Sunday, March 8, 2009

$ugarmama

Someone treat me like I deserves to be treated

Lets face the facts I am unemployed and I don't want to get a job making only 10 dollar an hour. I am a above average looking male with beutiful cock looking for suger mama to spoil me rotten use my cock and pay my way for a little while! Why waste a beutiful cock? It now ready for you to use all the time!

Take me shopping, and a couple dollars gas money, and some going out money, and you get to play with my cock anytime you want nostrings atached! Kinky and I will always satisfy you. I lwill look good on your arm and im a great in bed, and Im willing to do chores around the house. Derek xxx-xxx-xxxx cell

Because nothing excites a woman more than going down on a man whose cock tastes like an unemployment office.

Garnish with job applications and lightly season with lawn care bags, and his genitals may become a bit more palatable if only for a few weeks; otherwise, he'll need a pair of clit-sized jumper cables and a Princess cruise ship battery to keep your arid vagina from sprouting a vibrant medley of sub-Saharan cactus plants.

The economy is bad folks, and Derek joins the growing legions of men trolling the internet for a sugarmama. Technically defined, a sugarmama works hard all day and earns a living whilst the man sits at home in a nest of Cheeto bags and Yoo-Hoo cartons with his beak open and tongue extended, incessantly chirping for scraps of your paycheck. In turn, you get all the hard cock you want, which, in this case, is probably none. Unless you need a hat holder.

Regurgitating hard-earned greenbacks to a grown infant with the motivational drive of a glacier taxes the sexual psyche of even the most fervent female nymphomaniac; after a week of listening to him recap Judge Judy highlights, her sex drive will park itself in a museum somewhere between Eli Whitney's original cotton gin and a mule-powered wheat combine.

Derek assumes a woman would want to fuck an unemployed freeloader just because "he has a beautiful cock," which is like assuming she's dumb enough to buy a piece of shit car just because it has a shiny muffler. Both are equally embarrassing, and God forbid she had to take either to a high school reunion; at least she can park the car down the street. Derek hovers like a shadow that's constantly low on cash.

"So what do you do for a living Derek?" her high school friends would inevitably ask.

"Nothing," Derek would say with a smirk, "I don't work because I don't feel like it."

It's at this point you'd affix an anti-scratch dog cone to your head and ooze backwards out of the room like a salted slug on a Phoenix sidewalk. You're officially dating a loser, the same guy who's now trying to write down another woman's phone number on the back of a $1 food stamp.

WWHM's solution?

Get a new tattoo above your pussy.

"Now Hiring."

94 comments:

twunty mcslore said...

Maybe if this guy paid attention in school and learned how to spell he'd be able to make more that 10 bucks an hour. Unbelievable.
Oh well, the world needs ditch diggers too.

Lynda said...

Hey the Army is hiring!

My oldest son couldnt keep a job... He always felt he deserved more money... guess what. He's in Iraq now and just made Specialist. Now he can be successful in a job and he's found out he loves working with electronics and he's good at it.

Oh and by the way Im looking for a SugarDaddy. Im willing to keep my job, but I want someone to lavish me with gifts, money, and anything else I want... I mean lets face it, a new horse trailer costs alot of money. Why cant I find a sugar daddy who would buy me one! LOL

Guess Im stuck with the cheapo boyfriend... his business went down the tubes but atleast he doesnt ask me for money!

Eccentric_Lady said...

Weas -

Great description of Derek - an Cuckoo bird that never wanted to leave the nest! LOL

Anonymous said...

I briefly dated a guy who reminded me of this post. He was excited that I can cook, clean, sew, bake, and balance a checkbook--and I have a steady job. He thought that was the makings of a great relationship. I said, "Uh, what would you have to offer?"

His response: "Sweet lovin' whenever you wanted it."

Uh huh. Needless to say, that guy is history. I ask again, why do so many guys think that their best feature is their cock?

Eccentric_Lady said...

Dunno Anon -

Maybe it's the lower 'head' these guys think with the sorry ads - heaven forbid we like a guy that uses the head attached to the cerebellum.

But Weasel knows the truth. LOL

brookeamanda said...

If all a woman wanted from a man is a nice cock, she could get herself a sex buddy. No strings attached AND it won't cost her anything!

just in luv said...

Exactly what I was going to say, Brookeamanda! There is certainly no shortage of men willing to have sex with woman for free.

E! said...

I have pretty cocks aplenty in a drawer under the bed. They are quiet, clean, and don't take up too much space. Also, I paid for them once and I'm done shelling out the cash for them.

I don't think Derek can say the same.

annrkiszt said...

Oh how I wish I could see his face when he gets a positive response to his ad from 84yr old Betty in Montana who smells of cats and urine, quit wearing her teeth 20 years ago, and has to pull the flesh apart with the Jaws of Life to give him access to her jade palace. Hehehehe C'Mon Derek, you have been paid gas money to drive here, now do your JOB! You CAN get it hard can't you? You promised!
Toss in a few kisses and I'll let you have some tuna salad for lunch and *maybe* if you're really diligent, you can have cupcakes for dessert.

CaliGirl9 said...

He should be grateful for any employer crazy enough to employ his illiterate ass.

However, Derek is no worse than many women who expect to cruise by on their boobies alone...

When will males learn that "a nice cock" isn't usually reason enough for a woman to keep 'em around. We have plenty of less messy, less expensive alternatives.

Ashers said...

