Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Dancing Fools

The Weasel went out to a couple clubs this weekend.

Playing the role of "social maverick," I hid in the corners and nervously sipped a Shirley Temple all night whilst my legs trembled in fear of an actual woman approaching me and attempting to start a conversation. Just the thought of such an occurrence caused my weak bladder to continuously emit a laser thin stream of watermelon-tinted urine into my Haggar slacks, causing an effigy of Our Lady of Guadalupe to form just above my left knee. I was then followed home by 74,000 third-world Catholics with candles and a FOX news crew on a break from distorting reality.

But I witnessed an unspeakable horror at the club, a male behavior so reprehensible yet laughable that today we're gonna play a little show-and-tell with the group.

We're talking about men that dance by themselves in a club and/or bar. The insufferable fucking douchebags with armband tattoos, Ed Hardy T-shirts, and enough Axe Bodyspray to sterilize the entirety of gametes present in the collective wombs of the club.

And I present to you a recorded sample of just such an occurrence. Please note, the girl in this video is openly mocking these guys for attempting to dance sexily by themselves in a comical effort to seduce a woman.



I salute this woman for performing her civic duty of making asses out of these ridiculous cocksmokers. If anyone knows the woman in this video, please forward her name and address to me so I can rub her feet and hand feed her Bon-Bon's in a spa tub for eternity. I love you, sweet damsel.

And I hope to someday tickle your Chiclets.

23 comments:

Richelle said...

That woman is my hero. These guys, with their over-spiked hair and bandanas, are the reason why I will avoid clubs at all costs. Like, who the hell DANCES at a pool?? It's unfortunate that you couldn't photoshop castrate these douchebags as well... it would have been so very satisfying.

Eccentric_Lady said...

That's hilarious!

SassyBrunette said...

What in a delusional man's mind makes them think that rolling up their jeans into capris and wearing a bandanna is attractive? Love the little sidekick dancer as well, sporting the "something large with fangs chewed on my jeans" look. Someone told my his little dance is called the "crip walk" but it just looks stupid to me. That woman is hilarious. I like how he realizes she's making fun of him, gets mad and starts yelling. Then goes right back to his merry display of douchebaggery.

SassyBrunette said...

me, it's been a rough morning as far as thinking goes.

watchingpuddles said...

This is all I could think of as soon as I saw those morons hopping around. Please watch this video. It will show you how goofy dances are instinctual for men (the 'man' in the video is a Bird of Paradise).

CaliGirl9 said...

Thanks for the fine video link, watchingpuddles.

I've said it before and I'll say it again ...

The Y chromosome does strange things to living creatures. The bird of paradise had better rhythm and moves than our American Bandstand/Soul Train wannabes.

The manpris and bandanas were plenty enough to send me packing. The gal who had the chutzpah to "dance" with those tools is a fine representation of a living creature with two X chromosomes. Clever, bold, athletic and smarter than the dancing fools. Kudos to you my sistah!

Sassybrunette, I thought it was the perv walk, but what do I know LOL

Rhyadawn said...

the sad part is the "manpri's" may be up to the knees, but the are also down off their ass (recall post few weeks ago). Somehow men think we find this attractive...

As to the dancing.... ugh!

Annand Virk said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

What the fuck?

These men are actually why I refuse to go to club. I hate being associated with queefs such as these.

Ashers said...

Hang on **rushes off to look up "dance" in the dictionary**

move with measured rhythmic steps to music.

Hmmm...well, they have the music, err....think they may be dancing to an internal tune of their own though !!!

You can't beat a man that can dance....I've always though that a bloke who can dance is usually very good in bed !

jax said...

reason #426 to never do E after the sun rises.

man i'm venturing a gues that this is either Jersey or Vegas??

Weasel said...

Jax- this is actually in Cabo San Lucas.

But the guys are from Jersey. Of course. What a shocker.

There are three other videos of these same guys doing the same thing on YouTube somewhere.

Never Say Never Greyhounds said...

I think you meant CNN was on break from distorting reality :-P.

Jen

Tribblehappy said...

Thanks for that link, watchingpuddles. I laughed. Loudly. Maybe this is where the single dancing syndrome comes from? It's some sort of ready to mate come hither display gone terribly awry? The bird in the video got rejected too...

Nosnikta said...

LOL it's guys like that who make it entertaining to go out to a club.

I would have tossed in a few dance moves as the sprinkler, the backstroke, the monkey, and the hold-my-nose and submerge... Now THOSE are dance moves!!!

wheelin126 said...

ROFLMAO!! watchingpuddles I had tears in my eyes laughing so damn hard at that video..they both had the same confused look on their faces when the female left.

Weasel I also want to rub her feet she deserves an emmy after that role about fell on the floor laughing so damn hard when she did the bull thing!! I am proud to have her represent the female gender!! Loved it when she rolled around on the ground and then did the pushup HAHAHA!!!

Anonymous said...

''please forward her name and address to me so I can rub her feet and hand feed her Bon-Bon's in a spa tub for eternity. I love you, sweet damsel.''
and you have the temerity to call THEM cocksmokers?

Reisa Stone said...

I did what she did at a New Year's dance when some losers were trying to dance like gangstas. They had the bling bling chains and the jailer pants on, and their hands were wavin' in the air. Let me tell you, they were some dope white boys.

I did it back, and a group of Black women (I'm white and very blonde)by the dance floor were screaming with laughter and yelling encouragement at me. The dancing boys thought it was for them, so they danced harder. They even pouted out their lips.

I danced harder. Then I walked over to the women's table and they high fived me.

Those were some depressed honkies.

Anonymous said...

That was epic. I want to be her best friend.

Trid said...

Halfway through the video thoughts of ridiculous animal mating dances popped through my head.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgnOQqLhrlw

^Better dancer than those guys.

Emily said...

I actually have to comment on this post because..

I work as a cocktail waitress at a strip club.. we normally get the people who just sit quietly and oggle TAV (tita ass vag) OR we get the rowdy guys out to prove they have something in their pants

this past weekend was really slow but my very last night working there (as I'm moving) we had a bachelor party and, no joke, WE HAD ONE OF THOSE GUYS!!! he was rolling around on the floor (eew) doing his "fancy" footwork.. all the ladies working (dancers, waitresses, bartenders) as well as the bouncers were just watching, mouths agape in horror..

funniest thing I have ever seen.

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