Thursday, August 28, 2008

Blue Satin

Gloomy Outside

This weather is just blah. Don't really want to do anything productive. Want to meet for a drink and fuck like they do on the Discovery Channel?

Looks like someone has some free time, an oxygen-starved penis, and a spare key to Walt's Costume Bazaar.

Meet Blue Satin, a putridly disgusting superhero who inflicts upon his enemies the mind-boggling power of overwhelming nausea.

I don't know about you, but if I was running down the street after a jewelry heist and ran into a thunder-thighed Discovery Channel enthusiast with a purple semi-asphyxiated anteater snout seeping out of his clown trousers like a common vine snake, I'd turn and run until I reached outer Buenos Aires, where I'd build a hut in the llanos, change my name to Felix Algerrios Pueniros, and spend eternity eating weevils and stabbing my eyeballs with palm fronds.

Blue Satin 1, Weasel 0.

So what part of this ad is supposed to attract women?

The dialogue? It tells us you're unmotivated, there's a cold front in the area, and you paid your Comcast bill. If that alone got guys laid, I wouldn't be sitting here knee-deep in Bulgarian transsexual hookers.

The photo? That photo just made 3,000 vaginas seal tighter than the open end of a plastic sandwich bag inserted into a boiling hot Wal-Mart hair crimper.

You don't need that tiny weapon Blue Satin.

To women, you're already fucking kryptonite.

23 comments:

Catherine said...

Wow, what a top of the page kind of picture...Nothing like clicking on the link to your most favorite website EVER (except for nkotb.com, the New Kids ROCK!!!!!)and getting hit in the face with a flaccid penis!

Holy guacamole, thanks for waking me up in such a pleasant manner, Weez, but next time I will just take a big old glass of Mountain Dew with ginsing.

Weasel said...

You late-nighters get all the pain. Sometimes I post all at once, but tonight I post as I write.

Hence the super-hero penis in your face.

Sorry.

Hope you weren't eating sausages.

Nicole said...

You know, it looks like "Blue Satin" here made his own shorty-shorts...

Now comes the visual of him sewing this bikini bottom at his mom's sewing machine, probably naked, like on the "Discovery Channel."

Nothing like a little breakfast sausage to throw up to in the morning...this picture will haunt my thoughts for the rest of the day.

Weasel said...

Sorry Nicole.

If you're reading the blog, stick to grapefruit.

It's harder to barf up.

horsegal said...

I think I'm glad I had eggs for breakfast.


Quote" That photo just made 3,000 vaginas seal tighter than the open end of a plastic sandwich bag inserted into a boiling hot Wal-Mart hair crimper."

Your visuals are hilairous, Weasel! Keep up the great work!

teawithlime said...

Looks like someone borrowed little sister's Wonder Woman costume. I'm gonna go bleach my eyes, now. x_x

Nosnikta said...

I look at this and I'm speechless. I just stare at it. No reaction... I just stare and wonder... wtf?

ChevyGirl said...

peekaboo

CutNJump said...

OMG!

I couldn't even read this one.

My eyes were blurred with tears from laughing so hard!

Good thing I don't wear mascara, I would look like something out of the horror flicks...

CutNJump said...

Weasel, No to the grapefruit and anything else 'citrusy'.

Citric Acid through the nose- soooo not a good feeling.

Anonymous said...

My first reaction was "Doesn't that hurt??"

Good god, that's going to haunt my dreams...

Poor penis...being attached to an asshole like that doesn't give him a chance...

CutNJump said...

I was just looking at ol' blue satin there...

Looks like he will be in need of some popsicle sticks and bandaging tape.

Seems there was a carck in the structure that topled the tower.

Nick said...

That is absolutely horrifying. I'm glad my boss didn't sneak up behind me when I clicked on that one. I think I would have been fired on the spot.

Well, there went the roast beef sandwich I ate for lunch. Time to head out and find something else to eat now that my stomach has violently purged its contents after seeing that picture.

ryan said...

The head is way too big, I think its a fake. Gross.......

Nicole said...

Ryan, if it was fake...wouldn't you go for something bigger, and a little more impressive?! Although it wouldn't suprise me that much if he stuck a dildo in there.

I think it is real due to the purple color it seems to be turning due to the lack of blood flow.

Lynda said...

Maybe it just wants to die... and that's why its turning purple...

Im mean if you were attached not voluntarily to an idiot like this guy wouldnt you drather commit suicide than stay with him??

:)

India Najones said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
India Najones said...

ugh I can't get that song out of my head now
"you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the discovery channel.."
I'm sure thats what he was referencing but between the horrid visual and that damn song playing over and over in my nauseated brain I think I want to cry.

emotionalsquid said...

reason number 528 i'm glad i'm a lesbian.

wheelin126 said...

It's Snuffy Big Birds friend off of Sesame Street!! He only comes around when only Big Bird is there which would be about right. It only does come out when only he's around since no one else would want to be anywhere near him with his little Purple headed warrior hanging out.

CutNJump said...

Look!

It's a snake wearing a football helmet.

Walk On said...

Yet another male who doesn't understand women.

Yes, boys, YOU are visual, YOU are turned on by seeing dirty parts. Women are not. It's just another penis. Just like all the other billions out there. BFD.

Want to impress me using only pictures? Then take a photo of your bulging *wallet*.

*Amber* said...

OMG I'm so glad I decided to read from home this time! Not only is there a purple penis head on my screen but I gaffawed out loud and then had to take a moment to consider how the hell he got it to bend that way, and why he thinks any woman in their right mind would be interested. During my pondering I could just imagine my boss approaching without me noticing.