Thursday, July 17, 2008

Viva Viagra!

need some company-got one viagra left

sittin' here home alone. my friend gave me one viagra, just need someone to take it for!! Jeff

My steroid-abusing friend finally reached the point last week where his penis no longer worked. His best erections had all the rigidity of an octopus on Valium, and his cum was so dry during orgasm that rather than ejaculate, his penis would emit nothing but a high-pitched whistle.

He handed me a Viagra. "Take one of these," he said, " and do some push ups in your garden. You'll poke enough holes to have corn for miles."

My girlfriend and I split the Viagra, and boy was he right. I fucked her six times, punched a gloryhole into the drywall, and then helped my Vietnamese neighbor Moo-Ping sun-dry her bedsheets while I juggled apples.

And although my girlfriend didn't feel much of a difference sexually, now she chews Skoal and drives an 18-wheeler.

The problem Jeff, is that it's a generally accepted rule among men to keep your use of Viagra a secret. Women want to know they make your dick rock hard, not a blue pill designed to give you an erection when you hug your grandmother.

Remember that taking a Viagra is like hiring an illegal immigrant to mow your lawn. You can take all the credit for the fantastic job done, but you just can't tell anyone who really did all the work.


67 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Remember that taking a Viagra is like hiring an illegal immigrant to mow your lawn. You can take all the credit for the fantastic job done, but you just can't tell anyone who really did all the work."

I'm really glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read that last line - it'd have come out of my nose!

Weasel said...

Man you guys are fast!

BELEN said...

men do seem to have the mistaken impression that women really DO want to have sex.

Mack Truck said...

Women DO want to have sex. Just not with these losers.

Especially losers who post pictures of their dangly bits.

No Romeo, a picture of your fat, hairy belly and "the boys" doesn't turn me on.

Neither does any man who says he wants a hairy snack. Blech...

nip/tuck said...

This guy should just take down his post and pop his little blue pill all by himself. He can give Rosey Palm the night of her life...

Cut-N-Jump said...

OMFG!

How did you get the picture of my ex friend?

Mr. I Thought What We Had Was More Than Just a Booty Call?

Oh, my bad. I'm sure there's mor than one out there...

Love the octopus on valium comment! Worthy of snorking and spewing. Definately worthy!

furnacelady said...

WTF!!

Oh yeah, nothing excites me more then knowing you had to take a pill to get it up.

So much for foreplay.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

Who are these young guys who need Viagra? WTF is wrong with them? I can see if you're 65...but seriously if you're young and it's already not working, why would any woman sign on for a relationship with you? That's like buying a car that the transmission's going on...

Cut-N-Jump said...

Fugly at that age the guys are taking it to keep them from rolling out of bed during the night!

ROFLMAO...

Weasel said...

Just got an email from a guy asking if I've really done it- yes, I have, I really did take a half of one one night w my girlfriend.

Believe me, HALF was too much. If you can perform, you don't need it. If you want an all day, marathon, try it at your own risk.

But remember, you gotta pee sometime.

It doesn't go down. AT ALL.

So don't plan on going anywhere, and plan on some pain after a while.

Walk On said...

Wow.. Ya know, it's ok to have some performance issues, happens to just about everyone for some reason or another, but, um...can we like not brag on it?

Sad. There is no word sad enough to really capture the feelings of "sad" that I think this is.

MinxyQ said...

This got a *lol*...particularly at the visual of planting corn...*cackle*

Merridyn said...

There is a reason that I never, ever drink a beverage on here or FHOTD!

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