Sunday, November 9, 2008

Car Jackin'

Watch me get off?
I am a normel 50 age male who has a life long goal of woman watch me jerk off in my car in public. Stand by bus stop or parking lot and I will pull up to you and get off in my car. All you have to do is watch me stroke myself to cumpletion in my car no touching necesary. nice cock 9 inhes 5'7 200 clean cut and will be clothed. call Matt XXX XXX XXXX can pay up to $5 per time as insentive if you expose your pussy or hair

Mobile male masturbation dates back to the early 1800's, when one Bernard T. Huffingsworth was arrested on a red-faced horse outside a women's butter churning hovel for "coaxing forth God's seed fromst open knickers."

He was charged with one count of Dishonoring a Horse and two counts of Causing a Wench to be Aghast, and was sentenced to two days in jail. He was also ordered to feed his horse a Bible.

Matt aspires to achieve his "life long goal" of masturbating in front of a woman at a bus stop from his car. On the surface, WWHM readers may suspect this lowly goal qualifies Matt as a rather unmotivated individual, but let me assuage those concerns by assuring you he plans to clean the ejaculated sperm out of his belly hair with a Dairy Queen job application.

Sexual psychologists would suggest Matt suffers from a severe case of "exhibitionism," defined as "a perversion in which sexual gratification is obtained from the indecent exposure of one's genitals to a stranger."

I'd suggest those sexual psychologists stand at a bus stop for a couple days and see who's really suffering. Is it the poor woman on her way home from work, or is it the fat guy in a Toyota Spanker XE whose eyes are rolled back in his head as he groans like a shot moose and unloads another bleachy blast onto his windshield?

Interestingly, a recent poll of 12 friends of WWHM concluded that 100% of them had been the unwilling subjects of a serial masturbator at some point in their lives, so if you've been a victim, acknowledge it in the comments. Or even share the story, so we have something to talk about at Thanksgiving over pie.

74 comments:

Rozie said...

I love the fact that his life long goal isn't to find a cure for cancer, or to make the world a better place or something, no his goal is to jack off in public.

What a fucking winner.

nosey said...

In Jr. high I walked around the corner of a building to see a man parked in a car with nothing on but a windbreaker. He was parked right next to the biulding.

Saw a guy with his "head" peaking out of the bottom of his cuttoffs at 7-11. He was on the pay phone facing me and my friend. He got off the phone, left in his car, then returned. It was still out.

Was riding by myself at the big ring, Bridle Trails, and on my first pass around the ring, there was a guy with his pants around his ankles in between the bleachers. I ran all the way home.

All 3 of these happend around Bridle Trails. Makes you wonder.

Havocec said...

I was on the bus going to work and happened to look out the window. Standing stark nekkid in the window of his house was a dude burning some morning wood all by himself. I nudged my friend to look and she said "No, you always see those sort of things. I'm not looking"

Nosnikta said...

We had an employee that was busted driving his truck back and forth under some apartment balconies while waggling his wienie. Some girls video-taped him and turned it in.

The other drivers in our company were hesitant to drive that truck afterwards and nobody wanted to get in and clean the seat or steering wheel.

I see him out and about once in a while and have to giggle. I should point too.

fleeting said...

Oooh, see, I have exactly the opposite problem. I see my boyfriend once a month because we are long-distance. He REFUSES TO ADMIT that he watches porn. REFUSES. We have actually had terrible arguments about it, because I would come home from work (when I was living where he is) and find things like www.sexmonkey.com in my browser history, and I knew I hadn't been there... he would deny EVERYTHING, saying it was a pop-up or something. Uh-huh.

The sad thing is that I am cool with it, but he refuses to even admit he's watched porn since high school. Right, and the reason his computer is always so slow is because he's been downloading Granny May's Thanksgiving and Beyond recipe books...

VAhorsegal said...

