Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Impregnator

Looking to spread my seed

There are so many qualities about me, one is my looks, my abs, intelligency, humor, social grace, and personality that are A+++ in any womans book. So why not spread my seed and impregnant as many charming and sweet woman as possible. I will guarantee you, you will have the time of your life being impregnanted by me.

First, I don't loose an erection. I can last for hours, non stop. I can stroke you clitoris and hammer you g spot at the same time. I am also a guaranteed 9" long measured on a bad day. I also am a master at the art of tantra, so that sex is a metaphysic mystical experience of pure pleasure. 1st rule: no condoms 2nd rule: no pills 3rd rule: 8 hours of free non-stop sex (put that into your agenda). 4th rule (most important): have a vagina.

Eric

WWHM assumes men like Eric continue to subscribe to the mythical and baseless stereotype of the sexless single woman sitting alone in her apartment, intravenously injecting endless quarts of frownberry ice cream amidst an undulating sea of gassy housecats. "Why can't I find a potential father possessing both intelligency and impregnantism" she might scream, simultaneously hurling her new unabridged dictionary into the litter box. It's a common misconception Eric, and WWHM hereby warns you that "spreading your seed" will never be this easy. In your case, imagine yourself spreading frozen butter on room-temperature toast.

Regardless, Eric's here and he's ready to put the "abs" back into absentee father. He's got so much intelligency to impregnant you, almost any woman would rate him an A+++ in their book, unless of course that woman happens to be a 2nd grade teacher with a red pen, a partially literate woman with a modicum of discerning taste, or a breathing mammal. For those remaining ladies who choose to qualify men only by their ability to walk and chew gum at the same time, please know Eric regularly walks to the STD clinic while chewing his Valtrex prescription.

But, of course, what originally starts out as an offer to impregnate women rapidly devolves into what we've all come to expect here on WWHM: It's just another ruse designed to justify the posting of an online resume for his penis.

Yes, once again we get a gander at a wholly misinformed individual trying to upsell his dehydrated turkey leg as a healthy slab of kobe beef. What with all the pride men like Eric exhibit in championing their own genitals, one would think these guys had spent the past five years in a hardscrabble tool shed behind their homes, carefully constructing their penis with a mismatched assortment of clothespins, elk antlers, and surgical tubing. "Check this out!" he might say, as if pointing out a houseboat or high school marching band, "is this a nice penis or what?" It's simply the adult equivalent of a 2 year-old boy proudly pointing his mother towards a lukewarm mound of excrement currently earning a rich suntan on the living room carpet. "Poop!" he says excitedly to his mother, hoping she might share in his unbridled enthusiasm for the latest pièce de résistance to emancipate from his underpants.

We may think our penis outshines a sunrise, but to a woman a penis looks more like something they might use to plug a hole in a canoe or scrape off their shoe with a tree branch. Ask any random woman if she'd rather hear about your dick or get two free tickets to a tractor pull, and I guarantee you within five seconds she'd be walking off with her tickets and a wad of Skoal in her mouth the size of a small eagle.

Eric's ad closes with the old "I'm into tantric sex" routine, a tired and dazzlingly inept claim now present in no less than 20% of the personal ads we receive here at WWHM. While most men promise you their magical tantric sex techniques will make you squirt live aardvarks or straighten your pubic hair, Eric simply states that sex with him "is a metaphysic mystical experience of pure pleasure." And by "metaphysic mystical experience," I think he means "maybe a Wal-Mart candle and a few goatherding hymns off my iPod."

It's amazing how many guys now claim to employ these amazing tantric sexual techniques that last for several hours, yet women still complain men act like they just popped a nickel into a parking meter by the bed and don't want to get a ticket. Even if true, eight straight hours of sex might sound great to some people, but not so much to the individual walking around the office like she just dismounted a morbidly obese horse after a trek across Mongolia.

Good luck in your quest Eric, and if any of you ladies just happen to be in the market for a large-cocked, vain baby with a head the size of a ski lodge, I think your prayers have just been answered.

If you're seeking a modest baby with spelling skills, well, not so much.

445 comments:

1 – 200 of 445   Newer›   Newest»
RebelJubilee said...

Nice to see you back in form Weasel. And why is it that most men are enamored with their penis? Most women I've ever talked with find it just a goofy appendage 97% of the time. (Occasionally it turns into a magic wand, but only when the operator is good)

Artemis said...

Now, this is the reason why women go to sperm banks: No STDs and no need to be mauled by men who're in love with their own penis.

Great post, Weasel, liked the last one too. It was just a bit all over the place.

Anonymous said...

Loved this one weasel. The flower is a nice touch. What a douche bag.

deMontjoie said...

Guys like Eric make one slightly ashamed to be a guy. And also ashamed to be a carbon-based life-form.

The male body is, quite frankly, much less aesthetically pleasing than the female form. The male body is all hairy and dangly.

It is amazing to me that chicks are so self-critical of their bodies when they are most-always quite attractive (albeit imperfect, as are we all). Guys, on the other hand, can convince themselves that they are Schwarzenegger's twin-brother when they are actually much more like Danny DeVito.

Katie said...

Where did men get this idea that we want to fuck for hours? "Oh yea baby, I can last all night!" When I hear that, I think, "Fuck, this is going to be way more trouble than it's worth."

I really want men to get this idea out of their head. Now. Weasel, please help spread the word. When your vag is getting pounded, one minute can feel like five. What feels great at minute three can turn to an uncomfortable annoyance at minute ten and "aggressive pap smear" by minute 20. We want the foreplay to last, not your manic thrusting.

Sex isn't an Iron Man competition, boys. There's no endurance test, and eight hours of cervix punching won't get you the gold.

kaylie said...

Hilarious. What a fucking moron. I've been waiting for a new post since I started reading your blog, glad you posted :]

&I agree with Katie 100%, all guys tell me "i can last all night" i don't fucking want you to last all night!

Janice said...

These ads are just baffling. First, he's advertising that he wants paternity suits and child support bills?

Second, I just can't understand why so many of these alleged men fill their personal ads with horrifying imagery. It's a bad idea to put "loose" and "erection" in the same sentence - I have a mental image of writhing genitals, and it's just not pretty. And he wants to HAMMER my g-spot? That doesn't sound erotic, it sounds excruciatingly painful.He can take his hammer to the beach and pound sand up his ass, because I want nothing to do with his squirmy junk.

$yazana said...

intelligency!!!i love you weasel. and that cactus is exceedingly disturbing

Anonymous said...

This is my favorite blog entry you've done in a long while! Highly amusing and true to the original/older WWHM. Great post, thanks. :)

agustin96 said...

Old school WWHM!! The intelligency and funacity of this post is awesome!

ShimmerShadow said...

