HAIRY COOCHY LOVERI know this is probably a waste of time but its really a hard thing to find a nice hairy pussy to eat on a regular basis. Can you imagine if i set up a road side booth and asked all the ladies that stopped by if they had a hairy snack?
Somewhere along the way all you ladies shaved it off. Bad Bad Bad I do have pictures and truth be told im really not a bad looking dude. Ijust wanted a way to see some yummy hairy snacks.Tim
Tim, that is a great idea! I don't know why no one has thought of it before.
Let's set up a booth on the side of the road, and then put a big white sign on top of our booth that begs the question "Do you have a hairy snack?"
Why, we can call it the Hairy Snack Shack. Get it, Tim? It rhymes! And I'm not very good at rhyming, Tim, but it's kind of like your name rhymes with holy fucking shit you're a dickwad.
And what educated, smart, beautiful woman worth dating could possibly resist stopping by a small roadside shack haphazardy constructed with the pizza boxes leftover from your small rental studio in back of a fucking hog barn and manned by an impotent, weak, uneducated dolt sitting in a broken folding chair, twiddling his thumbs and rubbing his genitals with a jar of edible child's paste?
"Fuck Palm Springs, let's turn the car around", they'd scream, "because we're going to the Hairy Snack Shack to show our hairy vaginas to that proprietor Tim."
So no Tim, I don't think that idea would be a waste of time.
You fucking idiot.
37 comments:
Oh.My.Dear.Lord.
I have nothing else to say.
Please tell me you found the puppet on your own, weasel? Please?
A hairy snack....
Here comes that eating disorder I had when I was younger. Damn. I blame you, Tim!
~Jilly
Hard not to be swayed by the romance of this ad - it never fails to pull at my heart strings when a man tells me he wants to suck on my hairy box.
Hey Tim I don't shave mine,Too bad I live in Australia isn't it?
Bedsides if did try to shave my pussy she would claw and scratch the shit out of me.LOL.
Nice sock puppet instead of a pic of yourself...Why do i have this image in my head of you wearing it while trying to make love to a woman ...
I love the Hairy Snack Shack bit Weasel :)
I'm envisioning a business opportunity for young entrepreneurs across the country:
Tim's Hairy Snack Shack
There could be franchises in each state!
Wow... this guy needs a reality check. To the balls.
"Wow... this guy needs a reality check. To the balls."
My thoughts exactly.
A hairy snack? Isn't that what a cat horks up after endless preening including licking of its own genitalia, before writhing and emitting noises that scare the neighbors?
I think I'm gonna go get a Brazilian just so he *doesn't* find anything about me remotely attractive.
I think that puppet is the only "pussy" he's going to be getting. LOL!
Hwack... ptoooey.
kchhhhuuughhhh kchhuuughhh (cough cough BRAAAAAAAAK)
Tim's Hairy Snack Shack... right next to the Schwetty Ball House of Nuts on the corner of 1st and Cuming Streets.
Walk On said...
"I think I'm gonna go get a Brazilian just so he *doesn't* find anything about me remotely attractive."
Good luck getting an appointment. I think every woman who reads this post today (me included) is going to be thinking the same thing!
Nosnikta said...
>>Tim's Hairy Snack Shack... right next to the Schwetty Ball House of Nuts on the corner of 1st and Cuming Streets.<<
OMG! I loved the SNL skit Schwetty Balls! That was so hysterical then and still funny even now.
(in most monotone voice I can muster)
Yeah... that's really neat.
Yeah.. neat.
So the monotone voice could be replaced with Beavis & Butthead?
I could almost hear that in my head.
Scary...
Between the OP and CNJ's response, I am now actually crying because I'm trying so hard not to laugh obviously while at work!
What a douchebag...
You know what else I think is SO funny about this? Did you ever notice every loser guy on earth thinks the way to a woman's heart is oral sex? And that we are as desperate for it as they are, and if they pepper their ad with references to how much they loooooove to eat pussy, they'll score for sure?
Bzzzzzztttttt!
