CUCUMBER, CORN, and Toys - 34mI have CUCUMBERS and Corn and other toys, for any local women that are interested.
They are kind of like cocks, except we can eat it when your done! :)
Mark
They are kind of like cocks, except unlike Mark, they can stay hard.
I don't know what etiquette class you took Mark, but I believe cock extenders go on the right, and the anal lube goes on the left.
58 comments:
"What sort of dressings do you have?"
"Let's see, we have ranch, ceasar, thousand island, balsamic vinagrette, lube, santorum, and bleu cheese. Oh, and would you like us to toss your salad?"
"...I'll have the soup."
LOL Oh Evergrey I havent seen you in a while. You always have such a good reply to these things!
I hope that's not his good china cause he's going to need something to keep him company cause it's not going to be any woman...
I like how he is bragging about having a penis extender. "My penis is very small BUT I HAVE THIS"
I think the real question is: does he use them on himself first or are we just appetizers?
You should see the face I'm making, LOL.
There are people starving in China or Africa and they would be grateful for the corn and cukes. Don't waste the produce!
Sincerely,
Mom
Waiter, there's a cock extender in my soup!
I'm sorry, if the veggies aren't organic I'll have to decline.
"I don't know what etiquette class you took Mark, but I believe cock extenders go on the right, and the anal lube goes on the left."
I love you Weasel! Such a simple post but SO funny!
Garret
Where can I sign up for that etiquette class?
Awesome post! Love you, Weasel!
Oh boy I hope I don't get in trouble for viewing this site at the cafe. I think some of the stuff on here almost crosses over into "pornography." nd this ad....just no.
"I know a place where you can have a dominatrix waitress take a dump in your lap while she peppers your cobb salad."
I'd rather do that than eat Mark's veggies after he's done with them. *He* will be done with them because there won't be any woman in this equation, ever.
Gak.
"I don't know what etiquette class you took Mark, but I believe cock extenders go on the right, and the anal lube goes on the left."
I lol'd. :D First time commenter, been reading for awhile. Fantastic site.
It just occurred to me that darling Mark the Veggie Guy might still be living with mommy. Either that, or he has some serious apron-string issues. The plate in the picture is the same pattern my parents got for their wedding 23 years ago. I haven't seen that kind of plate in the stores for ages.
And the washcloth looks like an outdated Costco fashion. You'd think if he wanted to invite a lady over to play, he'd at least get some decent toys. Cucumbers and corn? Come on, he could at least invest in a decent vibrator. But no, that wouldn't work either. I can't get over the extraordinarily fucking pathetic things guys do sometimes.
They are kind of like cocks, except we can eat it when your done!
We? WE?? What, he has a mouse in his pocket?
If I wanted to eat vaginal secretions, I'd be a lesbian. If I wanted to eat MY OWN secretions, I'd be a contortionist with no social life.
UGH. THIS one takes the prize.
"They are kind of like cocks, except unlike Mark, they can stay hard."
Mark and so many American men have a difficult time staying hard because so many American women these days are DISGUSTINGLY FAT - at least 70% of American women are obese or overweight: the average women is 5'4" and weighs around 150 lbs....MANY American women weigh much more than that.
It's difficult to keep the blood flowin' in your crotch when you got 150-160 pounds of 'BBW' grindin on it for 10 minutes - that much FAT tends to cut off blow flow.
Slim down ladies - your cutting off the flow.
Hey, Slim American Male,
Before you started getting all righteous, did it ever occur to you that 60.5% of all Americans, irregardless of sex, are overweight or obese? In fact, rates of high BMI are dropping in women, while they are increasing in children and men. Furthermore, the actual levels of obesity are more around the 22-23% range - the rest are borderline, and may actually be biologically healthy when other factors are taken into account.
The fact of the matter is, your sorry ass is just as likely to be fat as the American women on this board, and MORE likely to be fat than the Canadian or European women. Don't blame everyone else for your inability to get off. Here's a novel thought! How about you take your sad little Gerkin home and go jerk off to your Richard Simmons tapes, since clearly you are too pathetic to get someone in bed that you are actually attracted to, and too stupid to realize you AREN'T attracted to them until 10 minutes into it. Congratulations, moron.
And ladies, if you're going to lose weight, do it for your heart and your health and your enjoyment of life, not for this douche bag who apparently feels he has the right to dictate your physical appearance to fit his warped ideal.
It's funny to me that he thinks 150-160 lbs is so grossly overweight (but then I think skinny is repulsive; no one wants someone else's bony hips digging into their body. Well, I don't, anyway).
I want to know, if he finds it so unattractive, how does he know that ten minutes is his limit for maintaining an erection during sex with a heavy girl? Perhaps it was simply having a woman on top that frightened his cock into resembling a boiled shrimp.
10 minutes for a good erection is perfectly fine.
Scientific research has shown that about 10-15 minutes is the maximum amount of time the erection is meant to last in a biological, evolutionary sense...while about 5-10 minutes is completely normal, or even a bit less - a study a little while back showed that the best sex lasted about 3-13 minutes from the moment of first penetration: http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-04-02-sex-survey_n.htm
The males in porn are not reflective of reality because they all take viagra or cialis and that is the only possible way to maintain a very hard erection for 30 minutes or whatever.
Slim American Male, why don't you go put on your ex-girlfriend's low-rise jeans and rock out to Panic! At the Disco? We're at this *humor* blog to read *funny* commentary, not hear you whine about how you can't keep it up.
