Monday, September 1, 2008

What A Dick

BIG DICK, ONE CHANCE

DO YOUWANT A TASTE OF THIS HUGE COCK? I'LL SPLIT YOU OPEN WITH MY LOG! NO FAT CHICKS ALOUD, DO I LOOK FAT TO TO YOU? I'M A EDUCATED PROF WANTED MAN COME AND GET THIS COCK 12 INCHES LONG 8 INCHES AROUND ILL PLOW ALLYOUR WARM HOLES. ED.

Has anyone seen my ferret?

He's about 12 inches long, and 8 inches around, and, like Ed, loves warm holes.

Maybe that explains why I saw Ed pouring a half pound of crumbled granola bars into his boxer briefs about two minutes ago. No sudden movements Ed, because ferrets have two separate top teeth, and two teeth molded as one on the bottom. If he bites you, your fucking ball sack will look like an electrical outlet.

Some of my tech friends describe Photoshop as "magic" and I believe them, because a lot of guys that post personal ads often use it to magically produce a fucking horse cock out of a cashew. Why? Because guys who have no experience with women tend to adhere to the misconception that women love to get "split open". Which makes a lot of sense, since you ladies are always raving about all those orgasms you experience during childbirth.

While most women have experienced a baby leg coming out of them, they certainly don't want one shoved back in. The last thing they want is a period with a pronounced, guttural echo. And don't get me started on oral sex. That's like feeding a kielbasa to a sparrow; all you'd get is beak. But I really don't think you have that problem Ed, and WWHM readers already know what you're really packing between those legs; two overseasoned green peas and a dehydrated breakfast mini-sausage left on a car seat in a Tampa Wal-Mart parking lot.

So perhaps Ed has something else to offer. For example, he's educated. Apparently he took that "Introduction on How to Misspell Words and Scream" class everyone's been raving about down at the community college. Aside from that, Ed's only other interest appears to be "plowing." Great, here's some radish seeds, an ox, and a map of Bhutan.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe there's a big fucking dick in this photo. But he's wearing a white tank top and has a cock a teenage mallard would laugh at. Put that fucking thing away Ed. In a raisin box.

45 comments:

Anonymous said...

When I first saw the picture, I was wondering why he had a zucchini in his shorts. That's a use I didn't know they had...

Anonymous said...

I'm not impressed!!!

huneybumper said...

NO FAT CHICKS ALOUD, DO I LOOK FAT TO TO YOU?

Priceless! I would guess about 12 yrs old. And yes you do look fat, fat between the ears! Sorry farmer Ed guess its back to "plowing" in the hog pen again!

Nosnikta said...

LMAO!!!!

*** Has anyone seen my ferret? ***

4thehorses said...

That thing would split a skinny chick in two. What the hell is that guy thinking. Fat chicks are the only ones who could take that monster. The sight of that just gives me cramps!

Nosnikta said...

Can you say episiotomy? (did I speel that right?)

teawithlime said...

Somehow, I don't think hysterical laughter is the reaction Ed was looking for. Did he stuff a dachshund in there, or what?

ChevyGirl said...

Awww I see he is storing up for winter hibernation!


by the way, if he would just sit and watch encore late at night, a documentary comes on sometimes called the O Diaries {I think that is what it is called]. One question women are asked are "Does size matter?". Most women said yes, not to big and not to small. It is quite funny to watch actually.

MIC said...

I'm more worried about the size of his balls. My pussy is not an old condemned building, scheduled to be demolished wrecking ball style.

Nosnikta said...

I believe he thinks he's Mr. Ed and thus hung like a horse.

Vaquerogirl said...

My vote is 'zucchini'!

CutNJump said...

He MUST be Italian!


Does he have a brother named John?
A friend named Bruce?

wheelin126 said...

"Has anyone seen my ferret?"

Priceless, absolutely priceless!!

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Another vote for a zucchini! I doubt he's bright enough to use photoshop that well.

*sigh*

Nosnikta said...

It really does look like a zucchini. Gawd lol.... Otherwise, can you honestly imagine carting that thing around in your pants????

Anonymous said...

But how does a zucchini account for the size of those balls??

Liz S said...

>Anonymous said...
>But how does a zucchini account for
>the size of those balls??

Zucchini and a tomato! add some lettuce and we've got a salad!

CutNJump said...

It doesn't look as if it is two pieces, rather more like just one.

Maybe in a sock or something...

Along those lines-

How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?

10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, thousands of hares and a pussy.


Bet ya didn't see that one coming!

Nosnikta said...

You forgot about the beaver lmao.

CutNJump said...

Nos- only you would catch that.

I expect nothing less from you.

ChevyGirl said...

CutNJump said:

Along those lines-

"How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?

10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, thousands of hares and a pussy."


or 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, thousands of hares, a rooster, and his eggs!

dukie said...

So Weasel, what can you tell us about the guy with the receding hairline and bra? Trans cruise?

