Sunday, September 21, 2008

Old Cock!


Older mature man for young hot chicks 18+ - 76

I would like to meet some hot sexy chicks 18-24 yrs old. It has been a very long time since i have tasted something tight and wet. I would like to stick my cock in your pussy, and in your asshole, and then fuck your sweet little mouth until i blow my load. I can still get it up, and i can still get it hard. I may be older, but i can still fuck the shit out of you!

Young chicks only - i already got a tough old dried up bird at home. I'm George you can reach me at XXX-XXX-XXXX.

Today I'd like to introduce you to George, a 76 year-old man hoping to taste something "tight and wet." Apparently he told this to an orderly at the senior home, and the nurse tied a used Depends diaper around his face.

Tired of fucking his "tough old dried up bird at home", George has set what's left of his sights on girls between the ages 18 and 24. Apparently he doesn't realize girls between the ages of 18 and 24 can have sex with guys between the ages of 18 and 24, who not only have hard bodies and hard cocks, but also don't have genitalia that smells like a combination of scrambled eggs and PolyGrip.

Studies show that male sperm count can diminish by as much as 80% by the age of 60. George is 76, and I speculate his testicles usually contain around two sperm, both of whom are busy playing pinochle and trying to keep squirrels off the lawn.

Word around the Scrabble courts at Hillside Manor though suggest George did indeed have sex with a 57 year-old woman last summer, an act the guys term "putting the 'men' back in menopause." Introduced to her egg however, one of his sperm started showing pictures of the grandchildren, and the other one simply ordered pancakes.

It's nice to see that George still has an active interest in sex, but it's really not too nice to actually see it. You need to put that fossil away George before it ejaculates another cloud of dry dust.

If we want to see a cock cough, we'll hang out with a flu-addled chicken.

90 comments:

Lynda said...

Nice lead in with the chicks Weas!

Now....


GROSS!!! SO GROSS!!! EEEEWWWWWWWWWW

God put that thing away... take away his penis pump! Hide the viagra! God he really is the perverbial "Dirty Old Man"!!

Maryann said...

Oh. My. Gawd. At 24, I'm at the low end of this guy's expectations.

Fucking retard. I hope he slowly goes senile and dies shitting in a diaper, in a puddle of his own drool.

Anonymous said...

Some things are just so gross they are beyond words.
I think I'd rather pull my fingernails out with pliers and have a barb wire enema than have sex with the disgusting old man. Shit, where did I leave my pliers?

Laurel said...

Not only does he expect to hear from 18 year olds, he expects them to take his nasty old choad ass to mouth. And what would that taste like?

Depends.

Seraph said...

I thought age was supposed to bring wisdom? Not an increase in revolting misogyny D:

Nosnikta said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

GROOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

um... is he rich??? (gawd, Nos.. shake that thought from your MIND!)

*** If we want to see a cock cough, we'll hang out with a flu-addled chicken. ***

I once read a story of a guy who got that bird flu from sucking mucus out of the beak of a fighting rooster to enable him to breath better while fighting. Now THAT'S one guy who deserved to get sick....

Nosnikta said...

Laurel? When I think of the taste, mothballs come to mind first.

LOL... moth-balls... balls...

Ok, either I need to take MORE cold meds or I really need to cut back :-P

(hits "submit" while still giggling)

Ella said...

The REALLY sad and depressing thing about this ad..

Its official: They never grow out of it.

All men are douchwads for all of their lives.

Shit.
I'm screwed.
Technically not, since I'm single, but you understand.

camera shy said...

Weasel... Do the guys who post these ads ever contact you? ARE they actually getting a clue?

I always wonder if there is any hope for rehab and re-training of some of these guys. I mean, do they SERIOUSLY think they're going to find anything but a freaky half-wit that would respond to these ads????

Thinking back to when I was 18.. Yeah! SURE! That's EXACTLY what I was looking for! Some old dork whipping it out in front of a camera! SHEESH!

Les said...

Why is the camera on the floor? Who laid down to take this picture?

He had to shoot it from below cause it's the only way it would look still usable!!!


Oh Freakin Eeeeewwww Man!! Get a hobbie you old fuck!

4thehorses said...

Who is going to do this for him and in THAT order? Thankfully I am WAY too old for him!

Les said...

He looks like he's in a dressing room!!!! Who let this guy out on a day pass?!?!

Ashers said...

Right - legitimate question.

Why do blokes seem to think that you will always want to see a picture of their dick??

