Friday, December 11, 2009

WWHM Crawls Back To Life

Ladies and gentleman, welcome back to WWHM!

For those of you not yet familiar with our horrifying little corner of the digital world, WWHM extracts some of the most preposterously idiotic male personal ads ever to grace the pages of our beloved internet, re-posts the exact text of those ads onto our blog along with pertinent commentary, and hurls the results into a bloody, churning meat pit I like to call "my seasoned female readership."

Before you proceed, WWHM would like to issue a stern warning: Some of the personal ads you are about to read may cause you to gag, retch, heave, or relieve the contents of your stomach into a bag of Tostitos. Your vagina may twitch, shake, shudder, or perhaps rappel down your leg, grab a protein bar, and move to Idaho to start a new life harvesting potatoes. Regardless, by proceeding past this entry, you agree to not hold WWHM accountable for what may happen to your once unquenchable sex drive.

Please take note, WWHM contains extremely graphic and immature sexual content, so if you can't handle it, we strongly recommend you go here.

I'm your host, The Weasel, and yes, I am a man. Critics oft contend I produce WWHM solely as a vehicle to make myself look better than other men, yet I counter nothing could be further from the truth.

By my own admission, I am nothing but a small, sheepish and feeble excuse of a man, one so meek you might frequently find me crouched in the fetal position underneath my own bathroom sink, slowly nursing a pasty and congealed gruel of Cheez-its and Yuban from a second-hand YMCA parrot feeder. When introduced to an unknown female or even the non-aggressive, low-speed paw strike of a recently declawed kitten, I tend to spontaneously suffer from the unfortunate malady a four year-old Spanish boy might refer to as "los pantalones con poopy."

So whilst I wholly admit upfront I know next to nothing about women, I've learned at least enough throughout my years to identify when a grown man indeed knows absolutely nothing about women. We dedicate the success of WWHM to those men.

So let's cut through the shit already, shall we?

Here we go, folks, with our new featured personal ad in 3, ..... 2, ..... 1, ......

352 comments:

1 – 200 of 352   Newer›   Newest»
TWHGal said...

OMG!!! You're back!!! Where the fuck have you been?

Ferret said...

I just discovered this gem of a blog this week. Imagine my horror as I read though month after month of guffaw and laugh-to-hiccups inducing personal ads with the accompanying dissection by you, The Weasel, knowing that they ENDED in August. Just last night I read the last of them and found myself heaving a heavy sigh because I knew there were no more. That forlorn sigh must have echoed clear across America because here you are! Thanks for that. No one else has ever described the thoughts, feelings and moods of my vagina as accurately as you do, Weasel. Kisses!

Weasel said...

Sorry about the long absence folks, but as we all know, life can take you on some bizarre twists and turns.

I hope to post in the next couple of days over on Behind WWHM about the future of WWHM and PLFM.

I've really missed writing, I think I'm a little rusty, but I'm getting back on the wagon.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I've missed this so much.

Canoncowgirl said...

OH MY GOD!!!! WEASEL!!!! Words cannot express how much I've missed you! So so so glad you're back :-D

Squirrel said...

Glad to see you are back!

Really missed you. Allways brings a smile on my face when I read up here.

Ros said...

I'm really excited that you've returned! It's generally a huge highlight of my week seeing new posts. I had to start turning to craigslist myself to find amusing posts... one of which, I'm happy to say, appeared today, probably in honor of your return: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/m4w/1505539852.html

daquina said...

welcome back, weas... we've missed you!

Unknown said...

YAAYYY! Welcome back. Know what is funny I just was poking around the blog yesterday wondering where you had went.

Eccentric_Lady said...

Woo-Hoo!!!

Welcome back Weasel...I knew good things would come if I'd wait, and happy that I did. )

Scribe said...

Sooo glad you're back! You don't know how much laughter you brought to my work week... I mean... week.

corticoWhat said...

BWAHAHAHAH! I Loved the Sarah Palin link. Welcome Home.

Mack Truck said...

Weasie, it's been a long time.

Welcome back. However, since you were gone so long, I cheated on you with several other blogs.

None were quite as satisfying, but a girl's gotta do what she can to get her fix.

Anonymous said...

have been reading for a few weeks now, and had been wondering what happened to you--welcome back!
on the other hand, linking people to the sarah palin PAC is just goddamned irresponsible.

Shadowed Storm said...

YOUR BACK!!! I'm so happy! I was worried something had happened you! Welcome Back Weasel!

Anonymous said...

