Welcome back WWHM readers!
Once again, we're reporting to you from the WWHM Headquarters, located in beautiful downtown Dubuque, Iowa, right across from Wing C of Tom's Animal Rendering Plant!
Do you like my outfit? Does it make your loins quiver like a plate of pudding riding atop an Albanian train car?
Well it's not even done yet! You see, all it took was one quick call to Tom's Rendering Plant next door, and Tom agreed to hack the wings off a live ptarmigan. What for? I'm going to paste them on my back using a small jar of edible rubber cement, and I'll be the cutest uncircumcised cupid ever.
As for the rest of the ptarmigan, Tom went down to Bread Hut and slapped the carcass onto an 8 foot wheat hoagie. As soon as we grind up the beak and talons, my staff will enjoy the finest ptarmigan sandwiches this side of Colorado Springs. And as a special bonus, any employee that finds an eyeball in their slice gets $3 off next year's vision plan. Am I a great boss or what?
Anyway, you're probably asking "Hey Weasel, why are you dressed up like a Special Olympics cupid?"
Well readers, I'm dressed up as a Special Olympics bronze medal winning cupid because today we celebrated our 2 month anniversary. And my cupid outfit is just a gentle reminder that if any of you defect from visiting WWHM on a weekly basis, I'm going to sneak into your home and shoot you with my "Arrow of Unfortunate Circumstances".
That's right! And what does that mean? That means you have to go on a date with the guy that got the most votes for the worst personal ad on WWHM. And right now, with 48 votes, that means you get to go on a date with It's a Dirty Job.
Congratulations It's A Dirty Job, and have a slice of warm ptarmigan sandwich. If it's still moving, just smash it on the counter top a couple times.
Have a great weekend WWHM'ers, and keep sending me ads, love notes and hate mail! I love it all! Why? Because I'm a pathetic narcissist!
See you next week, and let's do the posts!