Just trying VigRX - Need a test run before use on girlfriend Just a shot in the dark here, but I've been trying out VigRX for a little while now, and I do notice that I'm getting harder and longer lasting erections (while in self-satisfying mode). It's supposed to be a penis enlargement pill, but apparently it has viagra like qualities as well. I do feel a lot harder. Before, I couldn't keep it up for very long with my girlfriend, but now I think that it might be helping.
Was wondering if any ladies out there would like to help me give it a test run before I try it on my girlfriend. She won't be back for a week so I just want to make sure. Steven XXX-XXX-XXXX
Ahhhh yes, just another day at WWHM, and just another man scribing an ad to attract a woman by first admitting he takes penis enlargement pills, then admitting he suffers from premature ejaculation, then revealing he has problems maintaining an erection, and finally, acknowledging he already has a girlfriend. Who says romance is dead? As far as I can fucking tell, if a duck took a wade into the vast depths that is the current male dating pool, he'd emerge with unsplashed kneecaps.
But thankfully Steven is a mime, so at least he can still simulate having sex with no one. But impotent at 29? At 29, I could get my dick hard watching one of the Golden Girls have a stroke.
The general problem with the lot of male personal ads these days is that women tend to think of the penis as an appendage to the man, while most men write their personal ads as though they were the appendage to the penis. “Look at this amazing penis!” their ads bellow, “have you ever seen such a glorious organ?” But she's looking at the background of the photo, where a mangy dog is eating a seagull in the living room, there's a dinner plate on a milk crate, and the bed showcases what appears to be a rubber vagina consuming a carrot. She could care less about your penis; she's essentially fucking an apartment with all the welcoming conviviality and charm of a mid-winter downtown Detroit Greyhound bus depot during a NAMBLA convention.
Yet guys like Steven, who constructed an entire personal ad dedicated to the minute ministrations and daily struggles of his genitals, exacerbate the problem by attributing their failures with women to- what else?- a small penis. Men are putting the cart before the horse; no women are going to know you have a small penis if they don't give a shit about it in the first place. Yet Steven spends $932.99 on herbal penis enlargement pills (I checked; comes with a free exercise video!) in hopes of making himself more attractive to women. Believe me, if herbs and spices made your dick bigger, I'd beleaguer my genitals with chipotle Underoos until my penis resembled a family-sized can of beef broth.
Here's the facts: 95% of men have an erect penis that measures between 5.3 and 6.1 inches. 95% of women have a vaginal depth between 3.8 to 4.6 inches. In a nutshell, most of us are going to fit together pretty well. Even if you're a little shorter than average it's not like you're heaving a cocktail frank into the Grand Canyon, and she'll be thankful you're not beating her damn cervix like a catcher's mitt.
Guys need to hear it from the source. Do you ever want to see or hear about a guy's dick before you've even met him? Does size matter? Feel free to post anonymously.
This "show-and-tell about your dick" in a personal ad business has reached a breaking point here at WWHM.
99 comments:
Okay, I really, really don't get the whole "my dick is the most important thing about me" idea that some men have. It may be the most important thing to THEM, but it isn't to ME! Yeah a terrific cock is great to have, but I married an adequate cock on a great guy and I'm still pretty darn happy after all these years. After the initial lets-have-sex-all-the-time portion of the relationship wears off, there are more important things that the size of the cock to be thinking about.
Forget the dick - what's with that little Mr. Bill-looking doll thing on his mirror??! Okay, Weas, you win. Women really do pay more attention to the white face paint, frilly antique mirror w/ flower etchings and whatever that doll thing is. I honestly forgot he even HAD a dick after looking at that picture!!
So thanks Mr Mime Fuckwad, people like you who are dumb enough to buy this penis enlargement pill bullshit, are the reason I have to have 20 spam filters on my email account in the first place.Thanks.
I don't believe he has a girlfriend anyway- he is just trying to get a pity fuck.
Yes weasel size does matter, Iam 5 foot tall and I don't want a 12 inch sausage banging away.LOL.
Ok so I had always thought that size didn't matter and it was all about how you used it but this isn't quite true. It does matter but not by much.
Too big is just as bad as too small. Most bigger guys seem to have a lot more trouble keeping it hard. I would assume because it takes so much fucking blood to keep it that way.
In my experience, it really is more about confidence in bed. I dated a less than average guy who knew that he was small and let it affect him. He got so self-conscious, etc. that it was no fun at all.
