Saturday, August 2, 2008

So What Is It Already?

HUGE tits wanted

I am looking for a woman in the XXXXXX area that has HUGE tits for me to play with. I am OK with not having sex if you don't want to, but would love to get down and dirty with your HUGE tits. I can make our meeting worth your while, I will make sure that if we are having some real fun, you WILL cum. I would like your HUGE tits to be DD at SMALLEST. I don't care about age, race, weight, or if they are real or fake.

Boobies.

Scientists have yet to discover their mystical powers over men, primarily because every time a female lab participant drops her blouse, rivers of free-flowing drool smudge all relevant testing data.

So what is it ladies?

How does a pair of small, pouty breasts beckoning to bounce out of a light cotton sundress like a sprightly young bunny jumping over a newborn fawn cause our brains to function like fucking unscrambled hotel porn?

What fucking swan song do breasts sing that turns the most heinous axe murderers into innocent, playful kittens that lie on their backs and giggle like a pack of youthful, thrice-tickled hyenas?

How is it that a woman can simply walk past a Boy Scout troop in a loose tank top and instantly create enough wood to build a fleet of whaling canoes?

Why has cupping a young woman's firm, supple breast instantly saturated more pairs of teenage boxer shorts than Kenmore and Whirlpool combined?

These are the goddamn questions and men seek answers!

Oh yeah, the blog. Um.... I think there was a personal ad somewhere up there. I forget what it was about.

Where am I?

(Editors Note: Bwalhhweahhla gufdsibbe waleha)

27 comments:

nip/tuck said...

Blog? What blog? I couldn't stop staring at those boobs.

Weasel said...

Who? What?

Nosnikta said...

GAHHHHHHHHH!

I open the page and giant chee chee la las are smacking me in the face. Good lord.

I, too, wonder about the power of the boobie. I don't understand it. They are just BOOBS... ugh.

They do the trick though. My best friend reduced to a D (yes.. REDUCED) and we use them to our advantage at every opportunity. It's amazing.

The Hatter said...

I love my boobs as is, thank you. I don't need some horny gut playing with them. Oh, wait... already do :lol:

DD at the smallest? Jesus man, [censors own rude comments]

*Amber* said...

Reminds me of a one-liner:
Breast implants are unfair because they took away the only advantage fat women had.

Kokorami said...

Geezus. I'm with Hatter. Get a f'in dairy cow, you moron. Like he has reason to be that overconfident...probably wants Ms. 44-DDreamgirl to match his own Jabba the Hutt moobs. :-p

CutNJump said...

Men have no memory for mammory!

This is why the have to stare openly at every pair they see.

They have a pair of their own and some men (moobs) are better endowed than some women- flat as a pancake!

Yet flash them some cleavage and the male mind goes to mush.

Weasel when you figure out why- then maybe us women go out in public sans a shirt and bra like the men do.

CutNJump said...

I just got this via email today...

Thanks Kurt! It fits well here...


The wisdom of an older man...

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall. 'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, 'Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?'

'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere.'

Lynda said...

I'd love to have some of my boobs removed! Nothing worse than riding and the boobs are swaying... See men just need to show up at Shows more often and watch women ride... LOL

The Half-Assed Blog said...

I have no boobs and men stare anyway. Must be the fine ass that riding gives ya.

Nosnikta said...

I love this lololol

*** Where am I?

(Editors Note: Bwalhhweahhla gufdsibbe waleha) ***

Merridyn said...

The obsession boggles the mind. Here's a case to study: I am only a 34B. Nothing to get excited over. I was going into NYC for something. It was nearly 100 degrees and I would be walking a ways. I reached for a spaghetti strapped tank top. The kind with the bra built in. It wasn't low cut. It showed only a teensy bit of my stomach if I moved just right. It was tight on the chest (well, duh! the bra's in there). I didn't think it was a particularly skanky selection. I never get hit on. I was hit on 3 times in about half an hour. 2 said, "nice eyes". Nobody ever says anything about my eyes normally. The other was a little hard to hear, but I think there was a compliment on my 34B's. Amazing. Put on a tank top, and men will oggle your boobs while complimenting other body parts.

