NEED A GOOD WOMAN
Looking for a nice woman to chat with and maYbe meet sometime. Age and size does not matter to me. If you like my pic just hit me back I have more pics for you to see and you can send me one to
Fairweather maidens, please behold with squinted eye and sealed nostril the fucking unstoppable sex tractor that WWHM proudly presents today if only to stir your loins like so many industrial urns full of frothy International House of Pancakes waffle batter. "Stop knitting me that odor-absorbent open-crotched thong, good woman," he might coo, "I need you to perform a thorough hand recount of my hanging chads." You wanted class, and nothing screams class more vehemently than a mule-cocked ex-con in sunglasses testing the limits of the stretchy and forgiving fabrics of mid-80s pop-n-lock Hammer pants in a Photoshopped personal ad.
Good women seeking a good man need look no further than Adam. A confident man besmocked
with discounted linens, fully-engorged genitals and poorly clipped houseplants, Adam maintains the visage of an everyday man, just as comfortable talking shop with your yarn group as he would be mowing down hundreds of innocent civilians in a hail of gunfire at your local feed store. And behind his mysterious sunglasses, Adam finger tickles the hidden clitoral fantasies of the sheltered vixen hiding inside all good women by simply leaning back, showcasing his erection like an item up for bid on The Price is Right, and pondering the unanswered question “Whence forth shalt a prudent, church-going missus come gnaw on my enormous tubesteak?”
Cast aside assumptions his moth-gnawed off-brand leopard briefs emanate a potpourri of nasal flavorings ranging from the muted tanginess of unscrubbed taint to hints of the sour morning breath exhaled by a hungover chain-smoking street pigeon gargling the amniotic fluids of a pregnant housecat.
Extract the chewed badger innards from his wiry beard, surround him with children, and show him a close-up photo of his grandmother bent over the stove in a set of crotchless panties to gingerly deflate the skin blimp taking flight in his trousers, and you practically have Pat Sajak teaching Bible study at a church camp.
Take heed vibrators, Adam just guaranteed you another six-month contract.