Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Enjoy This Stupid Fucking Kitten. You'll Need It.

Welcome to the WWHM corporate headquarters, located in downtown Dubuque, Iowa, right across from Wing C of Tom's Animal Rendering Plant!

This is The Weasel, your personal guide into the fucking train wreck of a tragedy that is men's personal ads.

See this adorable ball of fucking fluff? You call it cute, but Tom at the rendering plant next door calls it an "Iowa Public School Protein Source." Maybe that explains why Iowa kids are pawing each others balls and neatly burying their own turds at recess.

Anyway, I posted this picture of a kitten to provide you estrogen-fueled pack wolves out there with what you WWHM'ers now collectively refer to as "brain bleach".

That's right, something... anything... to get your minds off some of the veiny-cocked, heavy-breathing, forest-bellied jackasses whose ads we poke fun at here at WWHM. Thankfully, it was pretty easy to find a picture of a kitten not offering up his cock like a cheese platter at a wine-tasting. With men, yeah, it ain't too easy.

We took a little poll here at WWHM yesterday about, incidentally, little poles. WWHM asked readers "Should we go from a cockless blog, to one that occasionally shows a little schlong now and then if the situation warrants?" Well, we received about 108 opinions on the subject through emails and comments in 12 hours.

Here are the results:

"Show us some fucking cocks Weasel, you goddamn pussy!": 108

"That's wouldn't be a prudent Christian act, Weasel.": 0

Ironically, here we are on a blog trying to prove that women don't want to see a bunch of cocks, and soon as I ask "Do you guys want to see some cocks?", 100% of my respondents start screaming "Oh God, please show us some cocks Weasel, pleeeeaseeeee!" I haven't heard this many women screaming since Oprah Winfrey gave away free Chevy Luminas to her audience.

You guys are a pack of uncontrollable, horny wasps humping on a sun-baked beach log. Here's your cock ladies, and remember, scroll up for brain bleach. You'll need it.

Kitten. Cock. Kitten. Cock. Kitten.

20 comments:

ChevyGirl said...

thank you for the kitten weasel. I took one look at that picture of the uhem, thing the man calls a cock but isnt, and had to come right back here. I cant even post anything to go with the uhem cock picture. ohhhhh look at the pretty kitty, I have 11 of em and one of them looks like the one above.

horsegal said...

Kitty!!!! Ah....... yes.

*recovering from picture and ad below*

Pretty little kitty!!! *eyes still unfocused, trying to grasp the positive things in life*

CaliGirl9 said...

Kitten! Cute! Purr!
That pussy is too good for most of the men that end up on this blog.
Gracias, Weasel.

CutNJump said...

Thanks for the kitten Weasel.

Now off to look at the rooster.

I meant cock.

I am armed with my sticky notes to cover the picture on the screen while I read your words of wisdom...

Anonymous said...

Boy were you ever right! I definitely needed the kitten....*gag* I'm still trying to figure out WTH that thing was....but then, maybe I don't want to know? *shudders*

CutNJump said...

Funny how the brain bleach kitten pic is only at 6 posts and the sic-dick-pic is over 20 already...

Just saying.

Nosnikta said...

*** 100% of my respondents start screaming "Oh God, please show us some cocks Weasel, pleeeeaseeeee!" ***

HA! OMG... we are NOT that bad!!! We were merely curious :-) (straightens her halo)

Indra said...

cutnjump said:
-I am armed with my sticky notes to cover the picture on the screen while I read your words of wisdom...-

Now that is a genius idea if I ever heard one.

CutNJump said...

Indra-
It beats using up my white out... LOL!

That stuff is a bitch to remove BTW.

nip/tuck said...

And I read the posts backwards to catch up! I wouldn't dare read this blog at work... Damn it, Weasel!

Lynda said...

Ive had two orange kittens this year... One my 19 year old son brought home... and then he took it with him when he moved out. Im still trying to figure out how to get the cat back.... forget letting the kid back into the house! I want the damn cat! LOL the other came from South Dakota and was feral. His momma became predator snack and my friend who's a horse dealer caught him and a few of this siblings. They were only about 4 weeks old. He came east... got left with me... and he claimed my Boyfriend... follows him around everywhere. I sent him off to his house... Im still lookin for an orange kitten! LOL Shhhhh dont tell that to my 20+ lbs part maine coon ORANGE cat... he's such a wuss! He runs and hides from kittens!

Lynda said...

OH lord I wont even think of reading this blog at work if I want to keep my job! LOL Though I do tell others to go here but only at their home computers!

Avoluv said...

Another guilty of scrolling straight back up to the kittykat after one look at the silly willy...

Floyd said...

Cute kitten. Focus on the cute kitten. Do not think of sausages pierced by swizzle sticks, focus on the fluffball.
Dear gods, I stay away for a few days and the blog's gone 'round the bend to STD clinic instructional photos.

ChevyGirl said...

lynda it is way to bad you are not here in NC. I have 5 orange and white kittens that need good homes. They are all love bugs, and one eat strawberry pop tarts and cheese balls. Everyone wonders why I have so many animals, its because they never gripe and moan and complain. All my animals ever ask of me is for food, water, and some scritches here or there :)

wheelin126 said...

nos - HA! OMG... we are NOT that bad!!! We were merely curious :-) (straightens her halo)

My words exactly then the damn pitchfork and horns knocked it off again ;) lol

Weasel - thanks for the kitten shot I'm really trying to focus on that after seeing the ???WTF????

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