Here on the east coast we call that life long dream a "felony".

jax said...

i was accosted by stray peen outside a doughnut shop years ago. serves me right for eating doughnuts at 3am.

Random dick waved at three 18year olds does not a good night make.

CaliGirl9 said...

Hey this happened to me at work almost 20 years ago!

Of course the context was a bit different in that the guy was in prison, in a psychiatric segregation cell in the prison hospital where I worked, and there were about three correctional officers (and my two inmate workers) watching the formerly boxer-clad guy jerk off as I walked by while doing patient rounds (only female around obviously).

The COs finally asked me to stop and see what the fool was doing. Then we laughed and the officers restrained him while I gave him some Haldol by injection. It was a good day at work!

In other words, I was paid to watch and it was pretty damn funny.

A much different situation than what Matt is asking for.

*disclaimer: I am not making fun of mental illness. I am making fun of masturbation, okay?

Karmyn said...

If you gave my uncle my dad's beard, that's what he would look like. That is freaking scary. I just hope neither one of them have a desire to jack off in a car in public.

Anonymous said...

In highschool I was on the school b us with my girls' gym class and a man in a pickup truck pulled up next to us while masturbating. It was gross.

water_bearer said...

Once, when I was about 12, I walked home from school and as usual, stopped in the vestibule between the front porch and the stairway up to my apt., to check and sort the mail. I heard behind me the familiar thump, thump of someone running up our wooden front porch steps. So I turn around to see standing before me with only the glass door separating us, a young man (I'm guessing late teens / early twenties), flipping around his semi-flaccid dank and smiling like an idiot. I stood in gape-mouth horror for a second, then ran upstairs, locking the door behind me. I had never seen this guy in my neighborhood before.
So I tell my horrified and rightfully concerned parents who, after calming down and realizing I wasn't hurt, proceeded to make jokes:
Mom: "So what did he look like?
Dad: "You really think she got a look at his face?"

Oh, but it gets better.
The next day, I come to find that my parents have told my (Catholic) school principal all about the incident. Now, I understand their concern and reasons. This guy may have been just some goofy teen not a few years older than me who thought it'd be funny or was responding to a dare. I was neither a prudish nor a naive pre-teen and after the initial shock, thought it was rather funny. I kept thinking how even though it was still technically the 80's, there was no excuse for him to be wearing a Members Only jacket. Then again, I could have just narrowly escaped being assaulted or worse, and at the very least there's a stranger running around the neighborhood between two grammar schools, waving his penis at little kids. No... I don't blame my parents for telling our principal. I do however, from time to time still relive the mortifying red hot flush of shame that was me in morning homeroom next day as the announcement came over the p.a. - my principal describing in lurid detail about the creep who "exposed himself to one of our students yesterday" and then naming me.
For the whole school.
To know.
I had a penis waved in my face.
I hate that woman. Can you imagine the jokes as a jr. high kid I endured?
Said principal was dumb enough to live within slingshot of the school, as did most kids who went there. Oh... the carnage that was her home the morning after Halloween. Even now, as I live in the same house as I did then (just now in the first floor apt.), and I frequently walk my dog past her place, I have an overwhelming urge to egg her front door and pour honey into her locks in the winter. Bitch has probably been dead for years. She was old then. But a girl can fantasize.

Anonymous said...

while i have never been the victim of a serial masturbater, i have been the vicitm of serial flashers, and some nowadays are rather genius. its not your usual naked under the trenchcoat get up. no sir-e.

while spending a holiday on the gold coast, queensland, i was walking down the main beach, and could see a gentleman jogger crouching to tie his shoe laces as i walked past. unfortunately, what he was actually doing was exposing underwear-free self to me by way of donning those speed walking shorts that seem to be made out of rice paper and cut high at the sides. no wonder it took him a good few minutes was sitting splayed out on the ground to tie up his laces.

millie

Sheri said...

