Wednesday, October 1, 2008

WWHM Returns Tomorrow


As you can see, I had some very important calls to make yesterday.

Make sure you check back tomorrow for more reasons to acquire a taste for lesbianism......

.......and God knows I'd support that decision.

As long as you tell me about it.

In detail.

With graphs. And charts. Pics. Video. Re-enactments. Whatever you deem necessary to get the point across.

26 comments:

Mary said...

Where you able to get a lot of shit off your mind?

Lori said...

OMG, I think I know that guy

Mary said...

Where you able? Wow! Good thing I don't write a blog or anything. This casino sucks my active brain cells dry...

Weasel said...

I'm really relieved you asked.

Weasel said...

assked

Trojan Mouse said...

Weasel,

I'm a considerate person, everyone says so, VBEG!
So I'll go ahead and indulge your lesbian fantasies.

Picture a darkened room, soft music playing, a chick flick with slightly lesbian overtones playing on the TV, (mute on) hundreds of little puppy and kitty knick knacks on the side tables and shelves. And over there in the corner a Stihl chainsaw, O29 with a 25 inch bar. A plaid flannel throw is on the combination rocker recliners. You can almost smell the estrogen....
The bedroom door creaks open and out steps Rosanne Barr in a barbwire bra and black rubber stretch pants. Her high, but rather clunky heels, clatter across the floor as she wobbles over to the snack tray.
"Ya wannany? she whines, thrusting it at you.
You shake your head, unsure if you want to continue with this, your first threesome.
Suddenly the outer door opens and Joan Rivers teeters in, her face held back by so many clothespins she looks like a bizarre plastic engorged porcupine. She smiles (you think) and wafts forward in a plume of flowery perfume and susserating silk.
"Darling", she says, "I'm so glad you could come!" She winks ( you think)
She gentley takes your hand and then grabs Roseanne's too and starts to lead you to the bedroom. Roseanne snags the chain saw as she passes, and you feel a chill go down your spine........



Well that ought to set your imagination up for the night.
I expect to see you hairless and quivering in sleep deprived spasms tomorrow.

Night, hugs!

CutNJump said...

Trojan Mouse- I have a chainsaw... and flannel shirts too. No butch haircut though and I love my MAN! LOL!

Sorry but there ain't nothin like the real thang, baby.

Lynda said...

Well atleast you dont need to light any matches or turn on the exhaust fan...

Your neighbors must love it.. but then again they probably have the same set up... you can chat across the way as you go! Brilliant!

Trojan Mouse said...

CutnJump,

I've got a chain saw myself, and power tools too, but there is no substitute for real man flesh!

I have to wonder about the whole guy watching two girls thing though. I hear guys talk about how exciting it is all the time.
I don't think it would translate into me watching two guys get it on and being turned on.
I'd be grossed out. It's not that I care if two guys do it, it's just that I don't want to see it. Just like I don't want to see where my chicken nuggets come, but I'll sure as hell eat the little buggers with some BBQ sauce.

Ella said...

Where exactly did you find this picture? Nobody posted this, surely. Because if they did..

Weasel said...

You guys fucking kill me.....lol.

I find these pictures all over the place. People send them to me, I just run into them etc....

My "Intro to WWHM" ads aren't ever from personal ads, they're just pics from around the net.

Every time I see them, it's like "What the hell is the story behind that?"

People will never cease to amaze me.

When I was in college, we held a car wash as a fundraiser. We told one guy his ONLY job was to bring soap to the carwash, as he wasn't too bright.

He brought bars of soap.

I kid you not. There are people that stupid. And they walk around the world like they're just one of us.

Anonymous said...

"Make sure you check back tomorrow for more reasons to acquire a taste for lesbianism......"

Not ALL of your faithful readers/posters are women, Weasel.

Weasel said...

That's good to hear- but I never hear from the guys.

You know I originally wrote WWHM with how I always write-from the guy mindset.

But WWHM celebrates its third birthday today. I've received thousands of emails, and not ONE from a guy. Not ONE! Wait, check that, I did get one.

So if you're a guy and read WWHM regularly, let me know you read it.

Diane said...

Dear Weasel,

I hope everything came out all right.

Gotta go. Smell you later!
Diane

P.S. Anyone else notice something missing from this picture? (Aside from no walls, no privacy, and no class, there doesn't appear to be any toilet paper, either. Eww.)

Moli said...

