said...

I agree, so glad that thong man is gone! Welcome back Weasel.

Anonymous said...

*Kicks Weasel in the balls* "You f-ing disappear and, when you come back, you're eating all my peeps and offering me CARROT cake? WTF! Your ass can't get a chocolate cake?!" *JK* LOVE carrot cake.... *Hands Weasel an icepack* Sorry, I'm on the rag....

Viatecio said...

I likes my Peugeots...or at least I did before we had to custom-import parts from France for them :(

Glad you're back, Weas. Count me in on the waiting list for the WWHM book!

JENI10 said...

Weasel...missed you like a fat girl misses prom!!!

christopher said...

as per the gracious invite from our host several months back, I would like to invite the fellow WWHM readers to check out Themes For Frances, an independent band from northern NJ. Our sites are themesforfrances.com, and myspace.com/themesforfrances, and you can also check out live footage on youtube. And for those who enjoy Twitter, we're there as well as themes4frances! Oh, and if you like the streaming music posted on myspace you can download our two most recent releases from either iTunes or amazon.com!

also, I would like to extend a gracious thank you to our fearless host for your blogs. They make for fantastic reading, though I am repeatedly horrified by the things that these men do. Baffled and horrified...so again, thank you and keep up the good work! PS-I especially enjoyed the guido dancing video you posted late last year. Living in NJ we are surrounded by the ever present taste of Axe body spray, and the thumping of awful club music from cars and establishments alike. So strange...

Canaduck said...

Oh my goodness, I can't possibly get angry with someone who provides this much entertainment for FREE. If you sell the WWHM book I'll be your first customer.

Brandy said...

Cake first.... thank you. All is forgiven! (Because, you know, you're working! And my standards HAVE been that low in the past!)

Now, the question of the day...

If I'm sitting on his face, why does he need a photograph of me? He won't be looking at my face...

cattypex said...

"Men, stop with the stupid phallic symbols. When a woman scopes your profile, she wants to know about you and see you. Do you really not believe that you're enough and you don't have to do stupid things to impress us? Just show us your face; not your penis, car, or what you caught at the lake last weekend."

But if men didn't feel like they had to do things like create elaborately fabricated personas, then we'd have no sitcoms!!

Bree said...

Glad that you are back Weas - as I introduce more to your witty comments.

Canaduck said...

Also, Weasel--is that REALLY the picture from the ad?? Because nothing gets me going like a guy straddling the decapitated head of some poor animal. I especially like it when he has spelling skills equivalent to a 7 year old...so this is basically my dream man.

Canaduck said...

Also, Weasel--is that REALLY the picture from the ad?? Because nothing gets me going like a guy straddling the decapitated head of some poor animal. I especially like it when he has spelling skills equivalent to a 7 year old...so this is basically my dream man.

Anonymous said...

You gon't have to apologize for anything. We'll take what we can get of you. And congrats on the project and the book. Where can I pre-order?

Anonymous said...

That IS the pic from the actual ad.. I know, since I'm the one who sent it in. Inspiring, no?

Mack Truck said...

Oooh yeah, I always loves me a man who blasts the hell out of living critters, and then poses with their decapitated/stuffed remains.

I have nothing against hunters; I just think it's creepy that so many of 'em think it's the Pinnacle of Manliness to pose with the carcass. Never, ever understood that.

Anonymous said...

Weasel, it's been almost a week! You promised it would be different this time. Look! I'm wearing the little nightie that you like..... and I lost weight..... and I made dinner just like you like it. Oh Weasel, why do you roam so?

Lynda said...

We're gonna have to put a GPS on ya Weas if you keep leavin us hangin!

I know it takes a big man to keep a harem of this size happy but dog gone it... you wanted it, so you have to keep us happy! So you might be a tad worn out but lets face it, happy women dont nag men... so if you dont want us to whine and nag, ya better make us happy! ;)

Cut-N-Jump said...

Yep, I second what Lynda said!

You better get busy keeping us happy. Otherwise we might get our own party started without you, like happened on FHOTD just recently...

hellkell said...

I'ma third Lynda and Cut-n-Jump. And don't you go thinking that mere carrot cake can make up for it this time! Nothing less than chocolate will do now.


http://petfail.blogspot.com/

Annand Virk said...

I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND AS TO HOW YOU'RE SO GOOD AT WRITING.

My jealousy of you is like a nymphomaniac hopped up on ecstasy and packing a thousand ridged strap-ons.

Tonya said...

That's it....... I've had it with Weasel. Let's all become lesbians and not let him watch. That will teach him (and will also get him to come home more often!) I'm off to the library to read up on beginner lesbianism.

Cut-N-Jump said...

Hellkell- he best be packin' some booze along with that chocolate.

And I mean good booze! Not that cheap wine in a box crap either.

thingsmymothersaid said...

"like an owl who has spotted a squirrel in a wheelchair with a flat tire"

This made me laugh so hard I weed a little.

ponykins said...

Judging by the decor behind him, either he's still living with his mother - or he's married. No single man decorates his home like that. Probably why he's holding the dead creature's head, because his mom or wife will not allow him to hang it on the wall in their home. He had to bring it in from the garage or basement - possibly where he is currently living. Ewwwooo!

casualencounters.com/blog said...

Amazed that you managed to knock this out along with the new PLFM post and the 2000-word written interview you sent through the other day. You're a freaking MACHINE. I shudder to think what your output must have been like when you were doing cocaine.

casualencounters.com/blog said...

Hey guys.

Just thought I'd let you all know that the interview Weasel graciously agreed to do with me last week has been published. Check it out over here.

Abide majestically.

Anonymous said...

piracy affects porn but it's still winner during the crunch


----------------
kelly divine

Anonymous said...

I just discovered this site. And I'm afraid to say that I am almost sure this guy is my (step) uncle! His name is Charles, he lives in a house that looks like that and is a hunter. Or was, I should say. He is actually dead now, but was alive in 06, when the picture was taken. If it is his ad, I can answer some questions / speculations about him. Yes that is a mobile home, and yes he lived with his mother after several divorces. In other words, he took that picture in my grandma's house! Eww. I had a good relationship with him, but always knew there was something uh, off about him. Oh, and he was about 10 years older than stated in the ad. I just wonder who took the pic for him? I really hope it wasn't my dad! Any possible way to see the whole picture, to verify if it was him?

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