Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Identity Crisis

Is it possible that I'm Gay?

I love to Cross Dress. I don't know why...maybe DNA...maybe subliminal advertising....maybe too much cable TV. It just feels sexy to dress and feel like a woman. If you're a single woman, I could understand why you might be hestitant in playing with a strange man. Rest assured, I'm VERY submissive, and would be OK. Single guys I'm not so sure about, but maybe if you look OK. Seth

WWHM receives a lot of personal ads featuring rugged, burly men modeling the latest trends in dainty, girlish panties and lingerie. Every time I open my email, it looks like a Victoria's Secret outlet exploded at a fucking logging convention. But whether they're dancing in front of a mirror, lying across a mattress, or posing in a coy fashion on the couch, I can assure you even the sexiest lingerie in the world has a 100% fool-proof antidote: Balls.

Putting lingerie over a pair of balls is like putting a little pink tank top on a shark; you may be trying to sex yourself up a little, but we still know what's going on underneath. Yet the whimsical, carefree Seth attempts to further conceal his balls utilizing a technique called the "tuck-under." By pulling the penis back into the open, fragrant prairies of the taint and closing his legs tightly, a man can make it appear he has no genitals at all. The problem is keeping it back there; it's like trying to stuff a housecat in a travel cage.

Conservative straight Midwestern guys like Seth often worry that an appreciation for wearing women's clothing makes him "gay." That's like putting on a pair of moccasins and worrying people will think you're an American Indian. Wearing women's clothing doesn't make you gay, Seth. Going to parades makes you gay. You really need to educate yourself.

We don't know if you're gay, Seth, and we don't know why you cross-dress. If you think corporations spend billions of dollars on subliminal advertising to sell you hamburgers, I could maybe see your point. But if you think corporations spend billions of dollars on subliminal advertising just because they want you to slip into a slinky pair of purple fishnets, then you're not gay, you're crazy.

Plus, I've watched 20 straight hours of Entourage and I didn't find myself wearing a pair of edible crotchless panties, so I don't really think you can blame cable TV either.

You wanna know why I think you like wearing women's clothing? Because you like wearing women's clothing.

(Remember guys, WWHM is going in a new direction. Cross-dressing is NOT a reason for women to hate men. We're going to make fun of all kinds of sexual quirks on WWHM from now on, because all human sexuality is hilarious. Not only do I need to change the name of WWHM, I also need to start trying on women's clothing. I'll start right now with a breezy, summery scarf.)

33 comments:

4thehorses said...

I think cross dressing is THE perfect reason why we hate men. I think cross dressing is icky, and I don't get chicks (if there are any) who think guys in dresses or lingerie are hot. Balls are the reason that lingerie doesn't work, they are also the reason why onesy swimsuits don't work.

Weasel said...

It's amazing how many guys are into it- I bet more straight guys cross dress than gay guys. I get at least one per day, sometimes 7 or 8.

Hey WWHM'ers, remember after last weeks little flare-up:

You're 100% allowed to make fun of and talk about human sexuality on WWHM. That's why we're here.

If you want to gay bash, I'll ban you immediately. I promise.

Jim and Garret said...

Only 2 comments on this entry. I'm wondering if you had to delete a lot of comments due to gay bashing. That's sad, if so. I admit, it's a freaky world. I knew a car mechanic who cross-dressed but was attracted to women only. I think he was a lesbian trapped in a man's body. He had it rough both ways. Dressing up in woman's clothes doesn't make you gay, just freaky (to me). I save such an event for Halloween, and I make a fugly lookin' chick.

Your queer reader,
Garret

Floyd said...

I'm sorry, but as soon as I saw the headband, I started laughing uncontrollably. Siren red lingerie, sexy pose over the bed, little girl headband. I think he's safe on the gay front- he has absolutely no fashion sense.
He does sound like a bankroll for therapist's next luxury item: he's got gender issues, sexual orientation issues, and apparently, no self esteem at ALL.
If only there was a shred of confidence anywhere in the ad, he might attract a woman who likes cross dressing men.

nosey said...

Taint! One of my favorite words!

RebelJubilee said...