Evergrey said...

No fat chicks aloud?
That's okay Ed, I'm going to run away while screaming SILENTLY.

Evergrey said...

PS 4 horses- I am fat but my vagina is not. It doesn't grow with the ta-tas.

Biskuits said...

IF that thing is real, sheesh, can you imagine how inconvenient it would be to have to tote that fucker around with you all the time? Not to mention how, if you got just a tad excited in public, how impossible it would be to hide?

Real or not, that man is a walking embarrassment.

CaliGirl9 said...

Can't be a zucchini. It's a crookneck squash. A pretty much inedible one based on its size. Resting on the groin of a real live tool.

jilly said...

Weasel,

This particular entry brought something to mind.

While I don't believe THIS entry falls into the following catagory, it was enough to get me thinking.

At what popularity point will your blog have men making fake ads just to see if they can reach the heady heights of fame by making it onto your blog?

I'd hate to see the integrity of the TRUE idiots/asshole soiled by people just looking for their 15 minutes of fame on a titillating blog such as this?

While the latter catagory are still surely idiot/assholes, they have a terribly unamusing flavor quite different from the clueless bumbling sort we have grown to know and love here.

While I laud your success, and feel slightly giddy I "knew you when" in internet-land, I am thinking Facebook and Myspace popularity could quite likely muddy the waters from which you pluck your unsuspecting subjects.

Please advise,
Jilly

ZTIG said...

My vote is the squash - If it is real it has the ODDEST shape tip I have ever seen-
Seriously, if you are going to claim to be educated at least be able to spell past a 4th grade level aloud???

And vaginas don't grow like breasts - lmao at the thought though... wow what a world that would be... to bad some men don't get bigger with weight.. oh never mind scary thought...

Weasel said...

Jilly,

It's already happened.

Fortunately, I see enough ads to know when they're real or fake.

Most people that have that much time on their hands aren't too bright about it anyway, so they're pretty easy to spot.

*Amber* said...

Did anyone else notice it looks like he has just one large ball? Adds to the weirdness factor.

CutNJump said...

Jilly-

Even if they faked the ad to 'make it' here, with only a first name and the faces often swirled, how much actual 'fame' would they be getting?

Some are sick (or dumb) enough to brag if they recognized their ad, but then how much worse does that make them look to those around them?

I doubt they would even have to venture very far from reality to post some of the stuff we all see here.

As Weasel says, he can't make this shit up.

Weasel said...

That's another protection I have CNJ.

Not only do at least three public boards specifically ALLOW REPOSTING of ads (including CL), chances are pretty slim an idiot is gonna complain....

"Uh, that's MY ad."

No one would claim one of these ads anymore than a society woman would claim a fart at a baby shower.

Nosnikta said...

That woman wouldn't survive in my society lmao.

water_bearer said...

Hey Summer Squash Uniball Man...

No one wants your protberous lady-splitter, fuckstick.

Is he kidding?

ALOUD?

Awesome. More brains in the melon in his pants than in his head.

CatScratch said...

<4thehorses-Fat chicks are the only ones who could take that monster.>
yeah..or a hourse.

Anonymous said...

Caligirl9 said: "Can't be a zucchini. It's a crookneck squash. A pretty much inedible one based on its size. Resting on the groin of a real live tool."

That line cracked me up nearly as much as the ad did. (No offense intended Weasel!) Amen sistah!

Walk On said...

Soooooo Photoshopped.

We need to hook him up w/ Dean-of-the -Photoshopped-ass.

Her ass is every bit as slender as this dick is big, and from the exact same technique too!

wheelin126 said...

walk on - "We need to hook him up w/ Dean-of-the -Photoshopped-ass.
Her ass is every bit as slender as this dick is big, and from the exact same technique too!"

OMG!! That pic was fucking hilarious her skinny ass with the big blurry areas next to where she tried to cut off the fat...I bet she could take him she's as big a tool as he is!!

Anonymous said...

Educated Prof? His spelling of "aloud" - does he mean "allowed" or he doesn't want loud fat chicks?

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

I remember not that long ago, people accused me of "making up" an internet ad about a large unhandled draft horse stallion that you could have if you could catch.

Then the person who rescued the horse started a blog about him. What do you know, he exists and I didn't make up a thing!

Truth is stranger than fiction!

Lori in NC said...

My last bf actually had a 13in dick, but it would not get hard! Not that I wanted to be "split open" anyway LOL!

Anonymous said...

It's a cucumber :-).

Offer the HUGE strap-on and insist he tries it first...

El-Mango said...

One word sums it all up. OW

Anonymous said...

This guy used to post on Craigslist in San Francisco Peninsula area all the time, still does on occasion. One lady wrote a post, telling women to beware, that he was a player, a liar and bi-sexual.

Anonymous said...

most women have experienced a baby leg coming out of them? excuse me? just because we are women, does not mean "most" of us have experienced giving birth. some of us are dead afraid of giving birth.