The Challenge

Ladies Read This... You Want A Challenge?

Ok here is the challenge. I will bet you that no matter how Hott you are or think you are. No matter what you say or do sexually or what sexy outfit you wear. That YOU! Cannot get me to sleep with you with in the first three days! Just remember the hotter you are and the flirtier you are and the more sexual in your windows you are the better your chances are to get me to sleep with you with in those first three dates! Now if you win you get the gift certificate to the day spa. Now if I win you buy me a real steak dinner with the works and take me to some cool guy movie. -Adam XXX-XXX-XXXX

When I was a junior in high school, I wasn't considered much of a catch by the ladies. Girlish in stature and primarily governed by fears, even the mere thought of encountering a small flightless bird or indifferent moth turned my discount cotton briefs into a catch bin for what a 3 year-old girl might aptly describe as "tinkle."

My sexually experienced girlfriend at the time was anxious to house something inside her vagina not advertised as super-absorbent, and rightfully acknowledged I wasn't going to be the guy to do it. Clingy as a laundered sock yet paralyzed by chronic vagiphobia, I acted as though her pants contained a car bomb or hammerhead shark. Her vagina had become the trunkless elephant in the tiny room of our relationship, and she was looking for an experienced snout.

"I need a guy that's a challenge," she said, patting my piping-hot and urine-soaked leg.

Whilst I was lucky to learn at 15 that women prefer a challenge, some guys never get it. Rather than entice a woman with his intelligence, charm her with his humor or inspire her with his drive to succeed, some guys just hoist up their belly fat, snap a photo of their uncleansed balls, and serve them up to your computer screen like two cheese squares extracted from the hair bin at a Siamese cat groomer. Then they wonder "Where's the bitches at?" News flash: For women, the three most plentiful resources on this earth are air, water, and hard loser cock.

Adam heard the rumor that women love a challenge and took it literally, constructing a dating challenge for his personal ad daring you - I'll say that again, daring you - to make him want to sleep with you. Please ignore the fact Adam would sleep with you even if you arrived wearing horseshoes, a cast iron welding helmet, and spent the first hour eating dead houseflies off his kitchen floor.

Further ignore the fact that 99% of the single guys I know can easily go three days without sex. Clear the bench by snapping off a quick batch of Keebler elves and we'll be perfectly content watching a show about logging. Personally, I've gone three months, which might explain why I spent last night on a park bench in the red light district generously sprinkling crack rocks on the ground for prostitutes.

Finally, ignore the definition of challenge, which technically requires a winner. In Adam's challenge, even Helen Keller could see she loses either way. A facial from the spa first requires a facial from Adam, and even if you "lose", you owe a dumbass two hours of your time, a chunk of cow and a film about robots.

You missed the point Adam. To women, a challenge is a guy that does not want to sleep with them at all. They want to earn it. If a woman just wants cock, she can hurl a baboon turd out her window and hit any random guy walking along the street and he would happily tax her pussy like the IRS.

And really, any woman with intact synapses knows that's all you're after anyway. That's not a challenge. You're just another clueless online asstard trying to get his dick wet under the guise of a challenge no more difficult than beating a fire hydrant at Scrabble.

I have seen the future, and for you it has no vadgepass.

Enjoy.