Wowza, he's a winner. He sounds like my last date with the 'I'm not gay, you might think I'm gay' thing. I told the guy, unless he was sleeping with a man and had no desire to be with a woman then he was probably safe from gay territory. He looked a little dubious...

CaliGirl9 said...

There’s no need for some serious psychoanalysis here. I have the answer for Seth!

I think Seth’s problem goes back to potty training. You know, the choice of underwear that moms used to make a little kid (either sex) who went wee-wee in their undies be a bit uncomfortable when they sprung a leak—so instead of putting absorbent cotton tighty whities on a little boy, you put those little silky girls’ panties with the ruffles on the butt that get really cold really fast if they get wet. (Yes, in the days before Pampers Pull-Ups, moms ended up washing plenty of peed and pooed in underwear before their little darlings of either sex got the idea that the toilet could be your friend.) Seth obviously enjoyed that special feeling of silky lingerie material cradling his wee kibbles and bits.

I’m not sure I’m getting what this guy is wearing. Is this a two-sizes too small teddy?

P.S. Seth, the hair band is a nice touch too.

Weasel said...

Garrett,

You dress dress like a woman for Halloween?

That DEFINITELY makes you straight.

Havocec said...

I've been working on my post all day, even took a nap so I could rest my brain.

Firstly, amen on banning any gay bashers.

Secondly, I have a soft spot for Drag Queens, and cross dressers.

Now to our lingerie lizard in the ad. If you're going to wear lingerie ditch the head band. It's too creepy in an under aged school girl/anime character way. Fluff up your hair Liza Minelli style or slick it back a la Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies.


The tuck is creepy. I've seen Silence of the Lambs and Pet Detective too many times.

That teddy doesn't fit. Looking at someone dressed awkwardly in lingerie makes most women physically uncomfortable. You're a man, dress in lingerie made for a man. That shade of red is good.

Remember this:

Madame Chanel once said:


"I don't understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little - if only out of politeness. And then, you never know, maybe that's the day she has a date with destiny. And it's best to be as pretty as possible for destiny."

Go watch the Rocky Horror Picture show. Now there's a man in lingerie any girl would love to have around. :)

CaliGirl9 said...

havocec, I thought Frankenfurter's bustier and garter belt were the best. No way I'd ever look that good in them! And I have boobies!

As for his platform shoes... I never could walk in them (let alone dance) as well as Tim Curry.

Sheri said...

I knew someone who met her lover via the internet. When they finally hooked up she found out he could only get it up if he was dressed in a french maids' outfit. Really, scary, interesting and kinky. It was all fun and games until her teenage daughter walked in on them. When she saw him, and herself, through her daughter's eyes she realised the relationship was going nowhere.

Rhyadawn said...

I don't get it, and I admit that. But here is why, its not comfortable. A push up bra and scratchy lace do not a happy me make! High heels = my back killing me!

I have a convenient stash of my ex's sweaters and Ts and rugby jerseys, but they are for houseware only.

Totally agree on the gaybashing. It needs to end.

SassyBrunette said...

::still chuckling at what Sheri said::

"I don't know why...maybe DNA...maybe subliminal advertising....maybe too much cable TV."

This doesn't make any sense. Just like saying cross-dressing makes a person gay doesn't make any sense.

"It just feels sexy to dress and feel like a woman."

And now he's getting somewhere. You do it because you like it. And that's fine. Don't blame it on subliminal advertising and TV...or on being gay.

I agree with Floyd on the confidence issue. I don't care what fetish you're into or how weird others think it might be, but the sexiest thing about a fetish, or sex in general, is when someone gets REALLY into it. You have to get comfortable with it. So chances are someone with the same fetish would be driven off by his attitude (if not by the poor choice of ill-fitting lingerie and headband combo, haha). A person wants to have sex with someone who wildly enjoys it and gets madly, pulling your hair, screaming, holding onto the bedpost for dear life, crazy into it. That makes for great sex. Not the awkward person who half-asses it, shys away and says, "Cable did this to me."

Rhyadawn said...

"a person wants to have sex with someone who wildly enjoys it and gets madly, pulling your hair, screaming, holding onto the bedpost for dear life, crazy into it. That makes for great sex."