I remember being a teenager on holidays walking along the beach with two girlfriends. We walked past this guy in his 50's who decided he was going to flash at us. My outspoken girlfriend glanced at him and said in a disgusted voice, "Gee mate, you've got an off dick." ( Only in Australia)

When he didn't get the shocked response he was looking for he ran as fast as he could up the beach leaving three teenage girls laughing hysterically.

Disarm them with boldness.

anniebanannie said...

Oh yeah... It happened to me and my girl friend when we were in sixth grade. A man asked us for directions and when we couldn't tell him he drove off. Later he was at the school yard (it was on a weekend) and where we could see he was slappin' the salami (In retrospect, it was limp... hmmm maybe bandy legged 12 year-old girls with scabs on their knees didn't do it for him).

My friend elbowed me and discretely pointed to get me to see what was going on. I on the other hand, laughed out loud, pointed and then clapped my hand over my mouth.

He drove away.

Wanker.

Weasel said...

I grew up in a predominantly gay neighborhood.

More than once in high school, I had guys pull up to me while at a bus stop and ask if I needed a ride.

I'd look in the car and guess what they were doing. Both times, the guys didn't have license plates on the car.

I'm not saying gay guys do this a lot, I'm just saying guys are the victim of this stuff too.

My last gf was out jogging just a couple weeks ago in a residential neighborhood, and a car kept circling around the neighborhood and driving past her.

Sure enough, the car stops, and the guys is in there fucking whacking away like he's shucking corn.

If I had caught that guy, I would have smashed every window out of his car, dented every frame, and chopped off his lirrors.

Then I WOULDN'T call the police.

I'd like to see if whacking off in front of a woman is worth $10,000 to him.

Thats a lot of hookers he coulda jerked off in front of.

Weasel said...

Apparently "lirrors" is another word for "mirrors".

Calantha said...

Haven't encountered this yet, and I'm hoping I never will. I admit to having a bit of a temper, so if the guy caught me on a bad day, he might not make it home alive.

TornadoBaby said...

Hmm... hasn't happened to me (yet?) but here's my response...

"I helped castrate a horse yesterday... are you next?"

or something semi-clever like that.

Walk On said...

I think a better response is to squeal 'awwww...it's soooo KEEEEWWWTT!".... it looks just like a penis! Only in miniature!"

Of course the old stand by of pointing and laughing hystarically works well.

Anonymous said...

What is it with some mens obsession that we all want to see their ugly dicks?

When I was 11, I was walking out of CHURCH with my friend and there was a guy outside sitting on the fence. He spread his legs as wide as he could when he saw us. He had very short cut off jeans, so his dick and balls fell out the sides. So sexy... And very disturbing that he was flashing to children outside a church.

A few years later I was on the train with a friend, when this guy kept looking at us, grinning, and then panting and looking down at his crotch. He was freaking us out so we left the carriage. He followed us, and it was then that we realised he had his dick out, and was following us while masturbating. The police came and arrested that one.

And then just recently, I was waiting for a train, and a guy sat next to me, he kept edging closer, and I sensed some odd movements next to me. i glanced across, and you guessed it, he was wanking...

My most disturbing incident? The guy that grabbed me from behind in a night club and stuck his hand down the back of my skirt and tried to grab my underwear. I actually hit that one.

Liz said...

Why, just last week I met an exhibitionist of my very own. In fact...he used that word. The funny thing is, other than his thing for public masturbation, he's...fairly normal. I politely declined his request to allow him to masturbate next to me in the parking lot, but that sure didnt stop him from trying later. I asked him(How could I not ask...) when exactly he realized his fetish for public masturbation. He told me that he's been fascinated by it ever since he'd seen people having sex on the table of McDonalds as a child. Fascinating.

I just...have to chalk it up to...parents' failure to teach their children all about privacy. Keep it in your pants til we ask to see it. Please.

Meaghan said...

Ok, "Causing a Wench to be Aghast" made me snarf root beer out of my nose.

Ella said...