I'm in the boat with Katie and kaylie. It is very rare that a woman, any woman, wants to be pounded *anywhere* mercilessly for eight hours straight, nevermind her most delicate and finicky areas. That's right, I said finicky. We want a guy who knows how to work it, how to push all the right buttons, twiddle the knobs, and flip the switches. We don't want power chords, we want the extended solo. Guys who "keep it up all night" generally just don't know wtf else to do, and tend to hope that just sheer mindless cervical assault and repetition will be enough to eventually hit something right.

I was half expecting the "no condoms, no pills" demands to include "no questions about diseases or recent test results". Cause holy damn.

Persnickety Ticker said...

"Squirt live aardvarks" had me crying with laughter and Katie's "'aggressive pap smear' by minute 20" sent me right over the edge to hysterics! Thanks Weas! Great post!

Anonymous said...

We want the foreplay to last, not your manic thrusting.

THIS. So much.

Anonymous said...

Well said, Katie. And another thing, why do so many of these guys have trouble with "woman" when it should be "women"?

l-tek-4 said...

I think douche did impregnate me. When I unclench, I will have given birth to a glass swan reading his ad.

Weasel - love it! "Putting the 'abs' back in absentee father." Hilarious! That picture is awesome, btw.

Katie, LMAO at the "aggressive Pap smear" - well said!

LorelieLong said...

There's (unsurprisingly) a rather large hole in his logic - if a woman were to desire impregnation by him, why would she want him to last for hours? Non stop implies there's never a rest, i.e. he never comes. If he never comes, there's no - ahem - seed spread.

nikki said...

So you only have to be sweet, charming, and have a vadge.
Boy is he picky.
How do you "loose" an erection?
You misplace it? Like the tv remote. I can picture him crawling on his hands and knees looking under the couch, "Hey we'll make tantric monkey love as soon as I find my erection. I loost it".

Anonymous said...

'Loose' an erection? As in, set it free in the wild? I'm not sure it'd last that long left to its own devices, judging from the guy it was attached to...

SweetPea said...

"plug a hole in a canoe... " *snort*

Thanks, now I have just hosed down my laptop with OJ.

Love ya, weas!!

36 & Single

Anonymous said...

You can say this guy is a clown but I knew guys who were clowns, arrogant as hell, but attractive too and they got TONS of women.

One guy date raped a girl (according to her and from what he told me technically he did) and she not only slept with him again, all her friends did too. He was a good looking guy and that's all there is to it!

So women have only themselves to blame.

Conna said...

My "first glance" criteria for personals generally goes: If I have to take a red pen and make more than three corrections, you're out. I've mentally covered Eric's penile resume in red ink.

Oh yeah, and the wang worship is a bit of a turnoff too.

Anonymous said...

Anon 9:51, so they went up to women and talked about how huge their dicks were and how they'd be awesome at "impregnanting" them with "intelligency" babies?

PS, what does "women have only themselves to blame" even MEAN in this context? Some guys who are "arrogant" and "attractive" get lots of women, so that makes other guys post poorly-written love letters to their dingalings to Craigslist in the hopes of finding a woman to "impregnant"? And that's women's fault?

Anonymous said...

What I meant is that women reward guys who are arrogant jerks...and yes some did talk about how big their organs were. One would walk up to women and indtroduce himself as "Buster...Buster Hymen" or "Peter Gozinya...my Peter goes in Ya"...didn't seem to do him any harm, he picked up lots of very nice, all American type girls...not skanks.

Other guys see this behavior rewarded and copy it. Kind of an evolution thing. Women can't be surprised, is what I meant.

corticoWhat said...

Anon 9:51,

Step away from the keyboard.....then run like hell!

Amanda said...

This seriously makes me want to throw up. I'll never understand men. EVER.

krazykris said...

I'm slightly queasy and feel like I've got motion sickness after reading Eric's ad. Does he offer refreshments during the 8 hour vaginal interrogation? Hell, most employers will let you take a 15 min break!!!
Also, does he have proof that his swimmers are even viable? Cuz I bet he's the steroid taking, muscle bound fat head, tiny tighty-whitey wearing douche bag type who's sperm motility is ZERO!!!!

Sheila said...

Oh, lordy, does this have to degenerate into a whole "women only want jerks" thing?

Here's a clue, Nonnymouse--'women' are not some unified hivemind with the same tastes and interests when it comes to men. On average, jerks get more play than Nice Guys because as human beings, we're much more fascinated with what's slightly out of reach than with what's lying at our feet. People are wired that way, not just 'women'.

hellkell said...

I blame Sting for the Tantric sex thing, as if craptastic music wasn't enough...

P_L_I_A_J said...

After 8 hours of hammering his penis WOULD feel like it was a cactus!

Great post!

thesecretlifeoflurch.blogspot.com

LadyPac said...

He's short, fat, hairy and has a 2 inch penis. He's hoping that 1. he will be able to have e-mail sex with virtual characters he will imagine to be hot, and/or 2. he might find someone (anyone) to finally have any form of sex with him.
He makes me wanna cry.

teague said...

I got to admit that if I were given a choice between hearing a man discribe his own penis, and tickets to a tractor pull, I think I'd go for the penis discription. It wouldn't last as long, be as loud, I might only have to deal with one ignorant redneck, and I may even get to walk away laughing.

cuillin said...

personally I loved the tractor pull bit :)

casualencounters.com/blog said...

Not to mention that 8 hours of continuous sex is absolutely no one's idea of a good time.

Walk On said...

He has "intelligency"?! WTF is intelligency?

:P

Pass.

dogface said...

Son, I think it would be best if you didn't "loose" your erection on anyone. :/

Anonymous said...

Oh, FFS. The whole women like jerks meme is mothballed. I think these guys are projecting a bit.

Plenty of guys go for the coke-snorting, narcissitic trainwrecks and the women who use them for money and shoulders to cry on. These supposed "nice guys" don't take any notice of the "nice girls" right in front of them. Nope! They'd rather the unattainable, uninterested, and/or mercenary, selfish, game-playing bitches. Then they whine--with no irony whatsoever--that women don't like nice guys. Maybe if they chose non-asshole women they'd get the girls, but instead, they choose to reward bad behavior on the women's part.

Anonymous said...

He had me until rule 4. Some men have such fucking high standards.

Anonymous said...

Quite honestly I find penis worship funny. In all fairness though I got used to it with my brother and he's downright hilarious about it. When I read these types of ads I hear them in his voice and can't stop laughing.

Erika said...

What I meant is that women reward guys who are arrogant jerks...and yes some did talk about how big their organs were. One would walk up to women and indtroduce himself as "Buster...Buster Hymen" or "Peter Gozinya...my Peter goes in Ya"...didn't seem to do him any harm, he picked up lots of very nice, all American type girls...not skanks.