First of all, most of you aren't very good at it. If it was our top priority, we'd be lesbians, because (so I am told, ha ha) that is who is actually good at it.
Secondly, it may come as a shock, but some of us really aren't that interested in it and really are just looking for a big cock that stays hard without the blue pills and is (here's the tough part) attached to a guy with some wit, personality and intelligence, who isn't still afraid of his mother at age 40 or more interested in touching a joystick than a woman.
I've found the combination is damn near impossible to obtain, but hey, we all need a dream...
Fugly, my dear, you are missing the male point of view on Oral.
(I work/worked with and have/had several male friends whom I could ask anything and everything- so I have some degree of insight here.)
When They are receiving- they feel like a God! You are (in their eyes anyways) worshipping Them in all their glory of (or often, lack of) manhood.
They think we see it the same way, 'They are worshipping Us.'
Even through their many feeble attempts to get any part of it right.
When it is done right, well... enough said.
When it goes wrong- it is often horribly, horribly wrong and no amount of 'coaching' can fix it. Similar to the cat writhing and horking the furry snack! And yes men, 'coaching'. Since we don't want to damage the overinflated male ego.
Oooh do that again, I like it when you...
Instead of- Stop it, you ignorant fuck!
Many times there are other personality flaws so why we even try to coach them into doing it right is beyond me. All you are doing is making it better, or at least not quite soooo horrible, for the next girl in line. Let her fix it to her liking if she is so inclined to 'keep' him.
For the guys who complain about girls who 'just lay there' and girls who complain about guys who do this or that, keepone thing in mind-
To get a good fuck, ya gotta give a good fuck!
OMG! These guys really have no clue.
Here's the deal: If I were male and thought about sex every seven seconds, I'd spend so much time figuring out what women like, I'd have a Ph.D. in female psychology. I'd talk to women, take notes and apply my new found knowledge. I'd keep a journal to determine what works and what doesn't.
But do men do this? NOooooOOOOooooo. They just sit around and complain that they can't figure out what women want; it can't be that they are fucking self-centered and not worth our time. What a big bunch of dopes.
This type of crap IS NOT appealing even in the slightest.
Weasel is correct, these guys get all their information about women from porn. And I would guess that there is one woman in one thousand who likes sex like they do in porn.
Arrrrgggghhhh! I need a G&T. I suspected that men thought this way but since I've been married to a non-ape for 22 years, I wasn't sure until now.
Where's my Bombay Sapphire?
>>When it goes wrong- it is often horribly, horribly wrong and no amount of 'coaching' can fix it. Similar to the cat writhing and horking the furry snack! <<
Thanks CNJ. I needed to breathe part of a nacho chip Dorito today.
cutnjump said: Many times there are other personality flaws so why we even try to coach them into doing it right is beyond me. All you are doing is making it better, or at least not quite soooo horrible, for the next girl in line. Let her fix it to her liking if she is so inclined to 'keep' him.
Oh, oh! Once my mother told me that I should find a young guy and teach him what he needed to know... Being somewhat surly after a bad date, I asked her why? Why should I take that kind of time? When she replied that I'd be doing some woman a big favor (?!?! This is from my mother for christ sake), I said, "No one ever did me any favors."
Please refer back to my previous comment. If men want sex, they should learn how to get it... You know... work at it.
Annie, you're reminding me of a comedy routine one of the redneck comedy guys did. It was either Bill Engval or Jeff Foxworthy, I'm thinking it was Bill.
But anyway, he was talking about how women understand men better than men understand women because women actually work at it, and he pointed out the magazines.
"Look at a woman's magazine...."how to get a good man", "how to get a bad man and turn him into a good man", now look at a men's magazine. A picture. And a bunch of guys going "yup, that's what we're after, one of those".
Yup. That's it.
Here's what's funny... half the time they don't even KNOW where it is... the other half of the time they think that stupid "alphabet trick" is going to drive you nuts.
Yeah.. drives me nuts alright. What moron came up with the idea of performing the freaking alphabet with your tongue on a clit? Good lord.