When I saw the picture the only thing I could think was "fat guy in a little coat.."

Brandy said...

Hi, I 50 year caveman no adjectivings in me speechings.

I pay you a moneys if you lifting your skirtses.

LOL @ "cumpletion"!!!

And don't knock that Toyota Spanker ME, it has seats that go all the way back!

Brandy said...

My story is sad and icky.

While in the Marine Corps (Happy b-day), there was a sergeant in my area who would rub against me. At first I thought I was in the way or blocking the aisle. Soon I realized it was the same person, and he did it no matter how much room there was. I had eyewitnesses to his behavior.

When I complained about it, I was written up for disrespect. The Gunny told everyone what they were to say to the JAG when they were interviewed, so I have copies of statements from the same people saying two different things.

The command didn't want to delay the sergeant's retirement because of legal delays, and made it pretty bad for me.

I had a nervous breakdown, was processed for a medical discharge, which was denied by one officer who never met me and didn't know me.

I still have nightmares and PTSD from this crap, and am rated at 50% disability, so at least they are paying for the way they treated me.

That was 20 years ago, and nothing has changed.

Brandy said...

Oh - and hubby asks why the horse in your story should be punished!

Biskuits said...

There's a creepy guy here in my college town--well, there are SEVERAL creepy guys here in my college town, including the peeping tom my roommates and I had at our old place--who used to spend a ton of time on campus in the library and the cafeteria. I don't think he was a student (always used the public computers), but if he was, he was definitely non-trad. Had to be in his LATE 40s-mid 50s, very rotund, balding, and the very picture of social awkwardness. Don't get me wrong, I usually love nerds, being one myself, but you can't like everyone.

Now, this man always wore the small, flimsy cotton workout shorts from the 80s, and dirty tie-dyed t-shirts. Every day without fail, even in the winter (in Minnesota). One day during my freshman year, I was in the caf with my roomie, and the guy was making the rounds, coming up to the tables that ONLY had girls sitting at them, handing us a URL on a sheet of paper, and asking us to check out his website. Meanwhile, his flaccid penis was dangling out of the bottom of his tiny shorts in a horrible and ghastly impersonation of the limp sheets of paper in his hands. It took everything I had not to puke all over my lunch. Haven't seen that guy around for about four years now, thank God, but it might be because I don't visit the cafeteria anymore. *shudder*

I just have to say, too, upon reading the comments, that it's SO sad that this sort of thing happens to women all the time, especially really young girls. What the hell is wrong with people??!! Weaze, your blog raises so many questions, yet we get so few answers! XD

Anonymous said...

Ugh. Haven't had it happen yet. Although given that I walk past the local homeless park and a low-end bar every day coming home from work, it's bound to happen eventually.

Weasel said...

Here's an answer- guys are idiots.

Nicole said...

Well, the most disturbing thing about this whole thing to me is that the guy in the picture looks a lot like one of the Biology profs from my university...
Oh god, the mental trauma.

Nicole said...

Oh Biskuits, I had almost forgot all about that peeping tom, with his green plastic chair and dark car. Who could forget the freak in the shorts (can anyone say moose knuckle) and the rainbow tye-dye shirt?
OH OH, you almost forgot about how we had a rash of townies looking at child pornography on our public computers...
What about the guy freshman year who was attacking girls while they jogged around the lake, OR the guy who broke into girls houses and masturbated while they took their shower...They never did catch either of those guys did they? Or that &*)%king peeping tom.
Well, good luck Biskuits, carry a Taser.

CRAP.

hersheygirl said...

I have never had this happen to me, and it seems lke I am in the minority?
Ick.
I do have to call you, weasel, on the improper use of the term "aghasted."
Ha.

Anonymous said...

I was nine years old and walking to a friend's house a couple blocks away, and looked over to the curb to notice a creepy fat guy not only spanking it in his truck, but with his back arched up so that I could SEE he was spanking it through the window of his truck. I was scared by this of course so I hurried along and the bastard actually drove up and around the corner so his car was in front of me so I could see it AGAIN. I was NINE. Sick mofo.

