Snatched!

I'll Shave your snatch

I'll shave your snatch if you shave my back..Foreal deal hit me up. Geoff

The staff here at WWHM regularly puts a select group of females through a battery of tests to determine which words they like and don't like in personal ads.

The first word I realized women don't appreciate is when I referred to them as our "testees."

After receiving a furious beating with a battalion of extremely fashionable purses and gorgeous yet simplistic footwear, I calmed down the participants by referring to them as "subjects," and by providing a bowl of low-carb movie snacks and telling them I really liked their new breezy, modern hairstyles.

We've discovered one of the most popular words that instantly turn a great personal ad into a bad one is the inclusion of the term "snatch." In fact, I actually have a clip of such an ad stored in my archives. Roll the tape!

".....I'm physically fit, professionally employed and the proud father of two beautiful girls ages 6 and 8. But after happily getting divorced two years ago, I really miss the sweet smell of a moistened snatch, ........."

The word "snatch" instantly drains any sexuality out of the vagina, as it sounds like a term more qualified to describe an Indian hut constructed out of palm fronds, or perhaps a certain species of flightless quail. To put it in perspective, gentlemen, imagine a lusty woman approaching you and begging to fondle your stiffened "wheat germ." Believe me, your cock will drain so fast you'll wish your taint had airbags.

Back to Geoff though, a man whose back hair could nourish a pasture full of Namibian field goats. Geoff wants to trade an unpleasant activity (shaving his back) for a pleasant activity (shaving your "snatch"). Apparently Geoff thinks he's a Early American colonist and you are a Native American Indian, a proud people who once traded away a piece of land the size of Connecticut for a jug of moonshine and a pair of pointy English lounge shoes.

Geoff, shaving your back can involve anyone with one arm, a pulse, and a shocking disregard for the disgusting. But shaving her pussy requires trust, and women don't trust their pussy to a man who calls it a "snatch".

And on a personal note Geoff, The Weasel will admit that when he was a small boy, a boy so young his hairless and marble smooth testicles still gripped to his thorax like two baby koalas to their mother, he actually used the word snatch during a sexual encounter. And even at 15, her legs snapped shut like a well-oiled fox trap onto my startled baby turtle head, and transformed the glorious pink sheen of my legume-sized penis to a color more typical of a two month old banana sealed in a Sara Lee sandwich bag.

"Never again," my brain told me.

Any other mood-killing words or phrases women hate, you can post in the comments. Or you can just bash me for actually once saying "snatch."