I dated another small guy who knew it and didn't care in the least. He recognized it and made sure he did a damn good job in other departments as well as lasting forever!
It's all about confidence. Big or small.
There is hope.
Doesn't matter at all, unless it's at either end of the extremes.
Give me kindness and humour anyday!
Great post Weasel!
Hmmm I doubt I'm in that 5% range, but I am almost positive when a female is fully aroused she can be 8 inches deep plus. When not fully aroused about 4-6 inches deep. Those facts are from my gyno :)
Well, I guess I could believe him having erection problems at 29. My ex (at 21) had to get a prescription from his doctor for Viva Viagra. Which was quite sad really.
Size doesn't really matter much. Being too small is just as inconvenient as being too large. If a small guy can bring on the moves, yay! It's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean ;)
But of course, it can be said that it'll take a hell of a long time to reach the other side of the ocean in a row boat.
P.S. Is it considered weird if your boyfriend's friends talk about the size of your boyfriend's penis more than you or he does? LOL
Oh my god - I could talk for a week, non-stop, without sleeping, listing all the things I am interested in hearing about *before* I hear about penis size. I really, really, really do not care. Once I have got to the stage when I am ready to have sex with whoever-it-is, then size matters slightly - ie I do not want a mushroom or a third arm. If I NEVER see another personal ad featuring a picture of a cock, discussing a cock, measuring a cock, it will be too soon.
Ashley's correct: the cervix heads north when a woman is turned on. Or so they tell me.
Weasel, you are starting to remind me of my lover -- he's another one who's constantly coming out with these "Oh I'm such an insensitive and overweight loser barely smart enough to put underpants on correctly" -- when in reality this guy is extremely svelte, always tactful and has a genius IQ. Methinks you doth protest too much :)
I ask that you not request visual aids or detailed explanations, but my pecker is about 2" and I have a perfectly mutually enjoyable sexual relationship all the same. In all honesty the only thing I think I could object to in a guy was being too BIG.
I know I've commented this before, but ads that focus solely on 'MY GODLIKE SCEPTER OF PASSION' are basically the last-ditch effort of guys who were originally going to post "SEX SEX SEX I WANT SEX" but realized that was too brief.
I thought you were joking about how much that crap costs.
You weren't.
But it's only $489.99 right now if you hurry! And you can get a bonus of semenax volume enhancer (WTF? I can't think of a single female who wants more ejaculate!) and pheromones too! Just enough faux science to interest a man with an IQ of 130 or so ... "Hey, I read about those pheromones. They work!" Best of all you get 1 Crazy Party Girls movie (presumably what today's winner is using to test his new and improved dick).
Steven, dude, it's called the placebo effect. I think tying a brick to the end might work better and it's cheaper. At least it's funnier.
haha i looked at the picture BEFORE i read the add and i was thinking "is he wearing make up" and then i read the add and realized that this man like all men on your blog is creepy and i would rather use a vibrator than let him take me on a test drive. i'm shocked that he even has a girlfriend but if she reads your blog i doubt he will soon!
she'll be thankful your not beating her damn cervix like a catcher's mitt.
~~~~~~~
Well-, well-said, Weaz. Bigger is NOT better. It's all what a guy does with it. I don't find penises to be attractive, at all. Physically what I find attractive is a sexy mouth, dark hair, and a nice butt. More importantly, it's how comfortable a guy is with himself, that he treats other people with respect, and how he treats me. That's sexy. And that pretty much sums up my guy. :)
Oh, and another thing--WTF is it with Steven using the "gotta try this out on someone else" on top of the fact that his "girlfriend is out of town"?! Just another shitbag using a (supposedly) plausible excuse to cheat on his girlfriend.
Asshat.
As far as I'm concerned, this pathetic sop can f*** his whoring mother before he ever so much as lays eyes on me. I'd rather go to bed with a piece of pond scum or a hamster with herpes.
He's a shining exemplification of why half of all marriages end in divorce, the reason women have such a low opinion of most men, and the reason that vibrators are so popular.
Even though this asswipe was probably born in the sewer, he has an ego the size of Mars. The world would be a better place if he went back to the sewer or Mars. He may have gall (that's a bad thing, nincompoop), but he lacks guts. This sorry life form is a role model for chingamadres, maricones, and pocohombres everywhere.
Oh, and today is a PMS-y day, in case you hadn't noticed.
I have never understood the "big penis" thing. Too large is painful and no fun at all (think the catchers mit comment you wrote).
