Wednesday, September 10, 2008

When Brains Just Don't Matter

Pick me

I waunt to apply for an gurlfrend...womun only! I am in grate shape I think I am good on the fone two.

Pepole realee seem to respond too me well... and all the ladies. I know my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job with my persinalety.

My scedule is open so we can discus what you want and what you think you need, I can cum today. Thank you in advanse for your anser. hopifuly Yore best freind.
Sinseerly, Peter


I'm always beleaugering you poor ladies with ominous clouds of coarse pubic hair, dopey looking troglodytes, and bloated, pale potbellied jackasses.

Today I decided to plant an estrogen bomb in the mix, and though I'm proud of myself now, I will probably reconsider tomorrow morning when I'm cleaning up all the unfertilized eggs you guys will inevitably spew onto my Dell keyboard. Omelettes anyone?

Women occasionally like to date guys like Peter. First and foremost, he's a fantastic sexual partner. Scrabble partner? Well...... probably not so much. But he's the human equivalent of a fantastic vibrator- he always gets you off and doesn't have much to say afterwards. And rather than waste all that money on D batteries, Peter can easily recharge with a dinosaur coloring book and some fresh pudding.

But ultimately women must choose between a sprained clitoris or a bruised cerebral cortex. While they enjoy having their uterus puff up like an alarmed Chinese blowfish every time he takes his shirt off, most women are less tolerant than men of their significant other having the IQ of a stale Dorito. Peter might be able to briefly sustain a conversation about the gym or a cool red fire engine he once saw, but as soon as the conversation turns to the arts or politics, his eyes will inevitably wander like there's a giraffe with a sparkly hat juggling Twinkies on a unicycle behind you.

But still, chances are you'd fuck him harder than Exxon would fuck an Alaskan caribou in the ANWR. You both want that easy gusher once in a while.

Just make sure you get rid of him before he thinks you're his "gurlfrend".

37 comments:

manhater said...

First!!!!!!!!!!!


Eh, I'd fuck him. Pack him a lunch...and send him right on back to the first grade...which he never seemed to pass.

Nosnikta said...

Hmmmm yes, I admit when I saw the picture I muttered "yummmmmmmy".

This is eye-candy only. He would be fun to romp, and then you can invite girlfriends over to drink margaritas while you point at varying heavy objects you want moved to watch the show. Oh... and be sure it's nice and hot out so he works up a good sweat with his shirtless torso.

TOTALLY agree with this: Just make sure you get rid of him before he thinks you're his "gurlfrend".

You would have to pat him on the head and throw a bone REALLY REALLY far and when he went to retrieve it... run like hell.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

This has been making the e-mail rounds for a while but he was a "job applicant." I assume it's a joke. I hope it's a joke!

I don't know, I think this really is a "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" issue. I have never been attracted to anybody who wasn't very, very intelligent. Now, don't get me wrong. If they're very, very intelligent but they're 5'6 and shaped like a toadstool with a goatee, we will just be friends. But I really am not interested in tall, dark and dumb as a stump...

(unless of course I'm very drunk. Usual disclaimer applies. hahaha.)

4thehorses said...

I like his big ole nipples!!!

horsegal said...

FUNNY!!! Wonder if he is as shallow as he is dumb tho?

DJ said...

Confucius say, "If female, never fuck anyone dumber than you are. That way, if you accidentally get pregnant, at least you can say you had a smart kid."

And I agree with Fugly. Intelligent is sexy. (Intelligent and not a toadstool helps.)

ChestnutJumper784 said...

"I waunt to apply for an gurlfrend...womun only!"

Thanks for the clarification, because when you typed "gurlfrend" I really thought you meant "boifrend." Should probably lay off the 'roids too. It appears that your testicles are not the only thing which has atrophied.

Anonymous said...

Weasel,

Guys are only good for one thing and this guy would be perfect. If I wanted to have an intelligent discussion with a guy, I'd be waiting a long time.

Thingsthatperplexme said...

Agreed. Really hot one-week stand potential right there. I usually lose everyone when I start talking about my thesis work anyway.. and that scares off most of the men as is!

CutNJump said...

Weasel! You have really outdone yourself this time. BRAVO!

Definately fuckable! I would keep a barn full of 'mounts' like him if I could. What woman wouldn't? Honestly now... May only need one or two, but still.

But then you would have to keep at least one or two others who could carry on a conversation too.

CutNJump said...

Reading through the comments I find this guy to be among the same crowd as yesterdays guy- fuck me at will, but don't say a word. That would only ruin it for everyone.

colorisnteverything said...

Nope. Sorry, not interested. I'd rather have a geek or politico who could try and out debate me. For me, debate is sexy.

Vapid is not so much...

Kokorami said...

No, no--you don't understand, this isn't the sort you try conversing with. To do so may be hazardous to your mental health.
He reminds me of the old French saying, "Tais-toi et sois belle/beau" (Just shut up and look good). As long as you understand this and don't give him a chance to open his mouth and destroy the effect, I'm sure he does just fine with a lot of folks.
However, I'm with ChestnutJumper--I'm wondering if he hasn't been, um, _enhanced_ in some way.

Indra said...

eh... actually his body doesn't attract me that much, I don't know.. I can see how most girls would find him attractive though (well at least his body, seeing as we can't see his face)

*Amber* said...