Motivational drive of a glacier...

Brilliant !! I am going to say that to someone this week if it kills me !!!

battyjeri said...

Anonymous said, "... why do so many guys think that their best feature is their cock?"

My bet is that unfortunately, they think this because it's true. As in -- this organ which any woman can get access to anywhere anytime for free just by asking, is all they have to offer. THAT is their best feature.

So it's sad, really. The delusion is their thinking it's a _good_ thing that the cock is all they're good for...

Anonymous said...

I don't know about this one. Derek says he also does housework, and it appears that he's looking for a position as a kept man rather than for a relationship. I agree that he's advertising the wrong attraction--women don't pay for "companions" for the same reasons that men pay for them. However, if he is willing to provide services for payment, and if he understands that those services may entail attending events that bore him to tears, looking at pictures of kittens in photo albums, and watching sitcom reruns...well, it's not a bad deal for a financially stable woman who's completely disillusioned with men, likes control, and doesn't like to be alone.

Kara

The Beautiful Kind said...

Derek should whore himself out to old gay men - they LOVE beautiful cocks. Like that guy in Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil.

robyn said...

"Beautiful cock" is an oxymoron.

Sorry.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

>>There is certainly no shortage of men willing to have sex with woman for free.<<

Exactly. What we have here is a complete failure to understand the "supply and demand" principle.

Derek, most men are free for the taking. Even tall, good looking professionals!

mywriterself said...

10.00 an hour- give me a break.

bhm said...

A friend of mind told me that handsome men are a dime a dozen. I completely agree. Who would need to pay for sex unless you're ancient.

bhm said...

robyn said...

"Beautiful cock" is an oxymoron.

Sorry.
-----------

LOL!! Good one!

Nosnikta said...

I was trying to figure out what a "nostring" was.

Derek the Dorek.

la_boca_peligrosa said...

If your only redeeming quality is your "beautiful cock", please do the world a favor....

Please....
Don't use it to pee in the gene pool.

You are a dog but, unfortunately, it's still illegal to involuntarily neuter you. Too bad...I'd pay for it.

Hyena Overlord said...

Weas..we need ambiance music for this blog. Might I suggest "Girls can Get It." by Dr. Hook.


*L*@ Betty in Montana.

casualencounters.com/blog said...

I don't think any of you should be hating on lazy retards with beautiful cocks from trying to improve their circumstances.

SweetZippinChip said...

http://spokane.craigslist.org/m4w/1067610463.html
^^
"If you are interested in a man that is wanted by the bountyhunters because of the fact that he chases after LOVE then I suppose you better contact me in a hurry because if you don't the bountyhunters may find me and then I am not sure if love will ever come" WTF?! Huh? I'm guessing when he says he is wanted by the bounty hunters for chasing love he must have some warrants out for stalking charges lol and look at his pics..he looks exactly like Kip from the movie Napoleon Dynamite haha

http://spokane.craigslist.org/m4w/1066148175.html
^^
Oh dear lord. A 31 year-old virgin (whose first and last kiss was on a band trip in high school) who lives in his parents basement, delivers pizzas for a living, loves star trek and star wars, 5'3" and overweight, and has an extra ticket to a Taylor Swift concert...lol He may be the definition of nerd

SweetZippinChip said...

http://spokane.craigslist.org/m4w/1065279894.html
^^
"hi currently doing a in depth studing on women sexualy, im a student and im very discret, if you are willing to answear some questions, i would like to sent up a time to meet with you and do this study it is totaly open, it is my curreosity that is roused and im sure is toatally lustfull on my part, i do not put my photo or name up on here to be discret i have bean alive 22 years., im near downtown spokane im like 6 feet around 200 hundred pds avrage build. you may send me any photos. exc, im not doing this as a class requirment. or a group,"

Mhmm I'm sure he is a student..Last time I checked you had to have at least a small amount of intelligence to attend college. Dumbass!

Anonymous said...

I'm going to be honest here...

I actually /like/ being in the situation where I pay for my guy. I do like him spending a little on me now and then, but when it comes down to it, I'd rather pay his way. It makes me feel more independent and less needy.

I had a boyfriend a few years ago who had no source of income (as we were lower classmen, I he sophomore, he the freshman). I was paid $440 a month to watch siblings, cook, clean, and manage the household for about 5 hours a day. I always paid his way, and usually paid his friends. In total, I probably dropped some $600 on he and his couple friends (who were also my good friends at the time)... you know, movies, food, the extra-cool hat one of them wanted every now and then. It was alright with me though. :)

I did, however, just recently get out of a relationship with a complete deadbeat. In and out of jovy, expelled from every school he's been to, all that good stuff. I'd get calls about three times a week... "Uh... Matt got locked up/Matt got arrested/Matts dumb ass was caught piss drunk at the shopping center" etc. I was also the one with the money, but when I tried to spend it on something nice for he and I, like a trip to the movies, or ice skating, or dinner... but he'd always turn it down in favor of our less than admirable pasttime (smoking pot). Mind you, it was never a lot of money, but I always thought, "This $20 could have gone to something a bit more productive", but it never turned out that way. And here's the kick in the face: I love him to death and would give anything to be back with him. I know, I know, for shame right? I'm the kind of girl who callously jumps in to relationships. When things aren't going right, I try to help, but as they say, there is no helping a person who won't help themselves.