You know why women sleep with jerks like this? Because they actually approach women. Keep hiding in the corner and expecting women to magically drop in your lap and see where that gets you.

By the way, it's not unusual for date rape victims to consent to sex with the rapist at a later time. It's called denial.

Anonymous said...

It cracks me up how the trolls have such a knee-jerk "blame the woman" response that even in a story that has no woman in it at all (and never will have a woman in it, judging by the ad), they STILL try to blame women for the guy's douchebaggy ad.

Anonymous said...

Sting's tantric sex boast was revealed as a "joke" (read: lie) by his daughter a few days ago. Also, before I started reading internet comments (here, in the ad) I would never have suspected that the majority of people cannot spell "lose" or "loser" correctly.

hoppytoad79 said...

"These supposed "nice guys" don't take any notice of the "nice girls" right in front of them. Nope! They'd rather the unattainable, uninterested, and/or mercenary, selfish, game-playing bitches. Then they whine--with no irony whatsoever--that women don't like nice guys. Maybe if they chose non-asshole women they'd get the girls, but instead, they choose to reward bad behavior on the woman's part."

Bingo. For as many women whine about no nice guys when they're dating losers, there are just as many men whining about no nice ladies when they're dating skanks and bitches.

Then you have the Nice Guys, who see sex as their obvious due for having been a decent guy. If you refuse to put out, then you're an unappreciative bitch.

How many who complain are nice guys and how many are Nice Guys?

redgirl said...

...if a man is maintaining an erection for 8 hours...

Isn't that the sort of man that needs to contact his doctor? I quote:

"Contact your doctor or seek emergency medical attention if your erection is painful or lasts longer than 4 hours. A prolonged erection (priapism) can damage the penis."

tsk tsk, I almost feel sorry for him.

H-S-W said...

"For those remaining ladies who choose to qualify men only by their ability to walk and chew gum at the same time, please know Eric regularly walks to the STD clinic while chewing his Valtrex prescription." - This caused me to snicker.

"yet women still complain men act like they just popped a nickel into a parking meter by the bed and don't want to get a ticket" - This made me choke on my water!

Anonymous said...

>By the way, it's not unusual for date rape victims to consent to sex with the rapist at a later time. It's called denial.

sorry, stop right there. I'm all for bringing down the asshole's that prey on vulnerable women disabled by their own intoxication or being put in that state by a guy but that's a little out there even for me. The line is blurred between "lol bad decision when I was drunk" and true date rape. You're further blurring it.

purplegirl said...

Oh thank god, I thought I'd run out of "intelligency" men to "impregnant" me.

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't rule #1 actually be #1? Oh great, he's dysnumeric, too.

ShimmerShadow said...

Anon 10:38, how is that further blurring it? I think Erika was pretty clear in her statement, and it is true--a lot of date rape victims don't or can't grasp what has happened to them, and go on to consent to sex with their attackers in the future. I'm suspecting a story behind your protest.

41yroldhorsegal said...

hee hee love the picture, Weasel. Now off to read the comments..

41yroldhorsegal said...

What a pleasant surprise to have another WWHM post to wake up to! Loved it!!!

nessie said...

Katie you are fricking hilarious "Fuck, this is going to be way more trouble than it's worth."

Thanks for making me laugh!

Themiki said...

I'm gonna chime in on this, as a lesbian. I have a strap-on, and I have had girlfriends that owned them as well. Strap-ons do not ever go soft. They stay hard for as long as anyone could possibly desire. NEVER in my 13 years of having sex with women, has that thing ever been used for more than 20 minutes at a time. And the 20 minutes was while drunk. Lube yourself up all you want, but at some point friction will come into play. It's basic science. I don't want some magic 9 inch wang scraping the lining off my lady parts while some drooling moron "hammers my g-spot." Sex that lasts for hours can be awesome fun, but seriously guys, most ladies would be fine if you left the actual penetration part to ten minute increments or so. Unless you're a gay man, no one you're sleeping with cares all that much about your penis. Sorry.

Nosnikta said...

All I can say is "LOLOLOLOL"! :-)

Anima said...

I totally agree with Katie and the others.
My first time took 45 minutes (I should know, I was looking at my watch every other minute..) and after the first really painful 20 minutes, I just went numb and got bored..

And I have to say, after reading the ad, I'd rather date the cactus..

Grace said...

I would like to do an informal survey. So many ads (or guys at bars, or guys on the street, or guys pretty much anywhere) brag about how long their penis is, like Eric with his 9".

Now, maybe I am alone in thinking this but 9" just sounds like a bruised and battered cervix to me. As long as the guy is of a reasonable length (say 6" or so) then I am more concerned about girth. Because nobody likes a pencil dick. But is this just me?

PS - great post Weas, glad to have the old-school humourosity (kinda like intelligency) back!

Anonymous said...

I once had sex with a guy who was really big, and claimed that he'd gotten his nickname (which I'm not disclosing) because he could "go at it all night long." Yes, I had been informed about that lovely fact before I had sex with him, but I figured he was just exaggerating.
He wasn't.
That was probably the worst sex of my life. I couldn't sit comfortably for a few days and I used Vagisil wipes to soften the pain.
Very big is nice to look at - not that much fun to have it inside you, especially when the man keeps fucking you for more than a few minutes.
As I grew older and so did the guys I was having sex with, I realized that they either learned that fucking itself wasn't all that enjoyable for most women for more than, let's say, 15 minutes, and/or couldn't keep going at it for too long anymore, which is so perfectly fine with me.

Anonymous said...

This guy displays his ignorance not only with "intelligency" and "impregnant" but with his ridiculous ideas about what he thinks women want sexually. "hammer my g spot?" No thanks! Sex for 8 hours straight? No thanks!

If there are any decent guys out there who'd like to know how to really please a woman sexually, I recommend a book called "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner, PHD. (I am not affiliated.) It is partly a detailed description of how female sexuality works, and partly a primer on oral sex. If I had a lover who'd mastered even half the techniques in that book, I'd be begging him for sex. No joke. One of the most important points in that book is that a woman's clit has twice the nerve endings of a man's penis, so it is twice as sensitive. Because of this difference, inexperienced women tend to be too gentle when handling the penis, while men tend to be too rough with the female genitalia.

Anonymous said...

This guy is disgusting, and shouldn't rule #4 be rule #1?

I'm surprised at some of the responses on here, though. I wouldn't want to go for 8 hours straight, but if you can only tolerate "a few minutes," it means you (female) are not fully aroused. A good fuck is at LEAST 30 minutes to one hour. Your vagina needs to be fully lubricated and swollen to its full capacity. You can't even break sweat in 15 minutes! Learn what full arousal is, then teach your guy. If you're really really lucky, you'll meet one who already knows.

Lex said...

