Anyone want a facial?
Me and my 3 friends want a slut who loves cum on her face. We are cool and nothing harmful. Just some cum on your face so you can eat it up. You know you want your face drowned in cum. North area preferred. My name is Blade if you want to contact me. (Don't worry, we prep with pineapple.)
Female WWHM'ers submit 3-4 "facial" ads a day.
Apparently, if eyeballs were ovaries, women could get knocked up faster than a 12 year-old at a Kentucky clown convention.
While men used to argue that cum cleared up wrinkles, women quickly caught on to the ruse. So unless you can figure out how to ejaculate fresh cucumber slices, they're pretty much sticking to Oil of Olay.
Then men turned to the argument that swallowing provided protein. Sure, but so does ham. And ham doesn't shoot at your face like an elephant sneezing with a trunkful of bleach-flavored yogurt.
As a last resort, men have now resorted to ingesting copious quantities of pineapple and/or Gatorade, in hopes women will appreciate the sweetened taste of their cum.
Unfortunately, if women wanted to ingest millions of tadpoles that tasted like pineapple, they'd much rather fly to Hawaii and suck on pond water.
What will men come up with next? Hurling a cup of tapioca pudding across the living room? Dunking their wives faces into a bowl of clam chowder at a seafood restaurant?
No one knows. All we know is if we ask, we'll get kicked in the balls so hard our children will come out looking like fucking xylophones.
"You try it!" they'll say.
So Blade, there's your answer. You try it. Now you just have to figure out which one of your friends enjoys a piping hot bowl of salty clam chowder gluing his eyelids shut.
And hey, if there's four guys, statistics say one of them will absolutely love it.
Maybe it's you.
(Ed note: WWHM Headquarters completely condones this activity, as it has been scientifically shown to trim 10 inches off your waist in as little as two weeks. Uh...no, we don't have the studies to prove it. Thats just the way it is. C'mon, everyone knows about it. Hey, why are you getting dressed?)