Sunday, July 20, 2008

Must Love Animals and Punctuation

Artistic ,BookReading// UnProfessional/ Animal Lover/

Looking for an ANIMAL lover!,, I DON'T associate w/women who don't,love them,/ must be tall&willowy,or curvy/OR &short&curvy,,,or willowy /&Blond,or black or bruenette,&red /haired. ..Tanned&;or faired skin, occassional beer drinker ,,but able to "abstain at times,,Love Mexican ,Szechuan ,, ,American,Food,,, such as turkey,craneberrys,,burritos ,,salsa verdes<<> Sam

When women say they appreciate punctuation in a personal ad, I think they're referring to "proper punctuation", not "a lot of punctuation."

That's unfortunate, because Sam was expecting 300,000 responses.

Anyway, the most important thing for Sam is that you are an animal lover. Second, you must be tall and willowy, or short and willowy, with tall hair, I mean red hair, and also that you're tanned and short, plus curvy, and then have blonde hair plus you're tall and .......um,........ tall, no ........short and red......curvy.....wait......

Oh, Christ, just show up with a fucking animal, will you?

Sam also expresses his affinity for turkey, but you needn't bring any, because he home-raises turkeys. And when I say he home-raises turkeys, I mean he raises them in his home, as that wall-colored cat could attest, if he weren't so busy watching a flock of vultures devour a wildebeest in the foyer.

I suggest high heels, a Fendi bag and a hazmat suit.


22 comments:

Brianne said...

Must love animals...and condemned houses, apparently. Je-suuuussss...where do you find these guys!

BELEN said...

sam loves animals because he's one of them

The Hatter said...

Short...tall...skinny. curvy...wait, WHAH?!??!?

So pretty much, Sam is saying that he'll take anyone, just bring an animal with you to garuntee banging rights.

evilbitch said...

Bring an animal because he needs something to f... oh nothing.
*whistles innocently*
Or did anyone really believe he would get a human being to do him?
I think not, so he just takes what he gets.
Truly pragmatic, that man.
ROFL !!!

CutNJump said...

Ok, so I am short and redhaired. Being preggo with twins I would say I am also 'curvy' but which one of the 13 horses or 4 dogs should I bring on the date?

How about the sometimes scraggy faced, hasn't shaved in 3 days husband? Would that be beastly enough for him?


I'm thinking the 'animal lover' was looking for someone to accept his cat as well as the dust bunnies and most likely the dust mites and all their droppings, apparent on the wall behind the cat.

ICK! Just ICK!

CutNJump said...

I have to ask...

WTH is that thing coming down the stairs?

A drain hose from the upstairs bathroom?

A giant tree root from his Jack and the Beanstock days?

Anonymous said...

That poor cat...

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

>>I have to ask...

WTH is that thing coming down the stairs? <<

I had to look twice to make sure it was not a rat with its tail hanging down.

You've heard of dust bunnies. I think that is a filth rat.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Oh, you meant the thing that looks like a giant tentacle. I meant the rat-shaped dark spot next to the giant tentacle.

There's just too much to look at there!

Bitch Around the World said...

"...and here is a view of my mother's basement, where I currently reside, and where we will be copulating."

I LOLed again!!!

CutNJump said...

FHOTD-

I caught the dust rat thing on the right side of the step, below the one the cat is on.

Beneath the cat appears what may be a rat- light tan color? Could be a cat toy, mouse shaped?

Then again in a delusion of hormones I could be imagining things too...

As for the hose, rat tail, tree root thing coming down the stairs it looks to be solid enough that about level with the dust rat figure there is a cut in it that goes almost all of the way through. (Thank you Word!)

If it is a rat tail- it would surely be from an RUS- Rodent of Unusual Size. How it got out of the fire swamp and into their house I do not know.

Chezza said...

an ROUS would NOT leave the fire swamp for THAT? Sheesh Fireswamps have better air.

If this guy has a contact info can we offer to send him a pail of KILZ and bleach?

Nosnikta said...

That big tube thing looks like a grungy stinky pee-stained habitrail that runs through his entire house.

Where are the turkeys? I can't see the turkeys.

That wall-colored cat is the only pussy that guy will be getting.

Chezza said...

I think that 'tube thing' is a limb that he used as the rail for his mom's basement stairs; Note the washer/dryer in background.

As for getting this guy laid: Does he have a car? B/c methinks the lady from a few below wanted someone who likes animals. LOL Oh and when she loses it and burns down his house the animals can escape out the holes in the baseboards thanks to the RATS. :/

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

>>That wall-colored cat is the only pussy that guy will be getting.<<

Touche!

CutNJump said...

Yes, but even though the cat is the only pussy he will be getting, doesn't mean the cat will be willingly 'giving it up' for him either...

MinxyQ said...

Hey...Maybe we could send over the Spinkter....or is that not what he meant by animal lover?

mmm..I thought it looked like a rat on the step too.

MinxyQ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MinxyQ said...

Maybe the ROUS on the step is one of these

Merridyn said...

animal hoarder in training. I don't think he's really gotten rolling yet, but the house has that "I've given up on doing anything but caring for my babies" look. Ick.
Maybe it's the guy who had such an *ahem* strong connection with Capone? Doug Spink(?). I wouldn't bring any animal into there. I don't know about you guys, but I am feeling to lazy to give a flea bath, a Maloseb bath (for ringworm), comb out lice, pop a Capstar down the cat's throat (for those REALLY determined fleas that don't exit when you shampoo)...

Merridyn said...

It would have to be a RNBSS (Rodent of Never-Before-Seen Size). Hopefully out in the yard there's a fire spurt or some quicksand to deal with the rat. Hell, I'd dress up as Westly and Put HIM down the hole too! And then rescue (and CLEAN UP) His poor filthy kitty.
Funny...If there were a horse in view, this pic would be up on FHOTD. Small world, lots of overlap.

www.sillones.nom.es said...

Here, I do not actually imagine it will have effect.