I agree with Conna on the grammar thing. Rightly or wrongly, people are judged by how they present themselves, and an absence of proper sentence composition is a bit of a turn-off for me. Granted, I'm not looking for Harvard Law Review quality in a personal ad (particularly any ad which makes its way to WWHM), but it really is inexcusable in an age where clicking the spell-check button and consulting a decent dictionary can clear up most common problems. More than anything, it shows that (1) if you're not willing to put in the minimal effort to type the ad right, what hope is there for you putting in the effort for a good relationship, and (2) "intelligency" is clearly lacking.

Anonymous said...

I am dying here! The comments are hysterical!
Hours and hours of sex is about the most boring thing I can think of. Not to mention painful. I would think a penis would start to hurt as well??? I had an 11inch penis once. He was a "friend" for many years and we would see each other during dry spells. I can honestly say I could NOT have handled him full time. I could not get on top or he would puncture through the top of my uterus and doggie? Umm no. It was like getting the swap on your cervix, a sharp pain that made you want kick the offending doctor. I prefer not to have sex AND choke on the penis at the same time. I would be sore for days after as well from ONE time. I like 6-7 with nice girth but even then I don’t want more than 15 minutes.

Anonymous said...

"Intelligency" made my weekend. What a hoot!

Anonymous said...

Shimmer Shadow, no story, just marveling at how stupid that statement is. It's like saying my pussy is a revolving door, go ahead and walk right in! Ok, maybe I do have a story. Many in fact. Girl after girl getting boys in school in trouble for making bad decisions while drunk. Getting caught cheating and blaming the man. Claiming, yes, I did sleep with him 10 times but it was because I was so traumatized.

I can understand being in denial but enough to convince yourself to sleep with a guy who you don't want to just to prove you consented the first time? After a while you have to question how "forced" it was in the first place. I normally wouldn't question a woman about it but when a man's future depends on whether or not the woman wants to save face NOT questioning it is fucking absurd.

It's a fine line between trying to make women comfortable enough to talk and not railroading an innocent man. One that should constantly be checked and rechecked. This is a claim that just doesn't fly with me.

Morgan said...

You cannot claim to be a Tantra master while boasting about your ability to "hammer" a woman's G-spot. Good Lord.

@deMontjoie: DeVito *was* Schwartzenegger's twin in that movie called, um, "Twins." So it's possible to be the Guvuhnatuh's twin *and* look like Danny DeVito.

Anonymous said...

Hi everyone, this is probably an inappropriate question to ask, but can someone tell me what has really worked for them in bed?

This might not seem like the best forum to ask since so many guys referred to on this hilarious and frightening blog have a very creepy, self-centred image of how sex works and how women respond to sex.

I would like to think I'm not creepy or self-deluded. My girlfriend and I are very much in love and while I believe her when she says she is happy, I'm also certain that things could be better for her in bed and there are lots of things I should know but don't. So I thought I would just ask for help.


For the few partners I've had (who were my close friends before, during and after our relationships) achieving orgasm usually didn't happen without battery powered assistance. In each case, they told me they found it difficult to orgasm otherwise.

I hope I'm not being pervy, I'm just not the most experienced lover, and I don't want my girlfriend to be less than completely happy with anything in her life, so I'm asking nicely for the frank sharing of tips about what works and what doesn't.

Hopefully you guys can help me.

CaliGirl9 said...

Tantric hammering?
Wow, color me turned on.
NOT.

MJ said...

Wonderful! This is exactly what I come to this blog for: short, snappy, dripping-with-sarcasm skewering of the douchebags among us. Thanks for making my day!

MJ said...

@ Anonymous 6:50

"For the few partners I've had (who were my close friends before, during and after our relationships) achieving orgasm usually didn't happen without battery powered assistance. In each case, they told me they found it difficult to orgasm otherwise."

There is actually nothing wrong with this. A lot of men feel they ought to be able to get women off with nothing more than their glorious man-sausage, but most women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and the penis just isn't shaped to really provide that during intercourse. The things you should do are give your girl plenty of good foreplay (kissing, caressing, oral) and don't feel "unmanned" if she requires toys. It's not a statement about you. Also, there are a great many vibrating cock rings out there that can give you both a lot of pleasure- this could be a good way to involve both of you with the battery-operated bits. Hope this helps.

xenobiologista said...

I'm going to go for the vague random comment here...

If "impregnant" was a real word, wouldn't it mean "not pregnant"? Possibly, his penis is so large that it causes early-trimester abortions.

Sarah Elizabeth said...

What is it about guys that think women want to have straight, pounding sex for HOURS? I'm not even referring to the foreplay here. If the act goes on beyond 20 minutes, I get bored and start thinking of what chores need to be done or how much I'd like a sandwich.

Ouch. Maybe I should have been born a guy.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous@ 6:06, this is actually very common and it's true. Women who are date raped are in denial, they can't believe this happened, they consent to sex later to feel like they are taking back some control.

Perhaps the RAINN website would have more information on it.

Anonymous said...

Thank you MJ, my girlfriend is really terrific and open about her needs and I don't have a problem with incorporating vibrators because I know how important it is to her. I just feel like I could do more for her but I don't know what or how.

My previous partners weren't as open and so I felt like they couldn't be bothered to work on it since it's fairly obvious to me when its working for them and when it isn't.

And I've probably heard one too many locker room boasts.

One guy I know claimed to have had sex for 12 hours non-stop and the other claimed that regular 8 hour sessions were the norm and that his girlfriend regularly came without a vibrator.

The first one was a weirdo who made stuff up all the time but the second seemed to be more credible.

I feel stupid for asking but thanks for your help.

Anonymous said...

I've gotta say, the idea that someone is automatically a good lay is a bit weird to me. Some couples, er, couple well, and others don't. If you have the same kinks, desires, comfort with yourselves and each other, etc. then you're good to go.

Also, I like dick. I do. I even like a good, long-lasting fuck. I also like a lot of foreplay and orals. But straight up fucking for hours? No. One or both people get cramps in odd places. I'm just sayin. . .

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 1:46, the problem is almost certainly one or more of the following:

1. Not enough foreplay
2. Not enough clitoral stimulation
3. Clitoral stimulation too rough

You should check out that book I recommended upthread, "She Comes First." Even if oral sex isn't your thing, the book explains so much about the female genitalia and how female sexuality works that I think it must help with other kinds of sex too.

Imagine trying to jack off touching just the area around your cock, but never your cock itself. That's what it's like for most women trying to reach orgasm through penetrative sex. For most women, it does not sufficiently stimulate the clit, which is located higher up (most of the clitoris is actually inside the woman's body--like a penis that's an innie instead of an outie).

My husband had a pretty good technique for manually stimulating my clit while he fucked me. It was not perfect--sometimes he was too rough (not on purpose)--but I reached orgasm almost every time. Oral sex is even more effective for getting a woman to climax.