Kokorami said...

It gives a new meaning to "auto" eroticism :-P

Weasel, would you please run that hysterical "cheese platter" comment again? Yes, after 2 semesters of life drawing and years of life lived after, I've seen godknows how many bodies in various states of undress. No, there's nothing special about you and your male member, mister. In fact, I don't even think I could take this seriously if you looked like the young Brando and drove a Bugatti Atlantic. Get the hell over yourself before I get out my X-acto and get you out of the gene pool. Permanently.

Rozie--I'm with you. Wow, what a good use of your time. Shouldn't that be, "What a fucking wiener"?

Nosey--yes, but have any horses been walking funny, and has anyone shown up at the ER with odd hoof/horseshoe-shaped bruises and massive internal injuries?

Jax--one more reason I'm glad I have a large handbag...it makes me wonder if I have room for a pair of rusty hedge clippers.

Ponykins said...

Having grown up in a horse barn, 2 young girls from our barn were flashed at the small country corner store. He flashed open his coat to expose a pititful little 6 incher. Instead of getting the expected horrified screams from the girls, one dryly said, "Anything smaller than a firehose doesn't impress us." (laughing histerically)

kaila said...

Once in high school (many many years ago) my friend and I were driving on the highway. The.Highway. An 18 wheeler pulled up next to us and and truck driver held up a sign that said "show me your tits". Original, I know. Anyway, to mess with him, (while driving 65 miles an hour) we drew a picture of a boob on a piece of paper and held it up to the window. The truck driver, in turn flopped his man junk out the window. Did I mention that we were driving at 65 miles an hour and he was driving an 18 wheel semi? How was his junk hanging out the window while he was driving??? We have never been able to figure it out.

Anonymous said...

Ever seen a guy spin around and start dry humping the see-through bus stop hangout? My friend has. Guys are funny.

Conna said...

I used to drive an Astro van, which put me higher up off the road than most cars. One night I pull up to a stop light next to a smaller, lower sedan. Out of the corner of my eye, a light goes on, and naturally I look over. My high vantage point gives me a perfect viewing angle as he whips it out and gives it a good proud stroking, all while looking at me like I'm supposed to go all a'flutter at the sight.

I rather freely admit to exploding in laughter on the spot.

Brandy said...

Makes me wonder if guys are actually getting off on the sight of women laughing? That seems to be the typical response to flashers nowadays!

Trainer X said...

Ella said...
When I saw the picture the only thing I could think was "fat guy in a little coat.."


ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

www.ihateyourhorse.blogspot.com

Shannon said...

Kaila: Cruise control.

I was jogging along the charles river with a friend, and noticed a guy sitting on a park bench who was acting funny. the closer we got, i realized that he was jerkin' it. it was so ridiculously small though, you couldn't even see it over his hand. i think the shock of seeing that, and the fact that you really don't expect to see that in your day-to-day life, is what causes us to just stare in horror or turn away quickly or whatever. i wish so badly i had had the presence of mind to make some snarky comment to the creep. ugh, he gave us the most shit-eating grin as we passed.

Zelika said...

When I was a kid in high school, I used to work the drive thru late at night on weekends for Taco Bell.

One night one guy drove through with a hooker in his car. We had a mirror installed so you could still see the person at the window while you were putting the persons order together. I don't think they knew about the mirror because every time I turned my back and looked in the mirror, she was sucking him off.

Raven said...

On a bus in London. A guy in really small shorts got on and sat in the row across the aisle from me. There was only me, a little old lady sitting several rows back and this guy.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see some funny movements, so of course I have a look. He has a HUGE erection, nearly hanging out the bottom of his little shorts and is calmly stroking it.
I quickly look away and spend the rest of my trip staring intently out my window. I couldn't jump off the bus as I was late for work already.

www.gumbootsandjeans.blogspot.com

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

>.Instead of getting the expected horrified screams from the girls, one dryly said, "Anything smaller than a firehose doesn't impress us." (laughing histerically)
<<

Brilliant!

