Monday, June 30, 2008


swm seeking shf or swf...for relationship - male seeking gf - 36

hi, i'm an easy going , nice guy...looking for a hispanic or white woman for friendship and more.....movies, dining out...just having fun.... if you're interested, I've enclosed this picture of my shaved, gelatinous buttocks as I straighten out a painting I just purchased for $4.99 at the East Reseda Red Lion Inn of a bear rowing a child in a canoe. It's called "A Bear Rowing a Child in a Canoe."

Anyway, reader JH sent me this personal ad, and swears up and down that this drab individual living in a drab apartment used to be a male stripper.

I emailed her back in hopes of sourcing his original stage name, but she couldn't recall. So I suggested "Minotaur." She thought it might be "Stuart", a name guaranteed to moisten the loins of any red-blooded female.

All she remembers is that he was hyper-anal, an accountant by day, and lived with his mother. Which, incidentally, sounds like a hell of a stage show.

Stuart comes out on stage and sprays an anti-bacterial on the pole, calls his Mom to check-in, then pulls up a chair and yells to the audience "OK, ladies, my name is Stuart, and we're gonna get this club rockin' by talking about Earned Income Tax Credit structures!"

That giant sucking sound you just heard was the collective drying up of 200 vaginas.

Thanks JH.

Two Weeks Notice

I'd like to thank the well-over 1,500 of you who visited the offices of WWHM for the first time over this past weekend.

I got a terrific response from the mortified female citizens of this country who didn't realize that summer brings out the legions of "men" whose best-thought-out attempt at attracting a female mate involved stuffing their bison-sized penises into a mason jar full of sliced peaches, taking pictures, and posting them all over the hundreds of public dating boards across the internet juxtaposed with elegant prose such as "Cum aND GiT my dicK U now yu Wnt 2."

This, my friends, is Why Women Hate Men.

Unfortunately, I must bid you adieu until July 10, as I'm shutting down the WWHM corporate offices located in the alley just behind Wing C of Tom's Discount Fowl Rendering Plant in lovely downtown Dubuque, Iowa, in order to respond to a query from some fine folks in Los Angeles.

I understand the timing is poor, but I will come back refreshed, and perhaps even inspired, and certainly anxious to get back to my desk job of resizing cock pics, developing infantile storylines, and concocting weak-footed analogies.

Until then, I command you to subscribe to my posts and to stay off the internet dating boards. I am your only conduit to safety. You need me.

I received a stack of emails while I was out of town this weekend, and I can't possibly get to them all before my departure, and for that I apologize. But I will check my email daily in Los Angeles, and welcome you all to contact me at I LOVE hearing from you guys, so if you laugh at all, I'm expecting an email. That's how you pay me back.

And per Grumpy's request, please see my new sidebar for additional works from WWHM's failed first venture, as well as some FAQ.

Thank you for subscribing to WWHM. Here's some new posts, make sure you share WWHM with all your friends (minus the Mormons) (Ed. note: Fuck it, send it to the Mormons too), and I fucking love you guys!

The Weasel

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Size 'em Up

I have a Lonely banana and cucumber

I've got a lonely banana and 3/4 of a cucumber that are lonely this evening. I've also got some strawberries, but since they travel in a pack they aren't lonely. Do you have any ideas of what we can do with them? ;) I'm open to suggestions. ...

Women have submitted the following suggestions:

1. Make a lovely banana-n-cucumber salad.

2. Blend them together with some protein powder and make a delicious, healthy shake.


3. Chop up the banana, cucumber, and the author's genitals into a pasty gruel, and spoon feed the nutrient-rich mix to a cage full of starved weasels.

Thursday, June 26, 2008


Will Host White Or Latina Females For Massage-Fun

Am Willing To Host White Or Latina Females For A Full And Relaxing Massage And Or Adult Fun. I Will Host Mornings, Evenings, All Day Play-Days, Or Lunch Break Visits. Generous.