I guess I set myself up to be a "sugarmama", but as long as the freeloading doesn't get TOO crazy I see no problems dropping money on my man. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I actually /like/ being in the situation where I pay for my guy.

No you don't. You have low self esteem and allow people to treat you like a doormat.

who were also my good friends at the time- you don't have to buy good friends.

but he'd always turn it down in favor of our less than admirable pasttime (smoking pot).

He chose pot over you. Now, we might say he's a jerk, but at the end of the day, your the willing partner.

I was also the one with the money.

You've never had a healthy relationship. It could stand outside your door and beg to be let in and you'd react to it, the way most woman react to the men you date. The feeling of control you get when he calls you from Jail, isn't real. When you pay for a man, he does what he's told when he's told, every time he's told. He doesn't love you, but he knows you won't buy him shit otherwise. He doesn't get his ass tossed in jail for you to bail him out, because he knows that's the quickest way to try up the well. It's just sad that the only time you feel loved is when a man is on his knees begging for money and you give it to him because your so desperate for attention. You're worth more than that, now believe it.

bhm said...

I have a different take on control. I don't pay for men EVER. They have to really want to be around me and they have to show it. If they don't then I'm not interested. I control my own space and only allow desirable men in.

Anonymous said...

I bet this guy is real clingy too. Kind of like a booger...the more you flick the more he sticks.

I met someone like this once...he wanted a job on our family farm, thinking he would run the combine during harvest. The rest of the time he wanted to keep the boss lady "happy". Said all he needed was 3 squares a day and some good lovin'. Ugh!

Cut-N-Jump said...

Because nothing excites a woman more than going down on a man whose cock tastes like an unemployment office.


Oh Baby!

Somebody hold me back!

ROFL!

Calantha said...

Suddenly being single for life doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

casualencounters.com/blog said...

Man, "hating on... from"--what's my damage? Anyone mind if I turn back time like in that great song by Cher and replace "hating on" with "attempting to dissuade"? Thanks. I knew you guys would understand.

Rainbow dreams of severed cocks, served piping hot and slathered in fresh nutbutter.

Anonymous said...

In response to Anons response to my post...

I do like paying my guy's way. Like I said, them paying every once in a while is alright, but for the most part, I enjoy paying when the situation arises.

Second, not one of them ever asked for a single cent. Never. They'd say, "Wow, isn't that a cool hat?" and I'd surprise them by going right in and buying it. They never asked. If I got myself food and they were around, I'd get them some food too. If they were short on cash for a movie ticket, I'd give them the few dollars. If they were hanging around with my boyfriend and I, they'd be included in our activities - cash or not.

Third, I have never been a doormat in my life, so I don't appreciate the label. The first guy to ever use me (to my knowledge) will be the first one out the door, and the first one to ever think his shit doesn't stink and he can say whatever he wants will be the first one with my fist in his mouth. The juvy-hopping ex decided to get testy with me one night and ended up getting clocked square in the face. Said ex also never called me for a bail-out, nor did he ask for my pity. As a minor, his parents were solely responsible for whatever implications may have risen while he was locked up. However, we did write to each other, and it was on a mutual basis; nothing asking for a hand out, and rarely, if ever, a hand up. He understood(stands) how his life is going to end up if he decides to keep being a little law-breaking pud, and he's come to terms with it.

All of my friends and I smoke (recreationally, not like an addiction or anything), but we still prioritize. We are all graduating from school on time, have good grades, healthy social lives, and healthy family relations. He didn't prioritize pot over me, per se, but rather explained to me that he didn't want me to pay his way for food or movies. When he did have the money, he would take me out, but otherwise, he wanted no part in me paying his way.
For the most part in my relationships, I have been the one paid for, though I may bitterly object, most of my exes would have it no other way. The ones I dated that didn't have the money were taken care of by me. I don't appreciate the idea that women should always be treated; I like to pay for my man or get him a little something extra when the time arises.

My problem with my relationships stems from the fact that it is incredibly hard for me to find someone with which I am compatable, let alone tolerate. I am VERY picky, and if I find one thing I don't like it's over. I could give two shits about the outside influence shitslinging about how so-and-so is a bad person, so-and-so has this bad thing going on for him... no, thanks, I'll find out and judge it for myself. I'm the kind of girl who DOESN'T want to see her boyfriend on a daily basis, who DOESN'T want him to pay my way for everything, who DOESN'T want him to call me every few minutes to see how I am doing. I cannot stand clinginess; if I detect the slightest bit I'm out the door. I'm what most guys would love: I am not needy, I am not clingy, I am not spoiled, and most importantly, I want my space. Me time. I don't have to see you every day and get phone calls and texts every waking minute to be assured that everything is alright in the relationship.

If this makes me less of a woman; if this sets me up for disaster... so be it.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Anonymous said...

"No you don't. You have low self esteem and allow people to treat you like a doormat."

Sorry, I have to agree with the previous poster here. I'm not trying to be mean to you here and I don't think Anon really was either. I read though your long and self-righteous posts and here's what I have to say.

Girls that respect themselves DO NOT date losers who are in and out of jail.

Girls that respect themselves DO NOT smoke pot. I don't care how well they prioritize, something is screwy if you've got to smoke on a regular basis.

Girls that respect themselves do not solve problems by punching people in the face.

You're young and I know you aren't going to get this right now. Hopefully you'll grow up a little bit and see that it is possible to handle yourself with a bit more dignity and still be a strong and independent woman. You deserve much more in life than you've allowed yourself. You're better than all of it if you chose to be.