Weasel, I'm a guy! no... wait... I'm a Lesbian? argh! no... i must just be stupid :(

Anonymous said...

Weasel, stop removing your posts! It's not professional - pros just refuse to admit they've made mistakes. :-D Plus, the hairpiece joke had me laughing all night. And the previous comment was right, the unmitigated arrogance of the beaver adviser... if that doesn't deserve to be here, I don't know what does.

Keep going with the blog. I'm not even a man hater, but sometimes it feels so good to just laugh at their bizarre little egos...

teawithlime said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Weasel said...

I had NO idea teawithlime. Glad to know.

Yeah, sorry about the Tim thing. No one forgets the Hairy Snack Shack. Ever.

fuglymanoftheday said...

Weasel, I'm a 25 year old male that is an avid...okay...addicted reader of your site. My ex-girlfriend, (known as chestnutjumper784) introduced me to the site several weeks back and I've become a fan ever since. As a man of questionable moral character myself, I find this site disgusting and amusing all at the same time. It still boggles my mind that there are people in the world who really think posting these crazy personals will get them laid. I mean, since when did it become wrong to meet a girl at the gym or the mall or even the bar and take them out for a dinner, a coffee, a movie, even a picnic?! Apparently I've been missing the boat for several years now, rather than trying to be a nice chauvinistic guy I really just need to pull out my cock, flash a couple hundred dollar bills, take a picture then write something like "I'll fuck you so hard you're likely to have a brain hemorrhage." I check the site daily and always get a good laugh out of it. Weasel, you can rest assured that I'll be a life long follower of WWHM and hopefully a frequent poster as well. Until tomorrow...take care and goodnight all.

Weasel said...

Sweet.

The good word spreads like chlamydia.

Keep on board guys, and if I turn into a big pussy, call me out on it. Actually, the girls already do that. (See above post about taking down entries. Guilty.)

InColdBlood said...

"Make sure you check back tomorrow for more reasons to acquire a taste for lesbianism......

.......and God knows I'd support that decision.

As long as you tell me about it.

In detail.

With graphs. And charts. Pics. Video. Re-enactments. Whatever you deem necessary to get the point across. "

This is almost exactly what my boyfriend says everytime I jokingly threaten him to turn lesbian. I haven't commented yet, but love your stuff, weasel. But, it does make me explain random bouts of laughter while on the computer... And you can't really explain these situations to many people, lol.

Walk On said...

Weasel, I normally wouldn't plug one blog on another, but re:
"There are people that stupid. And they walk around the world like they're just one of us." go read
http://notalwaysright.com (note the lack of www on there - it won't work w/ www)

You can go to any page by adding /page/# to the address. Like if you want page 63, make the address read http://notalwaysright.com/page/63

That helps when you are trying to pick up where you left off yesterday and you don't feel like hitting the little error key a hundred times.

I think it's your kind of humor. Check that, I know it is. It's about people being stupid and/or jerks.

Samples:
-----
Please See The “Time Travel” Section

Bookstore | Tacoma, WA

Customer: “Do you have a picture book of dinosaurs?”

Me: “Sure.”

(We walk to the dinosaur books and I show him many books with various sketches and paintings of dinosaurs)

Customer: “No, not pictures…PHOTOGRAPHS. Photos of dinosaurs, please. Where are those?”

-------
Someone Needs To Get Out More

Vet | Unknown Location

Me: “Emergency veterinary clinic, how can I help you?”

Caller: *worried female voice* “My dog has a red thing on him.”

Me: “Is it actively bleeding?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where is it located?”

Caller: “On his tummy.”

Me: “Can you describe it to me? How large is it? Does it look more like a cut, a rash or an abrasion?”

Caller: “It looks like a little stick of lipstick.”

Me: “That’s his penis.”

Caller: *hangs up*

-------

Jeff Foxworthy Would Be Proud

Movie Theater | Madisonville, KY, USA

Customer: “Two tickets for Madagascar.”

(After the previews, he returns)

Customer: “I want my money back!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “You have the wrong movie playing in there, its a cartoon. Where’s the cars?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, Cars?”

Customer: “Nascar! I wanted to see Mad about Nascar!!”

Me: “…let me get the manager.”

------

Military Intelligence

USMC (troubleshooter for f-18 jets) | MCAS Miramar, San Diego, CA, USA

Me: “Okay sir, can you hear me?”