Why is this ? I met a bloke ages ago & we still say hello on msn every now & then and he ALWAYS asks me if I want to see a picture of his cock.

It's Tuesday, I'm up to my eye balls in rate sheets, why on earth would I want to see that ?

He's not the only one - it is some sort of blanket delusion that men have ????

horsegal said...

*burping up coffee in back of throat* *here it comes* *GACK!!!*

It just explains so much. *shudder*

Thanks for the cute wil chickens Weasel. Bay-bee chicks.. cute... good...

~flyingchange~ said...

what has been seen cannot be unseen...

Nosnikta said...

*** what has been seen cannot be unseen... ***

That's a damn fact.

Indra said...

~flyingchange~ said
what has been seen cannot be unseen...

But then again, when you forgot, then you'd probably do the same thing over again, ah curiosity really does kill that cat.

On the note of that vile photo, I am loss for words, which unless you embarrass me, doesn't happen often.
Does that guy actually think some young girl would be interested, please stick to your own age group.

Mzfilly said...

He would have had a better chance with the young chicks if he had pulled out his wallet rather than his dick.

Sorry, Grandpa, that is just obscene.

CaliGirl9 said...

Viagra, Cialis and that class of prescription medications do wonders for flaccid male reproductive organs. They also seem to have the same effect on the male brain at any age. Bravado. Success=erection.

What George doesn't say is said hot young chick will have to do all of the work 'cause he's too out of shape. Hot young chick will have to strategically place herself over this Don Juan's mouth, penis, hand, etc. in order to accomplish anything. It will be quite a workout for her.

Not to mention men old enough to be my grandpa thinking about the words cock, pussy, load and wad (in the context presented here), along with asshole and fuck. I prefer to pretend my grandpas didn't even think about those things.

In my previous life as an RN, most male parts this age were safely contained in a condom catheter or catheterized or diapered to combat leakage.

the_anticrust said...

Maybe it's just the lighting, but his shaft looks gangrenous.

Must think of puppies, kitties, and fluffy chicks...

CutNJump said...

From the look of the shower door in the left side of the pic- it seems we have another bathroom photo.

At least with the camera angled UP we won't be catching any floating logs in the loo, from the endless number of bran muffins ol' Grandpa's been woolfing down at Shady Acres.

At least we all know he is safe from the dangers of rolling out of bed during the night. Of course if one of the nurses happened to push him, his dried up old willy won't stand a chance of stopping the momentum.

Sorry Gramps. I haven't seen rigid wood that old since the last trip to the Petrified Forest. Go toss that off in one of Grams rawhide tampons. They should hold about the same amount of fluids...

Thingsthatperplexme said...

"two sperm, both of whom are busy playing pinochle and trying to keep squirrels off the lawn"

ROFLMAO!! I love it!!

ChestnutJumper784 said...

Viagra? Levitra? Cialis? You know Mary Shelly was right. Just because it's medically possible doesn't mean we should let it happen. Now we've got grandpa with a raging boner, taking cock shots and looking for 18 year olds to bang. ...and I'm sure none of them are interested. Repulsive.

kahara said...

You know what I've learned? The quickest way to deflate a man's ego and make them really defensive is not to tell them how stupid they are being, or ew you are gross, or put that thing away before it calcifies in the air, but rather to laugh. And laugh long and hard. So here's to you George:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Having worked at a retirement facility, it's not uncommon to find male patients with dimentia humping their beds. One patient kept insisting that I go get his wife because he "needed to 'talk' to her." His was was dead, but that doesn't stop the old feeling I guess.

Nosnikta said...

LOLOLOLOLOLOL OMG... I just clicked on this to see if there were new posts, and someone walked into my office. It was my DAD!!!! ROFLMAO... who is the same age as this dude, and I can only imagine the disturbed look I had on my face as I quickly tried to minimize my screen.

GAWD...... brain bleach brain bleach brain bleach.

CutNJump said...

ChestnutJumper784 said...
>>Now we've got grandpa with a raging boner, taking cock shots and looking for 18 year olds to bang. ...and I'm sure none of them are interested. Repulsive.<<



That is just funny! ROFLMAO!!!



Nos tell Dad I said Hi!

He's probably just checking in to see if his little girl actually makes his son look at those weird guys on WWHM like he says you do.

...and now he knows! LMAO!

Nosnikta said...

He came to get feed that I now get to unload when I get home. :-)

I do love having tubs full of feed!

.... totally freaked me out to have him walk in at precisely that moment though!