Perfect timing. I checked here on a whim today after giving up a few months ago.

Welcome back!

Anonymous said...

You haven't DIED! Hooray!

Carol :) said...

Wow, I was soooo excited to see a new blog post today!! Even though you have not been here for months, I check it daily!

Glad to see ya back!!

What a great B-day for me, it helps soften the blow of hitting 43!!

Belgium said...

I've been checking this blog DAILY waiting for an update....missed ya, Weasel!

B.K. said...

WEASEL! I missed you! This just made my day, knowing that this is back.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Welcome back and I'm glad you're Tweeting now so we'll all know when to look for a new post!

Lynda said...

OMG YOU'RE BACK!!!!!! THANK GAWD! Missed you tons!

Garret said...

Welcome back! I like TWHGal's response!


Garret of jimandgarret.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

You're BACK!!!!! What a lovely surprise this morning!! *puts on more coffee, settles down to read*

Welcome home!

dizzy said...

OMgomgomogmomgom you're back omgomgomgomgomg

Anonymous said...

Hey maybe your absence will have weeded out some of the trolls =D

Welcome back, baby!

Anonymous said...

Hooray! I was beginning to give up hope!

Anonymous said...

He's back and he's better than ever. This post was hilarious! We missed you, Weas!

Anonymous said...

You're back! (Fainting with relief!) Hilarious post and so happy to see you back at the helm of WWHM! You've been missed!

Madame Vee said...

Hooray, god dammit, HOORAY!

Welcome back, Weasel!

Unknown said...

I just found this,,,,,OMG,,,,funny as hell.
I became single after,,oh my whole life,,,and was starting to think it was ME...
Ha ha ha.
Keep it up,,,

casualencounters.com/blog said...

*CHEERS*

This was like a ray of rainbow sparkle unicorn fairy starlight shooting through my otherwise pedestrian workday. WELCOME BACK WEASEL.

Anonymous said...

Weasel: you've got to use some photos from this site for one of your posts! I laughed so hard I can't stop hiccuping...

Bea said...

You're Back!!!

agustin96 said...

I can't believe how awesome my day just became!!!! Welcome back Weasel!!!! No more re-reading of the Impregnator..... WAHOOOOO

Aleta said...

Hi! Visiting from Hill Billy's blog! I have to admit, I was a little surprised when I read you are a guy. This should be an interesting blog indeed!

BikerPuppy said...

I'm sooooooooo happy you're back, Weas!! You've been greatly missed. I hope you enjoyed some much needed rest, relaxation and ... well, whatever else you needed. Good to see you!

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Unknown said...

Reading your blog has put a smile on my face so many days. so happy you are back! Hooray!

Anonymous said...

God I thought I'd missed this blog. The commentary is as insufferable as ever, so I just read the italicized parts.

Anonymous said...

Some time around 1990 I was walking through the Searstown Mall in Leominster, Massachusetts when I saw a young man in a t-shirt that belongs on this weblog. Both he and his buddy looked like typical wedge shaped alpha trash and seemed right at home in a shirt that said, "OK BITCH! NO MORE MR. NICE GUY! DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!"

I was a bit shocked when I saw it, but after living in that area for a couple of years I learned that his attitude was about average for the local population.

I have since moved far away from there.

Anonymous said...

OH Weasel...you heard my pleas...for something...anything that will get my mind of this shite-ridden sandwich called 2009.

Seriously, if I believed in a god, I'd ask him/her to bless you...instead I will just send good vibes...good wishes and a hearty thank you from the bottom of my little grinch like heart...

HUGE kiss to you my friend...thanks and welcome home!

wheelin126 said...

LOL!!!! That picture is on peopleofwalmart.com That site is absolutely hilarious!!
Woot Weasel is back at least for a little bit. Glad to have you back missed the witty commentary on both sites :)

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I love this blog because it expreses everything I want to say. I posted something myself depicting the ideal male form (oh yes, pics included! ;)Check it out urself Worden and you tell me if I'm being unreasonable.

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Anonymous said...

Welcome back Weasel!

kanishk said...

hope to post in the next couple of days over on Behind WWHM about the future of WWHM and PLFM.

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RebelJubilee said...

Weasel, you are such a tease

Anonymous said...

It is certainly interesting for me to read the article. Thanx for it. I like such themes and everything that is connected to them. I would like to read more on that blog soon.

5% said...

YAY!!!!!!

Janine said...

YOU'RE BACK! We've waited so long!

Goldie said...

<3 Weas!! ^.^ Good to have you back!