Anonymous said...

Then let's lay it out like this, shall we?

I do respect myslef. I'm a modest girl.

If you think I don't have the ability to prioritize, you're absolutely wrong.

I have already finished my schooling but have decided to continue until the school year is over. That way, I can still have fun with a schedule full of electives AND graduate with extra credits.

I take care of numerous animals on a daily basis as well as siblings. This also entails me cleaning, cooking, making sure work gets done, et cetra.

I actively pursue my passion (snowboarding), which is a very demanding and extreme sport, so I'm not your stereotypical lazy stoner.

I also draw... a lot. In fact, I draw on nearly a daily basis and actually have people paying me for my work, which helps me gain credentials towards my future hopeful proffession.

I'm going to have to put it down like this:

You don't know me, you do not know my circle of friends, and you certainly don't know how I feel in regards to my self-esteem/self-respect. You do not know how I carry myself, what I think of myself, and what I consider "worthwhile" endeavors in dating.

I have respect for myself, my self-esteem is in no way low, I respect others, and despite the fact that I smoke (omg!), I don't lead a life of lazy tube surfing and I certainly don't dwell inside a bag of Cheetos whining about my life. I am active, healthy, and happy, and a year ago I couldn't have said that. I've pulled myself from up off the floor in the past year, AND I've managed to do it while still being able to smoke and balance out all my activities and humanly duties. Millions of Americans smoke, but not all of us suffer from a lack of motivation or are lazy dumbasses. It provides me with a way to relax, unwind, and feel good without the reprocussions of the many other stupid things I could be doing - drinking, popping pills, running off, et cetra. Before anyone tells me this makes me an idiot... guess what? I've been smoking for four years. Not once have I ever been caught up by the cops as a result of my usage, not once have I delt with unsavory "drug dealers" as some may call them (if you want to know a drug dealer, go meet the people who sell smack. Marijuana is a far cry from a "drug", IMO, and is wrongly labeled so), and not once have I done something stupid as a side effect. What generally happens when I smoke is I relax, unwind, and have some serious thinking time to myself and sometimes with friends, all of which have useful insight or good, wholesome conversation. You can smoke and not be an idiot. I'm aware it kills brain cells, but so does damn near everything else. I still hold the record for being in the top percentile in the state every time SAT's roll around, I am considered extremely talented as far as my writing and artistic abilities are concerned, and I am going somewhere with my life.

I chose to be in a relationship of that nature because, as stated before, it's pretty hard for me to find someone who doesn't annoy the fuck out of me and send me running for the door. This is the kind of guy who was on all levels a mirror of myself, albeit with a wild streak. He treated me fairly, was respectful, was not overly clingy, and understood the concept of needing space. FTR, when he was locked up, I was not dating him. I broke up with him when I heard about how he was facing a court case and was more than likely going to juvy (which he did, for about three weeks). However, when he got out, we got back together on the premises that he would behave himself. For a while he did, and when things finally started to go downhill, it was cut off. He did get arrested and put in juvy a second time since I had known him, but this time we were broken up for good and thus I played no role in being "the girl waiting for her jailbird boyfriend". He provided me with entertainment, compassion, a warm cuddle on cold nights, intelligent conversation, and reassurance. He also fit in very well with my circle of friends. Many people have problems; this doesn't make them less of a person. We can learn from our mistakes. Some people choose to better themselves, others choose to follow the path they're on - thats what separates the idiots from the people that are going somewhere in their lives. That being said, I don't appreciate all the negative comments.

I will re-iterate: You don't know me, you have not "walked a mile in my shoes", and you sure as hell cannot see things from my perspective. Opinions differ, everyone is entitled to one, and I see nothing wrong with myself as a person.

So kindly step off. :)

Anonymous said...

***myself

Anonymous said...

***dealt, profession

Please excuse my rushed typos. :)

Anonymous said...

BTW, I don't really view what I have said as self-righteous. I told it how it was, and I told who I am. I am not going to change. I don't solve all my problems with punching people; rather, I prefer to talk it out but at that point in time and the situation I was in I deemed it necessary to punch him. I haven't been in an actual fight since... 4th grade, say?

And that's all I have to say about this.

Anonymous said...

Hi Weasel! Matt from Cretin Country here - I'm going to link to your site. It is fucking hilarious.

mr. mrs. fangface said...

Ummm, Anon, if you really don't care that much what people think about you, then why are you posting such long and in depth explanations to strangers who will never meet you?

Bree said...

Well said mr mrs fangface - my thoughts exactly

As for the topic, I'll pay for cock by the hour when I can't get any more freely and it'll be a mighty fine pleasuring session!

Love your posts weasel - now to continue my hunt for Tim's Hairy Snack Shack

Amity said...

Can't you show us a good personal ad?

Anonymous said...

That way, I can still have fun with a schedule full of electives AND graduate with extra credits.
College is a socially accepted time-out from the rigors of life. Not joining the real world to party isn’t making a statement of character.

“I take care of numerous animals on a daily basis as well as siblings. This also entails me cleaning, cooking, making sure work gets done, et cetra.” Again, your not proving as much as you think here. Why can’t your siblings take care of themselves? If your they’re too young, why don’t your parents take care of them? You’ve probably been taken advantage of for a very long time. Doormats don’t just happen, someone usually has a hand in making them.

“Future hopeful proffession.” Which won’t be writing.

