Best oral in Las Vegas! -19
Hello ladiez of Las Vegas. Let me introduse myself my name is Kent from summerlin area of Las Vegas. Would you like a night of intense oral plesure? Becase thats what i'm here for just your oral pleasure.Not like most guyz I know where your clit is and will focus on it for hourz strait to totally get you off. I am young and full of cum, redy to lick your clit and gspot, clean only, i will keep you interested. no smelly ugly girls. Kent XXX-XXX-XXXX
WWHM would seriously like to know who's handing out all these oral awards we see in personal ads. "I'm the best in the Mid-Valley!" "Best in Manhattan!" and "Best oral ever!" More importantly, we want to know who is judging all these competitions. With that much stimulation, her pussy must look like a giant bee sting.
Today we meet Kent, a 19 year-old man so confident in his oral abilities that he promises to "keep you interested." Way to set a low bar for yourself, Kent. That's like paying $1000 to a call girl who promises to keep you "semi-hard."
Rustling leaves outside a window can keep a woman "interested" Kent, but to keep her interested in the bedroom you need to look for more subtle signs. If she moans lightly or shifts her hips, that's a good sign you've garnered her interest. Conversely, if she starts vacuuming the foyer while you're going down on her, you may want to sharpen your technique.
Kent plans to "totally get you off" by spending hours focusing directly on your clitoris. Which is kind of like offering a woman a complete home makeover, then just painting the chimney. Think of it like a mosquito bite- it feels really good if someone scratches on it or around it for a little bit, but if you scratch it directly on it for hours on end, someone's going to end up with a fucking 2 X 4 right in the throat.
Perhaps as a testament to the preparation he's putting in to your encounter, Kent has also included a crudely drawn diagram of a vagina inscribed with the words "lick here." I'm not saying it's a cheat sheet, but if he starts peeking at his palms while he goes down on you, feel free whack him in the head with a ruler. A picture may be worth 1,000 words Kent, but in your personal ad a picture is worth two: No thanks.
Words say a mouthful, and the words in your personal ad quiver as they say "Oh God, I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing here." Believe me, there's a difference between performing cunnilingus on a woman and eating a bowl of Grape Nuts between her legs. And if you're going to "lick her G-spot", then I need to ask you to please keep at least three feet away from my ice cream cone.
Thanks to Kent however, WWHM plans to produce our own nationwide "Best Oral" competition next year to avoid further confusion in men's personal ads.
That's right folks, get ready for the 2009 Vulvies Awards.
Sponsored by John Deere lawnmowers. (OK, that was pushing it.)