"when I'm cleaning up all the unfertilized eggs you guys will inevitably spew onto my Dell keyboard"

GAG! God, it's sad that Weasel's words can have the same reaction as Jabba the carrot-toter from a few days ago.

The guy pictured - definite cabana-boy material, just add super-glue to his lips so he can't say anything.

teawithlime said...

He probably just posted some "picshur" he found (with help) on "dah ennturnut," and actually bears a strong resemblance to one of the Geico cavemen. x_x

Lynda said...

This is the kind of guy you borrow for a night or a weekend....

Enough to enjoy him and not enough to want to kill him.

Sort of like John Edwards... she only got what I wanted.. I only wanted him for a weekend... maybe just a night... an afternoon.... lord he looks good in jeans....

Indra said...

Also, hot body, does NOT equal hot sex, I have a 'friend' who's a coughslutcough and found a guy like this, little did she know when she took of his pants, he was two inches long (no joke) and she said it was the worst sex she's ever had.
Goes to show, be wary of the nice bodies, they're trying to make up for something, maybe in this case it's just brains.

Indra said...

I meant to say 'be wary of the nice bodies, they're often trying to make up for something, maybe in this case it's just brains.

anniebanannie said...

cutnjump said: Definately fuckable! I would keep a barn full of 'mounts' like him if I could. What woman wouldn't?

Me. I wouldn't. Besides steroids often cause erectile dysfunction, it may not be possible... to fuck him that is.

Weasel said...

FHOTD was right.

This ad snuck through my time-honored, copyrighted screening process (also available in China).

It's a an altered fake.

Whoops. Sorry, I try to not let these through, but looks like it happens though.

I'll leave it up for a bit, but think I'm going to take it down. I don't want fake ads up here.

Walk On said...

I don't care if it's a fake add or not - I'm still not interested in Mr. Steoriods.

(you do NOT get that look without them, sorry!)

Biskuits said...

I saw the pic, and before I even started reading I thought, "Of Mice and Men." I personally don't really find a lot of muscles attractive, and I find crushed pelvises/disarticulated limbs from over-enthused macho men-children even less exciting. I hope he has a reasonably-proportioned best friend named George to keep an eye on him. And that he hasn't smothered any puppies, bunnies, or farmers' daughters lately.

Merridyn said...

Anybody here read the "Earth's Children" series (of VERY long novels) by Jean Auel? There are 5 so far. Pretty much about caveman. It's paleoanthropological fiction. With occasional detours into sex novel world. Anyway, The main character, Ayla, ends up with a tall handsome (but I think blond) guy named Jondalar. What a name. Sounds big, ripped, and STOOPED! A friend and I used to joke that men with names like Jondalar are only good for one thing. Maybe he's the reincarnation of Jondalar's dead brother Thonolan. I think he was brunette. Just a thought.

kiwiness said...

me, I like men that look like that,I also like like good conversation and sex that makes me smile for the next week! This poor dude has but one thing going for him.Oh well,I'll just keep on dreaming. At least he wasn't too freaky, like wearing a giant diaper of with mountians of cum on hi shoes!!!!!!

kiwiness said...

crap, I meant with mountians of cum on his shoes. 13yo daughter walked in on me and made me feel guilty!! bugga!

CutNJump said...

Merridyn- I think the first book was Valley of the Horses. I could be wrong. Didn't they make it into a movie starring Darryl Hanna?


Anniebannanie- Ok, he is fuckable, but realisticly speaking if he is all juiced up, not only would his pecker be small but the mood swings and 'roid rage, would be insufferable.

If however his pecker were sized accordingly to the rest of his body, well then. Still doesn't mean he knows how to use it.

On that I think we all agree.

Indra said...

The first book is 'clan of the cave bear', and I have no idea about the movie, I've never heard of them making one.

Indra said...

Oh, cutnjump you're right, she played Ayla in Clan of the Cave Bear in 1986 according to her movie profile list.

Indra said...

Forgot the link

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Clan_of_the_Cave_Bear_(film)

CutNJump said...

Valley of the Horses was the second one then. Clan of the Cave Bear was in fact the first one.

If I recall correctly the movie tanked miserably enough that the rest were scrapped.

Nosnikta said...

I read all those books. I enjoyed them. There's one part where they have oral sex in cold weather that sticks in my mind often.

Anyhooooooo!!!!

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

>>FHOTD was right<<

Those three little words no woman EVER gets tired of hearing! ;-)

And yeah, there were some HOT sex scenes in those Jean Auel books. That girl must have led an interesting life to write like that. The movie adaptations, uh, not so hot.

wheelin126 said...

I want him as a pool boy of course wearing a tiny speedo!! My eyes were being overdosed on sweetness with the eye candy this guy offered!! He would definitely be a great romp as long as he kept his mouth shut and didn't say anything!! Hooked on foniks worked for him!!

wheelin126 said...

Indra - "I can see how most girls would find him attractive though (well at least his body, seeing as we can't see his face"

Well if the face didn't match the body there is always the light switch and just make sure he's gone before morning!! And of course a good imagination of who he really is lol

CutNJump said...

Wheelin- not just the light switch- a bag over the head works too.

Would you like paper or plastic?

ROFL!

Laura said...

the spelling must be a joke... please let it be a joke. No one is that dumb.