Photo is reminiscent of the "Silence of the Lambs" meets "Phantom of the Opera." I'm not sure penis enhancement pills are the pills this guy needs...
Oh the catcher's mitt thing is killing me. My ex is hung like a damn maglight. (O.o) No problems keeping it up (perhaps problems keeping it down though, LOL), can go marathon or quickie (so those can't be a side effect of size), definitely not a "halter horse" although good looking IMHO. But there were times when my cervix must have resembled the after effects of a meat tenderizer. I would be pleased to have him drop a half to full inch in size.
Particularly small doesn't interest me much either, but you are absolutely correct that I could give a damn less about cock size until I figure out how big of a dick they are themselves.
I recently met a guy who sadly fits into the fling category that had a medium sized cock but had extraordinary dedication to his other talents. It was well rewarded.
Well, when I was young and really slutty, size was always a really good thing.
I just had a hard time getting men who could take "yes" for an answer!
As to size, well, the largest sex organ is the brain. And hubby and I are sexually satisfied with each other to this day! (5 yrs married, 9 yrs together). Yes, the toys help, as does his knowledge of the use of tongues, fingers, skin, fingernails, whips, clips, clamps and whispers!
Hubby's less than average appendage size (due to medications during puberty) is actually nice. I'm not threatened or afraid of 'it', Crackers doesn't choke me or make me gag, and doesn't drill a hole through any tender tissues, although it still can 'hit bottom' on me. Thick enough to please!
I have never said no to a healthy penis. Because you never know! It's still all about who it's attached to. And thankfully Hubby is smart enough to choose a woman who shares his interests outside the bedroom as well. We both know we're fortunate, and appreciate each other so much!
Weas, are you sure this guy--oops, I mean scumbag--is 29? He has the wrinkled forehead and receding hairline of a 50 year old.
Most bigger guys think they can just lay there and you'll be so grateful for their freakish donkey cock they don't need to do a thing. Been there...
... I'll stick with average, thanks!
Yes, but a good number of these douchebags come with their own photo plaques. Like the free oral sex guy.
yeah, what bothers me is that even when you tell a guy that his penis is like icing on the cake, he just doesn't get it. He really truly believes the weenie IS the cake, disregarding all the diversity that goes into making a cake, well, a cake you'd want to eat. As opposed to say, a bag of flour.
Or he thinks that orgasms will solve all problems, and you'll fall in love if he gives you one. What is that about?
It's not like it's hard to orgasm, I mean, really.
Bravo, Weasel, I think this was your best written post yet! I laughed, I cried, I retched. Thank you so much for this blog, I love it!
Ah penis size....why oh why do they advertise it...is it like girls putting up personal columns stating the size of their 'welcoming mat'
I can see it now, 5'6" blonde, likes long walks on the beach, 36DD, reading and movies, 5" love tunnel and can tighten upon request. Call 563XXX XXX for more.....
No mystery there
Thingsthatperplexme said "I could give a damn less about cock size until I figure out how big of a dick they are themselves."
HAHAHAHAHAHA AMEN SISTA.
Great commentary, Weasel, one of the best! This poor fellow, looking for the pity fuck, gosh, he made every woman want him so desperately describing every sex problem he has in detail. Ugh.
And, I've never had a cock that was "too small", but there have been a few that were "too large for comfort" for this 5'3" woman.
And never mind trying to perform fellatio while gagging on a big one, no thanks. AND, if you're large and even think about even TOUCHING the back of my head while I'm doing that, you'll have to finish by yourself.
Am I too cruel or does anyone else want to see this guy describing his genital troubles through his chosen medium of mime?
The only time a man's dick is the most important and admired part of his body is the day he's born. Essentially, of course. After that he's like every other celebrity has been, reinventing themselves (yayyyyy Canada scored a goal)and having a farewell tour every other week. Too bad this guys farewell tour ends prematurely. Solo performances and all that.*LMAO*
"Believe me, if herbs and spices made your dick bigger, "...
If all it takes are some herbs and spices....eat more KFC. I tell ya, nothing gets me in the mood like the smell of mmmmm good fried chicken.
Swallows my tongue laffin at Catvincent.
I'll bring the popcorn for that performance.