“ What generally happens when I smoke is I relax, unwind, and have some serious thinking time to myself and sometimes with friends, all of which have useful insight or good, wholesome conversation.” Wholesome conversation, yet that’s exactly what happens when your high. I spent sometime working at a rehab, about six months, and it changed my attitude toward weed. Some people can smoke it and not be addicted but your waving a red flag for a functioning addict. You believe this drug helps you unwind from the rigors of college, but your really using it as an escape mechanism. Your drawing and snowboarding are also escapes. And this isn’t a bad thing. Everybody has them. You however are using them to build faux sense of self-esteem. You think if I do XYZ that makes you a better person- someone who is better than a couch- potato. It’s not that uncommon for people with low self-esteem to set a standard of what isn’t acceptable to prove to themselves there isn’t a problem. People who have self-esteem don’t have to prove it to themselves.

“it's pretty hard for me to find someone who doesn't annoy the fuck out of me and send me running for the door.” This is something you tell yourself, and you probably believe it.

Its bullshit. You’ve described two terrible relationships, (and no others.) and both require a doormat girlfriend, to function. The two men who don’t annoy you, would and do annoy 95% of the women on the planet. Saying “I’m picky,” doesn’t make it true, especially when you’ve provided evidence to the contrary.

“You don't know me, you have not "walked a mile in my shoes". This is your self-defense mechanism kicking in. And to some extent its valid. This is the internet, we can’t know you. But does anyone really know anyone? Of course not. That said, we only have what you’ve displayed for us. In this case it’s your words and from your words I know more about you than lots of people I know in person.

That’s because need to talk about it. Deep down you know it's dysfunctional and have grown to rely on that for attention outside your boy friend. Your like a sofa. No-one notices you unless it's been moved or fails to preform it's function. Your constantly being taken advantage of by your family and friends. Your looser boyfriend and the drama created by them, gets everyone's attention. But they don't care, not anymore than we do when we drive past a car wreck. Of course we slow down- we're hoping to see the body parts.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Those men are loosers. You’re better than that. Now believe it. But I'd like to add: You don't need all that other crap to have value. Believe that too.

Cut-N-Jump said...

Amity- That would mean one would exist. Highly unlikely, but I like your thinking.

__________________

All the annonymous drama, please.

Save the drama for your mama.

Someone wants us all to throw a pity party, but won't reveal the guest of honor. Get a life and a clue.

Anonymous said...

1) Siblings are aged 10, 12, and 14 - both parents work, at one point each worked two jobs because we are constantly facing losing our house to a predatory loan. We have a $6k a month mortgage bill, not including utility charges. Mother works from about 3 PM to 2 AM, stepdad is gone from 5 AM to 7 PM or later. I have been watching them for about 4 years now. I hardly call that being taken advantage of or being walked on - I prefer to call it familial responsibility. Just because you aren't lving through a situation like this doesn't mean my family takes advantage of me.

2) While I may make typos (about three in the entire conversation), you can't even spell "loser", so if you want to test skills, en guarde.

3) I don't feel the need to be noticed, as per your couch reference. I get noticed by being able to draw and being able to speak and write articulately. I don't, and never will, put my body out for all to see. I'm a pretty low-key person. There is rarely, if ever any drama in my life because I wash my hands of it and refuse to get involved. There is always the odd incident, but if you're going to stand on the soapbox and tell me your life is rainbows and sparkles I'm going to have to tell you to pull your head from betwixt your cheeks.

4) As for the comment about marijuana... can you tell me just what makes marijuana addictive? I sure haven't read it anywhere, and I don't spend every waking moment thinking about the next time I'll smoke a bowl.

Honestly, you guys are trying to give me a come to Jesus meeting, and why? Because I smoke? Because I like playing role reversal? Being monetarily flexible doesn't mean I'm a loser with no life that gets stepped all over. Head, meet asshole.

LegendsLiveOn said...

Wow - there goes the forum. Ha.

Anyways, Weas, I haven't been on for a while but I must say, genius as usual.

I think I found a friend for your Orange-Glo boy...

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=167301853&albumID=160487&imageID=28964684

Boy, do I wish I had those boobs though. Lol

Anonymous said...

"I sure haven't read it anywhere"

Try a library. You should have one on campus. If you've never been there, ask someone. There's also this fancy thing called google.

"constantly facing losing our house to a predatory loan." (you have an adverb infestation, miss hotshot writer, but I digress)

I wont' even get started on how these things wouldn't happen if people bothered to read and didn't buy things they couldn't afford. You say you're helping, but if you really wanted to help, you'd graduate and get a job. Instead you brag about buying your boyfriends love, and another year partying. Congratulations. I no longer have any sympathy for you.

Now please stop airing your family's dirty laundry and tuck those skeletons back in the closet, where they belong. This isn't a soap opera. Your not a star.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha.

I bet the guy doesn't REALLY want a sugarmomma, you know, the older retired lady that can't get any willingly any longer but has the money to pay for it.

He probably has this fantasy of a young, fit woman that pays his way while he lazes around and does what he wants all day.

I mean, even women of sugar daddies usually do SOME type of work, even if it's around the house, other than the sexual end. But most unemployed guys I've known are just lumps. Most guys like that think housework, helping with the kids, odd jobs etc is beneath them.

And I agree "beautiful cock" is an oxymoron. Some are more aesthetically pleasing than others, but none of them are going to attract women by themselves.

