Adventures In Internet Dating

Seking Adventureuos F 4 Advetnure

36 male am intrested in meeting women coming to strip club with me Tue or Wed. I have VIP card and know the girls, not what you think it is. I will pay for dances you pay for drinks, hoping you stroke my balls hard at club or at car. Maybe come home with dancer and share?, If intrested please be disreet, email Tripp XXXX @ XXX.com

A recent study by Cosmopolitan magazine revealed that women are particularly attracted to a man with a sense of adventure. My sister, however, didn't appreciate my "sense of adventure" when she caught me masturbating to her Cosmopolitan magazine. Sorry sis, just let it dry and peel the pages apart like an avocado.

Tripp has a keen sense of adventure, and hopes you'll accompany him to his local strip club by attempting to assure you it's "not what you think it is." So if you think it's just another unemployed vacuum salesman trying to lure you into the backseat of his 1989 Toyota Tercel for a handjob with a Ukranian woman named "Taboo," let me assure you its exactly what you think it is. After all, bragging about owning a strip club VIP card earns you about as much vaginal clout as flashing around your platinum Greyhound bus pass; her pussy will seal so tight, your penis would have better luck penetrating the entry door of a launching lunar vehicle.

On a first date, Tripp, the woman you're with wants you to focus on her, not the Keith Sweat inspired anal gyrations of a woman whose pre-work regimen involves rinsing her fallopian tubes with six quarts of Pussy Dragon perfume and inflating her breasts to 36 psi at the Shell station across the street.

Unfortunately, your suggested date focuses on you and your false sense of adventure, which appears to wholly consist of having your sour-smelling trouser onions juggled in a strip club parking lot like two lone sweatsocks in an industrial towel dryer. Meanwhile, your date is inside contracting a mutant strain of bovine herpes from a $14 plastic cup of watered-down RC Cola. Yeah, Tripp, you're a real Ferdinand fucking Magellan of the dating world.

If you're feeling a little adventurous next time you post a personal ad, why don't you embark on a little sojourn over to your SpellCheck toolbar, you impotent tree baboon. If you'll notice, the only word you spelled correctly was a number, and you didn't even spell the number.

A fine way to ensure any woman that answers your ad will have the IQ of a pre-pubescent houseplant. Which is probably exactly what you're looking for.