While size can matter a little bit- if it's 1 inch or 10 inches, no thank you- no, that's not the most important part, and no, I generally don't care to see it before I meet the person. I mean, I certainly do want to see it before actually getting it on, 'cos I will do a little spot check (I mean really, it's a good idea) but a photo of a penis? Man, looking at ugly penises was my JOB. Oh wow, you are masturbating. You have an erection. How romantic. How unique. Are you paying me to act excited by something I do not have any sort of emotional attachment to, or active, specific interest in experiencing yet? No?
I mean shit, for me that's like going up to a doctor in a restaurant and asking them about this funny rash you have. I'm not on the clock, fuck off.
Now if I've decided that he is tall enough to ride this ride, and he actually looks more fun than a Babylon 5 marathon with some rice krispies treats, then sure, in the appropriate setting, when we have gotten to that point, feel free to drop trou! Or hell, maybe, just maybe, after talking long enough we'll exchange pictures. But that's not something that you should just open up with. That's like throwing a lobster in a pot of boiling water full of penises it isn't familiar with- it's going to try to run like hell.
lamexican- hilarious.
yes, this is the ACTUAL picture from the ad- mime and all.
occasionally I'll substitute a different photo if I can't reduce their identity enough to make them unrecognizable, but it's pretty obvious when I do that because you get a full pic.
if the face is crossed out or swirled, thats the original photo.
you're guys' comments are fucking hilarious.
Weas, the fact that's the real picture for the ad killed a small piece of my soul.
Mimes are close to clowns and clowns are the subject of nightmares. I do not fuck nightmares.
I used to date a guy with a pretty big member who took foreplay as an insult ("if you really were interested, you wouldn't need it") and, I eventually realized, was an epic douchebag in many, MANY other regards that had not been obvious when I'd first become attracted to him. Needless to say, sex with him was absolutely miserable, and no adjustment in penis size could ever change that.
Lately I've been with a long-term friend of mine with a somewhat small one (and some excess weight). He happens to be the most caring, considerate, and awesome guy I've ever met, and he's all for trying fun and interesting things (in bed and out of it). Best sex I've ever had.
Umm...
I'd take a longer tongue before I'd take a longer dick.
'Nuff said.
Weasel:
"she'll be thankful your not beating her damn cervix like a catcher's mitt."
You're. But I forgive you. I so eagerly waited out the holiday season and you're back and better than ever!
CaliGirl9:
"Just enough faux science to interest a man with an IQ of 130 or so ... "Hey, I read about those pheromones. They work!"
130 is well above average, nobody above average should fall for that crap.
Wease, I'm a little disappointed! This post was hilarious like all the others, but you used the wrong "your" TWICE in one paragraph! You've spoiled me far too much with excellent grammar and mechanics in the past, it seems, and now nothing but perfection will please me! Forget about penis-size; good writing is what it's all about. ;}
It's not how big the worm is but how you wiggle it!! I dated a guy for a very short while that had been over-looked in the size department and unfortunately also in the how to use it department..earned himself the nickname 2 inch minute man for a reason. Size really doesn't matter unless you pull out a 12 inches then I'm outa there! It's more about some kind of a connection/attraction and that they know a little something about how to use what they were given and the same applies to women, I'm sure guys don't get really wound up over a gal that just lays there like a jello mold the whole time.
I got to tell ya best sex I ever had was a guy who wasnt well endowed and was over weight... hmmm I still think about him! LOL God he was great!
Are you sure he's a mime? I thought he was Bozo!
(For those not in the Boston Area and don't know who Bozo is.. he was a clown and had a kids show... many years ago... )
Sure, there are times size matters! Those would be limited, however, to men on either end of the "Oh, no damn WAY" size scale who have no talent! During my 20s, I ran around (yes, in the traditional sense too) on the science fiction convention & medieval re-creation ciruits, where in both cases I was dumb enough back then to settle for the acceptance I could get by being a cheap drunk and putting out, rather than trying to make real friends by acting like an adult. I did a lot of weird things with weirder people, and I can safely say the only time I gave a rat's ass about size was when talent was completely absent, and it wasn't always negative. Sure, there was one guy who made it feel like he was trying to get me off with a Bic lighter (boring!), but there was also one guy who had the talent to make it fun even though he genuinely bordered on freakishly large. Forget size--if you have no talent, work on variety, enthusiasm and sincerity! And for the record, I really am female, and I'm partnered with a man of average dick size who (oh lucky lucky me!) who happens to have talent, sincere enthusiasm, and quite an extensive repertoire of favorite activities :). Wouldn't trade ANY night with my sweetie for a four-way with Hugh Jackman, Johnny Depp, and Meg Tilly!