Will you just listen to me and stop the aimless wandering? I'm just as likely to kick you in the head as a rank hormonal mare.
Learn the anatomy and stop pretending you know what you're doing.
Omg... hubby was reading behind me and said "wull... that's the key". OMFG.... THAT'S WHY I'M ETERNALLY INSANE... HE'S STILL LEARNING HIS ALPHABET!!!!!!!!!
GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Maybe he practices with hairy hand puppet ;) Guess it would help with the cleanup...just throw in wash after use!! Damn it I almost fell out of my chair again, I need to get one with a seatbelt after reading this site or people are going to think I'm dating some of these hottie hunks of manhood you seem to find!!
Nosnikta-
OMG! I almost snorked a mouthful of Suirt while reading your post.
I haven't had the displeasure of the 'Alphabet Trick' but if its the letters they are after- might I suggest a can of Alphabet soup? Perhaps a box of Alphabits for the more childish/immature of the group. The can of soup you can thow at them and hopefully when it hits them upside the head, it will knock some sense into them. I can hope, right?
From what I have experienced, they know one thing and stick to it like flies on shit, no matter how annoying it actually is...
When they do something right and you make any noise at all- they instantly STOP and go back to the annoying shit. ARGH!
Oh and as for them not even knowing where it is- once they find it they seldom know what to do with it. Still does us no good.
If they start groping around for whatever it might be, they think the are searching for- then they fumble around like a guy wearing workgloves trying to type a text message on a blackberry.
>>then they fumble around like a guy wearing workgloves trying to type a text message on a blackberry.<<
*spews diet coke*
OK, weasel, this thread needs to be moved into some kind of special Hall of Fame category or something!
OMG...Nosnikta, fugs, annie and CnJ...thank effen christ I am not alone! CnJ...re the coaching...at times I have actually done the "Stop it, you ignorant fuck!"
You know it's bad when you start comparing their attempts to your most recent gyno check-up.
I have also done internet research, found some interesting things that might..you know fan the flames, then sent an email saying "hey check these out, sounds like fun" (this was before "Stop it, you ignorant fuck!
")....and Annie guess what?!...no bloody change, nothing new!! Gah!
MinxyQ-
>>You know it's bad when you start comparing their attempts to your most recent gyno check-up.<<
Would that be the groinocologist?
How about the move where they see "How many fingers can we get in there?"
What the fuck? Testing the fit for your extremely small winky? Are you expecting a home theater with stadium seating inside?
OMG! I somehow missed this one before...and I can't decide whether I'm glad I've seen it or not. LOL!
Thank GOD I wax!! O.o
ROFL.
The last two lines. Epic shit.
OMG-its been along timesince pepsi came out my nose. I stumbled on this site-I'm fifty and can't believe guluckygirl2y;s still do the alphabet shit-imarried a younger guy and thanks to whoever turned hi out cause that boy can rock my world.
luckygirl2
It's called "Lick the alphabet."
And the practice was coined by the Comedian: Sam Kinison.
hahaha@this.
note: I'm actually from Palm Springs...the only difference between the hairy snack shack and Palm Springs is that the crack is smoked in Palm Springs.
Just ask Robert Downy, Jr.
I am now going to wax. Also, I hope he doesn't want to bite on THIS snack. If he did he'd get a bunch a boards with nails in them to his head(s).
Yeah, I'm tardy to the party but I LOVE the blog AND the posters' comments, so I'm catching up. I do have this to add:
1. Men who declare their love of eating pussy? Generally perform their "act of unselfishness" as though they are either chewing a particularly stubborn piece of taffy OR painting a wooden fence with a long-handled brush.
2. In *my* experience, the men who really WERE larger than average joked about their small packages. Guys with smaller and/or defective units eagerly tell you how they will make you scream with their gigantic (imaginary) throbbing cock - they also often brag about their (nonexistent) oral skills/love of eating pussy.
3. The guys who proclaim how good they will make you feel? Are almost always fumble-fisted two pump chumps who couldn't find a clitoris if it had flashing Christmas lights around it.
That is all.
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