Monday, July 21, 2008

WWHM Fashion: Spandex


Hey look, that’s me. I’m the one pointing NNE.

Anyway, guys should know that girls love a guy in Spandex, and you don’t even have to ride a bike.

You can just wear them around town, confident at all times that the pods are safe with the mother ship.

Does it look odd? No! Girls think it's cute! It's just like throwing a bedsheet over a cat.

But much sexier.

Women become so overjoyed when they see you in Spandex, they often breakout in spontaneous laughter. One lady was so delirious, she asked what I was doing with such a small package, and I wasn't even carrying anything. Crazy lady!

And they’re real popular with children, because the kids always point at them, whereby mothers cover their childrens eyes, probably muttering the obvious “I can’t afford those!”

Yep, they're not cheap.

Anyway, I knew I was becoming famous after this bike race when my friends and I went to a local German café.

I saw some women sitting at a table and feeling brave, I walked right up to their table and leaned on it. ”How’s the kielbasa here?” I asked.

Boy, they couldn’t even speak, and they didn’t even finish their meals.

But hey, they just saw me, a celebrity, in my sexy Spandex. I'd be speechless too.

44 comments:

The Hatter said...

Almost as bad as speedos.

NNE, eh heh heh!

Nosnikta said...

Hmm... no mystery there.

I think the one 2nd from the right is a girl... but her candy-bar is out of place.

nosey said...

Do these guys even have faces?

I can't look away.

I can't look away.

I can't look away...

nip/tuck said...

Ever hear the classic saying... Some things are better left to the imagination?

The shape of your penis under a strained panel of spandex is one of those things!

CutNJump said...

Reminds me of the time I worked the service desk at a retail store.

We had a s/him that frequently came in, sometimes dressed male and sometimes female.

Well one day S/Him comes in wearing ankle length turquoise spandex pants. The girl at the desk with me blurts out

"Either he has a small penis, he 'tucks up' really well or BOTH. Cuz there ain't no hidin' nothin' in Spandex!"

Well that makes it all a trainwreck- now ya just gotta look and see for yourself.

Nothin'. Nadda. Not even camel toe.

Nosnikta said...

HA! he was good!

I embarrassed hubby the other day because the way he was sitting caused camel-toe balls in his Wranglers lmao.

Now he's all paranoid people are looking at his "package"...

"But of course they are, honey... don't you know that's the first thing people look at?????" "Here, put these spandex pants on.. that way they can see better."

grandma said...

You really outdid yourself with this one. I have 4 cats who like to get under the bedsheets and now it is going to freak me out every time.

CutNJump said...

Nosnikta-

Before-he-was-hubby, my man asked a former girlfriend if women 'looked' at men's goods.

She denied it.

He asked me... HELL YES WE DO! Maybe not all of us, but the ones who find it important- better believe it!

Also why we test ride them before purchasing. Does you no good to have it if you don't know how to use it...

Nosnikta said...

EXACTLY!!!!!

I had a woman gasp in dismay once when I suggested a test-ride. Then she continued to scold me for suggesting such a thing.

Hell yeah, I look lol.

CutNJump said...

Just like buying a car. Always test drive before buying...

Or as a comedian put it once- (I don't for the life of me remember which one)

*Choosing a couple in the audience*

"This your wife?"

"Yes. Married XX years."

"Was she good in bed when you met and married her?"

"Yes..."

"Ever wonder how she got that way?"

MinxyQ said...

When I saw this photo, all I could think about was Matt Shirvington. Aussie women will know what I am talking about...I am sure there is youtube footage somewhere.

You know when your driving and you get sun glare off the car in front and you have to put your hand out to block it. That is what you had to do when Matt was featured on the nightly sports news.

Pilar said...

My eyes have been raped!!!!

Jennifer said...

Ah, ah haha. NNE, that's fantastic! They should make some kind of wrap to wear when you're not on the bike, like, for straight-on pictures...

Merridyn said...