Biskuits- nice catch.
I'm going to make mistakes sometimes- I have hundreds and hundreds of pages on here and on occasion I'm going to overlook something no matter how hard I try.
Frankly, my eyes roll as soon as I hear "you will love the size of my dick" as an intro to an email I receive. Who cares if the person attached is an idiot with negative IQ?
Forgot to mention, clowns scare the hell out of me. Using a photo of him putting on his mime makeup does NOT earn him anything... *shudder*
and (last post, I promise)...
"..women tend to think of the penis as an appendage to the man, while most men write their personal ads as though they were the appendage to the penis."
If every guy who posted an ad just read this repeatedly beforehand... oh wait, I'm expecting too much here.
"and she'll be thankful you're not beating her damn cervix like a catcher's mitt."
LMAO! God I can't stop laughing.
Faux science is the perfect bait for a fairly smart guy desperate to hear what he wants to hear. Like the pheromones stuff … they are smart enough to know that has something to do with pure animal attraction, but not smart enough to know that if the pheromone guaranteed to get a woman begging for intercourse every single time existed, it would have been bottled and sold for thousands of dollars years ago.
Let me qualify that by adding a guy who remembers his biology (or anatomy/physiology) and human sexuality classes should be smart enough to know better.
I’m gobsmacked at how males can fall for this penis enlargement stuff. I don’t believe penis tissue is like (female) breast tissue in that it can be enlarged in its relaxed state (a la pregnancy hormones’ effect on breasts) but no doubt winstrol can sure mess with a man’s sex drive, and long-term low erectile capacity can make a peen shrink (not the action of the steroid itself on the penis, but like any muscle, it can shrink). Those penis enlargement pills work on the same theory (though not as powerful or as dangerous as wistrol and its ilk), ultimately making a man’s body less able to produce the hormones his genitals need.
That’s simplified science that a man with any IQ can and should bank on.
As others have said, it's all about confidence and size truly does not matter all that much. I've had a couple of boyfriends that were lesser-endowed but hot between the sheets; an average but insecure ex-husband whose tried to turn my cervix into a battered catcher's mitt, and an arrogant over-endowed fuck buddy who thought that his job was just to lay back and have me slavishly worship his knob.
Give me somebody who knows what they're doing and sincerely takes my desires into consideration over a pathetically insecure nimrod every time. "Inadequacy" is not defined by penis size.
I don't even want to know about a guy's penis AFTER I meet him.
I once had a friend (who was no longer a friend shortly afterwards) who showed me structural diagrams of his penis. Not photographs. Drawings. Sketches. Schematics. That he drew himself.
It had a vaguely pear-shaped silhouette. And this was after (I imagine) some imbellishment on his part.
I think you left out the most dumbfounding part--the guy is a MIME. Fucking a mime is like fucking a quiet, evil clown. That's like evil that doesn't sleep (or talk). I don't care how big or small his penis is because it is MIMEPEEN and is by default completely creepy and denied entry.
Ick.
OT but really funny!! Anyone missing a cat??
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/fay/938646501.html
Crevette-
How could I ever leave out a mime joke? lol
There's one in there at the top, you missed it.
Golden Rule #3,776: When the opportunity arises, ALWAYS take jabs at a mime.
I know that I'm only 4 inches deep, and I'm kind of afraid of guys that are too big. I had sex with a guy who was 8 Inches and it HURT.
I read somewhere that the vagina can only feel pleasure a little way in anyway (which seems to be true for me).
No pictures or narrative about the dick before you've even met.
That's an automatic "delete".
The guy attached is WAY more important than the size of the dick. How does he kiss? How does he use his hands? Will he let me... will I want to... come all over him first?
By the time we get to working on his orgasm and intercourse, he'll feel enveloped and warm by that kegel-strengthened muscle babies come out of, be he a string bean or a hothouse cucumber.
But a mime? EEEWWWW!!! NEVER!!!
OK, what I'd really like to know is this...is what this guy and all the other guys featured on WWHM what guys really think? I mean...all of them? Is it just that guys like you Weasle see that it just doesn't fit to what women think and adjust, but deep down they are all going...
My dick, my dick, my dick?
And, basically, those that don't are just good at covering it up.
The bit about the gf out of town, and trying this out on someone...dude, this tells me you lie to your gf, can't be trusted, and therefore they may be no gf, but why in the world would I want to waste my time with an ass either way around, no matter what the story is.
