Monday, July 21, 2008

WWHM Fashion: My Ass-Padded Briefs

Women love a full, tight, hard ass on a man.

Why? Because it means you can shit harder than other men. Duh.

Anyway my ass sags like a laundry cord saddled with wet sleeping bags.

Women generally like to be able to bounce a quarter off your ass, and if you do that with me, kiss that quarter goodbye because you may have well thrown it into a deep vat of week-old coagulated oyster stew.

So I bought these briefs, armed with the lastest in ass-puffering technology, and boy, has my outloook improved.

Drop some change? Hey, let me get that for you.

Need me to climb up that ladder for you? Sure, but don't act like you're a wolf and my ass is a dripping hot basted turkey for your selfish mongrel-like devouring.

Women want to touch my ass like it's a baby. They want to grab it, rub it, and stick their face in it, just like my Scout leaders did back in the old days. Fond memories, I tell ya.

The only problem I've encountered is you can't sit down, because the gel packs will burst, leaving you a pantsful of pasty, skin-searing gelatinous waste.

Just blame the egg salad.


25 comments:

The Hatter said...

Ewwhewhew.

nip/tuck said...

Sigh. If only I could lend him some of my curves. I've got plenty.

Nosnikta said...

I keep thinking of that episode of Laverne and Shirley where Shirley ordered that butt enhancer and stuck it under her jammie pants.

Do guys really worry about a flat butt???? I've heard of them stuffing the front, but never the back... it's like that joke about the guy who stuck a potatoe in his speedo so he could attract women. It wasn't working and then someone explained to him that it goes in the FRONT!

CutNJump said...

>>The only problem I've encountered is you can't sit down, because the gel packs will burst, leaving you a pantsful of pasty, skin-searing gelatinous waste.<<

Just turn them around and then say you had some perverted thoughts and erupted on yourself. Any woman with half a brain will be all over a man who can deliver such a load. Oh, baby!

Nosnikta said...

Oh yes, I love a man whose orgasms propel me across the room as if hit by a fire-hose. Oh baby oh baby.

CutNJump said...

Talk about power! Does that come with an adjust-a-flow nozzle on the end?


Weasel- between this post, the hairy snack post and some of the others, are you learning things you wish you didn't know?

Weasel said...

I can't sleep at night sometimes.

colorisnteverything said...

What man would buy this?

Really? I saw this on the consumer and wondered if anyone is actually buying International Male. Even my gay friends find this stuff way over the top and past camp.

CutNJump said...

Would that be in regards to being frightened or overly informed?

Merridyn said...

It's like he's modeling them from some magazine. Who puts their special underwear on display like it's such hot shit?! WTF is it for? Does he wear it ice skating?

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

In all fairness, maybe it's just men trying to compete with the Wonder Bra on the fake advertising front?

Considering the different priorities between the genders, a wallet full of Monopoly 100's would be the more appropriate parallel!

Ktluvsbrutus said...

I wonder if you can put those undies in the freezer to keep the gel packs cold? Who wouldn't want iced buns on a hot day? Or - even better - in the microwave to keep your butt warm on a cold day! I think I might buy a pair of those!

CutNJump said...

Seems he's proud of his fake buns enough to wear them outside on the deck. Is there a pool nearby?

Maybe they act like floaties or waterwings...

Nosnikta said...

He needs a hat with pads. Look how tiny his head is.

CutNJump said...

Another really bad thought...

Maybe instead of using the underwear with padding to make his butt look better the padding is to help protect his ass from bruising while taking it from another guy???

Wrong on so many levels... I know!


Nosnikta- are you picturing him with danishes strapped to the sides of his head while stating "Help me Obi Wan. Help me Obi Wan."

With pants used as above it might be more like "Hump me Obi Wan. Hump me Obi Wan."

ROFLMAO!

Nosnikta said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!

I missed some of these posts the other day.

"Hump me Obi Wan. Hump me Obi Wan."

ROFLMAO!

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