Only if that person is comfortable in their own skin. Someone who isn't isn't going to be ok with someone screaming at the top of their lungs and ripping their skull in half. For them, shy reserved quiet sex in total darkness is going to be for them.

zwitter said...

See, I love a man in women's clothing. Love love love it. My longterm partner is a crossdresser and I couldn't date a man whom I couldn't see in a skirt and stockings.

But here's the catch -- they have to look GOOD in it. And let me tell you, 75% of crossdressing men just don't have what it takes to pull it off, so to speak. If you look like a christmas ham in doll clothes, something is amiss. This goes doubly so for the 30-year-old pasty doughmen with physiques of jello who insist on wearing *schoolgirl* clothes (see: that stupid headband.) If you were dressing like a twelve-year-old BOY I'd find you no less creepy, Seth.

Of the crossdressers I've met, about 50% were het and 50% were gay/bi. I also find strong anecdotal evidence to support that many of them were put into something frilly/silky/feminine at an early age and it left an impression.

Brandy said...

Uh oh... If going to parades makes you gay, and I was in marching band for 7 years... LOL!

Remember, Bi now, gay later!

Men should feel fine about enjoying women's underwear. It would be better if the men got the non-ventilating, shiny, non-absorbent fabrics, and women get the soft, natural, healthy cotton! Plus, by keeping those balls up near their body heat, they reduce their fertility! Instant Darwin?

SassyBrunette said...

"Someone who isn't isn't going to be ok with someone screaming at the top of their lungs and ripping their skull in half."

I must have chosen my words poorly. I didn't mean to that extent. You damage my hair or ear drums and you're toast! Hahaha.

My point is that this guy is not comfortable in his own skin, which is possibly the least attractive thing about him. Everyone has their own sexual and fetish preferences. And I'm glad-it makes the world a much more interesting place.

Weasel said...

More power to ya Zwitter.

"Christmas ham in doll clothes"- I gotta make a note of that one.

Annand Virk said...

Dammit. I was expecting you to flame him a bit more. :P

Eccentric_Lady said...

LMAO

Love that comment Weasel:

"Every time I open my email, it looks like a Victoria's Secret outlet exploded at a fucking logging convention. "

Busted up too much reading that.

Tanya said...

Even if there are women out there willing to get it on with a guy that cross dresses, he uses things like "I'm OK" and "very submissive" in his personal ad like this helps the situation :S

P.S I'm totally with the other commenters on Tim Curry, if you're going to cross dress, take some tips from him ;)

Candice said...

If your a pervert admit it. These idiots are the reason why most transsexuals are shy. I'm ashamed that anything like him, espescially at 17. BTW I agree with the underwear theory. Wore a dress when I was seven and never felt more right. ^.^;

Candice said...

If your a pervert admit it. These idiots are the reason why most transsexuals are shy. I'm ashamed that anything like him, espescially at 17. BTW I agree with the underwear theory. Wore a dress when I was seven and never felt more right. ^.^;

Candice said...

oops my bad 0.0

Anonymous said...

Don't worry Weasel, this guy is a perfect example of WWHM. Not because he's a crossdresser (necessarily), but for his lack of effort to actually make himself appealing to women. I mean, fugly pic, though at least he can spell. If a fetishist or kinkster wants to get satisfyingly laid, he needs to make up for the inherent selfishness of his sexual desires. He can start by being as attractive as he can achieve (working out, taking decent pictures, give signs that he'll be delightful company), and be very clear that he doesn't expect a woman to focus exclusively on some personal kink of his. If this guy is very lucky, he will find a woman with her own quirks who will indulge his crossdressing from time to time because he makes her come hard and often.

Anonymous said...

Man, this is driving me crazy. This guy clearly has some intelligence under that insecurity and confusion. I mean, playful submission from the right (confident) guy can be really fun for women, and he makes it sound like it just means he won't rape you (way to put that sexy spin on it). If he worked out and posted hott pics of his torso/pecs and (maybe? cutish) face, with something like the following, he might have a chance in hell: "Fun kinky sub bicurious guy to have your way with. Dress me up in naughty clothes for your amusement or make me do things to earn it."

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