Scary. Clowns are pretty damn sick people usually.
Fucking a mime is like fucking a quiet, evil clown.
Right on, Crevette!!
As an anonymous poster pointed out, beyond the first inch or so the vaginal walls don't feel much more than pressure until something hits the cervix. So a huge dick isn't going to do much other than cause friction (and chafing is SO MUCH FUN); unless buddy knows how to move himself to provide external stimulation, as Weasel pointed out, it's all equivalent to pounding a catcher's mitt.
I am uninterested in the cock until I'm interested in the guy; and a guy obsessed with his cock is uninteresting.
While I agree that length matters I'm more concerned with width, although in the end lube is quite nice. (I'm a petite person.)
I had a partner who was smaller but the fact was he had no idea what he was doing and it just wasn't nice.
My current partner is quite wide and so for the first several times it wasn't so much enjoyment as "please let it be over before i split in half" although now I've adjusted pretty well.
I'd honestly run away if he told me he was hung like a horse.
Size doesn't really matter to me...BUT MEN LISTEN UP! ARE YOU LISTENING? If your cock smells like you stowed in your own asshole then washed it with an old jockstrap...You aren't getting anywhere near my goods. Am I right ladies and gentlemen?
Oh Nicole, you are so right on. And, let me tell you what...women know the minute you open your mouth...if it isn't sweet smelling and properly cleaned and no bits hanging between the teeth, you've got a chance, however any failure there, and we know you haven't washed your little bugger for ages and isn't coming anywhere near me.
One of my exes was hung impressively and bragged about his ability to go for a good long time. What I got was a guy who, as you so beautifully put it, bludgeoned my cervix like a baseball glove and grated on and on until it was like he was wearing a sandpaper condom and I'd already done my taxes in my head, knitted a sweater, and started reading a book out of boredom.
It's not the size. It's holistic attentiveness... treating her with respect, actually getting into foreplay (and during-play and after-play), and paying attention to what works and what really doesn't. Communication. Y'know, stuff that makes her feel like you actually give a crap about how much she's enjoying the experience.
Here here for the cervix, if mine had eyes, it would resemble a sad panda by now.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Sad%20Panda&defid=3325250
See #5
Guys are actually the ones that are penis-infatuated. They only perpetuate the "women like bigger" because they think it takes the spotlight off of them for being so self-(penis) focused and gives them something to attempt to excuse their insecurities. The reality is that the vast majority of women, like you pointed out, are much more interested in the PERSON, not the penis. I mean, a great penis could be attached to a huge dick (pun intented) and then what use is that great penis when the guy treats you like crap? The same goes for a too large or too small dick; if the guy is a jerk, then I won't be having sex with him anyway.
Another aspect that many men completely skip over is, as you pointed out as well, if it IS long then it plain hurts and painful sex isn't that fun for most. Besides, it's not the back part that has the most nerves, it's near the front and all the way around. Bigger CIRCUMFERENCE is more important than length if it really matters. So it really is stupid that all these guys run around bragging about the length of their dicks (high school shower room comes to mind, lol! My high school boyfriend and then my husband filled me in those bragging silly conversations) because they are totally focusing on the wrong aspect!
And just because it's big doesn't mean they know how to use it, either. It also doesn't mean they know how to treat a lady as well.
In regards to this particular "mime;" I wouldn't even LOOK at him, let alone read his ad because clowns are plain CREEPY, WEIRD, and TERRIFYING.
"Faux science is the perfect bait for a fairly smart guy desperate to hear what he wants to hear."
Oooo, it's like the pseudoscience of the beauty industry for women.. with B Hydroxyphilic Complexes and such!!!!
NONI JUICE!!!!!!
Clean is the first step toward sexy. Andre 3000 knows this. "Ain't nobody dope as me now/I'm so fresh and clean (so fresh and so CLEAN CLEAN)"
Also.... I love you guys. I fucking LOVE you guys.
Can't sleep... clowns will eat me.......
"What I got was a guy who, as you so beautifully put it, bludgeoned my cervix like a baseball glove and grated on and on until it was like he was wearing a sandpaper condom and I'd already done my taxes in my head, knitted a sweater, and started reading a book out of boredom."
Remember the Dave Chapell skit about the "Wrap It Up" button, and an annoyed bored woman is going to employ it as her bf just keeps hammering away???
Yeah.
Jesus. What a fucking creep.
There's this great movie called Hexed where Claudia Christian of Babylon 5 fame punches out a mime. It's worth it just for her evil cackle. Plus, she's hot.