Anonymous said...

Yeah! He's back! It's about fuckin time.

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Anonymous said...

3...2...1...and nearly 30 days later...nada. Sigh. This and Psychotic Letters had such great promise. But promises, promises, and again nothing. Like most men. I give up.

Alexander The Great said...

Haha hey! nice blog there! offers a very unique perspective of dating! And yes, i believe that women have more than a million reasons to hate men. :D

Anyway, i too have a dating advice blog, and perhaps you could check it out too, it's called The Dating Rule Book.
http://DatingRuleBook.blogspot.com

rather similar to yours on the dating dos and donts and hows :D

Brett said...

Man I am your new biggest fan. new to the blogging world, I just ran across your site. I too am a comedy writer, but you are my friend are my new hero. You are my white, MLK,

Wendy said...

I'm SO glad to see you bacfk Weasel! My workday has missed you!

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Kaleidoscoptics said...

I love those shirts. It's like a giant billboard announcing "Douche warning! Stay clear!"

shnitzlfritz said...

..... and gone again. LOOOOOVE how everyone got their hopes up, as usual, that Weasel really cared this time.

You're like a shitty boyfriend, full of promises and apologies, but then... nothing.

I know people are going to jump on me, saying he's just a blogger, doesn't owe anybody anything, blah blah blah, which is normally true, but what I'm tired of is the promise of posts (and the desperate cries of "thank GOD!!! I knew you would come back!!!") and then no follow up.

just stop pretending you give a shit about this blog, okay?

Anonymous said...

WWHM crawls back to life, only to die again.

Looks like the trolls won.

Sad, that.

Anonymous said...

OMG! It's been a long time, but I thought, what the hell, I'll load WWHM and see if it was finally pulled down or not. And, low and behold, a Weasel post :). Yes, Weas, you're a bit rusty but it like with all writing, you will get back into the swing of it with some practice.

Anonymous said...

I thought you were back?
Psh...

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Don't stop posting such stories. I like to read blogs like this. Just add more pics :)

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Anonymous said...

I've taken this blog off my feed and check back maybe once a month for old-times sake. Weasel, let this blog die. You have the best of intentions but posting every 6 weeks about how you're 'coming back' is a tease. It's obvious that you're not coming back and stringing us along like this is just causing disappointment. End this thing honorably, clean up the ridiculous amounts of spam collecting in the comments, and shut the comments down. That way this blog can at least be enjoyed in the future as something that was and it will no longer be the embarrassment it's become.

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Anonymous said...

well said anonymous. Let it die with dignity

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Anonymous said...

Huh, wow, I'd totally given up on you. Well, maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up too much since it is February now and all. ;)

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Anonymous said...

I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing

Anonymous said...

Welcome back Weasel..But you still far behind in regular posting ...So keep continue ..
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Anonymous said...

Why do you tease us so? Come back!

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casualencounters.com/blog said...

So sorry to hear you're going to be shutting down PLFM and dialling back on updates to this site (for completely understandable reasons).

Thanks for the laughs and the great ride, Mike.

Anonymous said...

you are a disgrace to your sex.

you will not find a site like this with the sexes reversed - you know why becuse women stick together and dont betray womankind.

you however clearly have problems, maybe you should go far that sex change you have been thinking about all these years

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Anonymous said...

What do you expect when you're all being needy little shits? This is a blog, not TMZ. Let the man live his life already.

Anonymous said...

You seem to have the potential to be a good writer but your cocaine-fuelled rants were funny for like five seconds. The constant stroking from your dedicated following of horny cowgirls probably made you think you were more hilarious than you are.

I think if you sober up and get your head on straight you will have no trouble finding paying writing work because your writing will improve. Otherwise...you're gonna have to try and find a sugar mama to look after you.

Take care of yourself. Don't become a statistic. Don't waste your talent.

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The spambots are getting better.

I get that you have a life and all but it's bullshit that once every 3 months you make noises about a triumphant return and then poof, you're gone.

Sorry Weas, I gotta get rid of your bookmark. I hope the next time I stumble on this site it will be updated.

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Caleb said...

Good stuff! Well, other than when I clicked one of your posts and saw an old guy's wiener. That was weird. Still, overall, very funny!

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I have been reading for a few weeks now, and had been wondering what happened to you--welcome back!
I Loved the Sarah Palin link. Welcome Home.

Goofus said...

In case Weasel ever comes back here to shovel the spam, or just click through while enjoying some coke, I wanted to say he is missed.

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This comment has been removed by the author.
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