Floyd said...

First, Floyd is the dog's name, and I'm a huge Indiana Jones fan.
Second, I like walking late at night to stargaze and have the streets to myself. This led to some interesting experiences getting back into my dorm in college. I learned quickly that guys leaning near the locked side door came in three types: guys who forgot their door key and were freezing their balls off, guys who's girlfriend forgot the outer door was locked and were freezing their balls off, and perverts trying to get their rocks off.
Unfortunately for the flashers/wankers/drunken idiots, I have seen artificial insemination for horses and dogs. So when tweedle dick asks me "You like what you see?" while flogging a four inch penis, I can say in a calm, bored tone as I unlock the door "I've seen better, I've seen bigger, and I've seen thicker." and close the door in their face.
And once safely up the stairs and into my room, I can wonder why men are so insecure about their penises as to ask for the random opinions of strangers. For some reason, giving this answer in a bored tone and walking away led to more men of reasonable penis size banging on the door and yelling "You wish!" or some variant after me.
I can say without reserve that the sound a parka makes when a male is jerking off is a very distinct sound, like the buzz of a rattlesnake, and I would walk around the building and go in a different door. I still wonder just how desperate some of them were that they were doing this in the middle of Iowa winters, but once it got below 15 degrees, the deviants stayed home.

Though, my favorite after dark random penis encounter was out at the horse barns during a mare check when a drunk kept waving the one eyed trouser snake my way. Finally, I told him I'd kiss him if he could pee on all three strands of yellow wire on the paddock fence. He apparently had had a lot to drink, did not think this through, because he climbed the fence and managed to get a stream to touch two wires before he fell off the fence screaming in agony. I beat feet back to my dorm before he got back to his feet, laughing the whole way. I'll be telling that story when I'm 90.

Toycia said...

AHAHA Floyd thats awesome!

I have only been flashed once - in grade 8 some guy jumped out of the bushes and opened his coat (apparently he was the old fashioned type) but he was really skinny and pale and had this tiny little penis dangling around, my friend and I without hesitation broke into hysterical laughter and blurted out - what exactly are you gonna do with THAT!

I don't think thats the response he was looking for

Anonymous said...

Please, ladies - get some pepper spray. Do you know that it will BURN sensitive areas? If anyone wants to "show off" please spray the offending area.

Kat said...

My disgusting mastrabator story!

Creepy guy on a bus, with huge popped-out eyes. I was in the very back of the bus, wearing a tank top and reading a book. I looked up and he was staring fixedly at my chest with one hand busy in his pants.

I hate riding the bus.

Andrea said...

When I was studying in France, we used to go down to the Maison de l'Etudiant to use the wireless internet. The building was hardly ever open, but we could still get a signal if we sat outside. So one Sunday afternoon another girl and I are checking the internet and we notice some guy crouching about 20 feet from us with his pants around his ankles, masturbating. We were so surprised that we didn't even know what to do and pretty much just pretended we didn't know he was there. But for the rest of the year, when I went to the Maison de l'Etudiant to check my email, I collected a small pile of rocks to chuck at The Wanker should he return.

Andrea said...

When I was studying in France, we used to go down to the Maison de l'Etudiant to use the wireless internet. The building was hardly ever open, but we could still get a signal if we sat outside. So one Sunday afternoon another girl and I are checking the internet and we notice some guy crouching about 20 feet from us with his pants around his ankles, masturbating. We were so surprised that we didn't even know what to do and pretty much just pretended we didn't know he was there. But for the rest of the year, when I went to the Maison de l'Etudiant to check my email, I collected a small pile of rocks to chuck at The Wanker should he return.