Slim American Male, why don't you go put on your ex-girlfriend's low-rise jeans and rock out to Panic! At the Disco? We're at this *humor* blog to read *funny* commentary, not hear you whine about how you can't keep it up, or just maybe get on TOP.
You could also try moving to a third-world country; distended, sunken, malnourished bellies and stick-thin figures are a dime a dozen in those places. You'd get what you want, and we'd get you away from the internet. Win-win!
Whoops, hit enter mid-post. Little awkward.
Guys who aren't offended by toys can be hard to find, and good fun.
Guys who use the bottom drawer of the refrigerator as their toy recruitment centre... NOT COOL.
But are the cucumbers and corn ORGANIC????
Fun fact: extra weight on your partner doesn't "cut off" the blood flow to your penis. That little issue is all on you, bub. If constriction were that much of an issue, men would not be seeking women who were "tight" but would rather be saying "baby, I hope you are built like an 11 year old buy but so loose you are like throwing a hot dog down a hallway!"
I'm fat, I have multiple partners who like fat women, and we have never had a problem. I'm sure it makes you furious to think that someone who is not as awesome as you by virtue of their genetics and or lifestyle (since as we all know being skinny makes you a good person like nothing else, EVER) has a way way better sex life than you do, but you'll just have to suck it up. I suggest masturbating in the shower, crying, blubbering out "it's those damned FAT WOMEN" while you dribble a sad little droplet of precum and then go limp as a deboned rotting fish. Again. Hey, have a great evening!
If I may chime in w/ some common sense.
"It's funny to me that he thinks 150-160 lbs is so grossly overweight..."
For a woman who is about 5'3"-5'5" (average height) being about 150-160 pounds is obviously overweight, and tending toward obese.
However, if a woman is 5'7"-6'0" 150-160 pounds is not at all overweight because that weight is distributed over a larger frame.
But seeing as most American women aren't above 5'6" it is clear that weighing above 150 pounds is overweight unless the person is very muscular.
OK...
So if a woman really was into cucumber and corn as sex toys, she could acquire several of both for less than $5 at the grocery store.
Why would she need this 34 year old douchebag as part of the package?
a picture of vegetables on a manky towel is erotic to this guy.
wow
just
wow
man there are some fucked up guys out there.
S-A-M, I'm pushing 5'9", have 36D breasts, ride horses and play roller derby and am a tank at over 180 pounds. ::blinks oh so prettily with a dangerous glitter:: Would you are to arm or leg wrestle?
I'm pretty sure, despite being technically "borderline obese" that I can pin you to the ground in no time flat. Never have I ever had a problem with my men 'keeping it up' regardless of position, nor have I ever had any problems finding a new partner.
Sorry sugar, your theory is as thin and limp as your cock.
P.S. Don't hate on Panic at the Disco. ;)
Did this guy hook up with the spooey chef from before?
Maybe they should.
Then again, for our sake, maybe they shouldn't!
Hey slim- just as difficult for fat chicks to get laid as it is for fat pricks. Sounds like you are in the later category.
Better hang onto your balls, lest this crowd might lop them off and display them from the rear view mirror of our trucks. It's happened before...
Annon-
The males in porn are not reflective of reality because they all take viagra or cialis and that is the only possible way to maintain a very hard erection for 30 minutes or whatever.
They have fluffers too!
Bravo Fugs!
Corn, in season at the supermarket, 3 for $1.
Cucumber, in season at the supermarket, $0.79
Not having to deal with this douchebag or any of his kind- Priceless!
At 150 pounds, I would wear a size 8-10, and look pretty darn good!
At a bit over 200, I wear an 18 petite, and have NO problem keeping hubby hard - now that HE'S lost 30 pounds! (Actually, not before then, either.)
But then, he likes gorgeously smart, curvy women, not the flat, deathly stick in 'fashion' mags!
Yeah, umm, I ain't eating any veg after I played with it, sorry.
And if you knew what to do with the rest of your body parts, you wouldn't NEED an extender!
Cut n jump...
Not all men need viagra to stay hard for 30 minutes.
Not in my experience, anyways.
Tribble - Mine either!
I was quoting Anonymous up there.
Tribble- To amend my previous reply-
It must be because we are red heads!
I needed this laugh so badly today. That is the funniest shit ever.
I am a fatty and I love it. much prefer girls who are heavy. I don't know where you live slim, but a heavy majority of the guys I know prefer heavier girls. See.. they like tits, and ass... the skinny girls never have anything fun to play with. But You probably wouldn't understand that.
lolololololol... etiquette
lololololololololololololololololol
Oh... I'm a short, stocky, chub with fluff-covered muscles of steel topping out at a whopping 5'2". I'm large compared to the bulemic and petite compared to my tall "big-boned" friends. :-)
Only ONCE did I cut off the circulation of a penis and that was because I lost my balance and bent it the wrong way. Ooopsie!
Uh.. did this ad come from central New York, by any chance?
Dude, it's not fat, is FINENESS!!!!!!!!!!! Women are gorgeous, no matter WHAT their weight! I'm a bi girl, and I love my big girl that I'm dating! Sooooo sexy! With tits and ass like that, who needs a dude?! Take your cucumbers and corn and go stick them up your ass!!!
I don't hate my boyfriend but I hate his erectile dysfunction. So we decided to order Prescription Drugs as a solution.
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sounds to me like Slim American Male is having a hard time finding a Slim American Female willing to do him.
Or any female, for that matter.
It's the dirty towel underneath it all that creeps me out the most... eugh!
Maybe you can lose your girlfriend if you suffer impotence...believe me. That's because I buy Cialis.
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