Anonymous said...

Lets just pretend for one second you aren't a total dipshit.

Would YOU like to buy me the car my parents can't afford? Are YOU going to set up a new bus route that comes around my city so that I may be able to get a job? Would YOU like to create job opportunities for me, seeing as how about 1200 people are laid off every week in my state? Oh, by the way, even McDonalds is hiring ex CEOs to be their burger flippers - a teen with no job experience hasn't got the slightest bit of a chance at getting hired. There are no jobs in my town, I have no reliable source of transportation (not even a bicycle or rollerblades), nor does my family have the cash to rpovide me with such. Excuse me, high and mighty, but when you're done wiping your ass with your hundred dollar bills, would you throw a few my way? My family would appreciate it.

I haven't chosen to leave early and get my diploma because I'd rather hang out with my friends and get extra credentials than sleep my day away with absolutely nothing to do at home.

Oh, and before you get all prophetical on me (oops, too late!), I'd like to inform you that the terms "skeletons in the closet/dirty laundry" refer to having something shameful in your past that you choose to hide. I hardly call barely being able to make ends meet dirty laundry.

So you can take your assumptions and shove them up your ass.

BTW, the word you're looking for is "you're", not "your". "Your" refers to possession of some "you're" means "you are". Touche, walking dictionary. :)

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Anonymous said...

Here's your Google answers, buddy.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_smoking_marijuana_bad_for_you

http://www.perkel.com/politics/issues/pot.htm

http://dailystrength.org/blog/388-smoking-pot-really-bad

Why, would you look at that? It seems it's not as bad as you're trying to play it out to be. It's even stated by doctors that marijuana usage is not a determining factor as per your lifestyle.

FTR, I hang out in a library every day. You should try it as well. Maybe it'll stop the idiocy spouting from your mouth, because knowledge is your best weapon and it seems you've come unarmed.

Cut-N-Jump said...

Beer and popcorn!

Plenty to go around...

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Remeber size isn't everything, especially when you have nothing to give!

Anonymous said...

"Would YOU like to buy me the car my parents can't afford?"

Your parents can't afford to buy you a car. Waaaaaaaaaaaa. Would you likes some cheese with that wine? You could do something amazing like spend some of that money you keep for your dead beat boy friends and buy a beater. I realize it won't be what you want, but look at the bright side. You'll have a another reason to wine.

You: "Hey pot smoking money grubbing friend that I have to pay to me my friend (PSMGFPF)do you like my car?"

PSMGFPF: "It's a piece of shit and it smells."

YOU: "I Know, its so lame. I had to buy it myself but we don't have to ask my dad to take me places anymore."

PSMGFPF: "Okay. Lets go get some pot. You can buy."

YOU: "Sorry, can't dude. Spent allowance on the car."

PSMGFPF: "See ya. When you get more money call."

I can't get a job, blah blah blah. Drug addicts say this all the time. It's not that you can't get a job. You don't want a job.

haven't chosen to leave early and get my diploma because I'd rather hang out with PAY my friends and get extra credentials WHILE INCURRING THOUSANDS IN LOANS than sleep my day away with absolutely nothing to do at home. LIKE TAKE CARE OF MY SIBLINGS AND HELP OUT. I DON'T DO DISHES OR LAUNDRY. MOMMY AND DADDY GIVE ME AN ALLOWANCE FOR BREATHING. IT'S A PRETTY SWEET DEAL REALLY. I DON'T WORK. MY GRADES ARE AVERAGE. THEY PAY FOR FOOD, UTILITIES AND THE TOILET PAPER I WIPE MY ASS WITH. IN EXCHANGE "I TAKE CARE OF MY SIBLINGS." NOT REALLY THOUGH.

"the word you're looking for is "you're", not "your". "Your" refers to possession of some "you're" means "you are". Touche, walking dictionary."

Wow you can use a comma. And three articles that support your opinion. WOW! Don't strain yourself now. When you say doctors do you mean all doctors? Or just the one who said what you wanted to hear. When you looked up addiction and weed, did you look at opinions based on research, or just opinions? Did you look up why it's considered a gateway drug? Did you look at any materials provided by NA? Did you look at the definition of addiction? The only thing you've proved is that you believe you're not addicted.

YOU: "I'm not addicted. I can quit anytime I want. Plus its not addictive."

RANDOM PERSON: " Then quit"

YOU: "I could if I wanted but I don't want to. It's relaxing."

You know this is a classic addict talk. If you really want to prove it. Quit and never use it again.
You: "But I can't relax without it/ I need it to relax."

Now go cry to mommy and daddy about the mean internet person.

mr. mrs. fangface said...

Hey Cut-N-Jump, I'll take some popcorn, but I really prefer human blood to beer.

*NOMNOM* *SIPSIP*

ZTIG said...

ROFLMAO!!!! OMG to be a teenager again!!! Come on I am not the only one who used the "you haven't walked in my shoes..."
I know I'm not the only one. Admit it!

This is the funniest shit I have read in a while.

Miss. Teen,
Piece of advice for you.
Don't brag about the money you spend on toys, presents, movie tickets, drugs, etc. and then bitch about not having any money to buy transportation (ex. a $150 Wal Mart Bike), because money is so tight.

Hon, I know what good pot cost 10 years ago. I doubt it has gone down in price. If you can afford it, then hello you can afford a bike. And we ALL know how much movies cost... Not like you can find a dollar theater anymore... ahh fond summer time memories...

