Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Welcome To WWHM Wednesday!

Welcome back WWHM readers!

This is The Weasel, reporting to you once again from WWHM Headquarters located in beautiful downtown Dubuque, Iowa, right across from Wing C of Tom's Animal Rendering Plant.

And look who dropped by today! It's Tom, the owner of the rendering plant/ slaughter shack right next door! We barely recognized him without his usual slick, viscous coating of congealed farm bird entrails.

Tom just got back from his folks place in West Palm Beach, Florida, and he came over to show us his rich new tan, porn-issued moustache, and waterfall-of-poo hairstyle. Lookin' good Tom, and with those black Wal-Mart slacks on, you look like you're on your way to the Dubuque Chippendales to gyrate your genitals into the mortified faces of Iowa's most obscenely bored housewives.

Anyway ladies, WWHM received an extraordinary number of emails from readers this week, each containing a filthy, oily sheen of nastiness thicker than Tom's hair after his morning application of Castrol 10W-30 High Mileage Engine Oil. What does that mean?

It means we've got some doozies today, so grab your clam buckets, assume the position, and get ready to rumble.

For you new readers coming on today, let me forewarn you. This blog is disgusting, rude, atrocious and immature. Seriously. I don't know what demon seed led you here, but if you don't like that kind of humor, now is a good time to leave. In fact, I think a Murder She Wrote marathon starts in 5 minutes, and I left some LoL Cats scrapbooks in the lobby for you to peruse. Here's a starter: I wantz to eet a FeRn. Now run with it.

For the rest of my readers, I've noticed a trend after studying the blog over the weekend. A lot of readers tune in for the ads only, so we're gonna shift a little bit more to the ads, and a little less to my endless rambling about topics associated with the ads. Sometimes. But I'm way too arrogant to do that all the time, but we're gonna mix it up a little. Some ads short, some ads long.

But all gross ads.

Please readers, I always like to get your feedback, so any suggestions, comments or insults can be directed to the Weasel at Love to hear from you, good or bad.

Let's do those posts!


Nosnikta said...

Gawd! What is it about pasty bodies that make me want to poke them with a stick??????

I love your commentary. I'm usually either drying my tears of laughter, blowing beverages out of my nose after snorking, and trying to maintain a stifling guffaw while wondering what your fascination is with carrots :-)

CutNJump said...

I almost thought Tom here looked like Kurt Russel from back in his younger days...

The mullet 'do' cracks me up and the tan. Oh, so sexy!

I gotta agree with Nos on this one Weasel.

You usually have me wiping up somthing- tears from laughing so hard, my girly bits from wetting myself from laughing so hard or whatever beverage of choice for the day that just ended up going through my mouth or nose and all over the desk/computer.

Clean up on aisle 4...

The Half-Assed Blog said...

Don't tell my heart,
my achy breaky heart
I don't really think he'd understand....

Damn, I was just taken back to 1993.

Nosnikta said...

Being a moderately chubby girl, I learned long ago that fat looks better tan. Now I am convinced that skinny does too.

He reminds me of chorophyl-deprived grass sprouts you find when you turn over an old log.

*Amber* said...

Am I the only one who enjoys those cat pictures AND a some great sarcasm?!

Tom better stick with his turkey corpses until he can find a salon with a hairstylist, tanning bed, and waxing material.

Pilar said...

I really want to know WHAT exactly he thinks is a turn-on about that photo...
Seriously, what??

wheelin126 said...

M U L L E T really that's all I have to say and it says soo Business in the front and party in the back!!

Just want to grab him by the hair and drag him into cave...didn't we have a cave shot here a couple days ago and it came stocked up with chips, dip and beer!?! LOL

Nosnikta said...

(poke poke poke)

Kokorami said...

Mullets? I got yer mullets right HERE!

anniebanannie said...

Holy shit! After you get past the guy, which is difficult then you see the wall paper.

I can't look for very long, it's causing a seizure.