Tuesday, July 29, 2008



My girlfriend hates sex and she always has dry snatch, and even if I try feeding her my cock, she won't suck my dick either. So i'm looking for a horny lady who has a wet pussy for me to fuck and a wet mouth for my cock. I'm good looking tall professional businessman in town looking for that quick fuck. Let's do some magic! Email me at erinX@XXXXXXXXXX.XXX

For his first magic trick, Erin will enter a convention hall full of ladies listening to erotica for women, and instantly transform their moistened vaginal walls into Triscuits simply by saying the magic word "snatch."

Erin, you need to understand some women unfortunately experience dryness from time to time, and according to the New England Journal of Medicine, this condition is often caused by a constriction of the mucous membranes lining the vagina, or in your case, the fact that she's in the vicinity of an inconsolable fucking douchebag.

I know infants more receptive to a spoonful of stewed beets than your girlfriend is to being fed your cock, which is why your cock spends most of it's time dangling in the breeze like a forgotten Christmas ornament.

Want to make her wet?

Leave the house.


anniebanannie said...

Holy Shit!

Men really don't have a clue... not one. Okay... I get it. Now I know why people who are obnoxious and clueless are called "dicks." It all makes sense... sadly.

Anonymous said...

What a douchebag. THANK YOU for calling this tool out!

Anonymous said...

God I wish I could reply to these pig fuckers.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever heard of foreplay, Erin? And, no, "Come get your lunch, bitch" doesn't count.

Oh, that's right. Women are supposed to produce more lube than an oil change at an auto repair shop at the mere sight of your majestic cock. :rolleyes:

I'm surprised your girlfriend's "snatch" hasn't crumbled into dust by now.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

I'd be so tempted to send this dude the number of his local cat rescue. He can go volunteer to give diarrhea-soaked kittens baths - that is the only wet pussy he is going to get near with those lines!

Mack Truck said...

Y'know, I don't use this word often and only try to bring it out on special occasions, but I think this guy warrants it.

What a complete and utter fucktard.

nosey said...

anonymous, Ahh, Pig Fucker...one of my favorites! You can never go wrong with Pig Fucker.

Fugly, good one!

This guy might also have better luck if he puts things in better order...first he should want a wet mouth, then a wet pussy. Personally, I don't want a mouth full of wet pussy cock.

*Amber* aka Suzy SINsation said...

ROFLMAO at the comparison to triscuits! Genius!

I don't care how hot you are, if you try to "feed me your cock" I'm going to bite the fucker off.

Nosnikta said...

Nosey, I'm pretty sure this guy wouldn't give a shit which order. He'd probably fuck you up the ass too and then shove it in your face.

Pig... I hope he finds a nice wet puss-filled one that causes his weiner to turn green and fall off.

There's a REASON his wife doesn't want to have sex with him. I'm pretty sure I can see her side.

Nosnikta said...

"puss-filled"? lmao...

PUS-filled. I got cornfused because how do you spell something that is pus-filled? Do you spell it "pussy"???? And if so, is it possible to have a pussy pussy????

(sigh)... I'm so confused.

nosey said...

Dear Erin,

I love sex and my snatch is always juicy! Some of the men I've dated have loved the feel of my moist mound but turn a little green when the smell hits them. I hope you are so into my teary eye of God that that won't phase you.

I love to suck on your stiff meat and the smell won't bother me either! I will gobble it up like two day old Kentucky Fried Chicken mashed potatoes and gravy.

I can't wait to meet a goodlooking tall professional businessman who has a girlfriend with a arid twot,even when fed a cock, for some magic!

Email me at:

Nosnikta said...

ROFL... OMG.. I think I'm gonna puke!

Cut-N-Jump said...

This guy truly is a dick! I bet his neighbors are nuts and his best friend is an asshole!

>>Want to make your girlfriend wet?

Leave the house.<<

Yep, bet you walk out the front door as the parade begins- Pablo the Pool Boy, Cabana Boy Dave, Greg the Gardner, William the Window Washer, Ron the Roofer and Chuck the Carpenter all walk in through the back.

The sight of them makes her moisture levels soar 'til they equal that of an olypmic sized swimming pool!

wheelin126 said...

Hey he got the girl version of Erin his should have been Aron or AAron..what a pantywaste in more ways then one!!

Unknown said...

