Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Blind Luck

magic carpet ride

any girl lucky enough to be with me will be flying the skies. you gotta be prepared for this ride because ladies anything is possible when you're with me. Richard.

China has millions of rabbit farms. Is this because China has a ravenous taste for the succulent meat of fresh roasted rabbit? Of course not, we know the Chinese eat nothing but BBQ pork and Tibetans.

China has millions of rabbit farms so your child can purchase a rabbit's foot from a gumball machine at Wal-Mart while you're shopping for porcelain frog candle holders and a trampoline for your cat.

When your child gets that rabbit's foot, he feels pretty lucky.

But ask that rabbit, and he might feel differently. After all, he used to have four of those lucky feet, and all he got was a life stuck in a tiny cage with his face firmly molded into the anus of another rabbit. His only lucky day came when he was fed Tibetans rather than BBQ pork. Dry Tibetan-themed farts were so much easier to handle, and significantly less juicy.

Which goes to show that where one person finds luck, another finds misfortune.

So while Richard may feel that you are "lucky" to find him, a 46 year-old man wearing a Dr. Seuss hat, a flowing superhero cape, and drying his balls with a humidifier, you must first think of all those poor ladies out there who now must suffer with a man in a suit and a Rolex, who dries his balls with a live cashmere goat lying on satin sheets.

So if you're the lucky lady who found Richard, enjoy that ride on the magic carpet. Who knows where it will go?

Maybe Wal-Mart. Because anything can happen with Richard, if you're lucky.


nip/tuck said...

I'm picturing his moobs rippling & wrinkling as he zooms through the skies with his magical cape. Wow. If I were lucky enough to be with Richard, I'd certainly be flying. To Uganda. Or New Zealand. Anywhere.

iloverocky said...

Is he wearing his wife's housecoat?

Seriously, this outfit looks like something Little Edie Beale would concoct.

*Amber* said...

I think he wrapped a towel on his head and stole his mother's silky red robe.

"Lucky" is not exactly the word I would use for any woman found in his presence.

Nosnikta said...

LOL wtf is that?

Kokorami said...

Now I know where the expression "dumb luck" comes from.

Honestly, even the Ray Harryhausen _7Th Voyage of Sinbad_ wannabe thing doesn't bug me HALF so much as the "any girl lucky enough to be with me" does. Well, Laaaaaaa Dee DAAAAH.

CutNJump said...

I think he merely got the order of his words mixed up.

Instead of 'any woman lucky enough to be with me'

Maybe he meant 'any woman I am lucky enough to be with'.

He will definately be needing luck.

Lots and lots of luck. Especially with THAT outfit!

Walk On said...

I thought guys stopped dressing like this around age 12? Isn't that when the "I'm gonna grow up to be a superhero" fantasy usually bites the dust?

CutNJump said...

Walk on-


I bet he still wears Underoo's!

2-1 odds.

gemtwyst said...

For some reason, I have that theme song from "Aladdin" running through my head.

Le said...

I doubt he's drying his balls. His balls are probably dry 24/7 from the fact that no woman would lick them, nor touch any other part of his body.

Ella said...

I totally had an Aladdin moment too!