Pilot: “Loud and clear. Okay, I have a problem with my radar…it won’t test and nothing is coming up in the O-F-F position.”

Me: “Well, sir, turn it to the O-N position and let me know how things work out.”

-----

He Wants The Google

Call Center | Unknown Location

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy a Google. How much is it?”

Me: “Well, Sir, you would have to buy an internet connection, like our DSL to–”

*cuts me off*

Customer: “I don’t want to buy your f****** DSL! I want Google. My friend told me it’s the best, so I want that!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, Google is a search engine, you really need to buy a connection package first to–”

*cuts me off again*

Customer: “I want Google! Are you listening to me? GOOGLE! HOW MUCH IS IT?”

Me: *innocently* “Oh, my guess would be a few billions, sir.”

Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous!”

Me: “I agree. However, if you buy our DSL package for $**.**, you can use Google all you want and it’ll be FREE!”

Customer: “Really? Then why would anyone ever be stupid enough to want to buy Google?”

Me: “Beats me, sir.”

Walk On said...

Weasel, I normally wouldn't plug one blog on another, but re:
"There are people that stupid. And they walk around the world like they're just one of us." go read
http://notalwaysright.com (note the lack of www on there - it won't work w/ www)

You can go to any page by adding /page/# to the address. Like if you want page 63, make the address read http://notalwaysright.com/page/63

That helps when you are trying to pick up where you left off yesterday and you don't feel like hitting the little error key a hundred times.

I think it's your kind of humor. Check that, I know it is. It's about people being stupid and/or jerks.

Samples:
-----
Please See The “Time Travel” Section

Bookstore | Tacoma, WA

Customer: “Do you have a picture book of dinosaurs?”

Me: “Sure.”

(We walk to the dinosaur books and I show him many books with various sketches and paintings of dinosaurs)

Customer: “No, not pictures…PHOTOGRAPHS. Photos of dinosaurs, please. Where are those?”

-------
Someone Needs To Get Out More

Vet | Unknown Location

Me: “Emergency veterinary clinic, how can I help you?”

Caller: *worried female voice* “My dog has a red thing on him.”

Me: “Is it actively bleeding?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where is it located?”

Caller: “On his tummy.”

Me: “Can you describe it to me? How large is it? Does it look more like a cut, a rash or an abrasion?”

Caller: “It looks like a little stick of lipstick.”

Me: “That’s his penis.”

Caller: *hangs up*

-------

Jeff Foxworthy Would Be Proud

Movie Theater | Madisonville, KY, USA

Customer: “Two tickets for Madagascar.”

(After the previews, he returns)

Customer: “I want my money back!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “You have the wrong movie playing in there, its a cartoon. Where’s the cars?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, Cars?”

Customer: “Nascar! I wanted to see Mad about Nascar!!”

Me: “…let me get the manager.”

------

Military Intelligence

USMC (troubleshooter for f-18 jets) | MCAS Miramar, San Diego, CA, USA

Me: “Okay sir, can you hear me?”

Pilot: “Loud and clear. Okay, I have a problem with my radar…it won’t test and nothing is coming up in the O-F-F position.”

Me: “Well, sir, turn it to the O-N position and let me know how things work out.”

-----

He Wants The Google

Call Center | Unknown Location

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy a Google. How much is it?”

Me: “Well, Sir, you would have to buy an internet connection, like our DSL to–”

*cuts me off*

Customer: “I don’t want to buy your f****** DSL! I want Google. My friend told me it’s the best, so I want that!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, Google is a search engine, you really need to buy a connection package first to–”

*cuts me off again*

Customer: “I want Google! Are you listening to me? GOOGLE! HOW MUCH IS IT?”

Me: *innocently* “Oh, my guess would be a few billions, sir.”

Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous!”

Me: “I agree. However, if you buy our DSL package for $**.**, you can use Google all you want and it’ll be FREE!”

Customer: “Really? Then why would anyone ever be stupid enough to want to buy Google?”

Me: “Beats me, sir.”

Nosnikta said...

**There are people that stupid. And they walk around the world like they're just one of us.
***

I think about this a lot. I meet people of this nature quite often. They don't KNOW they are stupid.

What worries me is this.... What if I'm one of them? :-|

Calvinsmom said...

Hurry Back

Jane Bond said...

As long as you tell me about it.

In detail.

With graphs. And charts. Pics. Video. Re-enactments.


As long as you return the favor, sir, with a comely member of your own gender!