Aww, he's generous.

And because I'm an all around handy guy, let me give you two suggestions on how to be generous back:

1. Bring a bag of oats for his horse.

2. Bring a bag of lower case letters so he can write a personal ad someone might respond to.


Any hot ladies want a lunchtime load? - man is seeking a female- 24 yrs'old

6'2, tan, muscular, hung and horny...please send me a pic.

A couple years ago, I began to realize I was too skinny the day I wore shorts to the exotic bird interaction tent at the zoo, and the flamingos started throwing bread at me.

My personal trainer at the time, a 5'2 man with the charisma and IQ of an undercooked Cudahy sausage, suggested I try a cycle of steroids.

After two months on steroids, I began to grow considerably larger, much to the chagrin of my sister.

"You're behavior is too bizarre and erratic," she said.

"What are you talking about?" I queried, confused as to why she had to bring this up while I was busy using a gas-powered hedgetrimmer to carve "dOnT tRusT tHe ThROatSLiTTer" into the hood paint of her new Toyota Prius.

But the next day, as I was beltsanding the face off of a neighborhood cat, I began to wonder if she had a point. Buzzing with testosterone and realizing she might be right, I kicked my high heels off, fucked a houseplant, and called it quits on the steroids.

But I understand it's practically irresistable for a woman to respond to personal ad where a complete stranger offers you something as sexy as a "lunchtime load." He thinks it's downright charitable.

Just look at the trade off. He gets a blowjob, and you get 6 calories, plus the ever-refreshing taste you'd normally get throat-gargling bleach whilst intermittently tounging the cafeteria salt shaker.

In a nutshell ladies, stay away from guys on steroids.

It's the 24 year-old prissy attention seeking equivalent of the 44 year-old bald, fat used book-store cashier who's so desperate he parades down the beach with an exotic bird perched on his shoulder.

And in the end, it's nothing but a recipe for two black eyes, two blue balls, and an ejaculation so dry it emulates someone sneezing into a plateful of powdered milk.

Go Fish.

ivory4ebony - man seeking woman-38

seeking fun loving blk female for fun and maybe more send pic and what you are seeking and lets get together


I don't know many times I've had to sit next to a table of fine-looking black ladies complaining.....

"Why can't I find a poor white man holding a dead carp?"

Thursday, June 19, 2008

God Works In Mysterious Ways

I'm Gods Gift To Women - woman wanted

If you want to experience mind blowing orgasmic pleasure write me back and you'll know I'm Gods gift to women

Sorry buddy, I hate to do this to you, but I just found the original note Women wrote to God:

Dear God,

We really need a gift from you. Can you send us someone to come unplug the shitter?

Thanks, Women.

Pot And Kettle.

Virgin in need of a woman - 24

I'm a 24 year old virgin. My name is Yterl. I'm looking for my first encounter with a woman. I'm 5'10'',165lbs,blue eyes,blonde hair. Please no weirdos.


OK, Yterl.

You've never touched a woman in your life, and you wouldn't know a vagina if it marched up to your table, slapped you in the nose, and started eating your french fries.

You're 24 years-old, and for your personals ad, you've selected to use a picture of yourself cuddling Nibbles, which on all accounts appears to be your childhood teddy bear.

But what are you worried about?

No weirdos.

I hate to tell you this, but those guys in white labcoats on either side of you aren't there for the free pudding.

Recipe For Terror

Im in town for the week and looking to DRIVE HARD - m4w - 30

Well Ladys, if you are looking to get driven as hard as you ever have let me know. I would love to find a little yung thing to make screem!
my name is chris

Chris, do you want to know how to make a girl scream?

Here's what you do. Park this car in front of her house, and knock on the door. When she answers, say the following:

"Hi, my name is Chris, and I'm your date tonight. I'm 30 years old, and this is my car."

That first noise you heard was a scream.

The second noise you heard, followed by a sudden gust of wind, was the door slamming shut in your face.