I hate it when women show me their babies. "Look at my baby," they'll command, hurling the infant into my arms like it was on fire. Which, usually, I wish it was, because that way I could drop it without being charged with a crime.
Some guys do the same thing with their cocks. "Look at my cock," they'll squeal like a little girl who just found a pony in the glove compartment, "isn't this such a nice, beautiful cock?" And then they'll pull it out and offer it up for judgement like an intricate origami pterodactyl they took ten hours folding for a regional crafts fair.
Ladies, your baby isn't special. It's a baby. It stinks, makes noise, and has all the intellectual and communication skills of a mountain goat.
Guys, your cock isn't special. It's not an ornate cheese platter to be offered up to everyone passing you at the bus stop. It's a penis. It has a head, a shaft, a road map of veins that looks like an interstate highway map of Los Angeles, and if you're like Chuck, my friend with herpes, every once in a while it looks like a real life volcanic map of the Hawaiian Islands.
In the end, however, I do find cocks and babies are somewhat similar.
Pay them the slightest amount of attention, and they respond by spitting out a thick, bilious bodily fluid onto your favorite sweater.
Thanks for the submission HH.