Soli said...

Anon @ 2:27 said:

"but if you can only tolerate "a few minutes," it means you (female) are not fully aroused. A good fuck is at LEAST 30 minutes to one hour."

My Response:

Are you auditioning for the next front page post? Your diatribe on female arousal was so completely idiotic that I must assume you are 1)male and 2)gullible. Someone filled you full of shit and you're spreading the stench around.

Women are different. We aren't all cut from the same 2 or 3 cookie cutters. Grow the fuck up, open your eyes, and begin to understand that the world doesn't only extend as far as your own nose and thereby, experiences. Also, stop reading self-help sex books.

Under the right circumstances, I'm ready to light up the proverbial cigarette in five minutes. If it hasn't happened in 15, it isn't going to, and I'm only playing along out of kindness, while I consider what I should get Aunt Penny for Christmas this year.

Katie nailed perfectly, and the poster who followed up with the comment about length was spot on, too.

Anonymous said...

Imagine trying to jack off touching just the area around your cock, but never your cock itself. That's what it's like for most women trying to reach orgasm through penetrative sex. For most women, it does not sufficiently stimulate the clit, which is located higher up (most of the clitoris is actually inside the woman's body--like a penis that's an innie instead of an outie).
____________

Thanks, that made a lot of sense. I will get the book and show it to her.

My girlfriend tends to go straight to intercourse, and clit stimulation is done by vibrator, not orally or manually, which I thought was important.

Like Soli said, everyone is different. She knows herself and what works for her is intercourse and vibrator at the same time. But I want to take care of her more.

If there was a problem, I'm sure she would tell me, cos she's not afraid to kick me off after 20mins! lol

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:22...

Lube, and lots of it. Much stroking while she doesn't do much.

Don't forget her nipples. And a little dirty talk.

Many women are SO girly, like me.... candles, the right music, and a pretty room helps a lot. There's a reason for the Cinemax style of soft porn....

Oral doesn't do much for me. Too lappy/slurpy, and gives me a yeast infection every time.

Anonymous said...

I once had sex for three hours BUT the majority of time spent was NOT intercourse! Intercourse time spent was just a tiny fraction of that 3 hours. I didn't time it but I'd believe it was 20 minutes possibly, max. The rest of the time was foreplay, afterplay, oral, bondage, toys, talking dirty...not in that order but you get the picture. "The act" should really only be a small part of the picture in order to get the most fun out of hours of "sex".

Anonymous said...

There was a study published in a magazine (just a current events type mag) presenting survey results 3-7mins of actual penetrative sex is satisfactory to most women, the rest is foreplay, now that can last hours ;o)

Hyena Overlord said...

Sorry ladies. Mr. Hyena is off his meds and posting singles ads again. When we get back to Canada I'll fix that.

Anonymous said...

The two guys I referred to above were talking about intercourse lasting 12 and 8 hours.

I think I can safely debunk that one.

Sporkey said...

Alright, speaking as a woman who likes to go for hours riding the skinpole, the whole "no condoms, no pills" thing got me.

The most I've ever gone is 3-4 hours, with a few ten minute breaks here and there, but jesus...no protection? I'm sorry, I take my sex seriously, and it involves NOT getting pregnant, as well as not getting any diseases. Hammer away all you like, but at least have the courtesy of dressing the little fellow, because there's no way it goes in unless it is.

I'd rather be "hammered" for 8 hours straight than be pregnant for 9 months. Certainly not worth it for a person who won't be around to help. And then the next 18-21 years of childrearing? Who does this asshole think he is?

Really, if you want to be a sperm donor, there's places for that.

Anonymous said...

Nice to see you back, Weasel.
Unprotected sex with a bloke who seems to regard his sperm as a gift to woman kind, an offer to knock a girl up and walk away and an "interesting" grasp of the English language - what's not to love?
I don't get the whole "worship my penis thing". I adore the men in my life, but frankly a girl can go to Anne Summers and pick up a vibrator and dildo that'll do the job better, won't try and impregnate random women and you can wash them in the sink after you've had your fun.
Since when did sperm become a rare and treasured resource anyway?

Anonymous said...

The longest time I've ever had penetrative sex was 3 hours and 45 minutes. I know because I looked at the clock a lot.

8 hours? damn...no thank you. Even if I did want to get impregnant.

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous 2:27pm: Seriously, dude, you wanna tell me how I feel? Really? So, I guess that because I've experienced some men who REALLY like pain, that you'd (or all men, cause we're apparently making sweeping generalizations here...) would like it if I used my teeth on your cock?

What comes after full arousal, but before he does? Chafing...

Julia M said...

On risk of being flamed - I'm a girl and I really do like my penetration on the high side of an hour. I don't orgasm from it (all about clitoral stimulation) but I really enjoy long bouts of penetrative sex. 20 min would be way to short for me.

That said, I dont want my g-spot hammered (he must have a pretzel shaped dick to do that) for 8 hours. Or 8 seconds by that dude.

Wildcat said...

"Hammer away all you like, but at least have the courtsey of dressing the little fellow . . ."

LMAO! Talk about getting dressed up for a date!

I can see the thought process:
'I wish he would get the clear ones so I can see where I'm going'
'No, not blue! It makes me look lumpy.'
'Oohh, is that strawberry flavor? Yummy.'

ShimmerShadow said...

Anon 6:06: although I don't see anything stupid in my statement, nor how anything I said corresponds to anyone's vagina being fitted with a revolving door...here's a tiny little violin just for you, Nice Guy. You wear bitter exceptionally well.

Moving on, I don't understand why there seem to be so many men who think that their sperm is worthy of donation/being paid for. There are screening processes in place at sperm banks for a reason, you know, and I have to wonder if at least some of these offers come from men who've been rejected from such places.

Anonymous said...

STEPHEN ROOT IS A KLINGON!

The Half-Assed Blog said...

Obviously this dude who thinks every chick wants to get knocked up has never spent time around a pregnant woman.

Also, major fail for using "metaphysical" and "mystical" right next to each other. Time to cut down on the hashish.

Anonymous said...

I seem to be one of the exceptions here - I actually enjoy a good long f***. I'm one of those women who immensely prefer a vaginal orgasm to clitoral orgasm but who can't reach it very fast (and no, orgasm through clitoral stimulation during intercourse doesn't count, as the feeling's completely different, at least for me).

Also, intercourse doesn't have to be just...well, "hammering". Often slower is better, and pauses are also allowed.

As for this guy...muahahaha. This truly is the stuff that WWHM is made on.

Anonymous said...

I was one of those who removed WWHM from my bookmarks and rss feed. A friend and fellow reader tipped me off that the newest post was old school awesomeness.