The Half-Assed Blog said...

Right up there with "why do guys think we want to see their dick" is "why do dirty old jackasses always think younger women will screw them?"
These are the two giant unanswered questions in the universe.

Seriously, if I had a dollar for every old pervert that hit on me (I'm talking old enough to be my grandfather) I'd be on 100 acres in the Black Hills and not sitting in college and posting comments on stuff like this via the internet.

kahara said...

CutNJump said:
"He's probably just checking in to see if his little girl actually makes his son look at those weird guys on WWHM like he says you do."

Wait...doesn't that make them brother and sister? ROTFLOL Whoops hahahaha

Half-Assed Blog said:
"Seriously, if I had a dollar for every old pervert that hit on me (I'm talking old enough to be my grandfather) I'd be on 100 acres in the Black Hills and not sitting in college and posting comments on stuff like this via the internet."
UGH...isn't that the truth. What is WITH old men thinking that it's cute when they hit on us? I mean, do they expect all of us to have daddy issues or something, or is it more of a statistical thing; if you throw it out there enough times, your chances are better of catching at least one? (one out of 1,000...hahaha)

*Amber* said...

NEVER GO ASS TO MOUTH!

I am also one to be very glad I'm 3 years over his age limit.

Loose skin and old balls... gross!

CutNJump said...

Kahara- Nos's brother works in the same office...

She peeks, (at WWHM)
She shrieks,
he comes to look...
and then wishes like hell he hadn't!


HAB- They think we want to see their favorite 'play toy'. Much like a puppy and his bone. No pun intended.

Old guys can get young girls, IF and only IF, there is enough alcohol involved... or pot, coke, drug of choice, etc.

He better pray like hell she doesn't play the date rape card the next day though.

Nosnikta said...

Yes, karaha... my brother works for the same company and he really hates when I open his eyes to something that he'd just as soon remain oblivious to lmao! I love it :-D

Anonymous said...

I am so disturbed right now I'm still shuddering (even after reading through all the comments!!) *BLECH* Just because the old guy can still get it up doesn't mean it needs to be used!!

And who the fuck does this bozo think he is requesting 18-24 y/o anyway?? Hugh f'n Hefner? Gawd!

anniebanannie said...

You know, I'm waaAAAAaaay over Georges age limit, but if I weren't, I'd need buckets of cash to let him near me. Feed buckets... no... 55 gallon drums of cash.

Yes, that's it, 55 gallon drums of cash with nothing smaller than $20 bills.

Then I'd get a stomach lavage, an enema, and then douche... And take antibiotics for...year.

No... I changed my mind. I wouldn't have done it. Never mind.

Walk On said...

And here we have yet another male confusing porn w/ reality.

No, displaying a hard on will not make a bus full of lost cheerleaders pull into your drive looking for a party in your pants. Get over it. Won't happen.

Is it just me, or do the overhead lights look less "home" and more "institutional"?

The chicks weren't cute enough. Seriously. Not even close. :P

Tribblehappy said...

This is definitely the best commentary I've read in a while. Thank god I'm 25, I'm an old spinster and this fella won't even glance my way.

kahara said...

CutNJump - ah, that makes sense now. I thought you were talking about Nos' husband, lol. That would be so hick...then of course the "office" would be the outhouse.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Viagra reminds me of that Stephen King novel Pet Sematary...just 'cause you can bring something back from the dead doesn't mean it's gonna be the same as it was.

Blech.

Spleen Porcine said...

This is one of the most particularly foul postings, methinks.

Nosnikta said...

HA FUGS! (thumbs up)

Kahara.. I am pretty hick, but not THAT hick lmao!

Anonymous said...

OMG... i have a fetish for OLD men... too bad i'm 42.... ive aged out for this particular one.

Nicole said...

I think I see liver spots on the tip of his cock...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Fuck, I'm scarred for life

CutNJump said...

Kahara- I'm not sure where you got the hubby reference from about Nos. She said her dad came by, I said her dad and brother, then from somewhere came husband?

I know from her posts she is a sick bitch like me, but I doubt she is anywhere that sick. Unless I am missing something of course...


Love the office/outhouse reference BTW!

DryerLint said...

Studies show that male sperm count can diminish by as much as 80% by the age of 60. George is 76, and I speculate his testicles usually contain around two sperm, both of whom are busy playing pinochle and trying to keep squirrels off the lawn.


oh my god that made me laugh so hard. Jesus christ

Lynda said...

