Friday, March 7, 2008

Hay You.




I wanna lady friend -39


I am looking for a lady friend for one on one encounters.......

....and you must enjoy sex upon mounds of stank and damp cattle feed.

All in a dark and soulless barn. With bats.

Anyway, speaking of barns (which is something I love to do), all you ladies should know that young males discover pornography for the first time in one of two places. Either in the forest, or in the back of a barn. Absolutely true. Ask them.

And as we grow older, we look back on our first experiences with pornography, and often chuckle to ourselves "How did that porn get there in the first place?"

Well, here's the answer. It was this guy, the fucking Santa Claus of porn. Making his way around to the forests and remote barns of world, dumping 1975 Penthouses, 1983 Oui magazines, and coarse moustache hairs everywhere in his path.

And to this man, the men of the world have two words for you:

Thank you.

And to this man, the ladies of the world have two words for you as well:

Owl poo.

9 comments:

Lightwing said...

I'd have a few more words for him. "Why did you shave your abdomen and not your chest?"

Anonymous said...

weez, first porn I ran into was in a big box of mags thrown in a garbage dumpster when I was maybe 11. I had no place to hide this box in my house so I threw them up on the roof. I would sneak up there and puruse my porn as it slowly disintigrated in the seattle rain.
thankfully I found booze when I was tweleve and realized the truth of billy dee williams colt .45 add "it works everytime" and was getting laid by drunk bitches on a regular basis a short time later. Unfortunatly now I get laid about as often as your average homeless guy. I would look at this as proof of karmic justice, but along came internet porn and asian massage parlours to invalidate my theory.

- jlane

Weasel said...

I found my first porn in a forest.

I became a woodsman after that. I could have survived on a diet of earwigs and live birds.

I never left that porn until one day someone took it.

My quest for porn never ended after that.

nip/tuck said...

Haven't you ever heard of the porn fairy?

bloodymerrie said...

Porn fairy? Is that a gay pornstar, by any chance?

bloodymerrie said...

LOVE the atristic aproach to personal grooming. He's a rebel. I can tell.

nip/tuck said...

The porn fairy is a mysterious woman who leaves porn for unsuspecting men. She signs her name and adds a drawing of herself, magic dildo in hand.

Anonymous said...

crazy idea i know but how do u think credit cruch affected porn?


----------------
kelly divine

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