I am SO glad I came back. Weas, thank you for doing what you're best at.

<3 and thanks

Anonymous said...

This is exactly the kind of post I've been missing for the last few weeks. Excellent work, and thanks so much- always a pleasure hearing from you. You really brought a smile to my day.

Anonymous said...

This entry was hilarious! hahaha

They are always good posts Weasel. Maybe the autobiographical stuff deserved their own blog?

And by the way...
'STEPHEN ROOT IS A KLINGON!'
seriously - is this a code?

If it is, then I think I know who you are...

Anonymous said...

If ever I find myself questioning my decision to remain childless, I shall reread this post.

Alexandra said...

I laughed out loud harder than I have all day from "putting the 'abs' back in 'absentee father.'" Fucking glorious.

nightspoken said...

If you can't spell it, you shouldn't be allowed to do it.

"Spreading your seed" is not only a cliché, but one of the worst metaphors ever. Master of the art of Tantra? I think I'd lose my money if I bet that "Eric" has ever even attempted to read a book about Hindu or Buddhist religious practices, let alone sexual practices. (In fact, I'd possibly even lose my money if I bet that he's ever attempted to read a book on anything.)

I can't decide whether to scream in horror over his level of illiteracy, or his level of cluelessness.

Weasel, you never fail to make me feel thankful I'm single.

Karmyn said...

Somebody is confusing porn with reality again.
My sister once claimed to have had sex for five hours when she was newly married. But most of that was foreplay, not penetration.
Even a thick lube is going to dry up after a bit of friction.

Aaron Edell said...

I love this blog. So damn funny.

I think Eric is really only guilty of not understanding one thing about women; they don't care how big your penis is, only how many billions of dollars you have.

That's right, billions.

As the world's first trillionaire, I can tell you that I don't have any problem with the ladies.

My advice; if you're batshit crazy the only way you're going to impregnate a genetically healthy woman is to have more money than Jesus.

Check out our blog for advice on making billions of dollars a day:

http://twotrillionaires.blogspot.com

or just click on my name and follow the links from there.

The Half-Assed Blog said...

Oh please. A spammer.

"Aaron", please take the liberty to go fuck yourself.

Aaron Edell said...

Man, what a whiner.

Tori said...

Why do men think that women will love their penis the way they do? Honey, most of us don't believe you have a nine inch piece unless you drop your pants and prove it to us. Then, when you do that we'll call the cops and have you arrested for indecent exposure.

Seriously, this makes me thinkt hat most men are lacking most of their brian cells. If I switch teams you'll know why.

Anonymous said...

Aaron, spamming is lame. Your blog is lame. You probably are lame. Now go hide before the farmer shoots you.

Walk On said...

Aaron, you are a big fat FAIL.

First trillionare? FAIL. That was Bill Gates.

Ability to check facts before coming up with story? FAIL.

Ability to use Google? FAIL. (See above two statements. Really, 7 year olds know to Google to look up stuff.)

Ability to come up with a believable story at all? FAIL.

Ability to convince me to check out your site? FAIL.

I consider intelligence a turn on, and there is not enough money in the world for me to consider your sorry, fantasizing ass.

Anonymous said...

SPERMSPERMSPERM.

JLee said...

I am crying at this one!! Not tears of joy by the way...although I'm a sucker for some intelligency.

Anonymous said...

My man is 9 1/2... while it can feel lovely, there are moments of OH HOLY SHIT I'm being impaled! Doggie-style is his favourite, and unfortunately, unless I'm reeeeeeeally aroused, that hurts like no other. He's pretty damn good in bed, he just goes a bit too hard sometimes. He usually hits my cervix a good few times; I'm a small girl and 7 incher would probably bottom out. :P

I like a good hour of foreplay and about 45 mins of penetration. Unfortunately, having sex with him even once (like the other poster said) can leave me too sore to even be fingered for days on end.

And to think, he has (jokingly) asked me if he should get Extenze... nooo fucking thank you!

Canaduck said...

God, that was so hilarious. Good to have you back, Weas.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but PLFM sucks compared to WWHM. Stop wasting your time posting there and come back!!! We need your snark.

Fragrant Liar said...

One word for this guy: ew.

The Vegas Pirate said...

EXACTLY WHAT KATIE SAID!

Ugh. I HATE guys that say they can "fuck for hours" or "fuck all night". After 10 minutes I start to know how tenderized meat feels and resolve to be a little easier on my steaks.

I'd rather have a guy who lasts all of 5 minutes and is talented at foreplay.

Honesty, guys - get this crazy notion out of your head that all women want to have sex for hours! I left a wonderful and promising relationship because the guys considered a straight hour of fucking to be a "quickie".

*shudder*

cattypex said...

On Dave Chapell's show there was a hilarious spoof on the Office Depot "Easy Button" commercials. It was the "Wrap It Up" button, used in boring meetings, church etc. At the end it showed a dude pumping away with a bored woman lying there rolling her eyes....

Anonymous said...

wait, didn't weasel say he was fixing his problems?

seems to me his biggest problem is waiting THREE FUCKING WEEKS between posts.

i thought that once he stopped writing his memoirs every time, it wouldnt take so long.



FUCK THIS SITE.

Anonymous said...

Word, anon 3 40. I don't blame the site owner really, but it's such a great idea that there must be similar blogs out there, maybe more straightforward with less snark - I only skim W's commentary. A million-plus people find it palatable, obviously. How about a blogroll or something to tide readers over during the downtime.

Anonymous said...

As a professional, I have to say, some men should just give in and pay for it. As you all have proved, "civvie" women want nothing to do with him.
Although with his no condoms rule, and 8 hours straight, I don't know any escort who'd see him. He'd be blacklisted in a NY minute. Women ALWAYS make the rules in bed.

For the record, average = 5-7 inches. Too much can be as bad as, or worse, than too little. As evidenced here, it starts to affect their brains. And quality foreplay can make up for any shortcomings.


Love ya, Weas!!

Wildcat said...

Weasel, where in the heck do you get these pictures from???

Anonymous said...

@ Anon 3:40

Go cry yourself to sleep. He doesnt' work on your schedule. People have lives you sniveling shit.

Calantha said...

If libido could be killed off by an encounter with this guy, I'm pretty sure about half the women he's been with would be asexual by now.

Anonymous said...

Regarding the psychology behind an assault victim's actions, another resource you should consider contacting is the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (available online at nsrvc.org).

As someone who has been nearly date raped two separate times with very narrow escapes, I can state definitively that the reason neither guy was reported was because of this ridiculously mistaken belief that somehow there are "sides" to this violent crime. It's the only crime where this is the case. There is absolutely no conclusive statistic on the false rape report rate, but I promise that of all the stats I've seen where the figure tends to be comparatively high, they've been counting every time a woman reports a sex crime and then drops the charges.

