Monday, July 21, 2008

WWHM Fashion: My Ventilated Barn Pants

Here I am yesterday on a sunny Los Angeles street corner, looking for rare birds.

OK, am I really looking for birds?

No, I just wanted to show-off my hand-crafted sword-dueling pantaloons with crotchular breeze vents.

Women love the way my tight, ample and perfectly symmetrical buttocks beg to be kneaded in these knickers. What am I ladies, just a bowl of bagel dough for your fingers to squeeze like so many firm, juicy melons?

I'm not a fruit stand, I'm a man with feelings and dreams.

Chicks are nothing but a bunch of horny mountain goats when they see me in these groin-snuggling suede 18th century barn workpants.

However I'm thankful someone finally developed pants that enable your genitals to breathe. If you could picture a pair of nuts hanging from the bow of the Titanic in Category 4 hurricane, then you’ve just imagined the comfort and freedom my testicles experience in these airy, lightweight chocolate trousers.

Ahhh....nothing cools and refreshes a dampened, musty taint like a stiff breeze.

Unfortunately, disassembling an aft sail for a China-bound schooner is easier than taking a piss in this pair of fucking puzzle-crotched brainteasing goddamn pirate relics.

26 comments:

The Half-Assed Blog said...

wonder what would happen if he got the strings caught on a bench grinder or something.

iloverocky said...

Half-assed said "wonder what would happen if he got the strings caught on a bench grinder or something."

I was thinking the same thing, only with a paper shredder. Dangerous!

The Hatter said...

eeheehee

If he really wanted to "breathe", just wear the age-old favourite - boxers!

Nosnikta said...

Yum, nice thighs though.

HE'D look good in a speedo lol.

Braced said...

How many of these models are gaay?

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Nosnikta said...

LMAO... it's Seinfeld day today.

nosey said...

Anything with the word "TAINT" in it is pure gold.

Anonymous said...

Mmmm...funny pants or not, he's still a sexy beast! Besides, I'm kinda partial to the tight wranglers, so I guess these are somewhat close???

CutNJump said...

If it's ventilation you're after Weasel, just wear a skirt or a dress. Light cotton fabrics, breathe the best, but may require a slip underneath. Otherwise standing in the sun may give it the see through effect.

Skip the 'derwears and the slightest breeze will have you hoisting the main sails!

Nosnikta said...

I'm ashamed of myself to say that I'd really like to tie this guy to my trailer and groom him :-)

water_bearer said...

hand-crafted sword-dueling pantaloons with crotchular breeze vents
--------
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
That made my day.

dressage_nut said...

CutNJump said...
If it's ventilation you're after Weasel, just wear a skirt or a dress.



Its called a kilt :)

The Half-Assed Blog said...

iloverocky- With 35K RPM or more a bench grinder will get you in trouble a lot faster from them long, dangly crotch strings!!

In the evil corner of my mind I see myself grabbing the ends and giving a good, solid yank, to have the guy make that "eeulp!" noise men are good at whenever the groin region is traumatized.

CutNJump said...

Dressage nut- only if you're of Scottish heritage.

I knew a guy here who had fabulous taste in skirts and dresses. He was not homosexual nor considered himself a cross dresser, (no bra's and panties- rather boxers & briefs underneath) he just wore skirts and dresses for their comfort factor.

Sure he got his ass kicked on several occasions for his chosen style of dressing, but he continues to wear them because they are comfortable and everything is well ventilated.

MinxyQ said...

I am sure these pants could match quite well with the puffy shirt, but then again with this guy, the bare chest really does work best.

Nosnikta, I think he could look good in a hessian sack....*sigh*

AvenueFog said...

"Barn Pants"

Such shameless pandering to the FHOTD ladies! Way to work the crowd ;-)

Re kilts: yummmm, says the dressage rider of Scottish heritage. Easy access baby!

Merridyn said...

He totally needs some sort of ren-garb type shirt over those...hunter green maybe? Don't forget, folks, those Crotchular vents serve a purpose. If you want to wear nut-hugging pants, you'd better give those jewels a breath of fresh air!

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

I used to have a pair of jeans that laced up like that. I basically bought them thinking about a book I once read that explained that if you are seeking male attention, it is good to wear clothing that shows exactly how it can be easily removed. I believe this to be true, as I used to have a business suit that was a little low cut and zipped up the front, and I do not believe we ever got through the day keeping it strictly business when I wore that back in the old days when I ran my ex boyfriend's law office!

Nosnikta said...

... same thing when you wear a skirt. You can have two equally attractive women... one in shorts, one in a skirt... bam, the guys go for the skirt.

CutNJump said...

Yep! Men are always more quickly drawn to the one wearing clothing which can be easily removed or moved aside.

I had a short little denim dress with spaghetti straps and a slit up the back so you could even walk while wearing it. Guaranteed to get laid (not just hit on, but laid) wearing it anywhere.

Had to get rid of that one...

Nosnikta said...

ROFLMAO... Dang, and I was going to ask to borrow it.

CutNJump said...

If I still had the leather 'looking' pants- full front and full seat, black of course- I would gladly give them to you nosnikta.

Another guaranteed one there. Especialy combined with the boots with the fringe around the top and down the side... Didn't matter what top you wore with it, the eyes never made it that far up.

BTW- they were hotter than hell to wear- didn't breathe well- so sometimes also difficult to remove too. Still made no difference in the outcome of the evening...

Nosnikta said...

I have a heck of a time wriggling in and out of my Rockies on a hot day. Can't you just picture me writhing around trying to wriggle out of leather pants??? THAT would be something to write about.

Gawd, I'm getting a cramp just thinking about it.

It's a dang good thing my hubby thinks I'm hot in sweatpants because if I had to date again I would have to invest in baby powder and lube oil.

I do think that denim dress sounds adorable. Too bad you got rid of it!

CutNJump said...

Mot of the time I ended up peeling off the pants to where they were inside out. It was easier for/on everyone.

The denim dress was a hot little number, I have to admit. If I still had it, it would only be a reminder hanging in the closet of what I used to be able to wear.

Madame Enfer said...

I just have to say this, in light of the above comments...

... but this guy is not hot at all. He's far too muscly, male model clean-cut posing type... ugh. Just no.

Anonymous said...

The guy has a great body and you're focused on the pants. You girls are impossible. That's why instead of being straight and honest with you, we have to trick you into believing how "sensitive" we are and finally get what we want, leaving you with yourselves calling us "jerks" all the time.
We WILL trick you into having sex. You asked for it.