Wow, we here at WWHM Headquarters in beautiful downtown Dubuque, Iowa certainly had a wonderful weekend!
First, my employees and I attended an erotic gifting party with the cast of The Facts of Life, followed by some low-intensity goatherding. Finally, we ended the night in an abandoned heroin den, where we all shot up $5,000 worth of China White with the same needle to symbolize our dedication to a team effort. Boy it was great, and you'd be amazed at some of the things my employees will do for more heroin! What a bunch of man whores!
Anyway, we did this as an experiment in "expanding our horizons". You see, WWHM is thinking of doing exactly that, expanding our horizons. Rather than focus solely on horrifying personal ads, we're gonna mix it up a little this week with some of the other god-awful shit my gender does to ensure that the only time they get within six inches of a pair of ovaries is when they're waiting in line at the bank.
Now, I'm not perfect. Far from it. I spend most my days kicking peacocks at the zoo and knocking ice cream out of children's hands. In fact, the last time I had any sexual contact with a female, it involved petroleum jelly and stern instructions to cough.
But there is some stupid, stupid shit out there that guys do, so don't be surprised if you see some of it popping up on WWHM.
Hey, since it's Monday, I'm busy doing the Dubuque Morning Daily crossword puzzle, and I need some help:
What's a five letter word for "Holds a fence up"?