Anyway, moving on to penises. My preference in size is wholly irrelevant when choosing partners. If I find the person unappealing, it doesn't matter how big or small their dick is. I'm not going to be interested in playing with it.
I don't want to know until I fucking ASK TO SEE IT, at which point it is pretty much a done deal, I'm just checking to make sure it doesn't have visible signs of disease or smell like roadkill.
It's amazing how obsessed men are with their dicks... honestly most of us could care less. I love sex, don't get me wrong, but PLEASE quit expecting me to worship your cock!
My vagina is designed to be elastic... but only so far. Trust me, 99.999% of women don't want a horse cock coming at them every night. Six inches is just fine. Especially if you prelude (or encore) the penis action with a bit of tongue action....
Weasel, every time you come back, it seems you leave for too long right after.
Speaking of "my dick", you should look up the Mickey Avalon song My Dick... it could totally be your blog theme song.
"At 29, I could get my dick hard watching one of the Golden Girls have a stroke."
Rose or Dorothy? you dirty dog you had it for Sophia.
Speaking of "my dick", you should look up the Mickey Avalon song My Dick... it could totally be your blog theme song.
~~~~~~~
Heh heh..this makes me think of the song "Detachable Penis" by King Missile--hilarious song!
So, what really turns me off is that he wants someone for a test drive -- one that will likely go badly from the sound of it.
Y'know, dude, three are women you can hire to not enjoy being f*cked by you; why would I do it for free?
Weasel, Weasel, where are you? *withdrawal symptoms starting*
Please give us another post soon. Please? PLLLLEEEAAASSSEEEEEEE. *hoping Weasel likes begging* (Hey, I'll do whatever it takes)
I don't get this - why not just say that his Girlfriend is away for a week and he's up for a quick shag - after all that seems to be all it is.
Condom girl -
Being frank and honest would prolly scare him - his ad makes me feel he's the manipulative type. >.>
two words:
Closet Gays. If you can't keep it up in your twenties with a fully aroused and willing female...think about looking elsewhere.
My husband's 43 and I'm 22. He says I'm the nympho, but he doesn't have any issues keeping anything up. repeatedly.
Man, thank you. I can't sleep because I have a terrible cold, but I found a link to this blog, and for three hours I read the entire thing and was able to forget that my throat feels like I swallowed a bushel of walnut shells and my nasal passages are less open than the legs of a woman who's just seen one of those ads.
I linked you on my LJ and sent a passel of friends over here. Thank you for badly needed diversion!
"Even if you're a little shorter than average it's not like you're heaving a cocktail frank into the Grand Canyon, and she'll be thankful you're not beating her damn cervix like a catcher's mitt."
Weasel, you fucking kill me! I am screaming, I am laughing so fucking hard!
The guy is 29? He looks so much older!
Dicks ... I am just too tired to string together a sentence about one.
Bigger is NOT better. There is SO much more to sex than penis size
- why are these guys so unimaginative????
Unless there is a picture attached, I DO NOT wanna hear about a man's penis.
It's not the size. It's holistic attentiveness... treating her with respect, actually getting into foreplay (and during-play and after-play), and paying attention to what works and what really doesn't. Communication. Y'know, stuff that makes her feel like you actually give a crap about how much she's enjoying the experience.After the initial lets-have-sex-all-the-time portion of the relationship wears off, there are more important things that the size of the cock to be thinking about.
I wanted to tell a little story about why I am no longer that interested in the size of a penis. After this incident I had to reconsider my tactics.
I once went home with a guy (I knew him but not that well) after dancing with him at the bar. It felt like he had a baseball bat down the front of his pants. So, I'm a brave girl and I really wanted to know if I could handle it. We got back to his place, and once I figured out the trick to it I was having a really good time...that is until he vomitted on me! Apparently I'd underestimated how drunk he was because all of his parts were still fully functional.
Then he was all embarrassed and decided to be a jerk to me about it. Like it was my fault. LOL He went in hid in the bathroom without letting me clean up first. Since he was such a creep I wiped my leg off on his sheets and snuck out to get home and take like 4 showers.
These days I don't care how big it is as long as I don't get puked on.
Size does matter. I'm curently dating a bigger man and what no one tells you is it can be quite painful.
It's not about the size, it's all about the fact that IT IS THERE. They think with it, they talk with it, it affects every aspect of their lives and their personalities. I am not a lesbian, but dammit I wish I could be, I am completely disgusted.