I want you to know I was in line today at Walmart... Ole Meme and Pepe where in front of me being waited on. I suddenly thought of this post... and almost vomited when I looked at Pepe again! I almost put down my stuff and left except it was for my head cold and I was desperate for it! Then Pepe turned and smiled at me and his teeth slipped alittle... and god... I thought what if this old fart is him!!! aaarrrrhhhhhhhggggg

kiwiness said...

Oh man that just made me snort a biscuit outta my nose and onto my keyboard!!!yuck/ouch/yuck

Nosnikta said...

LMAO... I don't know which is funnier, the thought of the look on Lynda's face as the teeth slipped or kiwi's biscuit coming out her nose!

Ella said...

omg Lynda, I seriously almost burst out laughing in my philosophy class!

deep breaths...

....

ah!

Merridyn said...

weasel, I think it's time you suggest a NUMBER of clambuckets that a post might require. To whomever was asleep at the switch at the old folks home, PLEASE hover over his shoulder next time it's his turn to use the computer!

Ann of Green Cables said...

After LMAO, I took a second look (curiosity killed the cat/pussy) I don't believe that is his old cock-a-doodle-don't-do. He would be showing his old balls too if it was his own old crock. I'm not surprised by his wanting a young chick..any looserguy over 30 seems to want MUCH younger women. They really believe that they are Bob's gift to women.

The Zebra said...

hilarious, as always

still, i've got to wonder... what unfortunate soul had to take that picture?

just thinking about it makes me want to retire from sex, permanently

Chrissie said...

awww, ladies! i'm disappointed at all of you. i think it's absolutely wonderful that today's senior citizens are still out there dreaming. sir, i for one hope you find something tight and wet to put it in. most seniors out there are aware there are hookers, i am not sure why you weren't told. i bet if you put aside your social security cheques for a few months you could get yourself a real pro. many other seniors have done this. why do you think they sit around eating cat food? they are not neglected and poor. they, like you, have a dream. good luck, and godspeed!

Mozart626 said...

**Not only does he expect to hear from 18 year olds, he expects them to take his nasty old choad ass to mouth.**

I am simply tickled pink by Laurel's comment. A word like choad seriously doesn't get used often enough in our culture.
Oh God, this old man seriously grossed me out. Can you believe he thinks he can get a willing young woman? Male privilege can work some delusions...

Annand Virk said...

If he was my grandfather, I'd be the happiest grandson.

Anonymous said...

OMG fucking sick... He has a ranch north of Seattle WA where he breeds inbred rottweilers and pixie bob cats. I know this guy... I used to work for him.. Know how I know? That ad was on CL in my county with a full face shot. FUCK. sick. *vomit*

Scott David said...

You know, you folks make fun of this old guy, but I bet he gets laid, AND he gets laid from an 18 year old all the time. It's easy to sit and judge from your computer, but with 6 billion people on this planet, I know that there is someone for anyone. Just go to some online porn site and you'll find guys his age banging 18 year olds all the time. And by the way, what makes you think this is his first ad? Do you think he just woke up one day to want to do this? I bet this guy gets laid more than of you on this forum and by hot women too and I smell jealousy from most of you. This stuff has been going on for thousands of years.

seah said...

Yeah Scott, I can just see it: masses of 16 year olds who have forged their passports and are lining up at the porn studios just waiting to do it with 76 year olds. "No, you don't have to pay me. I'm just here for the fun...". C'mon, snap out of it. Do you actually believe what they are showing is really what women want???

And weasel, please do something with that photo.

And thanks for all the laughs. You really made my day.

Nova said...

Wow. I'm 18 and I could think of countless things I could do to myself involving a wide array of sharp objects and animals that sound more attractive than having sex with this dirty old scheeze. He can go blow his wad on his old bird.

Anonymous said...

"All men are douchwads for all of their lives."

Weasel included?

Suppose I were to say things like "all women are bitchy cunts for all of their lives." What would be my chances of finding a great girl? I put it to you that your chances of finding a great guy are about the same. Very few women are bitchy cunts, but you are one.

I love you Weasel.

Anonymous said...

Scott,

There are some young women who have sex with much older men, but NOT this man because he obviously does not have the right approach. I married a man 23 years older than I am, and yes it was online but he would NEVER have behaved that way. In fact, even after we dated he never sent me a naked pic. Heck, we've been married over a decade and I still don't have a naked pic of him. See how much women crave nude shots? Let that be a lesson, guys!

