Saturday, November 1, 2008

I'll Be Back!

Hey guys, I'm running out of town for a swim meet for a couple of days.

As you can see, I bought a new sleek aerodynamic swim outfit. The salesguy said it would cut my time in the 1000-meter by at least one second.

I had high hopes, but for some reason, my time has actually gotten slower. Hmmm.

It's almost feels like I'm dragging something behind me, and for the life of me I can't figure it out. And why are there so many goddamn squirrels in this pool?

Maybe I should shave my legs?

I don't know, but if you guys have any suggestions, let me know.

I'll see you next week.

50 comments:

fuzzyfjords said...

Oh, boy. Long time lurker here.
I'm first! Yippee!

Weasel, you rock!

The human spandex machine must be a hurtin'-you'd think he'd need another bathing cap for the nether regions too!

Walk On said...

OMG!

Like, can he not feel that?

Or is this done on purpose?

Here's hoping there are some hungry fish where he's swimming!

Jim and Garret said...

I don't see anything wrong. Maybe your swim cap is too tight? :-)

Garret

Havocec said...

Maybe its the eyeliner? You should use waterproof.

Stephen said...

Holy apple bag Batman!

Anonymous said...

OMG! That hurts me, and I'm not even a guy!! To have a camel toe that bad should be nearly catastrophic to a man!

LOL! @ havocec--agreed on the eyeliner thing! :p

Weasel said...

Oh my God....

Is that my balls showing?

I feel so violated. Just look at my shoes, will ya?

Anonymous said...

There's no way that's NOT deliberate... Pardon me, I need to go dunk my head in bleach.

Never Say Never Greyhounds said...

Yikes! My suggestion is neutering.

Jen

Lynda said...

Oh Lord.... and no not all men feel that. I was in the Air Force as an aircraft mech back in the 80's. Ok we were stationed in Northern Maine. Now dont think of nice weather either... think of a day that its 30 below.. and we are getting into this bread truck type of set up... there is one bench seat along the passenger side of the truck. The other 'seat' was the wheel well on the driver side for us passengers. I happen to sit in the very front on the passenger side on the bench seat. I turned around and here is one of our other 'fine' mechanics (said sarcastically) sitting on the metal wheel well, 30 below, and he has no undies or long johns on and his 'stuff' is out of his pants, broken zipper or so he professed, laying on the metal wheel well... and he said he didnt feel that! I didnt say anything I turned away as soon as I saw it but the guy sitting next to me almost went through the roof of the truck! It probably wouldnt have been a bad thing if the guy had something and was half way decent looking... but he wasnt... he was more the type you would find here on this blog! Needless to say he got written up for having no undies on... its against the regs to go commando. Plus who in their right mind goes commando in 30 below weather!

God what unpleasant dreams I'l have tonight!

bad_wolf said...

*crosses legs* There be some issues thar! Wonder if he was ever wanting offspring? O.o

CaliGirl9 said...

Geez, another subject I know a bit about.

There are several problems with your event preparation here, my friend.

1. Anything hanging, bulging or sticking out of your suit or cap must be removed by whatever means. That includes shaving, waxing, or a sharp knife. At least your ears are tucked in the cap.

2. That swimsuit isn't high tech enough, just look at photos of horseface Michael Phelps. Obviously wearing a Speedo LZR Racer is the product you need. It will make you swim real fast even if you are really a fat ass. It's all in the mind, ya know?

3. The socks, bracelets and shoes will cause much drag. Toughen up, pussy boy, and go barefoot!

4. Real swimmers don't use make up but they do moisturize. And don't forget to use special swimmers' shampoo after each workout.

I hope I have been of assistance. I sense the pain in your words *wink*

SassyBrunette said...

That's a jaw dropper. ::scrapes jaw off the desktop::

And that's not a swim cap?! Upon closer examination it is attached the "suit" shall we call it. It's like it has a hood! WTF? And seriously, who swims in eyeliner???

wheelin126 said...

LOL Hey he's wearing a ball thong!! It's a really nice one too notice how evenly balanced on each side they are...hell I can't even type it with a straight face LOL!! Hey your swimsuit has decorations kind of like a christmas tree hanging off of it watch out though in case a pussy walks by might want to swat at those dingling toys.

Ella said...

I love how he looks so nonchalant about it too. Like he doesn't even notice. There is no way that doesn't hurt!

Brandy said...

I can't think this was accidental slippage, either. Imagine purposely setting your hammock up like that, and then walking out into public.. o_O AND thinking it wouldn't cause drag?

Ya know, Weasel, if you stop paying that gal $250 to stomp on your jewels, you might notice this kinda thing...

LOL, have fun!

Rhyadawn said...

I think neutering was the name of the event. Everythign all set up for the scalpel and the suit takes care of bleeding. Bloody brilliant Weas!

Havocec said...

Is that the Finnish flag on his suit? Maybe thats why he doesn't notice the cold..or the suit rammed up his fjord.

I'm curious about the back of the suit. Aren't you?*weg*

Daisy said...

How can the guy next to him be standing there without shuddering......revolting doesn't really do it justice..

Anonymous said...

Ok... so that looks like it would HURT.

The Political Pony said...

wow... that's a priceless photo. Like fuzzyfjords, I've been lurking for months and finally decided to post.