I will not be able to wipe that out of my mind. please pass the brain bleach. And, BTW, I must be too clean for this because I looked at the faces FIRST! Of course, once I got stuck on the site of their goods jammed into spandex, I entirely forgot their faces, so I guess it has the same general effect no matter where you look first.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

>>Just like buying a car. Always test drive before buying...<<

Yep. I find it mind-boggling that anybody would buy without test driving.

As for the pic...good grief. Can't they build those things with some kind of a modesty panel?

Ktluvsbrutus said...

I can't not look!

l said...

Ladies, we can easily tell what religion a man is, and whether his secret nickname is "Ace."

Since men can always pretty much gauge our cup size at a glance (unless you wear a burka), I am for requiring all men at bars to wear spandex pants in bright colors. why the hell not?

L.

CutNJump said...

l- Never going to happen. There would be no way for them to lie about the size when the actuality of it is there for all to see.

Good idea though ;-/

Nosnikta said...

I had a guy call me yesterday saying one of my drivers left 6-8" ruts in their yard with a truck. The driver said they were more like 3" like it was no big deal.

I was expressing to a friend that a 3" rut is a pretty big deal. He said "Boy have you been deprived".

CutNJump said...

Nosnikta- sorry for your deprivation. Better way to explain it to the friend is "What if it was YOUR yard?"

That's when you get to see people flip out.

Everything is NBD unless it happens to them. Then all hell breaks loose, they flip out and the fireworks go off.

*passing popcorn & a lawn chair*

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

>>Since men can always pretty much gauge our cup size at a glance (unless you wear a burka), I am for requiring all men at bars to wear spandex pants in bright colors. why the hell not?<<

I have always griped about how unfair that is! However, I have a foolproof method for gauging size in advance.

All you do is bring the subject up as part of a joke. If the guy laughs at short-dicked-man jokes, he's well-endowed. If he goes white as a sheet or makes some stupid comment about how size doesn't matter or the motion of the ocean, he's hung like a squirrel. Fortunately, you still have your clothes on and can still run far, far away.

Works every time!

gemtwyst said...

Christ, it looks like these guys are smuggling cherry tomatoes.

Nosnikta said...

*I was expressing to a friend that a 3" rut is a pretty big deal. He said "Boy have you been deprived".*

He was referring to penile (is this even a word?) size... but yeah.. the ruts were bad.

ANYWAY!!!!

Laughing at motion of the ocean.. that's a DEAD giveaway.

What's just as bad is a guy who thinks he has a giant one and has to continue to tell you about it.

CutNJump said...

Nosnikta said...
>>What's just as bad is a guy who thinks he has a giant one and has to continue to tell you about it.<<


Sorry to top this, but one who USED to have a substantial pecker, but the use of Rogaine has since shrank it, is even worse.

Yep, Mr. Corvette guy, who lived in an expensive, upgraded spec home, was more concerned with having hair to get the chics, than having a pecker worthy of satisfying them once he got them home.

Can ya tell why we didn't last long?

Nosnikta said...

OMG.. Rogain shrinks it????

I was going to put MTG on hubby's head.

CutNJump said...

Nosnikta-

It shrank his.

He was trying that since the Dr. doing the transplants killed himself. As far as transplants go they are Disgustingly too much like doll hair. Never ran my fingers through his, it just looked creepy!

Mary said...

Crying...so hard...tears and other liquids are rolling down my face...Great! Now I have to step out of my office looking like Holyfield and I just went 2 rounds and I lost!

Elvishswimmer said...

All I can think of is that Flight of the Concords song "Sugar Lumps"

'I see you girls checking out my trunks, I see you girls checkin out the front of my trunks.
I see you girls lookin at my junk. Checkin out my rump then back to my sugar lumps

All the ladies checkin' out my sugarlumps
The drive the ladies crazy'

Look it up on Youtube.

Igraine said...

This really makes me want to send naked pictures of myself to that Lance Tour de France guy. The one who banked his sperm and has a different girlfriend evey week. Nothing is more annoying than a bicyclist. Sorry, but your 2 wheels will never be any match for a good old poison spewing automobile. So get out of the damn way while I'm on the road and get on the bike path.

zemandy said...

did u ever looked at ur opened little ugly pinky mouths in the mirror dear ladies if yes than shat up forever

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