Saturday, July 19, 2008

Ridin' Dirty

2 For 1 rides! man seeks sex 46 yrs old
I am here with an extraordinary offer for you that if you come over and ride my cock, I will take you for a ride in my 1972 Corvette! We could go to the beach or the movies and have a great time and maybe something more will happen? Please be HWP, skinny and young open to all kinds of fun and sex. We could could even do it in the Corvette and take both rides at the same time lol. It will be like a carnival!

The squealing, smoking tires in the mall parking lot in front of a group of unimpressed 18 year-old girls.

The revving of the engine at the stoplight when he pulls up next to you in your minivan full of children.

The Whyte Spyder guitar solos blaring so loudly from his Radio Shack speakers that it makes the toupe resting on his head vibrate like an epileptic ferret.

All reasons a 46 year-old man in a 1972 Corvette makes a woman's uterus constrict tighter than a whale's blowhole before a deep-sea dive.

The difference between a car and a woman, good sir, is that you might be able to turn on a car.

(P.S. People don't go to carnivals to win MegaLube and catch napkins.)

18 comments:

NYCowgirl said...

Yes. It will be carnival-like, too, in that this guy strangely resembles the toothless, mullet-sporting greaseball taking tickets and running the Tilt-A-Whirl at the local fireman's field days. *shudder*

Taen said...

Mmmm yeah, because I want a ride in your midlife-crisis-mobile sooooo badly that I'd want to touch your hairy old ass. Blech.

nip/tuck said...

I think most women would rather ride the shifter knob. Ewww. Seriously.

The Hatter said...

Nice car.
Probably a fugly, hairy, droopy, small dicked, old guy.

Anonymous said...

whats a HWP?

Sistah said...

HWP = height weight proportionate. Something the writers of these ads never are.

I often wonder if these guys actually meet anybody that isn't pulling double-duty as a landmass.

CutNJump said...

If he's going to offer sex IN the vette, he should have bought a convertable or at least one with the T-top.

Otherwise young and skinny should also include flexible as in Stretch Armstrong, Elasto-Man or Marie Lou Retton.


I am envisioning the guy to have his shirt open to his waist, excessive body hair and gold chains as well as the toupe..

Thanks Weasel, I won't be able to stomach my lunch now!

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Corvettes used to be cool. I rented one while on vacation in 1988 and drove it from Palm Springs to Santa Barbara. That was pretty awesome. In 1988. This dude's probably still wearing his Members Only jacket, too.

Kokorami said...

Carnival? I was thinking more like the Jim Rose Circus.
These guys who don't show you their faces...you _know_ this can't be a good thing. Esp. not when they choose a pic like that.

CutNJump said...

Corvettes-

Yeah, we all thought they were 'cool' to drive, that is until you actually get to.

Probably the same thing with this guy too...

Similar to an overweight date and a moped, both are fun to ride, you just don't want your friends to see you doing it.

Nosnikta said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA epileptic ferret lololololol... oh, the mental image.

MinxyQ said...

LoLoL...

Ok confession time...I dated a guy 16 years my senior...he was what you might call an asshole....but god dammit he had a Ferrari! and I look good in a Ferrari. Of course, now he has two...*sigh*.... but upside is he's still an asshole.

Walk On said...

I am remembering the movie "Dragnet" with Dan Ackroyd as Sargent Friday. (If you haven't seen this movie, rent it!) There's a line re: sex in a Yugo that works here. Something about "logistical impossibility".

Seriously, those cars *almost* have enough room for you to get your seatbelt on. They make pretty awesome garage ornaments, but for anything else, eeeeh...nope.

Braced said...

Yugo can't even indulge in 'self-love' in a Yugo. Or have impure thoughts.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Minxyq - I would totally date someone just for their Ferrari. The closest I've come is a Lotus, owned by a commercial director I dated who sadly, was 57 and still in therapy trying to deal with his issues with his 90 year old father. He was shocked that I had never been in therapy or on any anti-depressants. Apparently I was the only woman he had ever dated who could say that. You don't say...

Dark Elf Warrior said...

"The Whyte Spyder guitar solos blaring so loudly from his Radio Shack speakers that it makes the toupe resting on his head vibrate like an epileptic ferret."

Whahahahaaaaaaaaaaa! I can just picture it. In fact, I picture it almost every day when some old guy tries to "race" me to the next traffic light. Seriously, granpa...

Oh, and I find it highly suspicious if a guy posts an ad with a picture of his car. It tell me that 1) You're seriously ugly, and 2) you think all women are shallow and materialistic and will do anything to ride your (ahem) "vintage car"...

Icy Hound said...

I swore HWP meant: How White Prostitute

LegendsLiveOn said...

Actually, I'm pretty impressed by the car. The pasty-faced, pockmarked, have 10 children and a trailer full of chickens guy behind the wheel? Not so much.