When I went to the hospital after the second rape attempt (that occurred when I was passed out drunk in my own bed and clearly not looking for sex in any way), the first nurse I spoke with said their hospital doesn't do rape kits but tried to get me to stay there anyway and discouraged me from going to a hospital that was competent in obtaining evidence. When she asked what happened, she asked whether I was sure I had not given consent given that I had been drinking (please re-read the part where I was asleep in my own bed when someone came in...). Please note that if you're drunk enough, even a yes is a no. If I had spoken with a police officer, after this bullshit behavior, I might have dropped the charges too just to get away from these absolute morons.

I didn't report partially because it wouldn't be beneficial to my personal mental health. This, incidentally, is why. It's because people the whole way through try to convince you that it wasn't a crime.

Anonymous said...

Pretty cool cactus! Mother Natures knows best.

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Dagny Taggart said...

This blog is absolutely hilarious -- and oh-so-sad. How can men like this exist? It bewilders me to think that men believe that ads like these might *actually* get a response.

If you want to read [and comment on!] conversations designed to help sort out miscommunication between the sexes, check out the new blog: What the Hell Are You Talking About?
http://whayta09.wordpress.com/

Love your work, Weasel! Keep doing what you're doing!!!

Dagny

Anonymous said...

Nice one. This guys is such a lame-ass.
When are we getting another?

Lynda said...

May we have a new post please! pretty please!

Balsa said...

@ anon 3:08

why do you think anybody gives a shit about you getting raped twice? sorry that you have nobody to talk to, but this isn't the place...

get a therapist maybe so we don't have to listen to you cry out for attention in a blog comment.

groundlamp said...

Balsa is just another one of those lame pansy douchebags who needs the internet to go on rants and be horrible to people. Without it, you'd have nothing to hide behind and would never be able to vent your frustrations with humanity. You strike me as one of those cowardly assholes who sits behind their keyboard looking for opportunities to be an absolute dick to people, because in real life you're pathetic and weak at voicing any controversial opinions or actually being rude to people like you are online. Congratulations, assfuck.

Anonymous said...

Groundlamp, why does everyone automatically think an internet tough guy must be a pussy in real life? What if he was a total douchebag to everyone he meets in real life? And really, wouldn't that be worse?

One month Weasle. I got my eye on you >.>

Anonymous said...

"the first nurse I spoke with said their hospital doesn't do rape kits but tried to get me to stay there anyway and discouraged me from going to a hospital that was competent in obtaining evidence."

GOOD LORD.

Someone I knew was in a really bad car accident a few days after she found out she was pregnant. She broke her hip on one side, shattered the thigh on the other side, snapped her arm, massive head wound.

After a LOT of surgeries (general anaesthesia), lots of various meds, and because of the trauma her hips and pelvis sustained, she opted for an abortion. It wasn't what she'd planned to do, but given the long road of rehab, the fact that she was held together by pins and plates, and that pregnancy would've REALLY done a number on all of that, PLUS the chemical trauma the fetus had been thru.... it was her least crappy option, I think.

Well..... some nurse kept her up ALL night with a tear-filled sermon, gory brochures, and "God is watching you" talk. I would've complained to hospital administration, but when your body is all busted up and you already feel bad... she just didn't have the heart.

Stupid nurse, Anon!!!

WTF kind of a hospital doesn't stock rape kits??? Rural Arkansas? Or maybe she was punishing you for being drunk.....

Lynda said...

To Anon @7:34.

I guess that nurse thought your friend was a captured audience. There are times when abortion is the right option. Its a personal choice and no one should make you feel guilty because of it. That nurse wouldnt be around to raise that child especially if with all the things going on the child was handicapped. Those who preach the most are usually the first to flee the scene.

I hope your friend recovered. She didnt need the extra guilt trip. I think I would have lost it and thrown the nurse out.

Anonymous said...

She DID recover OK, though damp weather pains her.

She is married, with 3 awesome kids.

(She was able to have all 3 naturally, no drugs. Dang.)

Anonymous said...

so weasel fixed one problem (overly long autobiographical posts) but won't fix the other (only posting every few months).

does anyone else think maybe he is trying to drive away people so he doesn't have to do this anymore?

Anonymous said...

Smeazlyweazly, can you post again please? It's been so long since the last post I'm actually starting to forget WWHM exists...

Divine Chaos said...

Really. 8 straight hours? Been there, done that, got the T-shirt ..I'm loving the foreplay, but as for the actual act, I'll be happy with 30 minutes at the very most .. then just roll over and leave me alone :p

like good ol' eric could last 8 hours anyway ... what a wanker

Anonymous said...

-begins a full scale riot-

Anonymous said...

Copied from PLFM:

Yeah, it's been over a month without an update on either site. I'd say Weasel has given it up. I mean, if he wanted to do this he would've given a "I'm sorry I'm busy blah blah blah" update, right? Not to mention he commented a while ago saying there was a WWHM update soon and then nothing.

I just wish he'd update and let us know if it's a done deal or not. I hate coming back here to check and see nothing. It just feels... unfinished.

l-tek-4 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I hope you are alright Weasel, you usually leave us with a "sorry busy" post when you've been gone this long.

Hope everything is ok!

Anonymous said...

Where are you Weasel?

Anonymous said...

It's almost 2 months without a post.

Weasel, I'm now assuming that you're dead, and for my own sanity I must remove your pages from my tabbed homepages (there's only so many times a girl can see that cactus penis picture before losing her mind, you understand).

AgentDani said...

Baby, I give and I give but you just don't put the same kind of effort into this relationship you once did. Where are you? Why do you never call? ...er, post?

I'll wait a little longer, but don't be surprised to come home and find the locks changed. I'll be in the living room with another blog.

FishFry said...

"Comment deleted. This post has been removed by the author. October 7, 2009 12:54 PM"

So weasel was around enough to delete a comment, but not to respond. Nice one.


It appears the Anons who warned of Weasel's disappearing act have been redeemed. It sucks he's gone, but I feel bad for those who were martyred in the comments for calling out what they saw as shitty behavior, and ended up being right.

Anonymous said...

@ fishfry - wouldn't the author be the person who posted the comment? maybe they had second thoughts about what they posted and then deleted it resulting in a post deleted by author message?

Anonymous said...

hmmm....nope. it appears we can't delete our own comments. i'm guessing then that the comment must have been incredibly offensive (and/or spammy) for him to have popped in to delete it and not say anything to anyone.

oh well.
weasel i hope wherever you are that you are in good health and resume posting here again soon.

Anonymous said...

It was my comment and I deleted it. If you sign in with your Google Account, you can delete your own comments. It wasn't offensive or spammy, I mentioned something that bordered on "not my business to say/speculate" - and out of respect for Weas, took it down. Mystery solved.

joe said...