Also, bragging about your unbroken SAT record, and then spouting off about how pot is not a drug and not addictive, does NOT help your credibility any. Nope, not one ounce. Darling, you have regrettably fallen into the typical teenager mind trap of:
"I know it all", "You don't know me", "you don't know shit", "even if you think you have done or been through anything I have, you still don't know me, so don't pretend to have a clue."

Which of course most of us have been there and done that and wrote the copy for the movie.... LMAO all the way home. THAT was entertaining... and thanking God for the wonderful teenagers that bless my home.

ZTIG said...

OMG you WERE MAKING $440.00 a month!!! HA I wish I made that in school. How many were lucky enough to bring home $80.00

hmmm 440 x 12 .... 5,280... damn that is a nice little first car you could have gotten there...

Lmao... oh darlin' you have a lot to learn.

bhm said...

Pot, today, is cut with very bad, very serious drugs. You are not just smoking pot, you are also smoking the other drugs coating the pot. Don't fool yourself for a minute that this is the same as cup of coffee or a beer.

Anonymous said...

LOL.

I just have to laugh at the shit you're saying. Now you're being childish.

When I actually MADE that $440, I was in tenth grade. It went to my lunch money, my clothes, and occasionally paying for my boyfriend. Because I like to play role reversal, that makes me an ignorant doormat... hmm, so much for breaking the double standard issue all the women seem to bitch about. Would you like to buy me an oven and an apron too, so I can fulfill your ideal of what a woman is supposed to be?

And honey, no. A job is NOT easy to find, at least not for a teen who has never had experience in an actual workplace. Kindly remove your head from your ass on that subject, because as anyone MY age and living in MY state can attest to, getting a job, much less a callback for an interview, is like finding a rainbow-striped unicorn.

I don't buy my friends anything. I said I USED to pay for the occasional meal or article of clothing. Waa-waa, tht must make me such an ignorant, self-demeaning bitch.

And yes, ZTig, that would have made a nice car. Back then, not a penny of my money ever went to pot because I got it for free. I've yet to come across "laced" pot. Strains with higher levels of THC are being outcrossed and bred every day to make pot more potent. Back to the subject, I never thought of spending it on a car because I had been told for years by my dad that I'd get his Malibu. He put me through driver's ed... and then sold the car. I've only recently got my permit, and my parents still lag on taking me out to drive. Oh, and that $150 Wal-Mart bike? It'd take me around 5 months to save up for it. My parents don't pay me anymore because we can't afford it. In all seriousness, life isn't a walk in the park with today's economy. My mom, who has worked for TSA and countless other things that look great on her resume, can't for the life of her find another job. Why? Oh, silly me. Maybe because we have some 90,000 other people in my city looking for jobs as well. I've been applying like no other and when I call back the next day the general response is, "Sorry, we've hired someone else". Since you speak like you have been there, like you are the omnipotent, all-knowing, I'd like to ask... did you get your pot with a side of brontosaurus ribs? I don't know it all, true, but you guys just seem to have a problem with me liking to pay my guy's way sometimes. Why, I must be a knuckle-dragging cavewoman with all the condescending bullshit you're throwing at me.

No, I don't buy my friends affection. Where did you read that I pay for anything and everything all the time? Special treatment (buying of clothes, going out to eat, going to the movies) is reserved for my boyfriends, and even that doesn't start until I'm sure it's not about the money. I never bought either of the two boyfriends a thing until we were about five months in... so no, not buying his love.

Anon, you sound like a complete and total twat. Its a wonder you can see with all the ignorance obscuring your view. Please then, come to my house and watch 3 ADHD/ADD siblings, cook for them, wash and fold their laundry, help them do their homework, make sure they bathe, behave, clean up after the never-ending cascade of shit they leave on the floor and on the counters, and THEN balance that on top of school and taking care of 9 animals every day, all while being a "teen".

Sounds like the leisurely life, no?

ZTIG said...

Hon, my only problem is you can't keep your story straight to save your life... other than that, thanks for the entertainment!

Life is hard. NO ONE ever said it was going to be easy. Guess what, it does NOT get easier.

LMAO, however... "oh the horror, to be a teenager with responsibility thrust upon me at such a young age!! Oh, I shall hang my head in shame. I shall raise my eyes to the heavens and scream 'Why Lord, why me???!!!!' Why do my parents make such choices and leave me to clean the mess? Oh was that my mess in the kitchen?... oops"


You chose to come here and air your laundry. Because you can't keep your BS straight, and because you can't handle being called out on it, then don't air it! Realize it is the internet and people will not agree with you 100% or even at all. But don't expect people to rub your shoulders, pat you on the head, tell you everything is going to be okay, and that you are right and everyone else is wrong or whatever else BS sunshine you want to have shone up you but. Get over it! We ALL have problems, some worse than yours some better. Some worse than mine some better (lucky dogs :) ).
But most don't get on a site and brag about money, bitch about a lack of it, and then brag about pot smoking (which means you have money to burn), and then bitch about a lack of money again.

Bitch about not being able to get a job due to transportation and then claim they have applied everywhere. And then bitch about how much responsibility you have at home, and then bitch again that it is a transportation issue.

Here are some thoughts to ponder:
How are you dressing when you apply? Is your hair, make up, clothing professional? Or do you look like someone who walked out of Hot Topic?

How are you approaching the management when you apply, with confidence/cockiness/barely audible?

