American Gigolo II

BARELY LEGAL 18 YEAR OLD(INCALL/OUTCALL)

TIRED OF OLD MEN NOT PLEASING YOU ENOUGH? WANT A YOUNG, BARELY LEGAL 18 YR OLD TO SHOW YOU A GREAT TIME? THEN THIS IS THE PLACE TO BE ;) ITS A LITTLE UNDER 8 INCHES LONG, VERY PLEASURABLE ;)I WILL DO ANYTHING YOUR MIND DESIRES, ONLY 75 HH, 100 PER HR, DIRT CHEAPPP! I DO INCALLS AT MY PLACE, FROM 6 AM TO 230 PM MONDAY THRU FRIDAY, I CAN DO OUTCALLS AT MOSTLY ANYTIME BUT YOU HAVE TO PICK ME UP EMAIL TIM AT xxxxxxx @ xxxxx.xxx

Women's fantasies have always perplexed me.

My ex-girlfriend recently introduced me to her favorite porn site titled “Erotic Stories for Women.” A typical male, I immediately scanned the titles for the nastiest sounding material, hoping to find something like “An Insatiable Throat” or “Whore Picnic at Anal Mountain” to tickle my male fancy. And perhaps my taint.

But no, this was women's porn, and most titles offered the same levels of depravity one might find at a suburban Memphis cat show. “A Midshipman's Summer” or “The Covenant of Nicole” promised little in the way of cum-drenched shenanigans, and “The Gentle Pillow” spent the first three pages detailing the playful gyrations of a forest logger's buttocks as he contemplated sparing a nest of abandoned eaglets. If this was dirty porn, the editor was a maid.

So when eighteen year-old Tim recently placed a personal ad offering his fantasy services to women for $100 an hour, I was admittedly a little perplexed. Air, water, and hard 18 year-old dicks are the most plentiful resources on our planet, and even our ever-resourceful gas stations have yet to figure out a way to charge a convenience fee for steely hard teenage cock.

I tapped a recent Askmen.com / iVillage.com survey of the top 3 women's fantasies to find out if maybe Chris was on to something. Women listed the following as their Top 3 fantasies:

#3 Abducted by a stranger for a night of hot, passionate, anonymous sex.

Tim's physique suggests he'd have a hard time abducting a de-clawed housecat from a freshly waxed marble floor. Slight of build and tattoo-free, Tim hardly resembles the hard-scrabble ex-cons many women favor for this fantasy. And most women conceded that being abducted by a greeting card store cashier on a 3-speed Schwinn bicycle and riding in the delivery basket to his parents house was just a wee bit of a stretch.

#2 Owning a man as a sex slave

It's hard to enslave a man who ejaculates when you take off your bra. And an 18 year-old man couldn't find his way around a vagina with GoogleMaps and a plastic Dallas Cowboys compass extracted from a box of Lucky Charms, so it's often difficult to instruct a man who has no idea what he's doing. Ask him to warm up your vulva, and he runs out to the garage to start your car. Tell him to moisten the hood, and he spits on his Michigan State sweatshirt.

#1 Mrs. Robinson / Shy, young virgin fantasy

Jackpot. All you insatiable, horny cougars just want an innocent young man to wear an undercooked bacon suit to your little wolverine party. To sip the nectar of youth from the shy, whimpering prisoner of his own innocence. You women disgust me, you're like .......... men with tits.

OK, I see your point, Tim. But charging $100 for your sexual services seems a little ridiculous when all a woman has to do is open her door and throw a rock to find an 18 year-old willing to fuck the eggs out of her. Do cocks grow on trees? They may as well.

A woman can hire a comedian in your area for $100, and you provide twice the laughs. Do the math.

For a list of the Top 10 female fantasies, click here. I read up on you guys for this, and your fantasies are dirty and extraordinarily whorish. I commend you with all my heart. But you should all go wash your hands right now and memorize Bible verses.