Let's do some magic...well, I COULD turn you into a toad, but I see someone's beat me to the punch. (My apologies to amphibians everywhere.) Actually, I think this magic reminds me more of _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_, when Ron's discombobulated wand backfires and has him barfing giant slugs.

Honestly, where DO you find these beauties?

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

>>I don't care how hot you are, if you try to "feed me your cock" I'm going to bite the fucker off.<<

It's probably accompanied by the hand-on-her-head-SHOVE maneuver that any normal guy learned only works in porn by age 21.

MinxyQ said...

Why do I get the feeling that his girlfriend has this affliction because he has not a clue about FOREPLAY? Sorry dude, force-feeding your dick does NOT constitute foreplay.

Does anyone else want to track down this guy's boss and forward the add? I mean if he truly is a "business man," his "professional" colleagues and clients would be none to impressed. Would serve him right.

Merridyn said...

fuglyhorseoftheday said...
I'd be so tempted to send this dude the number of his local cat rescue. He can go volunteer to give diarrhea-soaked kittens baths - that is the only wet pussy he is going to get near with those lines!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! Been there, done that. AND he would get to do it many, many, many times a day. I don't think liquid kitty poop was quite what he had in mind, but I would be thorughly surprised if he gets anything better than that. He would also get to poke something into a mouth. He could have the fun, fun job of shooting eye-droppers full of Albon into the mouths of psycho feral kittens afflicted with coccidia. That's the only time he'll be forcing any mouths open and shooting something into them. Sadly for him, those kittens will have a reaction much like his girlfriend's! I applaud any cat that scratches this guy :)

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

>>He could have the fun, fun job of shooting eye-droppers full of Albon into the mouths of psycho feral kittens afflicted with coccidia. <<

Merridyn - the amusing point is this:

Both of us have chosen that activity over spending our time with the loser men of the world.

Guys, this is a sign you're doing something wrong!

Anonymous said...

I suddenly had the mental picture of a bird dangling a worm in front of its young trying to force feed it. "You know you want it!"

I imagine thats what this guy was trying to do with his girlfriend.

And I dare say his penis is probably around the same size as the poor worm.

Merridyn said...

Fugly, you've hit the nail on the head (although I am ashamed to admit that I have not been doing said things this summer. It's just pathetic that I could get so much more enjoyment out of being scrached and getting noxious feline bodily substances than I could out of chasing men. I KNEW there had to be a reason my one and only boyfriend was 10 years ago.

Semi-off topic:
In a county sort of near me, a guy hoarded over 300 animals. not surprisingly, they are all sick and living in filthy conditions. Kittens, puppies, rabbits, birds, and roosters. Too bad it's not my county. The county's shelter and the guy's home are too far away.
this case us going to take a hell of an intervention. The guy is obviously mentally ill. The house may be condemned and torn down.
It's this sort of thing that makes me lose my faith in humans. Why did nobody complain about the overwhelming stench before he had so many? People KNEW it was happening. I'm sure animal control is stretched thin, but they jump on hoarder cases. This just gets me so pissed. Yes, they guy fucked up. But the people around him fucked up too. Whatever happened to getting off your lazy ass and making a phone call?
300 animals is the worst case in my general area I have ever heard of. Someone I met in Maryland helped handle what she thinks is the largest number of animals hoarded and the largest mass euthanasia in US history. 350 cats and 18 dogs found. 175 cats had to be euthed ASAP for reasons as small as URIs. That poor shelter's cat capacity was only 60, and they were in a very rural area with nobody to help out with the space problem.
Okay, done with rant. I know I'm preaching to the choir, but I had to get it off my chest.

Anonymous said...

Ok, gimme a clue....where did he go wrong with his ad?

Anonymous said...

@Anniebanannie:Men really don't have a clue... not one.

Could you please not judge all of us by some of the worst of us? If, for example, I said all women were whores, because Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, etc. were all whores, I would be considered (quite correctly) a misogynist.
Every man profiled here may be an ass, but that's hardly a fair sample size. Even if every man you ever met in your life was like this, consider the fact that the population is a constantly fluctuating number in excess of 3 billion.
Furthermore, every person is constantly fluctuating. For example, I'm tired right now, so my post (from which your opinion of me will be drawn) is likely to be long-winded, dull, and lightly peppered with typos.

Thank you for your time.

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Anonymous said...

Feeding her his dick sounds more like rape to me.

Oh, and from where I'm from, Erin is the feminine form of Aaron. So, yeah. Your parents hated you.