Is your application filled out COMPLETELY? And spelling, does it look like your last text message or your honors English paper? As a manager I always threw out any application that was not filled out completely. Why? Because if you can't even bother to fill out the application properly, or follow directions why would I expect you to when I hire you?

Did you fill the application out there or did you take it home with you and bring it back? Filling it out there shows motivation, taking it home shows you are just appeasing your parents.

If you look like you just walked in off the street when turning it in... round basket. Look professional no matter if it is McDonalds or an office.

Did you walk in with friends or by yourself? Friends..round basket. If you can't apply, and turn it in by yourself then you probably can't work without your friends either.

Have you ever been high (oh sorry I forgot pot's not a drug, lol) Have you ever smoked with in an hour or two of applying at a job? There are signs and we aren't all stupid. Some of us can spot it a mile away, even if you think we can't.

Do you have references? After school programs? People you have baby sat for? Extended family? Anything?

These are just a few of the things I and others have used over the years to weed out the applications. You have so many and first impressions mean a lot.

Oh and ALL of us started somewhere... eagerness, willingness, pleasant attitude will get you a lot further than anything else.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I have babysat. I have never applied in person - there's a majikal thing called internet which I use to submit my resume. The farthest thing from my mind when getting a job is smoking, so you're wrong again. You don't have to have money to smoke, darlin'. Yes, it is a transportation issue - I have no way to get there, but was told if I found a job within range my mothers friend could drive me to and from work, hence all the applying. I don't see anything contradictory in what I've said.

I didn't ask for sympathy, I just told it how it is. If you can't deal with it, quit responding.

Anonymous said...

BTW, it's called responsibility, asshole. Not only do I clean up after myself (which is in no way an issue, it's expected of me), but I also have to clean up after everyone else. I have been the "stand-in parent" for a few years now, and there is nothing I can do about it. It's my responsibility as their child and as the oldest sibling to make sure shit gets done on the daily.

Anonymous said...

"there's a majikal thing called internet which I use to submit my resume."

Don't strain yourself now. Never know might end up with carpal tunnel from hitting click and send.

And stop asking strangers to by things for you.

Your a spoiled brat. No one wants to hire you because your idea of work is watching other people do it. You've become too attached to the teenage angst persona. Despite all this posturing- I'm great- its just posturing. You very unhappy and insecure. You know your lazy, but you think if you just had more money, everything would be great. The only way you can connect to people is through money- the clothes, the car, the cell phone.

Your parents have spent over 288,000 dollars on the mortgage in the last 5 years. Your not poor and your not the victim you like play, though if what your saying is true about your parents loosing work, your standard of living is about to really suck. Now's the time to reevaluate your ideas.

Yeah food service sucks, but they're hiring. Lots of people make it on that. Say goodbye to 500 dollar per month cell phone bills, because the job you can get with no experience, is going to pay about that per month.

Your not entitled your parents built lifestyle. They didn't start out where they are. They've acquired it over a lifetime. So will you. In fact, as much as I hate to see hard working families loose their jobs and their homes, through no fault of their own. I think its justice when it happens to people like you. You're upper middle class and spoiled.

If you want to feel better about yourself, contribute something to society- volunteer at homeless shelter, help habitat for humanity etc. But don't come back crying about how you don't have the time. There's forty-eight hours between Sat and Sun... choose one.

And stop skipping class. If your going to incur thousands in debt for one more year, you should at least show up.

Cut-N-Jump said...

Mr. Mrs. Fangface, seems I will be needing to make more than just popcorn! Seems we may all end up with the munchies and cotton mouth from all the pot smokin' going on.


Anon twit-
>>Back then, not a penny of my money ever went to pot because I got it for free. I've yet to come across "laced" pot. Strains with higher levels of THC are being outcrossed and bred every day to make pot more potent.<<


Sounds like the pot is free and 'clean' as you seem to be growing your own. KUDOS! Or you are 'paying for it' another way.

See you do have marketable skills. Go apply at a place of business, accordingly.

You are responsible for doing all those things because you are the oldest sibling? Sorry little one. No sympathy here.

If the sib's don't clean up after themselves, your parents are to blame. ADHD/ADD is no excuse as they seem to flourish when in a structured setting, with known rewards and consequences that are fair. Some do well with medication- not pot.

As stated by others, STFU already. You chose to air your dirty laundry and now you are being called out for it. Some of the holes are big enough to drive a semi through.

Get over yourself.

rusty said...

Maybe he would have a job if he could spell, and knew how to use proper grammar instead of trying to purposely sound like a moron, yuck.

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c) Why would you pay a beautiful rooster?
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Interesting thread.

I also thought that the teenage "sugar momma" commenter was kind of full of herself, but the Anon who kept pestering her was being even ruder and pettier, as well as childishly intrusive, even when politely asked to step away. And I find the Anon's constant BLATANT misuse of "your" and "you're" agonizing; her infantile pettiness surely peeked out in her evasive, nonsensical insults when she was finally called out for it.

And those other commenters like Mr. Mrs. FangFace bashing the teenager? Yeah, don't tell me you guys aren't being grossly judgmental and constantly putting words/scenarios in her mouth. I'm all for talking to adolescents like they're adults and giving her a good dose of reality/personal responsibility, but I feel you guys are just being catty and overly-judgmental. At the very least, call that intrusive Anon out for her nerve-grating grammatical fails ;)

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