Wednesday, October 15, 2008

WWHM Presents: Gift Ideas!

Hey ladies.

Do you have any really uptight, sheltered Baptist friends who you really feel just need to "get loose" once in a while?

Here's a great gift idea for them, a cordless battery-operated "Super- Massager". It's a stimulation device- for your complexion!

What did you think it was for? Beating eggs? You were close.

Perfect for those nights you're all alone, the "Super-Massager" allows you to lay back in bed, close your eyes, slowly spread your legs open to a relaxed position....and then massage your cheekbones.

That's right, this vibrating, bendable body massager will penetrate deeply into any body part, providing earth-shattering relief to your um...shoulders, neck or collarbone area.

It even works on your knees! Or your feet!

The "Super-Massager" is made of flexible latex rubber, allowing you to directly stimulate those hard to reach areas that beg so achingly to be relieved- like behind your ears or your lower back.

Plus, the latex rubber allows for easy cleaning after use- you don't want it to get covered with all those eyelashes and skin cells do you? Oh, and is your skin dry? Add some lubricant to really juice up those sensitive areas you really don't like to talk about- your temples!

And how about multi-speed fingertip controls? That's right, you can ratchet up the Super Massager when you really need to get in there and pound those brows with extra intensity to culminate in some seriously mind-blowing um.....facial relaxation.

Order one today. Your husband will love to watch you use it. He may like it so much, he may even use it himself! To massage his temples. Of course.

15 comments:

colorisnteverything said...

These tend to be in those "old people" catalogs that come in the mail with the seasonal Lillian Vernon catolog. One of them was called the "Fuka" something. As an adolescent, I always wondered if the old people really understood WHAT these were for or if they really just bought them to massage their necks.

My guess is old people are smarter about things than young people think, but are also not about to go down to the local sex store. So what is this, a niche market for horny old people?

Anonymous said...

OMG, that is freaking hilarious!! I wonder if the ribbing is really essential for making my cheeks relax... ;) lol

horsegal said...

Where do I get one again? I mean, for my neck.

CaliGirl9 said...

Let me see if I understand this.
If I buy this thing I will not need botox or restylane treatments? No face lift ever? My skin will regain its youthful glow? All for $19.90 plus shipping and batteries?
Why does anyone ever bother with botox or restylane or face lifts or night creams/serums when they can have this far superior product?
Just ... wow.
Thanks for the pubic service, Weasel. Um, I mean public service.

water_bearer said...

color - my mother gets that catalog and I've seen that ad you're talking about. We both cracked up so hard when we read it.
This one is a classic. I always wonder about the people doing the comercial or photo shoot. I wonder if the people in the Valtrex commercial really have a heaping helping of herpes, or just a heaping helping of shattered self-esteem and a mound of gambling debts. I mean, if Vinny The Nose says every day I don't pay, the vig gets tacked onto the principle, or I lose my knee caps, I'd start considering ANY job offer, too.
But this woman...
good god.
Do you think she just didn't know? Do you think she was just looking for a few extra bucks and a friend of a friend of her friend's cousin Cletus had this "great new product" that she could shill for and that's how this happened? Do you think she worked at an office where every single cube dweller in the place had THIS ad plastered on their wall and she had to move to some remote god-forsaken place to escape the shame and taunts, like Siberia or Tajikistan or Green Bay? I think I would. Well, I'd consider the first two, but Green Bay? I dunno. Not having to move there might be worth at least one knee cap.

CutNJump said...

What did you think it was for? Beating eggs? You were close.


ROFLMAO!

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Hahahaha!

It reminds me of reading those old Sears catalogs, where they were prescribed to keep you young and treat "hysteria"

*snork*

Ella said...

Well I suppose they would help relieve those stress lines on your face. Just not by using the product on your face.

maryann said...

Aww. Too bad I'm allergic to latex. My eyelids are really tense today.

Andrea said...

Hahaha, I suddenly remember the days of my childhood, when I honestly believed that such massagers really WERE meant for the shoulders. When I would see a picture of those Fukuoku fingertip attachments and think, "How would that get the tension out of your back?". Thanks for the hilarious trip down memory lane.

BARBARA YARN said...

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Monica hamburg said...

It's ribbed to make you face throb and release all your day's tensions.

Aryan said...

I chanced upon to view your blog and found it very interesting. Great ... Keep it up!

Xiao_Gui said...

You can thank archaic laws that forbid sex toys for ads like this. In some states (like Texas) it's actually illegal to own sex toys, which is why they have to be sold as "massagers."

It's like that bong... er, "water pipe" is REALLY for tobacco.

Retliza said...

Interesting blog. It would be great if you can provide more details about it. Thanks you.

Gift Ideas For Woman