And by the way, his first approach to me was not to tell me how great he was in bed but to tell me that he had trouble finding women his age who were interested in getting married and having kids. And I thought AWWWWW...and we're raising two kids together. THAT is how an older guy lands a much younger wife.

Anonymous said...

oh duh..when I said yes it was online, I meant we first "met" online, not that we got married online, LOL. Very specialized singles email list.

Mozart626 said...

Scott,

First, I doubt this old guy gets laid by 18-24 age women all the time as you claim. In order for that to happen, there has to be a few qualifiers. Women that age must be paid an obscene amount of money to have sex with him, this guy must have power and/or prestige, OR if none of these things are there, the girl has got to be messed up in the head.

And you're right. Pornography does show a few much older men "banging" 18 year olds. The reason for this is because the 18 year olds are getting paid a lot of money to do that and there's a market of pathetic older men who cannot NORMALLY have such a situation happen in real life, so they'd like to believe pornography is telling the truth and they are privileged as males to have sex with attractive 18 year olds when they themselves are unattractive older men.
Old men have been having sex with teenage girls for millenia. This is so because intensely oppressive social institutions have had to be "erected" (pun intended) in order for such relations to be sustained.
Otherwise, this particular character is a sad example of another man who lives in the fantasy world of pornography.
And I'm afraid you have accepted some its premises too.

Anonymous said...

This is so very funny! This old man is one down and dirty dude!
First off he's going about it all wrong.If he was holding on to 100 dollar bills instead of his cock he would be getting lots of takers!

Anonymous said...

Jesus, what a vile bunch of c-words. I guess sexism is abhored, while ageism is acceptable? The CL posting is pretty amusing, but maybe it cuts too close to the bone for some. Newsflash: Most men (including those you sleep with) are like this for most of their lives. Likewise, most men will choose 18-24, given an option. If Christie Brinkley got thrown over for an 18-year old, none of you have a chance. I don't think I've ever seen a posting quite like this one. The guy is my new perverted hero, replacing the irrelevant Hugh Hefner. Keep it up you kinky old bastard and I'll be pulling for you (LOL).

Anonymous said...

HMMM What a world we leive in.

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WOMEN
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_______________________
To good enjoy and pleasure in your sexual live
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STOP

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__________________________________
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CONTRACEPTION
----------------------------------
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___________________________

BREAKFAST
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* Margarine
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* Tea or coffee
________________________

LUNCH
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______________________________

DINNER
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* Prawns
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* Salad -(Cucumber, celery, pepper, lettuce)
___________________________________

IT IS FORBIDDEN TO EAT THE
Following FOOD cause it increase
Fertility in WOMEN and MEN
-----------------------------------------
* RICE
* HONEY
* FRUITS = (DATE - GRAPE - FIG - APPLE -
APRICOT - BANANA - PEACH ........etc)
* OVINE MEAT (SHEEP)
* BOVINE MEAT (COW)
* FISH
______________________________

The statistical indication of Successfulness of this method is finding
Out in population of
CHINA
Cause they depend on RICE since old or ancient times .
_____________________________

Anonymous said...

His cock would probably smell like scrambled eggs and polygrip... brilliant stuff. Don't forget stale urine and ben gay. Poor Gramps, he probably only got it up for the 20 seconds it took to snap the picture.

Ashley said...

"I speculate his testicles usually contain around two sperm"

hahaha


but oh gosh, thanks. A lot of the pervy older men wanting younger women seem to think that age 18-24 girls like middle-aged to old men. 18-24 is my age group and all my friends thought I was weird for dating someone 31.

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Anonymous said...

What fresh corner of Internet hell did that last spam comment come from?

Practice reading and writing and using a condom makes you a cranky sodomite? What?

Ink said...

LOL AND DOUBLE LOL

GOD THAT WAS SO FUNNY AND WHY DO MEN AND WOMEN HAVE TO CHEAT BY DEGRADING THEIR PARTNERS - GO FOR OPEN RELATIONSHIPS.

SHIT THIS WAS CRAZY AND NOT AT ALL IN THE HOT WAY - WEASEL MAD WRITING SKILLS LOL

Anonymous said...

I wish 18-24 yr olds knew as much about sex as they thought they did. You got a lot to learn and a lot to look forward too. Put a blindfold on your ass and a hard cock in your mouth and you can't tell if it's attached to a 20 yr old or a 60 yr old. The only difference between fuckin an old dude and a young dude is the old one is a ten times better fuck.

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