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why is it that when you as a woman `really don´t want to, no it´s too tight too big and i´m not turned on in the least anyway´, men take it as a compliment? ba sex is bad sex. size does not matter.
"with all the welcoming conviviality and charm of a mid-winter downtown Detroit Greyhound bus depot during a NAMBLA convention"
I fell in love with this site at first glance but this line will keep me coming back for MORE! I know that bus depot from the days my Grandma would visit and I think from your description, you must also know it well - yes, it's a scary place.
This was mentioned before, but the vagina only has nerve ending in the first 2 inches of it. There are absolutely none further in. That's right. NONE.
the vagina expands much more in size.
i think it is more of a reflection of men feeling like they have no worth except what is between their legs.
i have a fairly large one which seems to inspire the phrase "oh my gawd" when someone sees it for the first time.
i took viagra once for this weekend date. we had sex all weekend, stopping for bathroom, food, sleep, and an occasional conversation. i thought it was great sex.
later, she revealed to me that she would never have sex with me again because she couldn't walk for a week and had internal bruising.
i've had a few others that revealed to me they didn't like having sex with me because it was painful.
some say it is a "little painful, but in a good way."
some liked it a lot because they kept coming back for more.
i remember this one girl in high school came back crying to me after she broke up with me saying that all the other guys had pencil dicks.
i remember one that wouldn't give head because of jaw pain.
sometimes girls will pass you around.
it is a mixed bag. average size is probably best.
what matters most is personality. being of average, balanced, and stable personality is the most important thing.
the sad part is that more women seem like they would consider this guy before they would consider the guy writing a bunny personal ad.
The biggest guy I've ever slept with, was also the worst guy I've ever slept with. He was huge, but he didn't know how to use it, he was done in like 5mins, and ultimately he was the worst lay I've ever gotten. The best guy I've ever slept with was probably my ex and he was no champ in the cock size arena. When it was erect, it was maybe a good 4.5-5", I never measured it or anything, but he was fantastic. We fit well, he wasn't, as you so epically put it "beating my cervix like a catcher's mitt", which is what guys that are like 6"+ do, I suppose I'm not that deep.
To sum it up, I'd rather a guy who can fuck me till my toes curl (and lets face it, in order to do that he'd have to be comfortable and able to use most, if not all, of his cock) than a guy who's hammering away and giving me this sharp pain beneath my stomach during the entire ordeal.
Excluding porn, I have seen more cocks than I've had the pleasure of getting with. And most of the cocks I get aren't as pleasent. On my side of the fence, I don't want to see it for two reasons.
a) It spoils the surprise I like to have during a one nighter.
2b) It is tasteless and unasthetic.
When it comes to dating men, I instantly reject men who have a picture of their cock on screen. Whenever men ask over msn for a picture of my cock, I send them a pre-downloaded picture of a rooster.
I'm female. My husband is sporting a package that's definitely average. But he f**ks like a beast, and is the best sexual partner I've ever had.
Does size matter? Only if that size is too large. Otherwise, it's all in the motion of the ocean.
I'm not that experienced, but I find myself a little scared by the thought of a guy with a bigger dick (anything above 7").
Fiancé falls squarely into the "average" category and even though he did laughingly (nervously, I think) voice concern when we got naked for the first time, I know I wouldn't want him any bigger, and he uses it with skill. He's a genuinely good guy, and I am thrilled to have him in my life for so many reasons that I'd rank MUCH higher.
I think penis size is definitely a lower-order concern for most gals who are after an actual relationship. You spend 14 HOURS a day with the dick on the couch, and you spend 25 minutes a day with the dick in his pants. Which one are you going to think it's more important to like?
Nothing against gals who like it big, but if a guy I knew were looking for a RELATIONSHIP, I'd probably tell him that he shouldn't be advertizing the stats of his peen in the singles ad, no matter how awesome he wants to think it is.
This is an old post, but it's an important conversation, so I'm chiming in.
No, I never want to hear about your dick before I see your dick. Also, don't talk about it like it's its own person. "He's happy to see you!" Who, the mailman? Is he available? Because I'm suddenly not so into your dick anymore.
And size matters, of course. Girth matters more than width. Pencil-dicks are really difficult to get excited about. As far as length is concerned, generally anything below 5" is getting a bit too small to avoid calling "cute," and anything above 8" is impressive but frightening. I'm a fan of the 6.5".
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