Cocksucker

Want to watch me suck my own cock?

I'm a professional, good looking, athletic, and clean guy in XXXXXXXX. I'm looking for an openminded, fun woman to come over and watch me suck my own dick and take pictures/record. I can do this and would love someone there cheering me on and maybe even pushing my mouth further down my cock. I am very real, and looking for tonight. No games please. Matt

For all of us who have ever attended an amazing Las Vegas acrobatic show such as Cirque de Soleil, and at some point wondered to ourselves "I wonder if that guy can........um......you know......"

Yes, he can folks. Yes he can.

He's blowing himself like his cock is a flaming marshmallow.

According to a Kinsey study, fewer than 1% of males have the ability to auto-fellate themselves. Critics suggest the number might be a little low, since all men that can actually blow themselves haven't left the house long enough to participate in some stupid study that would interrupt their staying at home and continually blowing themselves.

As comedian Bill Hicks once said, "I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now... watching an empty stage."

Matt won the male spinal detachment lottery, and can suck on his own cock like an industrial chicken vacuum. And just like the cocaine-addled monkey that will snort blow until his heart explodes, Matt will likely continue to suck his own dick until his balls are drier than the sun-bleached asslips of a dehydrated Sonoran sun snake trapped in a bag of salt cubes.

Goodbye Lonelyville, hello Fellatiopolis!

But now Matt wants your company so you can help "cheer him on" as he feverishly fellates himself. Which, really, if you think about it, is just about as exciting as going over to someone's house to "cheer them on" as they mow their lawn.

But women will certainly cheer Matt on after he dumps his bag of grass clippings into his own mouth, makes the patented lemon face, and runs to the sink with his cheeks inflated with testicular discharge. "Eeeew," he'll cry, "it tastes like bleach."

"Don't worry," they'll say, "it's good for your skin."