The Weasel went out to a couple clubs this weekend.
Playing the role of "social maverick," I hid in the corners and nervously sipped a Shirley Temple all night whilst my legs trembled in fear of an actual woman approaching me and attempting to start a conversation. Just the thought of such an occurrence caused my weak bladder to continuously emit a laser thin stream of watermelon-tinted urine into my Haggar slacks, causing an effigy of Our Lady of Guadalupe to form just above my left knee. I was then followed home by 74,000 third-world Catholics with candles and a FOX news crew on a break from distorting reality.
But I witnessed an unspeakable horror at the club, a male behavior so reprehensible yet laughable that today we're gonna play a little show-and-tell with the group.
We're talking about men that dance by themselves in a club and/or bar. The insufferable fucking douchebags with armband tattoos, Ed Hardy T-shirts, and enough Axe Bodyspray to sterilize the entirety of gametes present in the collective wombs of the club.
And I present to you a recorded sample of just such an occurrence. Please note, the girl in this video is openly mocking these guys for attempting to dance sexily by themselves in a comical effort to seduce a woman.
I salute this woman for performing her civic duty of making asses out of these ridiculous cocksmokers. If anyone knows the woman in this video, please forward her name and address to me so I can rub her feet and hand feed her Bon-Bon's in a spa tub for eternity. I love you, sweet damsel.
And I hope to someday tickle your Chiclets.