Also, while looking for a temporary place to live, I found this and thought it was too priceless not to share:
http://dallas.craigslist.org/ftw/roo/894500829.html

kiwiness said...

OMG dude looks like a lady!!!!
That is just nasty weasel!! Had my 14yo daughter looking over my shoulder, guess where my FINGER went. Which produced a muffled eeeewww from her!
When will I learn?

Karmyn said...

It has nice breasts.
Is this some special swim for transgenders? Because, honey, it really is better to have a doctor take care of that for you instead of trying to do it yourself. You're risking infection that way.

Mary said...

Okay, I don't know if I want to make this worse or not, but, um, that's not a guy. It's a woman. Those aren't balls. They are oversized and flappy "va-jay-jay" lips.

Duckies! NEED DUCKIES!

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

But it has a penis...or something stuffed in there. Is it a tranny? Is that what it is?

Boy, that's a weird one!

Mary said...

I remember reading the article about it. When I saw that picture, I knew I had seen it before. It's some woman in Norway or something.

Oh God Cathy!! It's probably an over-sized clit! Like one of those on Redtube were you see the guy stroking it like it's a mushroom head cock!

I broke me spork, time to stab my eyes out with a nickle...

anniebanannie said...

Only one second on a 1,000 meters? Not much for a long distance swim. Jeez, it wasn't worth it. Get your money back.

Amy.mangos said...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a lady.

Sadly.

Havocec said...

I still think it's 90% a man.

I've seen pics of maladjusted Labia Majora and they don't look as substantial and rounded as this.

Unless our swimmer is smuggling plums.

Or the tight suit has caused her ovaries to migrate south.

Besides, what self respecting woman or transgendered individual would wear white ankle socks with buckled loafers?

But, I'm not sure. The more I look the more confused I get.

Weasel said...

You guys are freaking me out- that can't be a woman.

Do I not see some frank with those beans? Pointing up?

Mary said...

I'm trying so hard to find the article. The lady was fined for her attire while competing in some major swim meet held every spring just as the ice drops off of some lake. She actually won the women's division, but lost her prize because of her outfit.

It's a chick, I promise you!! It was on Rueters or something.

SassyBrunette said...

I thought I saw a penis pointing up. The woman theory explains the eyeliner though... Leave it to Mary! I can't believe you recognized this picture. You are flat out hilarious.

Havocec said...

With an empty stomach

...click on the pic.

It will zoom up 4 times its size. Then you will see very well defined gonads and razor stubble.

Now, to find that cantalope ball maker to gouge out my eyes.

Nicole said...

If it wasn't for the obvious penis poking upwards I would have to say those balls are some nasty irritated va-jay-jay lips! He might be becoming a she soon, especially if (s)he continues to cut off the blood flow to his nether regions...

Wendee said...

This came from here:
http://www.funpic.hu/en.index.php

Somewhere... I'm assuming under the adult only section.

Appyfreak said...

The legs are really hairy.

wheelin126 said...

I have to agree with weasel on this one that is definitely a frank outline sticking northerly bound! and that's gotta hurt!!

RebelJubilee said...

Those are man legs. Lady legs look different, even if there is debate about whats going on in the with the smuggled plums. Nasty person. What is wrong with society when they let people wander about like that. There had to be some official person who could have removed that person and stopped them from making all men cringe with pain (and lots of women too).

Amy.mangos said...

After a second inspection, I'm even more confused! Yeah, those have got to be balls, right? But what's with the eyeliner? And, well, ick.

Just, ick.

Kirsten said...

You look okay to me! I think it's all in your head. :)

Karmyn said...

I think I see stubble on the chin.
Gotta be trans, but not sure from what to what.

Nosnikta said...

I have to laugh at myself because I realized this morning that EVERY time I open this blog and see the intro, my first thoughts are "Oh my freaking GAWD!"

Weas? lol you do so make me giggle.

And this? *** or the suit rammed up his fjord *** ROFLMAO!!!!

DYING at "fjord" lmao

Mary said...

Appyfreak...hairy legs isn't a clue. I had to take my husband's beard trimmers to mine last night just so I could get close enough with the razor. He was threatening to braid them.

I'm sticking with it's a chick...

watchingpuddles said...

Is it just me, or does anyone else think it looks like his shlong starts at his belly button and his balls are coming out from his ass?

E-fucking-WWWWW!

4thehorses said...

Sorry, that's a dude. Those are definitely balls, and man hands for sure!

Anonymous said...

I'm imagining the pre-competition preparation, and it goes like this.
Eyeliner...check.
ID bracelets...check.
Sport socks...check
WonderBalls-maximum-lift-and-separation aquatic onesie...check.
DRESS SHOES?
Why dress shoes?!?
I'm just grateful I can't see the rear view.

Peggy Archer said...

It doesn't matter to me if it's a woman or a man.

That can't be comfortable for either gender.

Ouch.

Anonymous said...

Pretty sure he selected the ladies' version of this swimsuit. Or the one they make for unics (sp?)

Anonymous said...

Actually, there's no indication that this is a swim meet or even a public event. Could be a bunch of gay guys out in the woods, gay pride parade, whatever. Seems like a supposed context was set up here, which most folks thus far has taken for granted to be accurate. Develop a skeptical side folks.

Anonymous said...

Hey ladies that trick is as old as santa claus, it's called elefant ears and is usually done through the hole in tighty whities, but usually they are in the eigth grade!