Friday, August 1, 2008

A Matter of Opinion

Ladies please read I need your opinion

Ladies only! I am a straight guy in every way except I have a little lingerie fetish. I need to know from the girls here if you think these photos are hot or not? No or yes to showing my cock in the photos? Too short? Too fat? Leave the lingerie to the girls? I want your opinion. If you live in Phoenix, send me an email at tomd@XXXXXXX.XXX.

If a male snail trail gracefully teasing its way into a pair of Costco Seniors super-absorbent lingerie doesn't motivate your ovaries to spray eggs like a hen getting crushed by a steamroller, then I'm afraid Tom's fetish might be a little out of your league.

Webster's defines "fetish" as an object of fixation psychologically necessary for sexual gratification. While I can't determine whether Tom's fetish involves the silky love cape draping from his shoulders, or the delicate hosiery he hath stuffed like so many turkey-based sausage casings, I can determine that if any of us were to list our own fetishes, few of us would list "Tom".

I personally don't have a problem with fetishes, but dropping your swim team directly into the pungent stronghold of musty afterthoughts created by Grandma's most recent romance novel session just seems a little obscure to me.

But then again, that's coming from a guy who likes to have a baboon in a magenta leotard ride a unicycle around the bedroom playing instrumental versions of Journey hits on a military bugle. My girlfriend doesn't mind, but the baboon seems confused, and sometimes throws his feces at my strobe lights.

Tom, men are turned on by women in lingerie because men find themselves sexually stimulated via visual cues. Women on the other hand do not rely on visual cues for arousal, but often find themselves more sexually stimulated by what's going on in your mind. Which unfortunately, in your case, is whether or not women feel you should free your anteater snout from the oxygen-starved confines of a sumo-wrestlers work pouch.

You can put lingerie on a man, and you can put a cute little summer hat on a donkey. Both might spice things up for a moment, but in the end, you still just have an ass that no women will want to ride.

13 comments:

Liz said...

"While I can't determine whether Tom's fetish involves the silky love cape draping from his shoulders, or the delicate hosiery he hath stuffed like so many turkey-based sausage casings..."

Weasel where do you come up with this stuff??? I swear to god I have to make sure I'm not eating or drinking anything while reading your blog, otherwise my monitor would be covered in laughter-induced spit-up. You kill me. This blog just makes my day!

Nosnikta said...

*** but in the end, you still just have an ass that no women will want to ride ***

ROFLMAO!

4thehorses said...

yeah, an old man in panties is real turn on for me. What is it with that gender. I keep going back to Zappa's song "Bobby Brown" and then I understand that perversion just builds until eventually a guy ends up with a 2x4up his ass and an elephant pissing on his head.

Nosnikta said...

LMAO.. WTF???

*** 2x4up his ass and an elephant pissing on his head. ***

teawithlime said...

Hey, an out-of-shape guy in lingerie! Just what I've been looking for all these years! Back off, gals, he's MINE!!!

*Amber* said...

You threw a donkey in there just for our sake, didn't ya Weasel?

But that really was the greatest comparison I ever heard, complete with me snorting. Congrats. :)

CutNJump said...

Oh GAWD! He's from Phoenix!

I swear to everyone, not all people here are like Tom!

I wonder though if it is the same Tom a psycho girl I know dated. It could be. It could be the reason he wears lingerie. It coud even be HER lingerie.

EEEEEEEEEWWWWW!!! For so many reasons.



You can put lingerie on a man, and you can put a cute little summer hat on a donkey. Both might spice things up for a moment, but in the end, you still just have an ass that no women will want to ride.

Snorked my dry cereal!

I will totally be using that line!

wheelin126 said...

OMG Weasel I can't stop laughing!! I think I'll choose not for him showing us his jingle bells in granny's panties and as for everything else..pretty much the same...NOT!!

Yo Yo Ma Ma said...

LOL! I enjoy reading your comments, Weasel! I hope I never end up in you gunsights, though.

emotionalsquid said...

am i the only one who immediately thought of the rocky horror picture show?

El-Mango said...

LOL @ SQUID! You made my day

xenobiologista said...

Transvestitism in straight guys is theorized to be a sort of subconscious mix-up where some men get aroused by the idea of wearing lingerie because they get their self-image confused with the fantasy woman image.

(This is the kind of thing you learn when you work at a big university with subscriptions to thousands of academic journals including those devoted to sex research, and are slacking off and not reading journals devoted to your own research which has become suddenly boring by comparison.)

Madame Enfer said...

I disagree about the visual cues thing. As a woman I get a lot of visual cues... and I have a thing for transvestism. However, only - and this must be stressed - ONLY on guys I already find attractive*. This guy doesn't cut it. He is, as Weasel says, an ass nobody would ride.


*I could be called out on my taste in men