Sistah said...

"Where am I?"

Weasel,

Based on your boobalicious ramblings, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you were smothering yourself with those big ass titties... in your head.

anniebanannie said...

Ahhh this reminds me of a joke:

A rich man wants to marry but has three girlfriends and can't decide. So he gives them $10K and tell them to do with it as they please and after a month he'll decide who to marry.

The first woman buys all of the man's favorite things and gives him a big party.

The second woman invests the money in the stock market and makes 300% return on her investment.

The third woman invests the money in real estate and her portfolio is worth over $20K per month in revenue.

Who did the rich man marry?

Wait for it....


Why the one with the big tits, of course.

CutNJump said...

Merridyn- or they can tell at a glance your exact bra size, from two blocks away, across the street!

anniebanannie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ChevyGirl said...

south park had an episode one time where the boys finally noticed tits. I laughed my ass off when they started drawing tits and going "Tatas, tatas, ug ug" and then they started to chase everyone off. You are right, guys just seem mezmorized by them. I have had many a guy drool over mine, but that was cause I was drunk at a bar ;) Normally when I am sober, and they stare I just grab their heads and pull their eyes up to mine :)

Oh and remember Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

"But son she has HUGE tracks of land"

Ktluvsbrutus said...

I'm sorry, were you saying something? Is it cold in here or is it just her?

Yo Yo Ma Ma said...

Maybr=e I'm a statistical fluke, but I'm a legs and ass man - large breasts seem like a waste.

Merridyn said...

>>CutNJump said...
Merridyn- or they can tell at a glance your exact bra size, from two blocks away, across the street!<<

I never eat or drink when I read your comments! The laptop has had too many coffee-snarfing incidents already.

Maybe that's what did it. The tank top did give a pretty good idea of EXACTLY how much was there. I've heard some men don't care too much about size, but end up with boy scout camping tents in their pants if they feel like their getting a view that is very close to the *naked* truth.

CutNJump said...

Merridyn-
>>I've heard some men don't care too much about size, but end up with boy scout camping tents in their pants if they feel like their getting a view that is very close to the *naked* truth.<<

Now if only we could tell at a glance the exact size of their penis, from two blocks away, across the street...

It would damn sure save us a lot of wasted time and disappointment!

Merridyn said...

CutNJump said...
>>Now if only we could tell at a glance the exact size of their penis, from two blocks away, across the street...
It would damn sure save us a lot of wasted time and disappointment!<<.

This might work on a guy who has a massive erection and is doing nothing to hide it. You'd get a decent estimate, but it would come at quite a price... Those guys would be the ones who want the entire world to know just how big it is! They tend to be narcissistic jerks. It brings to mind the many ads we have seen for 15 year old stallions that have done nothing but sex for a living.

CutNJump said...

Merridyn- true, true, true. I forgot to add though-

He may have a schlong the size of a fence post, and be truly blessed in that regard, but still not have a clue how to use it... NOTHING more frustrating than that. UGH!

Fugs and I were discussing recently, guys having 'that look' about them. We all know the one.

The 'look' that you just know they won't be a disappointment.

Guys, listen up. Just so you know- FYI!-

NOT ALL GUYS HAVE THAT LOOK!!!

Also it cannot be bought, faked or otherwise produced. You either have IT or you DON'T.

Anonymous said...

Why is the space between a woman's chest and her hips called a waist?

Cause you could easily fit another pair of tits in there !

Anonymous said...

Straight woman replies:
Blechhhh.

El-Mango said...

Boobs. Even girls like them.

Some girl said...

TEH POWER OF BOOBS! Whenever my boyfriend is complaining incessantly about something stupid, I grab his head and press it against my chest :D