Sunday, November 23, 2008

Near Miss

You almost missed out on the best man ever

All my life I have been dating beautiful women, meaningful relationships mind you. I know I am a great man, I know this, but obviously you don't, and that's a shame. There is not another man out there in his 20's that would treat you better, treat you with more respect, or satisfy you better. So, this is my final good bye. Good bye meaningless online advertisements. Goodbye women that have blown me off, when in all reality, yeah, I was giving you a chance. I would have been your last, first kiss. A kiss that holds so much passion that you cannot hold your emotions. A kiss so authentic, you will not understand, because you are used to so much less. A kiss so heart felt, that your feet will tingle. Too bad, it could have been life altering. Too bad

It's like watching a sad, desperate birthday clown threatening to leave a children's party because none of the kids like the bowl of steamed brussel sprouts he contributed.

42 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okay that one got me laughing so hard I had to come out of lurkerdom, and I've been reading since early July!

/cheer

Hjorrdis said...

I bet his kisses suck.

Thingsthatperplexme said...

these are the kind of ads I just really want to send a note to;

"so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye!"

Nosnikta said...

Waaaaaaaaaah.

Ugh, this reminds me of a guy I know and I just want to yell WHINER! at him.

Mack Truck said...

Gawd, this guy is more of a pussy than my vagina!

He's apparently moister too, since he's crying whiney baby tears that nobody wants his tongue thrust down their throat like he's trying to dislodge a piece of meat.

SassyBrunette said...

Because everyone loves the crying, desperate loser huddled up in the corner. ::rolling my eyes:: He's probably sucking his thumb while mom makes him dinner, right now. Being spiteful looks good on no one. If you want attention, be worth paying attention to... Honestly, how do people this dumb survive in the real world?

Calantha said...

What the fuck brought this on? Sounds like a whiney suicide note or something.

RebelJubilee said...

Good riddance.

Brandy said...

Was he writing this to a specific woman? Or has he decided to catch for the other team now?

Either way, Buh-Bye!

Trainer X said...

Not another man out there in the whole wide F-ing world like HIM?!?!?!? Oh shit I must have him!!!! *snork* Douche'

www.ihateyourhorse.blogspot.com

Trainer X said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Walk On said...

Ya know, it'd really be easier to hang a big ol' sign around the neck that says "LOSER" with another stuck to your ass that says "Kick here".

Same results, much less writing.

I hate drama queens, of either gender. (apologies to any normal crossdressing-type queens out there - "drama queen" is the only phrase coming to mind for this whiny soap opera routine.)

Grace said...

Whaaaaaat?? Is this for real? Wow. Bitter much?

(Hjorrdis - agreed!)

Lauren said...

so after his giant farewell novella posted on some dating website, where will Little Miss Sad Sack of Shit retire to? what's left in this cruel for him to talk to about all day about himself? poor little guy. it's like he never had a chance.

Nicole said...

Gosh, I guess I will just have to take my chances with the masses of other 20 something guys...some of them even handsome and wonderful to date. How ever will I survive without this prick in my life?!

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

That reminds me of people on message boards who write long posts announcing that THEIR FEELINGS ARE HURT and they are NEVER COMING BACK.

To which I always want to respond: You are not Elvis and nobody cares if you leave the building.

jax said...

this is the kind of dick that would come over and play tag when you were kids then cry and go home when he was 'it'

dude take your toys and go home and STAY there.

Weasel said...

So true fugly,

I get emails once in a while about how WWHM is offensive, and they are "never coming back."

What part of me continually posting that WWHM is offensive did you not understand?

It kind of falls in line with people who take offense to some of the jokes I make.

How can you read ANY of WWHM, then complain that you found one little thing "offensive"? Thats the point!

The ads are the most offensive thing on here, followed by my craptacular write-ups. I somewhat aim to offend if you hadn't noticed.

Diane said...

This personal ad is so clearly a prelude to the contributor going off in a corner to write bad emo poetry about 'nice guys always come in last'...

Nicole said...

Weasel, wasn't there a post you ran that was hate email from a woman? That was a good one.

robyn said...

Remember this one?
[holds hand out, rubbing index finger and thumb together]
Q: What's this?
A: the world's smallest violin playing "My Heart Bleeds for You."

Good grief.

Havocec said...

Awwww look at the baby! Sheesh.

Anonymous said...

OMG, this one takes the cake!

CaliGirl9 said...

This guy sounds like a petulant teenager who just got his Wii taken away.

Or he's just sat through a screening of Twilight in a theater full of pre-teen and teenage girls and thinks they enjoy the brooding types.

It's not all about the brooding, you have to look like Robert Pattinson (Edward) and then you can get away with being all dark and brooding and sulky and stuff.

Anonymous said...

Wow, now I know what it feels like to have my vagina suddenly dry up. Must go look at pictures of Christian Bale to relieve the chafing...

CaliGirl, you're totally right - brooding only works when the guy is already dead sexy!

cattypex said...

I am old enough to recognize that "brooding male" = "super duper self-absorbed guy who will probably be mean to you a lot because he has unresolved issues and he is also super duper self-absorbed."

Damn, mom was right AGAIN!!!

Wow, this pathetic ad reads like something from Heartless Bitches International's "Nice Guy" page. Oh, here:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml

Good stuff there. Teenage girls should read it.... and boys.

Anonymous said...

Oh what a poor tortured soul

Amazon said...

buncha drunken bitches, the lot of yous.

Have you not read the or heard the story from St Louis about the girl who offed herself because another women posed as a boy and said the world would be better off without her?

This, I would say, is a bully blog, "Near Miss", no matter HOW pathetic the creature is.

cattypex said...

*snort*

Hardly a bully blog... I've met several men JUST LIKE THIS DUDE and they are all still alive. Some of them even grew a personality and found happiness with compatible women.

Nah, this dude is just a sad sack who needs de-emo'ed.

He probably gloms onto EVERY woman he dates, suffocating her.

John said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Its more like having a guy that does not understand that women should all be dead instead of apologizing to them.

What a wanker.

Igraine said...

He really, really, likes commas. He knows, this, but you don't.

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