Andrea said...

When I was studying in France, we used to go down to the Maison de l'Etudiant to use the wireless internet. The building was hardly ever open, but we could still get a signal if we sat outside. So one Sunday afternoon another girl and I are checking the internet and we notice some guy crouching about 20 feet from us with his pants around his ankles, masturbating. We were so surprised that we didn't even know what to do and pretty much just pretended we didn't know he was there. But for the rest of the year, when I went to the Maison de l'Etudiant to check my email, I collected a small pile of rocks to chuck at The Wanker should he return.

mic said...

Yep. It's happened to me 3 times. Once I was followed by a lovely gentleman whose goal was to jack off in his car with a female watching, just like the "car jackin'" dude. I doubt his mental imagery included hysterical laughter from the lucky female...
Another time I was taking a nice walk in the park, and an old man was airing himself out, quite vigorously.
Another time this grossly overweight dude decided to show his goods to everyone on the bus - I had the privilege of sitting across the aisle so had a terrific view of the sausage.

All wankers.

Anonymous said...

I am 24 and I have twice been the unfortunate witness to a man pleasuring himself in a vehicle in public--once when I was 14, and again when I was about 19. I still have disturbing memories about it! Keep it in your pants until you get home!

Madbliss said...

Weasel, ASSAUGE is by far my favorite anagram for SAUSAGE. Thanks so much for using it in your blog!

Little Known Fact: A girdle with a spandexy consistency (i.e. Spanx, or any other supportive undergarment that covers anywhere from the mid-thigh to above the waistline) is referred to as a SAUSAGE in some circles due to the variety meat-like casing it provides. OK, so it's just called that in this circular chair I'm sitting in, but it is little known, no? In fact, my hasband can often be heard asking the time-honored wuestion "Do yo need me to pull your sausage in the back? I know you can't reach"

**This is also the source of "over-the-shoulder-sausage," which is akin to the aforementioned support garment except that it has the added benefit of reaching UP over the shoulders similar to a tank top. This is mainly used to control unwieldy back fat**

Gillian said...

I was riding the subway home with some friends after high school one day, when a man came and took the aisle seat next to me. I continued chatting and laughing with my friends when some movement caught my eye... yep. He was jerking off. And he was between me and any other seat, or an egress at all, really.

I leapt up and pushed past him, and then announced to the entire train car that he was "Mr Happy." When everyone turned to look, he packed it up and went to another car.

Mr Happy became a legend among my friends.

ummbrella said...

I was 13 or 14 in the backseat of a car on a family vacation. He was a giant, sweaty fellow in a tiny car, rocking away from 70 mph taxing his tiny car and the vigorous pumping he was doing. And he was staring straight at me and not at the road.

My normally snail-paced driver of a father figured out wthat was happening and was driving at about 110 mph to get away from that creep.

Rhi said...

When I was 18 I left a nightclub with friends and we all seemed to notice at once that the car we were walking past included a vigorously masturbating man in the driver's seat grinning at us.

When I was 13 my younger sister and I walked home from the grocery store to our dad's house including a few blocks of residential area. One house had a 7-foot hedge running all the way to the sidewalk. As we approached it, a guy popped out from behind it and started up the sidewalk as if he'd been walking all along. His balls (but not his dick) were hanging out of his fly. He looked straight ahead and smiled really wide. We were too surprised to react right away. Once he passed us we hurried home and laughed.

It's tempting to think casual laughter would be the last thing these guys would expect, but unfortunately I've heard fetishists explain that the humiliation and ridicule only turns them on more.

The pepper spray idea sounds awesome to me. What jury would convict me?

Joe Mama said...

I used to work as a police dispatcher and I've taken calls of a guy with his dick out at Sonic when the carhop brought him his order, and another call of a guy boppin' the baloney in the changing room at a clothing store. These are only two that I remember off hand, and I'm sure there were probably many more incidents I didn't hear about.

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