People act like they're entitled to new posts regularly. Weasel has a life just like anyone else.

Daniel said...

Weasel,

How easy it is to sell out your "brothers" forapiece of ASS

Daniel said...

Folks this post and photo was a joke. Okay, so say it wasn't a joke it is still really funny.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, dude...blogger offers a feature that allows you to write a blog post in advance and publish them later. I know you have a life and all but c'mon..some of us don't have a life and want new entries!

Love u Weasel!

Shelley said...

We miss you!

Anonymous said...

Maybe Weasy found love with one of the people he's featured on here, had a change of heart about portraying all these unknown men as freaks and is living happily ever after in Utah?

l-tek-4 said...

Isn't "living happily ever after in Utah" an oxymoron? :P

(Holding my knees and rocking back and forth:) He'll be back. He always comes back. He wouldn't just leave us here. He'll be back. He ALWAYS comes back.

*ahem* - Weasel, we miss you!

ponykins said...

As a woman, I've always thought men's bit of hanging flesh looked more like a "turkey neck and gizzards" than anything to brag about. Once that imagine is in your brain, there is no going back.

Sarah Elizabeth said...

You're the most talented blogger I've ever had the pleasure of coming across.

I hope you'll be back soon to write more comments that make me choke on my coffee. If not, I totally get the "having to pay bills with a real job" mentality. :-)

Take care!!

Wendy said...

Weasel, Weasel, why has thou forsaken us?

The Crap Blog Detective said...

You sound gay

Andi said...

You didn't die from the flu, did you?

Anonymous said...

Weasle... you're on the drugs again, aren't ya??

Angelina said...

Is Weasel around anymore?

Anonymous said...

On PLFM a reader wrote Weas and said weas said he's busy and will update someday.

Anonymous said...

This blogus interruptus reminds me of Kierkegaard: if Hegel had said on his deathbed that all his writings were a joke, he'd be the greatest genius of all time. But if he believed to the end that what he taught made sense, he was the greatest moron of all.

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Hayley said...

There is definitely something alluring about that cactus.

annariding said...

That was great.... what the hell do they think we really want?!!

Eccabay77 said...

Where is Weasel?! I miss reading his entries and he hasnt updated for ages!!!
Come back! We love you!

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Jennifer said...

I'd be happy with just a "hey guys really busy now!" :( I'm one of those people that thinks the worst when I don't know for sure... where's our little Weasel?

Havoc said...

Weas?...I had great sex without you. The picture of the cactus however will never be the same. Looking forward to you at Xmas..have a chimney and a stocking that need attetion.


(Places this "man-trap" of innuedos in an obvious place to ensure my status in the "hareem" when Weas builds the WWHM Mansion in Cali.)

Lisa Jones said...

hahahah....I think u guys should check on http://www.hookuponlineguide.com/

It ll clear your all doubts...

Canoncowgirl said...

Come back!! :-((((

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Anonymous said...

Funny thing is I know a lot of women in the same IQ league as Eric and would like nothing more than to get up the duff and sit on social for the rest of their lives with Eric happily pounding away...

Des Moines workers compensation said...

Thanks for the hilarious post because the comments following are just cracking me up too!

Anonymous said...

meth is a hell of a drug...

Anonymous said...

3 months? see you 'round Weasel, I'm moving on.

How to get a girl to like you said...

Hey, where have you gone?

Anonymous said...

Weasel??
Where are you?
I'm missing your ramblings ever so much. Come back please!!!

人妻 said...

Hな人妻たちの社交場、割り切った付き合いも当然OK!欲求不満のエロ人妻たちを好みに合わせてご紹介します。即会い、幼な妻、セレブ、熟女、SM妻、秘密、以上6つのジャンルから遊んでみたい女性を選んでください

Anonymous said...

STEPHEN ROOT IS A KLINGON!

Andi said...

Well....hope you had a good Thanksgiving Weasel and I hope you are well (and haven't found yourself checked back into rehab like I'm starting to suspect).

Anonymous said...

The cake wrecks people managed to make their blog into a money maker, I bet you could too.

Could you at least put up some free for all posts once in a while, where your readers can share the ads you haven't chosen?

God Of Bacon said...

If only some of the Enabling Females described below felt the same way you do.

http://columbine101.blogspot.com/2009/01/columbine-101-lesson-one-real-world.html

サイドビジネス said...

1日5万円~が手に入るサイドビジネスのご案内です。男狂いのセレブ女性はネットで知り合った男を次々に金の力で食い散らかしています。そんな女性を手玉にとって大金を稼いでみませんか

Hチェッカー said...

みんなで楽しめるHチェッカー!簡単な設問に答えるだけであなたの隠されたH度数がわかっちゃいます!あの人のムッツリ度もバレちゃう診断を今すぐ試してみよう

FUN & FACT said...

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家出 said...

最近流行の家出掲示板では、各地のネットカフェ等を泊り歩いている家出少女のメッセージが多数書き込みされています。彼女たちはお金がないので掲示板で知り合った男性の家にでもすぐに泊まりに行くようです。あなたも書き込みに返事を返してみませんか

高収入アルバイト said...

性欲を持て余し、欲求不満になっている女性を金銭の対価を得て、癒して差し上げるお仕事です。参加にあたり用紙、学歴等は一切問いません。高収入アルバイトに興味のある方はぜひどうぞ

高級チェリー said...

童貞を奪ってみたい女性たちは、男性にとって「初体験」という一生に一度だけの、特別なイベントを共に心に刻み込むことを至上の喜びにしているのです。そんな童貞好きな女性たちと高級チェリーで最高のSEXをしてみませんか

困っています。 said...

最近寂しくて困っています。夜一人で寝るのが凄く寂しいです…隣で添い寝してくれる男性いませんか?見た目とか特に気にしません。優しくて一緒にいてくれる方大歓迎☆一緒に布団で温まりましょう♪shart.enamorado.de-me@docomo.ne.jp

Nathalie said...

C'mon Weas, now you have comments left in Japanese...I read French, English, and Spanish, but heck that is about it!
Not only that, but the trolls are starting to advertise!
I miss you and your caustic humour...
Give us a sign, something to tell us you're still with us!
(getting worried...)

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Jimmy said...

Women don't like goat herding music during happy time?!

What about Sousa marches like Stars and Stripes Forever?

I suppose you'll next say that if during sex I waive my director's baton in sync to the music that doesn't make my gf hot either???

Shame on you and your misinformation.

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高級 said...

どうしても相手がセレブだと高級感が有り、近付きにくいと思われがちですが、実際はただ欲望のままに快楽を追い求める、セレブとは掛け離れた女性が居るだけです。今こそ自分の欲望を満たすときです

人妻 said...

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