Thursday, June 26, 2008

ROIDS!

Any hot ladies want a lunchtime load? - man is seeking a female- 24 yrs'old

6'2, tan, muscular, hung and horny...please send me a pic.

A couple years ago, I began to realize I was too skinny the day I wore shorts to the exotic bird interaction tent at the zoo, and the flamingos started throwing bread at me.

My personal trainer at the time, a 5'2 man with the charisma and IQ of an undercooked Cudahy sausage, suggested I try a cycle of steroids.

After two months on steroids, I began to grow considerably larger, much to the chagrin of my sister.

"You're behavior is too bizarre and erratic," she said.

"What are you talking about?" I queried, confused as to why she had to bring this up while I was busy using a gas-powered hedgetrimmer to carve "dOnT tRusT tHe ThROatSLiTTer" into the hood paint of her new Toyota Prius.

But the next day, as I was beltsanding the face off of a neighborhood cat, I began to wonder if she had a point. Buzzing with testosterone and realizing she might be right, I kicked my high heels off, fucked a houseplant, and called it quits on the steroids.

But I understand it's practically irresistable for a woman to respond to personal ad where a complete stranger offers you something as sexy as a "lunchtime load." He thinks it's downright charitable.

Just look at the trade off. He gets a blowjob, and you get 6 calories, plus the ever-refreshing taste you'd normally get throat-gargling bleach whilst intermittently tounging the cafeteria salt shaker.

In a nutshell ladies, stay away from guys on steroids.

It's the 24 year-old prissy attention seeking equivalent of the 44 year-old bald, fat used book-store cashier who's so desperate he parades down the beach with an exotic bird perched on his shoulder.

And in the end, it's nothing but a recipe for two black eyes, two blue balls, and an ejaculation so dry it emulates someone sneezing into a plateful of powdered milk.

1 comment:

lamexicanita86 said...

Being an English major and having to quote myriads of irrelevant "scholarly sources" as a matter of habit, I am loathe to quote any part of a blog, either. But I must say that the part about beltsanding the face off a neighborhood cat nearly made me choke on my hot chocolate.