Mama's Boy

Hard to pass me up!

Hello ladies, a little bit about myself. I graduated from Duke University a couple years ago. I have a great job which pays incredibly, a Lexus, and an apartment which is filling out very nicely. I've been wanting to buy a house, but there is one thing missing, my thin, beautiful trophy wife on my arm. You should be athletic (I run five miles every day, rain or shine) and your fat ass will not be sitting on the couch. You should be intelligent enough to hold a conversation in polite company, but know your place, and when it is appropriate to speak. You should know how to cook, because I am tired of ordering in, and going out every night. My mom has already said that she'd be happy to show you how to cook some of my favorite meals. You can be college educated, however you won't be working anyhow, so I don't see how it matters. Unless of course you studied home-making. Be sure to send a full body photo of yourself, clothing optional. *wink* Steven

I'm sure we all remember that strange kid with the plastic helmet in second grade that used to spend half his day eating wasps and the other half sticking his tongue in the pencil sharpener. Tempered brilliance tends to manifest itself in a bizarre fashion with youngsters, so most of these kids actually end up as mildly successful adults just like Steven did.

Mothers excessively coddle these disturbed youths however, and as a result they tend to grow into adulthood with a bloated sense of entitlement, especially in regards to women. That's unfortunate, because Steven sincerely believes he's an irresistable catch for any woman, despite the fact that just up until last year he couldn't shit properly without wearing a blue cape that said "I'm Mommy's Favorite Sooper Pooper" in pink stitching. He continues, however, to make tractor noises when he wipes.

So as expected, Steven has done quite well for himself. He graduated from Duke University and found himself in a high-paying job. So high-paying in fact, that not only has he has been able to afford something called an apartment, but he also drives a Lexus. Wow, Steven, that's pretty impressive.

Until you consider the fact that the last time I saw a Lexus, I was stepping out of one and heading into .... wait for it ..... my apartment. I'm a man that writes a blog about penises and I have the same accoutrements as you, yet you don't see me ordering my girlfriend to make me a goddamn pot roast.

Anyway, Steven seeks a thin, beautiful, educated woman that can cook and knows when to keep her mouth shut. That sounds like a fine selection, Steven, because when she's aggressively cooking the pool boy's cock in her thin and beautiful uterus, she'll be educated enough to keep her mouth shut about it.

Maybe when your mother is sharing tips with your new girlfriend about how to raise bread properly, she can share with your mother some tips on how to raise children properly.

Now go buy her some new shoes, bitch. The pool boy is almost here.