Wednesday, July 9, 2008

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i am a attractive 32 yr old male. I am an exhibitionist, which means i love showing my c*ck off. I am totally addicted to masturbation and being watch, especially by strangers. Sometimes i will go out in my car and drive up to strangers roll down my window and show them my nice c*ck. Sometimes i will masturbate in front of them. I am totally addicted to this and wanting someone who either does the same thing or turned on by this practice. Or maybe i can stand outside your window and i can show you my nice c*ck.

I hate it when women show me their babies. "Look at my baby," they'll command, hurling the infant into my arms like it was on fire. Which, usually, I wish it was, because that way I could drop it without being charged with a crime.

Some guys do the same thing with their cocks. "Look at my cock," they'll squeal like a little girl who just found a pony in the glove compartment, "isn't this such a nice, beautiful cock?" And then they'll pull it out and offer it up for judgement like an intricate origami pterodactyl they took ten hours folding for a regional crafts fair.

Ladies, your baby isn't special. It's a baby. It stinks, makes noise, and has all the intellectual and communication skills of a mountain goat.

Guys, your cock isn't special. It's not an ornate cheese platter to be offered up to everyone passing you at the bus stop. It's a penis. It has a head, a shaft, a road map of veins that looks like an interstate highway map of Los Angeles, and if you're like Chuck, my friend with herpes, every once in a while it looks like a real life volcanic map of the Hawaiian Islands.

In the end, however, I do find cocks and babies are somewhat similar.

Pay them the slightest amount of attention, and they respond by spitting out a thick, bilious bodily fluid onto your favorite sweater.


Thanks for the submission HH.


398 comments:

1 – 200 of 398   Newer›   Newest»
Dontyouridenofuglyhorse said...

In the end, however, I do find cocks and babies are somewhat similar.

Pay them the slightest amount of attention, and they respond by spitting out a thick, bilious bodily fluid onto your favorite sweater.

This is the Funniest thing EVER!!!! I feel the exact same way.

knitwych said...

I've always found that the best cure for an overly-proud cock-bearer is to point and LAUGH-LAUGH-LAUGH, and then say sweetly, "Awww, aren't you nice, taking your pet earthworm out for some exercise."

ariemay said...

I would like to know what the poor bird ever did to deserve having to sit on this asshat's arm.

tsk tsk, poor birdie, don't you know you can fly away to a better place?

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Ah, but the nice thing about a penis is you can make it and its owner go home when you are done with it...

try that with a baby!

PockyPuck said...

I don't even wanna know what that bird is doing in the picture.

Fly, birdy, fly. Quickly. Before you get thick, bilious bodily fluid on your feathers again.

Babies and cocks = Best comparison ever. And hey, they're both mostly bald!

Anonymous said...

Arrr, this be my bird, and now behold, THIS be my BIRD!

*unzips pants...nothing happens*

Long John Silver, do you need your cane again?

Wesley Sniper said...

"I would like to know what the poor bird ever did to deserve having to sit on this asshat's arm.

tsk tsk, poor birdie, don't you know you can fly away to a better place?"

lol@this Ariemay...

I'm pretty sure they clip the wings of those birds so they cant fly far off...which I find pretty ironic...a poor animal that was emasculated against will sitting on the shoulder of another (self) emasculated animal.

for shame :[

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You really shouldn't have swirled out the face on this one. Some of the acts he's describing are literally criminal and he deserves to get caught.

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