Barf Or Smile?

Tired of all the games

I am 5’7’’ athletic build, green eyes, brown hair and smile that you can't stop thinking about. I’d like a girl who calls me handsome instead of the hot one, who will lie under the stars and listen to my heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch me sleep... the girl who kisses my forehead, who holds my hand in front of her friends. The one who turns to her friends and says, 'that's him."

Did I eat some old walrus meat today? Because suddenly I feel a bit nauseous.

I wonder if it's something I read?

Like maybe a heave-hearty, sappy personal ad?

An ad that simultaneously made me want to reach for an empty clam bucket, yet also run through a field of wheat with a bonnet on my head and a trio of giggling puppies nipping at my heels?

An ad that almost made me regurgitate food like a coastal seabird, yet also made me want to put on a little dress and dance on a teeter-totter with a rhododendron behind my ear?

Yup, I think it was this ad, but why the mixed feelings?

Because this man lives in a delusional world. Sure buddy, it's all hand-holding, cheeky kisses and sharing cupcakes for a few months. Enjoy it while you can.

Because pretty soon she'll be watching you sleep, but you'll be in the yard sleeping under a boat tarp in heavy sleet because she kicked you out for getting drunk.

You'll be holding her hand to prevent her from clocking you in the face with a harpsichord because you forgot to feed the dog.

And in 7 years, after you take out a $2 million dollar insurance policy on yourself, she'll be talking to a hitman and pointing at you, saying "That's him."

After he shoots you in the liver, she'll put her head on your chest and listen for your heartbeat.

Just like you asked for.

Cheers!