Welcome to WWHM Headquarters, located in beautiful downtown Dubuque, Iowa, right next to Tom's Animal Rendering Plant-Wing C.
I'm The Weasel, your fearless male leader into a tragic world of dangling penises, mattress fuckers, and poorly packaged genitals that emit the same tangy, gamy odors you might find emanating from the bloated carcass of a beached whale smothered with a gelatinous mix of AstroGlide and expired beet paste.
Where do we find these horrors? We find them in personal ads posted on public internet bulletin boards of course, constructed by clueless men who wouldn't know a vagina if it sat next to them on the bus and started playing the pan flute.
See, unfortunately ladies, the photo accompanying today's "Welcome" post belies a tragic truth about men on the internet. They claim to be Exhibit A, but ultimately you'll be sharing a Moons Over MiHammy at Denny's with Exhibit B and splitting the tab. He won't tip, he'll tell you he's a "bad boy", and you'll have to jumpstart his 1986 Honda Accord before you manage to peel out of the parking lot.
Our personal ads can range from bizarre to disgusting, from clueless to insecure, and they're pretty much all idiotic in one way or another.
Please note that WWHM is vile, immature, nauseating, and definitely NSFW. I, nor my thousands of daily readers, would have it any other way. This blog is read by about 80% women, and their commentary would cause even the most hardened Bering Sea crabber to blush, cross his legs, and protect his genitals with a halibut.
Who am I to judge? I am no one. I am a small, weak man with a penis more aptly suited for a cold and frightened seahorse. I cower at rustling leaves and frequently urinate in my cheap Chinese briefs at the sound of a distant thunderclap. Bunnies frighten me, and in my spare time I hide in my closet and nibble on Saltines hamster-style.
But I write the jokes, so I'm here to stay.
So for you new readers, I update 2-3 times per week. And for you old readers, I fucking love you guys! And I'd like to thank whomever nominated WWHM over on Blogger's Choice, which I've never heard of before, but is currently sending me a lot of traffic. You can apparently vote for me here. So do it! Please everyone take one minute and vote. Let's make WWHM huge!
We'll see you next week!